The Jokes Thread - Page 2

athelas · 01-29-2002, 03:43 PM

Quote:

What is brown and sticky?

Err...Dhagda Ioma, yours had me thinking about other stuff. You know, the stuff you find in an unflushed toilet bowl....

Arathorn · 01-30-2002, 11:03 PM

original from Danny Yee's site:

Underlined text below edited by Arathorn:

Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned that I had
recently installed Windows on my PC, I told him how happy I was with this operating system and showed
him the Windows CD. Too my astonishment and distress he threw it into my micro-wave oven and turned it
on. I was upset because the CD had become precious to me, but he said: 'Do not worry, it is unharmed.'
After a few minutes he took the CD out, gave it to me and said: 'Take a close look at it.' To my surprise the
CD was quite cold and it seemed to have become thicker and heavier than before. At first I could not see
anything, but on the inner edge of the central hole I saw a inscription, in lines finer than anything I have ever
seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great depth:

4F6E65204F5320746F2072756C65207468656D20616C6C2C20 4F6E65204F5320746F
2066696E64207468656D2C0D0A4F6E65204F5320746F206272 696E67207468656D20
616C6C20616E6420696E20746865206461726B6E6573732062 696E64207468656D

'I cannot read the fiery letters,' I said.
'No,' he said, 'but I can. The letters are Hex, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Microsoft,
which I shall not utter here. But in common English this is what it says:'

One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them,
One OS to bring them all and in the EULA/license bind them.

emplynx · 02-02-2002, 10:58 PM

What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?

One is a bottem dwelling scum sucker and the other is a fish.

Frodo's Girl · 02-03-2002, 06:16 PM

Hahaha! That was pretty good Eowen, The Lioness! OK, bolnde joke in the house!

There was a blonde out looking for a job one day.She walked all over trying to find a good place to start. She finally came to a Radio Shack and said,"How hard could this be?" So she went inside to get an application.

She finally got to the end, where the last part said "Sign Here," so she thinks for a moment, counts on her fingers and then puts down, Aquairious.

Oh yeah! Hee-hee!

-----------------------------------
FRODO LIVES! (with me)

Eowyn, The Lioness · 02-04-2002, 06:24 PM

LOL!!!!! That was good, Frodo's Girl!

OK, here's a really long one. And btw, I mean no offense to the peoples I mention.

A Hispanic, an Irishman, and a Hillbilly were sitting oon the scafolding of the building they were working on. The Hispanic opened up his lunchbox and said,"Ai! Buritos again! If I get buritos tomorrow, I'll jump off this building!" The Irishman opened his lunchbox and said," Saints preserve us! Corn beef and cabage! If I have corn beef and cabbage tomorrow, I'll jump with you!" The Hillbilly opened his lunchbox and said,"Jeez,fellers, if I get a bologna sandwich again, I'll jump too!" So the next day at lunchtime, they sat down and opened their lunchboxes. The Hispanic got buritos, so he jumped. The Irishman got cornbeef and cabbage, so he jumped. The Hillbilly got bologna so he jumped.
At the funeral, the Hispanic's wife and the Irishman's wife were weeping and blaming themselves for not being better spouses when they looked at the Hillbilly's wife. She stared at them and said," Wasn't my fault - he packed his own lunch! LOL!!!!!

emplynx · 02-04-2002, 07:20 PM

What do a West Virginian divorce, a Flordia hurricane, and and Kansas tornado have in common?

In all cases, some one looses a trailer!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A man walked into a bar.
OUCH!

Laurelyn · 02-06-2002, 08:13 AM

What is the difference between fresh manure and school lunches?

Fresh manure is warm.

Arathorn · 03-06-2002, 02:07 AM

Here's another bar joke:
Two men were drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State
Building. One turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I
discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time
you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense
that they carry you around the building and back into the window."

The bartender overhears this and just shakes his head in disapproval
while wiping down the bar. The second man says, "What, are you nuts? There is no way in hell that could happen!" The first man says,
"No, it's true. Let me prove it to you."

He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens toward
the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips
him around the building and back into the 10th floor window, where
he takes the elevator back up to the bar.

The second man says, "You know, I saw that with my own eyes,
but that must have been a one-time fluke." The first man says,
"No, it isn't. I'll prove it again!" And again he jumps and hurtles
toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around
the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow
drinker to try it.

The second man says, "Well, what the heck, it works, I'll try it." He jumps
over the balcony, plunges downward, and passes the 11th.......
10th....... 9th....... 8th....... 7th....... 6th..... 5th...... 4th....
3rd.....
2nd.... 1st.

And hits the sidewalk with a huge splat.

Back upstairs, the bartender turns to the other drinker and says, "You know,
Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk."

Nibs · 03-06-2002, 01:24 PM

Three criminals are running away from a policeman down a street with a decent lead. They run into an alley and notice three rucksacks on the ground. Each of them climbs into one and lies still. The policeman reaches the alley and notices that the criminals are gone, but it's a dead end. He sees the rucksacks and kicks the first one.

"Woof! Woof!"

"Just a dog" the policeman says. He kicks the next one.

"Meow! Meow!"

"Dumb cats..." the policeman mutters. He kicks the last one.

"Po-tay-to... po-tay-to..."

galadriel88 · 03-07-2002, 09:50 PM

I heard that one, nibs, only it was a blonde joke.

My school is fixing to get a timpani for band, and my director told me I could make a threatening note to put on it so that no one will touch it except for percussionists. So here's what I'm gonna do:

Do NOT meddle in the affairs of PERCUSSIONISTS for they are crafty and have STICKS to hit you with.
(In other words, don't touch!)

emplynx · 03-07-2002, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by galadriel88
Do NOT meddle in the affairs of PERCUSSIONISTS for they are crafty and have STICKS to hit you with.

Ben! Where are you? You need this quote! (Just substitute Marimba Mallets.)

FrodoFriend · 03-07-2002, 11:11 PM

Heh heh heh . . . I love this thread.

Why does Smokey the Bear not have any children?

Because whenever his wife gets hot, he beats her with a shovel!!

One of my favorites!

Rána Eressëa · 03-10-2002, 04:43 AM

There was a blonde who wanted to go ice fishing, so she gathered up some supplies and went to the nearest frozen pond. She sat down and was beginning to cut a hole in the ice when a loud voice boomed, "There are no fish there!" Bewildered, she picked up her things and moved to another spot. The blonde started to cut a second hole when a loud voice boomed, "There are no fish there!" Frightened this time, she picked up her things and moved to another spot. The blonde was beginning to cut a third hole when a loud voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!" Finally, the blonde asked, "Who are you? God?" To which the voice replied, "No! I own the friggin' Ice Rink!"

On a tour through NASA, a guide brought a group of people to a computer that gave 3D simulations of the planets. "Someone pick a planet they would like to visit," he said. A boy replied, "Let's go to Venus! That's where all the women are from!" Everyone gave him weird looks, but the guide just laughed. "Where else?" he asked. A blonde answered, "To the sun!" The guide shook his head, "That's impossible - it's too hot." And the blonde replied, "I know that, fool! We're going at night!"

Kyote Fields · 03-11-2002, 09:07 PM

Three guys die and go to heaven. There they meet St. Peter. Peter says, "You can all enter with one condition. You must not step on any ducks for duck are God's favorite creature."
The guys thought, "Cool1 How hard can that be?" But when they walked in there were thousands and millions of ducks. It was impossible NOT to step on a duck. And sure enough, the first guy, in his astonishment, trips and steps on a duck.
"Quack!"
St. Peter walks over to him with a fat ugly woman and chains them both together. "You're punishment for stepping on a duck is to be chained to this women for eternity!"
The guy says, "Awww, man!"
The second guy makes it a couple of days but he too steps on a duck and incursthe same wrath.
The third guy sees al this happen and he doesn't walk around too much, does alot of sitting and thinking and he makes it through two months. One day St. Peter comes up to him with a beutiful woman and chains them both together. "Wow!" says the guy, "I wonder what I did to deserve this?"
"I don't know about you," says the lady, "but I stepped on a duck."

emplynx · 03-11-2002, 11:09 PM

A man goes to visit his father in a nursing home. For the past few visits, the man has noticed that the aide brings his father a cup of milk and a viagra every night. The man decides to ask his father why.
"Dad, I know why they bring you milk, but what is the viagra for?"
"Son, the milk keeps my bones strong, and the viagra keeps me from rolling out of bed at night."

Arathorn · 03-12-2002, 01:00 AM

In college when I studied in the Univ. of the Philippines, a public university, I was lucky enough to have a Jesuit priest with a sense of humor as a humanities professor. He asked the class for one joke every day. Here are some of them:

What's the difference between a mystery and a miracle?
When a nun gets pregnant, it's a mystery. When a priest gets pregnant, it's a miracle.

(Two rival universities here are the Ateneo de Manila University and the De La Salle University.)
One day, a lasallite saw an atenean jumping up and down on top of a manhole chanting "69, 69, 69... " The lasallite asked him what his problem was. He answerred that it is really fun as it gives him a sense of accomplishment and a certain high. The lasallite asked the atenean if he could try it and the atenean relented.
The lasallite started jumping up and down on atop the manhole chanting "69, 69, 69...." He said "it doesn't seem to be working. You ateneans are weird!"
At the top of the next jump, the atenean suddenly takes the cover off the manhole and the lasallite falls in. The atenean then puts the cover back on and starts jumping and chanting "70, 70, 70..."

emplynx · 03-12-2002, 08:26 AM

The Ring Mistro · 03-12-2002, 02:29 PM

what do you call out of order ?

putting a bomb under someones wheelchair and telling them to run away.

Kyote Fields · 03-14-2002, 05:37 PM

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed on all containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.

galadriel88 · 03-14-2002, 06:36 PM

I have heard heard that one before Arathorn, but it was a blonde joke.

COLLEGE JOKES: These can be adapted to fit any rival college or university of your choice.

Did you hear about University A's library burning down? But it wasn't so much of a tragedy, because almost all the coloring books had been colored in.

What do you get if you put 32 University A cheerleaders in a room?
A full set of teeth.

OK, this one only works if the school's color is orange.

Why are University A's colors orange and white?
Because they can wear it to the football game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and to work detail the rest of the week!

01-30-2002, 11:03 PM	#22
Arathorn Bard of Mangled Songs Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila Posts: 2,679	original from Danny Yee's site: Underlined text below edited by Arathorn: Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned that I had recently installed Windows on my PC, I told him how happy I was with this operating system and showed him the Windows CD. Too my astonishment and distress he threw it into my micro-wave oven and turned it on. I was upset because the CD had become precious to me, but he said: 'Do not worry, it is unharmed.' After a few minutes he took the CD out, gave it to me and said: 'Take a close look at it.' To my surprise the CD was quite cold and it seemed to have become thicker and heavier than before. At first I could not see anything, but on the inner edge of the central hole I saw a inscription, in lines finer than anything I have ever seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great depth: 4F6E65204F5320746F2072756C65207468656D20616C6C2C20 4F6E65204F5320746F 2066696E64207468656D2C0D0A4F6E65204F5320746F206272 696E67207468656D20 616C6C20616E6420696E20746865206461726B6E6573732062 696E64207468656D 'I cannot read the fiery letters,' I said. 'No,' he said, 'but I can. The letters are Hex, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Microsoft, which I shall not utter here. But in common English this is what it says:' One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them, One OS to bring them all and in the EULA/license bind them. __________________ Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert *Accio, Ash Nazg!* Elennuru s?la lúmenn' omentielvo* (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures... Last edited by Arathorn : 01-30-2002 at 11:09 PM.

02-03-2002, 06:16 PM	#24
Frodo's Girl Sapling Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Sacramento, CA Posts: 11	Hahaha! That was pretty good Eowen, The Lioness! OK, bolnde joke in the house! There was a blonde out looking for a job one day.She walked all over trying to find a good place to start. She finally came to a Radio Shack and said,"How hard could this be?" So she went inside to get an application. She finally got to the end, where the last part said "Sign Here," so she thinks for a moment, counts on her fingers and then puts down, Aquairious. Oh yeah! Hee-hee! ----------------------------------- FRODO LIVES! (with me) __________________ -Bounce

02-06-2002, 08:13 AM	#27
Laurelyn Elf Lord Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Valinor, right next to Telperion . . . what did you expect, Michigan? Posts: 1,315	What is the difference between fresh manure and school lunches? Fresh manure is warm. __________________ The Third Age of Entmoot has begun. Angel of music, guide and guardian! Grant to me your glory! The country I eat and spend the day in is by no means the country I sleep and dream in. Define patriotism. Hold the boat, you spastic monkey! ~ Elenka

03-06-2002, 02:07 AM	#28
Arathorn Bard of Mangled Songs Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila Posts: 2,679	Here's another bar joke: Two men were drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says, "You know, last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building, by the time you fall to the 10th floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window." The bartender overhears this and just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping down the bar. The second man says, "What, are you nuts? There is no way in hell that could happen!" The first man says, "No, it's true. Let me prove it to you." He gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens toward the street below. When he passes the 10th floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the 10th floor window, where he takes the elevator back up to the bar. The second man says, "You know, I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one-time fluke." The first man says, "No, it isn't. I'll prove it again!" And again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the 10th floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it. The second man says, "Well, what the heck, it works, I'll try it." He jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, and passes the 11th....... 10th....... 9th....... 8th....... 7th....... 6th..... 5th...... 4th.... 3rd..... 2nd.... 1st. And hits the sidewalk with a huge splat. Back upstairs, the bartender turns to the other drinker and says, "You know, Superman, you're a real jerk when you're drunk." __________________ Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert *Accio, Ash Nazg!* Elennuru s?la lúmenn' omentielvo* (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures...

03-06-2002, 01:24 PM	#29
Nibs Head Hollara Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Texas Posts: 751	Three criminals are running away from a policeman down a street with a decent lead. They run into an alley and notice three rucksacks on the ground. Each of them climbs into one and lies still. The policeman reaches the alley and notices that the criminals are gone, but it's a dead end. He sees the rucksacks and kicks the first one. "Woof! Woof!" "Just a dog" the policeman says. He kicks the next one. "Meow! Meow!" "Dumb cats..." the policeman mutters. He kicks the last one. "Po-tay-to... po-tay-to..." __________________ "People used to ring up and say 'Don't quit your day job' or 'sell your synth', but the joke's on them: we were fired and the synth is broken!" -John Flansburgh from They Might Be Giants Ever heard of Mormons? I'm one. Click here to know more about us.

02-02-2002, 10:58 PM	#23
emplynx Self-Appointed Lord of the Free Peoples of the General Messages Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 1,214	What is the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a bottem dwelling scum sucker and the other is a fish.

02-04-2002, 06:24 PM	#25
Eowyn, The Lioness Enting Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: oh, somewhere... Posts: 81	LOL!!!!! That was good, Frodo's Girl! OK, here's a really long one. And btw, I mean no offense to the peoples I mention. A Hispanic, an Irishman, and a Hillbilly were sitting oon the scafolding of the building they were working on. The Hispanic opened up his lunchbox and said,"Ai! Buritos again! If I get buritos tomorrow, I'll jump off this building!" The Irishman opened his lunchbox and said," Saints preserve us! Corn beef and cabage! If I have corn beef and cabbage tomorrow, I'll jump with you!" The Hillbilly opened his lunchbox and said,"Jeez,fellers, if I get a bologna sandwich again, I'll jump too!" So the next day at lunchtime, they sat down and opened their lunchboxes. The Hispanic got buritos, so he jumped. The Irishman got cornbeef and cabbage, so he jumped. The Hillbilly got bologna so he jumped. At the funeral, the Hispanic's wife and the Irishman's wife were weeping and blaming themselves for not being better spouses when they looked at the Hillbilly's wife. She stared at them and said," Wasn't my fault - he packed his own lunch! LOL!!!!!

02-04-2002, 07:20 PM	#26
emplynx Self-Appointed Lord of the Free Peoples of the General Messages Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 1,214	What do a West Virginian divorce, a Flordia hurricane, and and Kansas tornado have in common? In all cases, some one looses a trailer! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A man walked into a bar. OUCH!

03-07-2002, 09:50 PM	#30
galadriel88 Halfwitted Queen of Lothlorien Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Far off in a dream Posts: 1,166	I heard that one, nibs, only it was a blonde joke. My school is fixing to get a timpani for band, and my director told me I could make a threatening note to put on it so that no one will touch it except for percussionists. So here's what I'm gonna do: Do NOT meddle in the affairs of PERCUSSIONISTS for they are crafty and have STICKS to hit you with. (In other words, don't touch!) __________________ The beuatiful mind/The beautiful heart/Doesn't deserve the pain/How can I stop the rain? -How Can I Stop the Rain? by Kessid, my new favorite band +Every good thing that comes into my life is only a reflection of the greatest gift of all; the offering of yourself, dear Son of God+ Always remember, you're uniqe, just like everybody else! "The one constant through all the years has been the Trombone. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. Its been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again, but the Trombone has marked the time. This field, this section, this band is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and could be again. Oh, people will come . . . people will most definitely come."

03-07-2002, 11:11 PM	#32
FrodoFriend Halfwitted Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Eryn Vorn Posts: 1,659	Heh heh heh . . . I love this thread. Why does Smokey the Bear not have any children? Because whenever his wife gets hot, he beats her with a shovel!! One of my favorites! __________________ Fingolfin lives! ... in my finger! The Crossroads of Arda - Warning. Halfwit content. Not appropriate for people with IQ of over 18. The Fellowship of the Message Board Nyáréonié - The Tale of Tears

03-10-2002, 04:43 AM	#33
Rána Eressëa The Rogue Elf Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 1,722	There was a blonde who wanted to go ice fishing, so she gathered up some supplies and went to the nearest frozen pond. She sat down and was beginning to cut a hole in the ice when a loud voice boomed, "There are no fish there!" Bewildered, she picked up her things and moved to another spot. The blonde started to cut a second hole when a loud voice boomed, "There are no fish there!" Frightened this time, she picked up her things and moved to another spot. The blonde was beginning to cut a third hole when a loud voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!" Finally, the blonde asked, "Who are you? God?" To which the voice replied, "No! I own the friggin' Ice Rink!" On a tour through NASA, a guide brought a group of people to a computer that gave 3D simulations of the planets. "Someone pick a planet they would like to visit," he said. A boy replied, "Let's go to Venus! That's where all the women are from!" Everyone gave him weird looks, but the guide just laughed. "Where else?" he asked. A blonde answered, "To the sun!" The guide shook his head, "That's impossible - it's too hot." And the blonde replied, "I know that, fool! We're going at night!" Last edited by Rána Eressëa : 03-10-2002 at 04:46 AM.

03-11-2002, 09:07 PM	#34
Kyote Fields Elven Warrior Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: California Posts: 218	Three guys die and go to heaven. There they meet St. Peter. Peter says, "You can all enter with one condition. You must not step on any ducks for duck are God's favorite creature." The guys thought, "Cool1 How hard can that be?" But when they walked in there were thousands and millions of ducks. It was impossible NOT to step on a duck. And sure enough, the first guy, in his astonishment, trips and steps on a duck. "Quack!" St. Peter walks over to him with a fat ugly woman and chains them both together. "You're punishment for stepping on a duck is to be chained to this women for eternity!" The guy says, "Awww, man!" The second guy makes it a couple of days but he too steps on a duck and incursthe same wrath. The third guy sees al this happen and he doesn't walk around too much, does alot of sitting and thinking and he makes it through two months. One day St. Peter comes up to him with a beutiful woman and chains them both together. "Wow!" says the guy, "I wonder what I did to deserve this?" "I don't know about you," says the lady, "but I stepped on a duck." __________________ No longer posting. If you'd like to write to me I can be reached at kyote_fields@hotmail.com. It was nice knowing all of you.

03-11-2002, 11:09 PM	#35
emplynx Self-Appointed Lord of the Free Peoples of the General Messages Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 1,214	A man goes to visit his father in a nursing home. For the past few visits, the man has noticed that the aide brings his father a cup of milk and a viagra every night. The man decides to ask his father why. "Dad, I know why they bring you milk, but what is the viagra for?" "Son, the milk keeps my bones strong, and the viagra keeps me from rolling out of bed at night."

03-12-2002, 01:00 AM	#36
Arathorn Bard of Mangled Songs Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila Posts: 2,679	In college when I studied in the Univ. of the Philippines, a public university, I was lucky enough to have a Jesuit priest with a sense of humor as a humanities professor. He asked the class for one joke every day. Here are some of them: What's the difference between a mystery and a miracle? When a nun gets pregnant, it's a mystery. When a priest gets pregnant, it's a miracle. (Two rival universities here are the Ateneo de Manila University and the De La Salle University.) One day, a lasallite saw an atenean jumping up and down on top of a manhole chanting "69, 69, 69... " The lasallite asked him what his problem was. He answerred that it is really fun as it gives him a sense of accomplishment and a certain high. The lasallite asked the atenean if he could try it and the atenean relented. The lasallite started jumping up and down on atop the manhole chanting "69, 69, 69...." He said "it doesn't seem to be working. You ateneans are weird!" At the top of the next jump, the atenean suddenly takes the cover off the manhole and the lasallite falls in. The atenean then puts the cover back on and starts jumping and chanting "70, 70, 70..." __________________ Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert *Accio, Ash Nazg!* Elennuru s?la lúmenn' omentielvo* (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures... Last edited by Arathorn : 03-12-2002 at 01:02 AM.

03-12-2002, 08:26 AM	#37
emplynx Self-Appointed Lord of the Free Peoples of the General Messages Join Date: Nov 2001 Posts: 1,214	Q. What is the last thing that goes through a bugs mind when it smacks into your windshield? \|(more) \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| \| A. His butt

03-12-2002, 02:29 PM	#38
The Ring Mistro Sapling Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: on earth . . . . . . : somewhere ? Posts: 10	what do you call out of order ? putting a bomb under someones wheelchair and telling them to run away.

03-14-2002, 05:37 PM	#39
Kyote Fields Elven Warrior Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: California Posts: 218	Can anyone else relate besides me? Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed on all containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead, knees and lower back. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. __________________ No longer posting. If you'd like to write to me I can be reached at kyote_fields@hotmail.com. It was nice knowing all of you.

03-14-2002, 06:36 PM	#40
galadriel88 Halfwitted Queen of Lothlorien Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Far off in a dream Posts: 1,166	I have heard heard that one before Arathorn, but it was a blonde joke. COLLEGE JOKES: These can be adapted to fit any rival college or university of your choice. Did you hear about University A's library burning down? But it wasn't so much of a tragedy, because almost all the coloring books had been colored in. What do you get if you put 32 University A cheerleaders in a room? A full set of teeth. OK, this one only works if the school's color is orange. Why are University A's colors orange and white? Because they can wear it to the football game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and to work detail the rest of the week! __________________ The beuatiful mind/The beautiful heart/Doesn't deserve the pain/How can I stop the rain? -How Can I Stop the Rain? by Kessid, my new favorite band +Every good thing that comes into my life is only a reflection of the greatest gift of all; the offering of yourself, dear Son of God+ Always remember, you're uniqe, just like everybody else! "The one constant through all the years has been the Trombone. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. Its been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again, but the Trombone has marked the time. This field, this section, this band is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and could be again. Oh, people will come . . . people will most definitely come."

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