YayGollum's Many As Well As Achingly Unique Tales Of Middle Earth Outcasts!

[YayGollum]

Greetings. Here you go. Sure, the title says many, and I don't have many, but I still have a lot locked in my brain. I need to hire a stenographer. Haven't been able to spur myself into copying the other stuff down. *hangs head in shame* oh well. You should remember, for these, that they were written at least four years ago. I haven't messed with them overly much, since I enjoy looking at past mistakes. Yes, there are a few parts of these that make me cringe. oh well.

Truor's History, Part One

Greetings. My name is Truor Tupnm and...*widens eyes in mock surprise*...this is my story!

I was the first Beorning to be born in the house of the wizard Radagast (in northern Mirkwood). Good thing my mom was there at the time, because I turned out to be one of the rare Beornings who was an unhealthy baby. Radagast was there to keep me alive with whatever potions and powers wizards like him have. While he did that, my mom went looking for some particular that would help. She went in bear form so she could sniff it out faster.

Unfortunately for her, there was a group of elves out hunting that day. They shot her without even thinking that she could be a Beorning, but they must not have liked the taste of bear, and went on to hunt something more delicious.

Radagast told me all this, and how she dragged herself back with the plant in her mouth because she didn't have the energy to change back into her human form. There was nothing he could do to stop her from bleeding to death, but she was still able to save my life.

Other than feeling a little responsible for that and having all of my siblings mad at me, I grew up just like any one of them. I learned how to fish, how to collect honey without getting stung by one of our giant bees, how to cook, how to make mead, carpentry, and of course, how to fight.

Since I was the runt of the litter (didn't like wrestling with them and getting beaten up), I learned more from Radagast than most of them. He told me as much as he knew about Middle Earth and it's history. I asked most about the elves, wanting to know as much as I could about them, even though I knew there wasn't much of a chance for me finding my mother's killers.

Many times, I even disobeyed my father and explored southern Mirkwood. I found a dark castle (Dol Guldur, if you didn't know) inhabited only by giant spiders. Most of my siblings hated and killed them whenever they saw them, but I befriended some, hoping that they could help me to obtain revenge. They could get into the elves' caves better than most animals Beornings usually talk to, but I never told the spiders what I really wanted from them. I always hesitated when I was about to ask them to help me, because I knew that they would need a large helping of luck for them to find the elves who killed my mother. Those hunters probably wouldn't even remember what they did. I tried to forget about it, but I've always had a hatred for most elves.

Well, I, unlike most Beornings, started to get bored with the Vale of Anduin. I was thinking about making a boat to float down the Anduin when we got a visit from some Dwarves. I had always liked Dwarves from what my father and Radagast had to say about them.

They seemed the most like me and the couple of other smaller Beornings, both in manners and appearance (exept we were taller and didn't like to keep our beards as long). They owed my father a favor, so I asked to go with them to the Lonely Mountain. I half hoped that the Dwarves would be on good enough terms with the elves that we would go through Mirkwood, but we went around the forest, instead. I talked to the Dwarves' ponies, the horse my father let me borrow, and the Dwarves. They told me stories about how they had driven dragons away from this area.

The trip was uneventful. When we arrived, I was given a grand tour of the Lonely Mountain (very impressive). I admired them even more. I didn't really have much of a reason for being there, so I asked to be taught how to make my own weapons.

They tried as well as I expected to teach me, but all I could make was a too-thick club of a sword before I gave up. *holds up his seldomly used sword* They told me that I could stop a sword fight by smashing through my oppenent's sword with it, but that was about all of the good that it could do. They gave me a sheath, and I kept the sword but plannned to get rid of it as soon as I left the Dwarves.

I was glad to have learned how to make Beorning food because the Dwarves ate too much meat from animals we usually talk to and hardly ever caught fish.

Again, I became restless, so I went to the Iron Mountains to learn from other Dwarves. They received me eagerly, happy for my help with rebuilding after a dragon attack. After helping them rebuild (and trying to learn some of their secrets), I tried to make my own shield. This time, I didn't do so bad (gave up and got somebody to do it for me). *holds up a silver shield with a golden bear embossed on it*

After staying with them for several months, I still wasn't homesick, so I decided to go traveling up north. Radagast once told me of a race of men who were a lot like the Beornings (the Lossoth, ever heard of them?), but more primitive. After only a couple of days feeling grateful for the extra clothes the Dwarves gave me, I ducked into a cave for the night. I had heard stories from the Dwarves and Radagast about things I might find in these caves, but I was especially tired that night.

I was lucky that I came at night, because early in the morning, three trolls showed up, and I had time to hide. They stomped in, each carrying a human almost as big as my father. They were thrown into my hiding place, which I discovered too late was a pantry for trolls when the beasts moved a boulder right in front of the entrance.

I woke the humans up, but could do nothing for their bruises. They told me (in a very primitive sort of Westron) that they had been caught by the trolls while fishing. I told them about myself and we tried to figure out how to escape. This was when I decided to keep my sword. We used it to hack through the weaker rocks surrounding the mouth of the prison slash pantry. Of course, the trolls heard us, but we ran outside and into the daylight.

The Lossoth took me to their settlement to celebrate. It turns out that I had saved some of their most valued hunters (Yay me!). They said that they would be more grateful (We had a feast. Good fish up there!), but the trolls had been stealing everything of value and eating many of their men.

Since I had nothing to do and was looking for adventures anyway, I volunteered to help them drive off the trolls in exchange for being taught everything about their culture (sorry about that. I wasn't very greedy, was I?). They grudgingly agreed and we started coming up with organized attacks. I don't want to go into much detail about it, because the trolls never did anything to me and I was just helping my friends.

Anyways, we found most of the caves they lived in, always attacked during the day, and started avalanches to close them in whenever we could. One time, when we were ambushing some sleeping trolls, I noticed one holding the leg of a creature I had never seen before, but which had been described to me by everyone I had come in contact with so far, except the Lossoth. Orcs. I asked my friends if they had ever seen anything like this before, but they hadn't.

The more trolls we killed, trapped, or drove off, the more concerned I became for the Lossoth. I told them that the trolls had been defending themselves and us from the orcs, but they had too much hatred for the trolls to listen to me. I became more distant from this strange sort of human and wondered if the elves had this same kind of relationship with the Beornings.

After half a year with the Lossoth, becoming more tolerant to the cold, learning about camouflage, and how to survive with very little food sometimes, I finally got homesick. I warned them one last time about the orcs that would most definitely show up, but they just thanked me for my help and wished me good luck.

Now, I have never claimed to be an expert on the mountains of Middle Earth, so I had no idea how to get back to the vale of Anduin, and didn't really want to just go back the way I came.

Probably a mistake. I went south, through what I later found were the Misty Mountains. I had learned how to avoid troll caves. I'm surprised that I didn't know that trolls lived in that first cave I got caught in. They have a very distict smell. *crinkles nose*

My first meeting with orcs was actually pretty lucky. I had been exploring a cave that I knew did not belong to a troll when a crack opened in the back. They spotted me before I had gotten very far, so the only thing I could think to do was drop my supplies, turn into a bear, and run. The orcs saw me running away and thought that the human they saw had scared a bear out of some cave, I guess. I hid in the next convenient crack in the mountain and heard them cursing when they only saw my few belongings.

I huddled in that cave, waiting for the orcs to leave, hoping they wouldn't search too hard for me, until I remembered that without my sword and shield, I was defenseless. I wondered if they could figure out what happened from the golden bear on my shield (Whoops!). After waiting until the next morning, I went back to the cave and eventually opened the crack. I wish I had my sword to help that time! From what I knew of orcs, I wandered as silently as I could, because they knew these tunnels just as well as I knew the Vale of Anduin.

[YayGollum]

After a while, I could hear some orcs complaing about trolls. They were talking about one who had shown up last night through a seldomly used tunnel and massacred a group of orcs that had been planning on attacking the Lossoth (Yay me for being right! Yay for the troll, too!) until they saw what they thought was a spy (me), were delayed by looking for him, then came back to wait until the next night. I kept listening, hoping to hear something that would lead me to the troll, but the two orcs moved on to talk about some boss living in the south, telling them about some war.

I forgot about it and crept out the way I came. I stayed in the area, checking caves for the smell of troll during the days, always coming back to my cave without my sword or shield. One night, I woke to the sound of marching orcs and could only think of the Lossoth. As soon as their marching died away, I went through that first crack and explored without very much caution.

I had been searching for hours when I finally heard the voices of orcs. There was no immediate place to hide this time, so I ran forward, hoping for my luck to hold out. I didn't feel very smart when the voices were coming from behind a heavily armored door, and they were still talking and laughing. Again, I listened in.

It sounded like they were torturing someone just for fun. When I heard the voice of who they were torturing, I couldn't stop myself from bursting through the door. They were using a whip on a giant eagle. I had been told about the giant eagles that lived in the Misty Mountains and had always wanted to see one.

When I came in, one orc was leaning up against a wall, laughing. His sword was leaning next to him. I grabbed it and chopped his head off, but I was so used to my old sword that I swung a little too hard, which made painful vibrations go up and down my arm when it hit the wall. This gave the other two time to gather their wits.

One cracked his whip at me, which wrapped it around my new sword, but I just pulled him toward me and chopped his head off, too. The last one came at me with a sword, and I knew he was more experienced than me. I was backed out into the hall and found myself under the impression that he was only having fun with me until...

*heroic music in the background*...I smelled a familiar smell. We came around a corner, and the orc suddenly stopped and ran the other way. I knew that a troll was right behind me, so without thinking, I rolled between it's legs and ran farther down the tunnel. I moved onto the next alternate tunnel I saw, hoping to lose him, but I knew it was a mistake when the smell of troll was even worse in there.

At the end of the tunnel, I saw where the troll had been staying, because my sword and shield were there, along with other victims' belongings. I grabbed my sword and shield and went to where the mouth of the cave should be. I found that a small avalanche had trapped the troll from it's usual way out, which must have been why he had been using the orcs's tunnels.

I heard it catching up with me (it had been a little cramped in the smaller tunnels), and I searched desperately for another way out. The only thing I could find was a few holes where the mouth of the cave had been, through which...

*heroic music in the background* ... sunlight streamed. With my heavy sword back, I widened the holes, letting more sunlight in. The troll was smart enough to stop before getting caught, so this time, I used my shield to reflect the sun at him (I have no idea if that would actually work, but oh well).

With plenty of time on my hands, I sifted through the other things the troll had. I was content with my sword and shield, but did see all kinds of armor made by all kinds of different peoples. Most of it came from orcs, but there were a few pieces made by Dwarves, humans, and elves, too.

When I was ready to go (in the very hodge-podge set of armor you see before you), I was going to head back to the giant eagle, but couldn't because that troll was frozen right in front of the tunnel I needed to go through. Since it had been too small for him in the first place, I couldn't get past it without having to hack through it's arm with my sword. oh well.

I made it back to the room with the giant eagle, let him loose, and found that both of his wings were broken. Of course, I knew how to fix broken wings, but this was the biggest bird I had ever seen. I didn't want to work with something too unfamiliar. He immediately recognized me as a Beorning (probably the shield), introduced himself as Knockondor, and offered to guide me back home.

Knockondor told me how he had been captured while we walked (I had to carry him. I did not think that he would be so heavy!) and ate (he really liked the orcs I killed for him). He said that as a young eagle, he had killed his three younger siblings and was scorned for it. He said that they were all coincidences. He had only been wrestling around with them (a lot like young Beornings) and accidentally played a little too roughly.

Anyways, he said that he was cast out for being unusually strong and clumsy, how bitter he was to his parents (the rulers there), and how he had raised himself on anything he could find. It sounded like he already had a hard life, but then he told me about when he developed his taste for orc.

One day, when he was flying around, looking for food, he was shot down by orcs (who really happened to hate the giant eagles in particular, for some reason). He wasn't able to make a very good crash landing and broke both of his wings. The orcs came to catch him, but he was able to fight them off with just his claws and beak. He was feasting on orc (I was getting a little sick from the description) when more arrived up and barely caught him. They had been interrogating him for days about where all the eagles were when I showed up.

I was impressed until the day that three even bigger eagles landed in front of us. Knockondor looked ashamed, and I thought it was because he was such an Outcast among them, but they acted very concerned for my new friend. I told them who I was and how I knew Knockondor.

They told me that they were his brothers and that they had been looking for him ever since he had gotten lost while out hunting. I was just a little bit confused, trying to piece together the new information with what my friend told me, but his brothers were able to read my features enough to figure this out.

They told me that Knockondor was known to be a compulsive liar and that I shouldn't believe most of what he says. They flew both of us back to their eyrie and told me his true story. He was the youngest and weakest eagle in this part of the Misty Mountains. Their parents were not the rulers, but rather, scouts who watched for orcs. Knockondor had been a sort of Outcast in that he couldn't even remember where his one home was most of the time, but they still accepted him.

They offered to fly me back to the Vale of Anduin (Knockondor had been leading me the wrong way, anyways), and I accepted, but only if they would take Knockondor to Radagast to be healed. They were surprised by my concern and took us to Radagast's house where Knockondor became a stronger flyer than any of his brothers. Before he went back, Knockondor thanked me for not thinking badly of him and offered his services with anything I needed for saving him.

I stayed with Radagast for a while, telling him what I had been doing. He was grateful for all the news and introduced me to a raven named Shadowflaps. We became fast friends, of course. We were both disappointed with most of the inhabitants of the Vale of Anduin and were ready for excitement.

He's probably just a little more careful than I was, though. Radagast told me to send Shadowflaps to him whenever I learned something interesting or needed help. It seemed to me to be that Radagast, who had always been content with talking to animals and staying in one place, was becoming interested in the rest of the world, so I was happy to help.

Me and Shadowflaps (or however you're supposed to say it) went back to my father's house. I didn't really miss any of my relatives, but I still loved the Vale of Anduin. I told them my story and a few of them seemed interested, but most were just jealous. Lots of them went to the Misty Mountains to take their frustrations out on orcs.

Most Beornings either fight with huge battle axes and clubs, or turn into bears and use their claws. When they came back with fewer numbers, I decided to make a crossbow to fight from a safe distance. My first one wasn't very good, but most of my siblings finally thought that I had a good idea, so we all made some and improved on them. Now, we have sentries with crossbows on all our borders (Yay me!).

[YayGollum]

After hanging around my own kind for a while, either admired or despised, my wanderlust came back. This time, my father (who was pretty proud of me by now) let me take a young horse named Anthrax. We headed south on the west bank of the Anduin. Not much happened on the way down. I learned more about my companions.

Shadowflaps bragged that he was one of Radagast's best spies and how lucky I was to have him around. Some of his boasts did prove to be true, but then, I just smiled and nodded with all kinds of experience with crazy birds. He was happy to be exploring with me, because the farthest south he had ever been was Isengard (lots of ravens still hung out there). He told me about two other wizards in the far east that Radagast was using him and other ravens as messengers for all the time. I was happy to only know Radagast.

Anthrax and I (or however you're supposed to word it) became great friends (Shadowflaps gets a little too full of himself sometimes). He greatly respected my father but was fed up with being looked down on by most of the other animals and was very happy to be leaving them.

While we were walking one day (Side by side, of course. Why would I be riding him? I was in no hurry.), Shadowflaps flew down to us from where he had been scouting ahead and told us that there would be some marshland ahead, then a forest where he had seen elves watching from the trees.

Well, you know. We walked and we walked and we walked and were happy to finally be away from that forest. It's not very pleasant to feel like you're being watched by hidden elves with bows and arrows (especially when you know they're there and you're not a fan).

Anyways, once we were past the forest (that stinky Lothlorien place, if you didn't know), we were walking through some open plains when we saw four humans on horses riding to us. I got on Anthrax (who grumbled) so I wouldn't seem so different.

When they caught up to us, they demanded to know what we were doing in their land. Of course, I just told them that we were only passing through, not knowing we were incoveniencing anybody, following the Anduin to see where it went. I wasn't surprised when they decided to take us back with them instead of just letting us by. They weren't very good conversationalists. Too stiff. So were their horses. Not even Anthrax could talk to them.

Anyways, when we finally got there, we were taken to some big golden house, more grand than Beorn's hall, but obviously meant to impress. I wasn't impressed. I wondered if these humans were friends with some Dwarves that I hadn't met before, and that's where they got all their gold.

Their ruler (some king, I didn't pay attention to his name) asked me the same question the first four humans asked me. I gave him the same answer, but I introduced myself as Prince Truor Tupnm of the Vale of Anduin. They had never heard of it, so I acted like some of the Dwarvish nobility I had seen in the past, acting indignant because they had never heard of the mighty race of Beornings whose lord had saved the day at the Battle of Five Armies.

Luckily, these humans had heard of the Battle of Five Armies and offered to have a feast in my honor (Yay me! They probably just hadn't had a feast in a while, though). They had some good fish and bread and cheeses, but I didn't like that they ate lots of animals that I could have good conversations with. oh well.

They let me stay for a while, and I found out that not all of them were as serious and boring as the first four I met. They were like the Beornings in that they respected their horses and could almost understand them. The horses were some of the best and most loyal that I've ever met, but Anthrax was more fun to have around than any of them. He loves a good and heated debate or two.

I didn't stay with these humans for very long, and when I did leave, the four humans who first met us escorted us off their land and told me about easy ways to cross the land coming up. We walked and we walked and we walked again. Not much happened.

A long time later, we ran into a few little towns. I didn't spend too much time at any of them. Later, we ran into a huge walled city. There were all kinds of farmers living around it, people moving all over the place, in wagons and on horses. A very busy community of humans. I had seen bigger cities among the Dwarves, but seeing it outside like this made it look huge (that evil Minas Tirith place, if you didn't know).

I walked up to the front gate (also very huge) where I met two guards in some very fancy armor (very outrageous helms, too). They asked who I was and what my business was in their city (probably paid too much to do just that). I was having fun, so I told them that I was Prince Truor Tupnm of the Vale of Anduin and introduced Anthrax and Shadowflaps, too. Shadowflaps and the guards thought I was crazy. oh well. They let us in and I had fun exploring the city.

We stayed there for a few weeks. Anthrax loved the stables. There were about seven of the huge gates in that city. I liked the outermost part the best (the inner parts were too stuffy and high class).

There was this one tavern that I felt very welcome in. The specialty of the house was a drink that they called vodka. One day, I came in with a few fish I had just caught and tried some of their vodka drink with it. Very good! I tried to get some of the humans to try it, but none of them really wanted to eat raw fish with vodka. I finally got the bartender to try it. He was obviously a man of great taste and loved it. Yep, thanks to me, the specialty of that bar is now a drink commonly known as v&f. Maybe you've heard of it (Not very many at this website will even remember v&f, but oh well. I shall keep that bit in the story for all time).

Well, we did get bored of the place and decided to move on. The best humans I've ever run into are still the Lossoth (and that smart bartender). We continued to follow the Anduin, seeing mountains, forests, and a few little towns, not running into too many interesting things. Well, I won't bore you with the lengthy discussions I had with Shadowflaps and Anthrax on the way. We talked about all kinds of things, including everything from horse gods down to what kind of bugs Shadowflaps likes to eat.

My first look at the ocean was a very memorable one. Not because of the view, but because of what I found there. Sure, the view was good, and I was impressed after only seeing this one river for so long, but still, it was memorable because of what I found there. Want to know? Okay, but it wasn't very fun. We were standing there, looking at the ocean when I saw a large ship coming up towards us. I wasn't afraid, I was just wondering who I'd meet. *takes a sip of his v&f, remembering his first*

A bunch of strangely dressed people made their way onto a smaller boat and ran up to me (Shadowflaps flew off when he saw them, but didn't say why). They were almost as hard to understand as the Lossoth were when I first met them, but I found out soon enough what they wanted.

Since there were more of them than there was of me (What? It was a long boat they came on!), they were able to subdue and take me back to their ship (Anthrax tried to fight them off, too, but they were definitely ready for him with weapons of all kinds). I didn't see what happened to Anthrax.

When we got to the ship, I was thrown and chained onto a bench with an oar positioned in front of my face. They expected me to be some kind of galley slave, helping to pull their ship around all of the time. Argh! Oh, yeah, I learned that word from them. It was pretty hard for me to understand most of what they said, but I did pick that up.

Even though we weren't allowed to talk, I got to know some of my fellow oarsmen (or whatever they're called). Some of them seemed like people who could be from some place in Gondor, while a few had a very strange dialect, putting their words in a different order. Kind of like the Lossoth. They all looked very small and hungry.

I gathered (from what I could understand) that these corsairs of Umbar were going up into one of the smaller rivers coming from the White Mountains to find more slaves among the Woses (Yay me for being able to understand all those names?). The humans with the strange dialect happened to be some of the Woses.

We planned to escape while most of the crew were off catching more slaves (they had to replace the old ones who were getting too weak from malnutrition). It was difficult, but we slowly moved the ship up the river, into the woods they were looking for.

I found out that it's not very fun to be whipped when you try to take a break. I almost ripped the chains off of my bench several times (it would be easy, they were built to hold weaker humans, plus, they were old).

Most of the pirates left the ship, but there were still plenty of slave drivers with us. Again, I'm not one to brag, but what happened was, I broke out of my chains easily, then knocked out the two guards closest to me (Yay me for being merciful!). One heard what happened and came running, scimitars ready.

I threw my chain with enough force to knock him over, getting his legs tangled together in it. I ran over and knocked him out too, then started freeing the other slaves. Four more came at us from the other end, but me and a few now armed slaves were able to stop them. The slaves who grabbed swords killed every corsair they saw, even the ones that I had just knocked out. oh well.

[YayGollum]

More pirates came at us from above and below, but we killed them pretty easily since there were more of us than there were of them. Ha! We armed more slaves. There were quite a few good swordsmen from Gondor with us. But then, the pirates did kill several unarmed slaves. I remembered that there were two levels of oars when I saw the ship from the outside, so I led the men down to the other level of slaves.

There were twenty-something of us (lots got killed, some just ran off when they were freed, probably getting killed, and some just sat there on their benches, frozen with fear). When we got to the lower level, the pirates were ready for us. I was leading the attack (Ha! Shows how smart I was, huh?) and was hit with a throwing knife (Yay for my orc mail helping out a bit!).

There were only six pirates down there, and we were able to get rid of them soon enough, but they fought very bravely. We freed the rest of the slaves and headed up to the deck. Some pirates jumped off when they saw us (there were around sixty of us now, not a lot with weapons, but I would have been scared, too), but there was one last group of pirates surrounding one half-scary, half-ridiculous looking human (you know, pirates wear really crazy stuff, and this was their captain).

I saw that one of the defenders had my sword and shield. I went at him, but he did what the Dwarves had suggested and knocked the scimitar out of my hand. I was about to run away, but the crowd of slaves overwhelmed the defenders, and I was able to get my sword and shield back before they were lost.

The captain ran into a room at the back of the boat. I went after him and was ready for his throwing knives with my shield, but that guy threw hard! Yikes! He went at me with two swords drawn. My shield helped, but this guy was good! When he finally slashed in my face and got blood in my eyes, I...*looks ashamed*...got a little bit mad and came at him while turning into a bear.

sorry. Not very fair. Anyways, the guy was pretty surprised. I knocked both swords out of his hands, but he had enough wits left to grab his last knife. By this time, I didn't have very useful thumbs and couldn't hold my shield anymore. He got me pretty good with that knife of his, but I kind of smashed his head after that. oh well. He was pretty scary! *holds up throwing knives* These are the knives he threw at me. Very useful!

With the ship ours, we were feeling pretty good (they found something for my wounds), but then the Woses started going crazy and jumping overboard. Me and the Gondorians (or however you're supposed to say it) followed them, but I remembered that the pirates had come here to look for more slaves. Probably Woses. I wondered how they had gotten caught in the first place when the ones we followed dissappeared as soon as they got to the woods.

Luckily, Shadowflaps showed up. He told me that Anthrax had escaped from the pirates and was waiting for me on the outskirts of a small village by the Bay of Belfalas. I had no idea what the Bay of Belfalas was, but I was happy to hear that he was okay.

In the meantime, we decided to help out the Woses by hunting the pirates down with Shadowflaps' help. A few of them did get away, but the Woses were safe. Some of the Gondorians thanked me and went off to find their villages, but a lot stayed when they thought of selling the ship.

We were about to leave when Shadowflaps landed on my shoulder and told me that a few Woses were close by. I wanted to thank them, so I told the Gondorians to go ahead and sell the ship without me. They told me the name of a village to meet them in to get my part of the profits.

Anyways, I went to meet the Woses and found out that I had saved the son of their chief (Yay me!). Like the Lossoth, they were very grateful, and I asked for the same thing from them ---> to learn about their culture. These guys tried to make me reconsider. They offered me all kinds of things that might be used for trading. Food, clothes, weapons, whatever arts and crafts type things they made, but I was determined to learn about these strange humans. They finally accepted me into their culture, but were distant at first.

I could tell that they thought my request was a little too much. I learned more about camouflage and sneaking (these guys are way better than the Lossoth at that!). They tried to teach me how to climb and move through trees like they could, but I was a little too heavy. oh well. *holds up dart blower and poison darts* I learned how to aim one of these. That is a pretty fun way to defeat your enemies. Whoops!

I didn't stay with them for very long. Maybe it was because they knew everything I did about animals (except for their personalities), but used their knowledge to hunt them. oh well. I did nudge them into fishing a little better, which they really liked. Well, I decided to pick up Anthrax after only a few months with the Woses. I think they were happy to see me leave, but you know, still grateful to me for saving them (and for the fishing advice).

I found Anthrax waiting for me at the village I was supposed to meet the ex-slaves at. Shadowflaps went off to tell Radagast about everything that had happened to us lately (it had been a while since he'd heard from us). The townspeople had already heard of me, and directed me to a bar where I would meet my friends.

I was thinking about introducing v&f to the bartender when the humans showed up. I can only guess that their lives as slaves didn't help their attitudes. No, they didn't give me my promised share. They decided to beat and throw me out of town. They said it was because I was some kind of monster (I guess they saw me when I half turned into a bear, Whoops!). Probably from Mordor. oh well. I retreated as soon as I could, not wanting to fight people I had just saved. oh well.

Hm. Let me see here. Not much else to say. I started heading for home. I stopped by Minas Tirith to see my favorite bartender. I saw those four guys in Rohan again. Shadowflaps took me to an old hangout for ravens. Some huge tower surrounded by huge trees.

Heading north, we ran into a lot of little towns where I was able to earn a little money every now and then. Shadowflaps tried to get me to stop by some place called Rivendell, but as soon as I heard it was full of elves, I decided that the ground wasn't such a bad bed.

Um, well, I got into the Misty Mountains again, found a good cave to spend the night in, and met Knockondor again. That was different. I was just settling down when Shadowflaps and a bunch of bats flew into the cave, looking scared. That was Knockondor. He showed up and started asking me to get out of the way so he could have his supper. I didn't know any of those bats, but I stopped the crazy eagle from eating my little sidekick. He kept on whining about there not being as many orcs around his territory as there used to be.

I helped him out in the morning. I got him to fly us to this place I had heard a lot of Beornings talking about. Some place called Goblin Town. It was hard to get Knockondor to fit through the door, but oh well. Too bad there were still a lot of goblins there. I got my shield all nicked up. oh well.

You people should see Knockondor when he's hungry! That's scary! The population of that town isn't much nowadays. Well, after helping him out, I left for home. I was, of course, distracted by many adventures that Knockondor pulled me into on the way, though.

[YayGollum]

A bit of his later adventures are written down as well, but this is the part where I like to insert these silly little armour stories. Have fun.

The Armour Stories: The Tale Of The Vambrace Of Numenor!

Let's get this over with. I am a vambrace. I should not be able to communicate, but the author of this unimaginative story seems to be fond of the literary tool known as personification. Lucky me. I am miserable and have a good reason to be.

I was created in the land of Numenor by a master craftsman and for a warrior with obviously exquisite tastes in armour. The set of armour that I was once a part of was more of a work of art than a way to protect some human in some senseless battle. Although we were all made to be just as useful as we are decorative. Not that I care to be thought of as just some common bit of metal.

We were all works of art, but the shield and helmet were the crowning achievements. All of the pieces I was with had etchings of other famous Valar or scenes from folk tales that the elves tell. I depict the mythological Valar named Orome riding on his horse named Nahar, for example. While waiting for our first owner to arrive, I glimpsed other pieces in what I like to call the gallery. Pieces that you readers will never have the opportunity to see. You must feel miserable, too, now.

Our owner paid a handsome sum before delivering us to his seaside villa where we were immediately put up on display by some servant. We were always being admired by guests while not off saving our owners in oversea battles. I miss that. Not the battles, ignorant human! The admiration, of course!

Many owners later, we were tossed in some chest for safe keeping. For years. I remember hearing something about how the Numenoreans defeated their mightiest foe, but that was no reason to keep us hidden in some chest for far too long. There is no harm in a little admiration, is there? I think not. Only one of our many owners was ever injured.

Much too late in my opinion, we were put on a ship bound for Middle Earth. We wondered why we weren't being worn this time. Whenever we went to Middle Earth in the past, we were always being worn, ready and waiting for the senseless battle to be over.

This time, we were kept in the chest until a few more generations passed us by and we had to protect our newest owner in more battles. Senseless battles, forgive me. We were always stowed away in the chest after a senseless battle, but I gathered that Numenor was no more and that we were all refugees in the land of Middle Earth, where senseless battles abound. No more seaside villa. just this chest and senseless battles every two days.

In one particularly senseless battle against uncharacteristically coordinated trolls, an owner of ours was killed. More of a wound to our pride than anything else. There was noone to drag the body back for the next owner like the time when one of ours was badly injured.

Instead, we were dragged to some troll's lair to rust. At least we were on display. In a way. It is not good to be on display while tossed in some pile of bones, but I'll take what I can get. Unfortunately, trolls aren't the most appreciative of great art like myself. Neither is my new owner.

Sitting in this pile of armour and bones, rusting, brooding, we perked up when some troll tossed a large silver shield with a golden bear embossed on it (not nearly as beautiful as the shield in the set of armour that I was once a part of, of course) and a badly made and clublike sword at us. Criticizing the make of these new pieces to myself, I was distracted when my new owner arrived. Calls himself a Beorning. Never heard of it.

He grabbed the new shield and sword and ran to the opening that had gotten blocked recently. Was able to knock a hole in the wall of fallen rock with the sword and reflect sunlight at the charging troll. With no threats around, my new owner took his time with picking through the pile disinterestedly. Tired of rusting in the back of a cave in the middle of nowhere, I allowed myself to hope.

The first thing he picked up with some helmet. Not the one that I was once a set with. Inexplicably. Since the pile was spread out and I wasn't covered, his eyes lit up when he saw me. Talking to himself, I found that he only picked me because of the now hard to distinguish picture of Nahar. He didn't even know what it was. He only chose me because he likes horses. Disgusting. He completely overlooked the other pieces that should have gone with me. Pitiful.

I am now protecting this Beorning's right shoulder. At least I'm never tossed in a chest somewhere. He hardly ever takes me off, so I'm always on display. But then, I'm cleaned even less often.

__________________________________________________ ________________

The Armour Stories: The Tale Of The Mail Of Goblin Town!

Hello! I'm some orc mail! How are you? Oh, I'm great! Wanna know why? Okay! I was made in Goblin Town! Ever been there? Oh, it's great! Really dark and creepy and loud and fun! You should go! Oh, yeah. I was made there. Tossed in a pile of other orc mail. Not orc mail! Orc mail! Like armour! Not paper! Uh, what was I talking about?

Yeah, I was sitting there, having fun. Some really cool orc picked me up and tried me on. I was way too big for him! He was a little scrawny guy! Yuck! Did I just say that he was really cool? No, he was gross. Grimy hands. He took me off and tried on another. Oh, yeah. That's when the really cool orc showed up! He was bigger than lots of others. I fit perfectly! He walked around just to show me off! Very fun! He was kind of a bully, though. Told lots of smaller orcs what to do. That was fun, too. He had a flaily thing that he'd hit them with. Where was I going with this?

Well, one time, yeah, it was actually right after he hit that orc, he walked outside and jumped on some huge thing! Like a wolf, but huger! Scary! We were in the front, though. Lots of other orcs and huger wolves behind us. We were attacking somebody. Not orcs. They were all pasty and tall and, this was funny, not expecting us to show up! Total slaughter and everything! Didn't leave a single human alive! Oh, yeah, that's what they were. Silly looking. What else? My big old orc guy killed a lot. Then we were stealing things. Then we went home. Oh, now I'm bored.

Okay, there was this one time when we weren't expecting someone and they attacked us. It was exciting, though! There were these things that looked kind of like what we attacked, but they were bigger and stronger and scarier and hairier! Oh, and they turned into bears sometimes. Weird. Well, my orc got killed, but after that and the big fight and everything, some other orc grabbed me.

That guy was fun, too! He was a little smaller, but he was just as cool. Maybe meaner. He didn't like this one kind of bird for some reason. Always shooting at the sky even though he never hit anything. Except this one time! I never got to see those birds up close. They are very huge! Well, he shot one and only got over to the body after a bunch of other orcs. That scary and giant bird had jumped on a few of them and clawed at them and things, but my orc and lots of others pulled it down and broke it's wings and tied it up and things like that. It was funny! He had fun with torturing it for no good reason.

Oh, yeah, one time, he got into some group that wanted to take lots of orcs to the north to steal from little humans that they usually ignored. Lots of trolls up there who like to eat them. That's gross! What else? Oh, yeah. The story. There were a lot of orcs ready to go. No wolf things this time. My little orc guy stepped out of one of those cool little doors that they have. You know the doors I'm talking about? Oh, they are so cool! Why are orcs the only ones with doors like that? That's dumb. What was I just saying? Oh, yeah.

He walked right out and saw one of those hairy dudes. It dropped its sword and shield and ran off. I saw a bear and thought it was the same guy, but I can't talk. Too bad, huh? I wish I could talk to those orcs all the time! They're fun! Oh, I forgot what I was saying again. Huh. Wait a minute. Yeah, that hairy guy ran off. A few little orcs ran off to try finding him. Didn't work. Too bad.

That little delay made them decide to wait until the next night. My little orc was just going back inside to rest when some troll popped out of nowhere and started smashing orc heads. My guy was one of the first. Too bad. He was fun! After it killed a lot of innocent orcs, the evil thing dragged them into this little cave of his and munched on them a little. I got tossed into some big pile of bones and things when the head was gone. I don't know why that troll wanted to eat him. Yuck.

Well, the troll must have gotten hungry again or something, because he ran off and only got back after that hairy guy I saw before came in. I was rooting for the troll, but the hairy guy did some weird magical thing, I guess, and turned it into a big piece of rock. Crazy! Let me see. When that was done, the hairy guy started rooting around in the pile I was on. I hoped that he wouldn't pick me up when he started grabbing pieces of armour and trying them on, but he did.

We weren't far from the orc tunnels! I bet that if he just left me alone, some orc would find me again! Now I just stick around and hope for some orc to kill him so I can have fun again. You know what's evil? He found that giant bird my guy caught and he saved him and helped him and things! No fair! He almost gets killed lots of times, but I'm still waiting. Not fun. One time, he and that big huge bird came back to Goblin Town. They killed lots of orcs for no good reason! Can you believe it? I sure can't! Orcs are fun! oh well. Here's hoping!

[YayGollum]

The Armour Stories: The Tale Of The Helmet Of Woodmen!

My story? You don't really care. It won't take long, anyway. Alright. I shall try to make it interesting. No. That's impossible. I shall try to make it bearable. I was made by people called Woodmen. Not a very famous sort of human. They made me out of hardened leather and wood. How exciting. Do you know how useless I look next to the iron helmets made by more famous races? I don't, either. It doesn't really interest me. They must have thought that I was helpful in some way.

Didn't turn out that way for my first owner. It's sad, really. If you care. He made me. Couldn't have been to make himself look any better. Must have thought I was useful. He wore me all the time. Braided wet grass and kept it between me and his head. He was a sentry. Not a very effective one, though. He liked to drink. A very sociable sort. That habit got him killed.

Orcs and Wargs attacked the village. Typical. Catapults shooting balls of fire work well against a town made primarily of wood. I doubt that the Woodmen will learn. I won't find out if they ever do. It doesn't matter. With the fire came poisoned arrows. One of these killed my first owner while he tried to defend the bar he was in. I told you it was sad. To die in a pile of your own vomit. Too bad. The orcs took everything of value. That did not include myself, of course.

More Woodmen arrived to search for survivors some days later. There were none, of course. Another picked me up and seemed to think that I was useful again. I don't understand it. I didn't help anyone before. He must have been able to see that. oh well. I was taken to a small village of Woodmen this time. It was destroyed, too. They won't learn.

I was left on a spear near what was left of the village. The head of my latest owner was there, too. That slipped my mind. I'm sure you feel sorry for him. Don't bother. He should have known better. A troll took the spear away before any Woodmen saw the message. It took me to it's lair where I was tossed into a pile of bones and armour. It ate the head.

I sat in that pile for years. Nothing better to do, I'm sure. Nothing particularly interesting happened for so long. I warned you. A Beorning put me on his head after dispatching the troll. At least he wasn't a Woodman. This Beorning looked at a few other helmets before picking me up. He thought I was the best since I was so light. Now I sit here and endure pecks from some raven who hardly ever leaves. What's next?

__________________________________________________ _________________

The Armour Stories: The Tale Of The Greeve Of Rivendell!

A chance to speak my mind? Good! Those elves sing lots of stories! I know about Eol! Why don't they make me like that? Eol made a sword that could talk! Why not me? It's not like I don't deserve it! I'm all kinds of useful! You'll just have to take my word for it since all but my most recent owner got killed. Don't think that I'm useless just because those elves died! Look at the owner I got now! He's smart! He doesn't go running into fights that he can't win! At least he doesn't go looking for them! Let me tell you! It's pathetic!

Here it is. I was made by some useless elf over in Rivendell. I bet he could have let me talk! He's just selfish! Wants the spotlight all for him all the time! I bet! What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. I was made especially for some huge battle down in Mordor. I was part of a set. I'm on the left. Anyways, there I was! Attached to some selfish and useless elf's leg. Walking all the way down there, then getting killed in the first fight he gets into. I told you he was useless!

Well, I kept going from one side to the other during that war. When that selfish and useless elf got killed, some orc grabbed me and handed me over to some orc who didn't have any greeves. That orc got killed and some elf got me back. Back and forth all the time. I bet that after all those fights and all the dings I got, some elf still could have fixed me up so I could talk.

After that whole thing down in Mordor, some elf took me back up to Rivendell. They didn't fix me up the way they were supposed to. They did stick me on some other selfish elf's leg, though! Great! I really appreciated that! Some selfish and useless sentrying type elf. Got killed by a troll. I thought it was funny. Served him right for not fixing me up the way he was supposed to! That troll dragged the elf's body all over the place. He ate some other elves, too. Had to drag mine with him for a snack.

What was left got tossed in the back of some cave when he didn't want it anymore. I was stuck to some useless elf's rotting leg for way too long! That finally ended when some kind of little human or big Dwarf or something showed up. It bounced some sun at that troll right when it was running at him. The thing had this stupid look on his face, too. When that was all over, he started messing around in the pile of bones and things. It took him a while to find me. I had been tossed towards the back.

He only grabbed me because he found some other greeve and didn't feel like digging too deep to find another. I guess. I already said that this guy is smarter than the elves. I know that he can't do what Eol could, so he's alright with me. But if this guy ever keels over and some elf finds me, you can bet that I'll go on another rant! It can't be that hard to let me talk more often!

__________________________________________________ ___________________

The Armour Stories: The Tale Of The Vambrace Of Belegost!

Hello. I am a vambrace. just a little piece of shoulder armour. I shouldn't be able to say anything. This is strange. I might as well say something now. I was made in an ancient Dwarf kingdom called Belegost. Wow! I am pretty old now that I think about it. I really don't feel that way. I've seen a lot of owners grow old and die, though. Very sad. I get really attached. Only one was killed in battle, so that's pretty good. I guess I did a good job, huh? I should reminisce more often.

Let's see. I was made by a talented Dwarf armourer in a huge smithy during the heyday of the Dwarven kingdoms. I was made more for durability and strength than to look beautiful. My first owner kept me up on display in his quarters. I was actually a gift for him. He was a very gifted gourmet chef who hardly ever wore me. When he did, it was when he was begged to come along on a mission. He never had to go with them. He could have stayed home all the time. He was pretty rich. But then, he was always a really friendly guy. He loved getting praised for his food. He never got into the battles and only wore me mostly to make people happy.

This kind of thing happened all the time. My first owner had a son who became a great chef. That owner had a son who became a great chef. Some weren't as good as others and never went on any missions. That was okay. I don't really like the battles. Who does? I liked sitting around in the peace and quiet. One time, I didn't know if I would still be in the same family. The owner I had then only had one child. It was a daughter. She was one who would not marry for a long time. Even though my owner pleaded with her to pass on his recipes to a son. She finally did after he died, though.

That was a close one! I have no idea who I would have gotten passed on to! The one she married was a coal miner. Things weren't going so well for the Dwarves of the Blue Mountains. I heard something about all of the old kingdoms falling, but never got to see any of it. Sure, I was moved around a lot. Yes, the rooms became less grand, but I didn't worry too much. My family was still full of famous chefs.

My last Dwarf owner was the son of that coal miner. He must have noticed that things weren't as grand as they once were and decided to leave with a group of Dwarves who were moving to a place called the Lonely Mountain. They were so full of hope and energy. My owner was a good chef, but not as famous as the mother he left behind. As they took their time moving along, they sang and told stories of the old days. My owner made the meals that brought a lot of these up. He was a great guy.

It's just too bad that the paths of the Misty Mountains have never been the safest. Trolls attacked the group near the eastern side of the mountains. My owner never carried a weapon, and the other Dwarves were all killed first. There weren't many of them to stand up to the trolls. Most of the fighters had never even seen a troll before. They were all used to the peace and quiet of the Blue Mountains.

The Dwarves were taken to a cave where they were eaten and I was tossed onto a pile of their bones. I rusted a little after a while, but I'm still okay. My current owner found me after turning the only troll left in the cave into stone. He had to dig a little, though. I heard him talking. He found one that he really liked because it had a horse on it, but he didn't like the other vambrace from that set of armour. just because it had a picture of something he didn't like. He grabbed me because I didn't have any pictures. His little raven friend sometimes perches on me. Neither of them cook well. Why would I miss the smell if I don't have a nose? oh well.

[YayGollum]

Ha! Well, that is understandable, Lotesse person. No large deal. I hesitated before making this thread and sticking all of that here at once, but I figured that I might as well, since I was directed here and saw little to dissuade me.

I have a healthy amount of self-confidence as well as evil self-centeredness, sure, but the achingly unique bit was merely a bit of colorful language. As a matter of course, though, tastes inevitably differ. I can offer a shrug of the shoulders as well as an, "oh well."

Also, no efforts were made to convince anyone that I hold any knowledge of the production of cognac, rosewater or otherwise. Within a fact, I pointed out that the stuff was written a while ago, and that I enjoy looking back on past mistakes. But oh well. I am happy to have satisfied your thirst for admonishments for a bumbling new guy, at least.

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by YayGollum

I was the first Beorning to be born in the house of the wizard Radagast (in northern Mirkwood). Good thing my mom was there at the time, because I turned out to be one of the rare Beornings who was an unhealthy baby. Radagast was there to keep me alive with whatever potions and powers wizards like him have. While he did that, my mom went looking for some particular that would help. She went in bear form so she could sniff it out faster.

Pretty interesting story mechanics already.

Unfortunately for her, there was a group of elves out hunting that day. They shot her without even thinking that she could be a Beorning, but they must not have liked the taste of bear, and went on to hunt something more delicious.

Finally! Elves doing something evil

Since I was the runt of the litter (didn't like wrestling with them and getting beaten up), I learned more from Radagast than most of them. He told me as much as he knew about Middle Earth and it's history. I asked most about the elves, wanting to know as much as I could about them, even though I knew there wasn't much of a chance for me finding my mother's killers.

I like the developing of this intellectual beorning

Well, I, unlike most Beornings, started to get bored with the Vale of Anduin. I was thinking about making a boat to float down the Anduin when we got a visit from some Dwarves. I had always liked Dwarves from what my father and Radagast had to say about them.

Finally, someone who likes Dwarves
Might want to specify that the Anduin is a river, since you speficy the Vale of Anduin

The trip was uneventful. When we arrived, I was given a grand tour of the Lonely Mountain (very impressive). I admired them even more. I didn't really have much of a reason for being there, so I asked to be taught how to make my own weapons.

They tried as well as I expected to teach me, but all I could make was a too-thick club of a sword before I gave up. *holds up his seldomly used sword* They told me that I could stop a sword fight by smashing through my oppenent's sword with it, but that was about all of the good that it could do. They gave me a sheath, and I kept the sword but plannned to get rid of it as soon as I left the Dwarves.

Good place for humor