Discussion thread for Olmer's Uruk-hai, or the journey there...

captain carrot · 12-20-2006, 07:47 AM

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The discussion thread for Olmer's Uruk-hai, or the journey there...

Firstly, good to see you again Olmer.
I didn't want to clutter up your story translation thread, so i started this discussion thread here.

i hope that is ok?

Where to start? ... beginnings are such fragile things ... ok - at the top!

Firstly i think you have done a very good job on the whole. There are parts translation wise that would lend themselves to some tightening or to some english phrasing, but in parts the translation from russian to english adds it's own beauty and interest.

In terms of posting here online ...a few paragraph breaks and spaces would make it less daunting and such a strain on the eyes / mind!!!

I am hesitant to suggest this, for fear of any offence ....

... but perhaps we could offer the odd suggestion - just to tighten it up?

eg:

Quote:

Who was he? The son of gardener

The son of a gardener would be a suggestion.

If you are happy for mooters to help out i am sure there'd be plenty of helpful suggestions!

The above example is of course pretty innocuous. however the more thorny issue is where a sentence or description or punctuation changes subtly the meaning, emphasis or description - this is where it becomes cloudy, and you would have to use your judgement!

an example of this would be:

Quote:

We, then, have brought the beer to Butterbur for his " Prancing pony ".

We, then, have brought the beer to good ol'

Butterbur for his most excellent inn the "Prancing pony". (

)

(he'd be gettin on a bit heh?)

Now this is me messing about a bit on this particular example

,

but the issue is clear - at what point is it a cleaner english translation and at what point are we changing the writing style or adding new concepts?

captain carrot · 12-20-2006, 08:25 AM

Feedback on the story?

Also - do you welcome / or your friend - welcome any feedback on the story so far?

Overall there is much i like about it ... it was starting to draw me in.

I absolutely loved the name of teddy, a hobbitisation of the Rohanic Theodon! very nice touch and warming.

The description of the flying away on the horse is very visual and has wings as it were ... the translation might benefit from a tweak here and there in english - but that again is a thorny issue (potentially - maybe it wouldn't be? )

anyway - i'd be happy to add the odd suggestion as it develops if that is any help? - and i hope others will too - (if you want them to, of course) and i hope to see new chapters as and when you have the time!

Best BB

Olmer · 12-21-2006, 02:07 AM

Greeting,captain carrot
I am glad to be back and see that familiar nicks are still here. It's like coming back home.

Thanks for the welcoming and for encouraging words.

It's a great idea to make a separate thread to work over the translation of the story.
This is my first attempt to translate a work of literature on another language, and I am open to any corrections and suggestions, especially considering punctuation or more appropriate way of a paraphrasing the sentence.

I agree that the chapter (actually, it's one of 35 chapters) is quite long, and I tried to break into paragraphs for more convenient reading . Thanks for a suggestion.

As to tightening it up, I was trying to translate the words of the author as closely as I can.
As a reminder, I have infront of me a few books of "The Lord of the Rings" badly translated on Russian, where the translators in attempts to cut the corners incorporaited their own interpretations of the events, thus you can't refer to any part of the book, being not sure that you are quoting the phrase which in Russian has exactly the same meaning as in English.
I don't think that shortening up the story would do any good. Especially since it is already the finished material. Right now an author is working on another novel about orcs.

I found the work interesting and challenging, and decided to try my hands in this field of literature. The most daunting part is a poetry. I am afraid that I won't be good enough to convey the meaning in English rhimes.

But it 's still too far away, so I can put my worries aside.

Definately, I 'll be happy for any help of fellow-mooters.

nokom · 12-30-2006, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Olmer

Greeting,captain carrot
I am glad to be back and see that familiar nicks are still here. It's like coming back home.

Thanks for the welcoming and for encouraging words.

It's a great idea to make a separate thread to work over the translation of the story.
This is my first attempt to translate a work of literature on another language, and I am open to any corrections and suggestions, especially considering punctuation or more appropriate way of a paraphrasing the sentence.

I agree that the chapter (actually, it's one of 35 chapters) is quite long, and I tried to break into paragraphs for more convenient reading . Thanks for a suggestion.

As to tightening it up, I was trying to translate the words of the author as closely as I can.
As a reminder, I have infront of me a few books of "The Lord of the Rings" badly translated on Russian, where the translators in attempts to cut the corners incorporaited their own interpretations of the events, thus you can't refer to any part of the book, being not sure that you are quoting the phrase which in Russian has exactly the same meaning as in English.
I don't think that shortening up the story would do any good. Especially since it is already the finished material. Right now an author is working on another novel about orcs.

I found the work interesting and challenging, and decided to try my hands in this field of literature. The most daunting part is a poetry. I am afraid that I won't be good enough to convey the meaning in English rhimes.

But it 's still too far away, so I can put my worries aside.

Definately, I 'll be happy for any help of fellow-mooters.

I must ask: Was this published in Russia? Or is it a fan fic?

Olmer · 12-30-2006, 08:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nokom

I must ask: Was this published in Russia? Or is it a fan fic?

Why do you want to know?
What the difference? In any case you can't read it.
This is why I'm translating it to you.

nokom · 12-31-2006, 12:29 PM

Well I have made my own Chronology for Middle Earth, and I want to add it to it, but first I need to know if it was published, I don't like to add fan fics to it. I feel that even if they are good, they just can't count, only offical books.

captain carrot · 01-07-2007, 09:10 AM

Does entmoot get a reference (as a refernce tool say) anywhere nokom?

I see you have added some new chapters Olmer - i'll hopefully have time to read them next week.

12-20-2006, 08:25 AM	#2
captain carrot Elven Warrior Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 138	*Feedback on the story?* Also - do you welcome / or your friend - welcome any feedback on the story so far? Overall there is much i like about it ... it was starting to draw me in. I absolutely loved the name of teddy, a hobbitisation of the Rohanic Theodon! very nice touch and warming. The description of the flying away on the horse is very visual and has wings as it were ... the translation might benefit from a tweak here and there in english - but that again is a thorny issue (potentially - maybe it wouldn't be? ) anyway - i'd be happy to add the odd suggestion as it develops if that is any help? - and i hope others will too - (if you want them to, of course) and i hope to see new chapters as and when you have the time! Best BB Last edited by captain carrot : 12-20-2006 at 08:32 AM.

12-31-2006, 12:29 PM	#6
nokom Elven Warrior Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 148	Well I have made my own Chronology for Middle Earth, and I want to add it to it, but first I need to know if it was published, I don't like to add fan fics to it. I feel that even if they are good, they just can't count, only offical books. __________________ Baruk Khazad! Khazad Ai-Menu!

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12-21-2006, 02:07 AM	#3
Olmer Elf Lord Join Date: Mar 2004 Location: LI-woods, NY Posts: 653	Greeting,captain carrot I am glad to be back and see that familiar nicks are still here. It's like coming back home. Thanks for the welcoming and for encouraging words. It's a great idea to make a separate thread to work over the translation of the story. This is my first attempt to translate a work of literature on another language, and I am open to any corrections and suggestions, especially considering punctuation or more appropriate way of a paraphrasing the sentence. I agree that the chapter (actually, it's one of 35 chapters) is quite long, and I tried to break into paragraphs for more convenient reading . Thanks for a suggestion. As to tightening it up, I was trying to translate the words of the author as closely as I can. As a reminder, I have infront of me a few books of "The Lord of the Rings" badly translated on Russian, where the translators in attempts to cut the corners incorporaited their own interpretations of the events, thus you can't refer to any part of the book, being not sure that you are quoting the phrase which in Russian has exactly the same meaning as in English. I don't think that shortening up the story would do any good. Especially since it is already the finished material. Right now an author is working on another novel about orcs. I found the work interesting and challenging, and decided to try my hands in this field of literature. The most daunting part is a poetry. I am afraid that I won't be good enough to convey the meaning in English rhimes. But it 's still too far away, so I can put my worries aside. Definately, I 'll be happy for any help of fellow-mooters.

01-07-2007, 09:10 AM	#7
captain carrot Elven Warrior Join Date: Dec 2006 Posts: 138	Does entmoot get a reference (as a refernce tool say) anywhere nokom? I see you have added some new chapters Olmer - i'll hopefully have time to read them next week.