Ask Snape Column

[Elanor]

Just a review of the rules of this thread: Your post should contain both a reply to the previous letter from Snape, and a new letter to Snape from a different character.

Also, a request from me: Please refrain from misspelling words, inserting actions (people normally don't put actions in their letters, even in Harry Potter world), and please keep to the current time period (right after HBP).

Miss Delacour:

I work for the Dark Lord and I am certainly not thinking about my hair and robes, but for the record I have never worn clocks at any time. I was not aware that you are involved in Miss Granger's infantile house-elf pampering club, and aren't you getting married in a week? I would prefer not to continue corresponding with an almost-Weasley part Veela, so kindly Do Not Write To Me Again.

Severus Snape




Dear Severus,

I hate you. You are a disgrace to Slytherin, an embarrassment to me and all your former teachers, and a horrible person. How could you murder the one person who truly trusted you? I can't believe that I once respected you as a fellow Potions Master. You'd better watch your back, because I'm not the only one who will not hesitate to kill you on sight.

Disrespectfully yours,

Horace Slughorn

[Lord Choc Obo]

my big fat Slughorn,

boohoo, I'm scared, let's not forget who's part of the Dea....I mean the Dark Arts Teacher Club, so YOU should watch your back.

kind regards....NOT

snape

________________________________________

my dear snape

I would just like to tell you that I totally trust you and always will untill the very day I die.

just to let you know

A. Dumbledore

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Dumbledore

That doesn't ame a great deal to me, as that day was at the end of the last book.

S Snape

------------------------------------------

Buy One Get One Free Weekend at Weasly's Wizard Wheezes.

Fred and George Weasly.

[Fleur Delacour]

[QUOTE=Elanor]Just a review of the rules of this thread: Your post should contain both a reply to the previous letter from Snape, and a new letter to Snape from a different character.

Also, a request from me: Please refrain from misspelling words, inserting actions (people normally don't put actions in their letters, even in Harry Potter world), and please keep to the current time period (right after HBP).

Ok, sorry. I'm from Norway so that explain my bad grammer But I will not insert actions and I will keep the "letters" to the current time period. Got it!!

Weasly...
No I would not, nor do I want any free Weekend at Weasly's Wizard Wheezes. Stop bothering me, Otherwise, I will be deducting points at every available opportunity from your old house...

Professor Severus Snape
----------------------

Dear Professor Snape,
I'm writin' ter ya, cause I gots me a big problem here. I kinda, sorta tripped and er fell and by gosh... a Flobber Worm got stuck where it shouldna! Oh, Snape sir, I'm sure yer wonderin' why I just don't go ter Maddame Pomfrey... Well I thought "Who could I trust not ter say anything abowts this here problem?", it's you!... D'ya have anythar potions that could help me here problem? If so, send it ASAP... Thank ya. You are after all the old potionmaster at Hogwarts and i don't trust Slughorn..yet..
HAGRID
p.s. Please don't tell ther dark lord... or Harr'y... Thanks ya.

[Lord Choc Obo]

rubeus,

as you kindly requested in your last letter I wrote an open letter to every newspaper I could find, even the quibbler and a few muggle newspapers, to inform people of the danger of Flobber worms.

and NO, you will get no help from you halfblood MOEHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

yours truly, Snape

____________________________________________

hello professor snape

it was just to tell you that I think you might be infested by hundreds of Greasegrossers by the looks of your hair.

with kind regards, Luna Lovegood

[Fleur Delacour]

Dear Miss, Lovegood
My hair is naturally prone to oiliness. Perhaps next time I see you, I should point out your acne and see how you like it.
Sincerely,
Professor S. Snape


Dear Professor Snape,
I am writing to you from St Mungos Hospital where I am being treated for forgetfulness, or am I? I can’t actually remember. Anyway, I seem to recall that I may have worked with you at some point in my life & wondered if you would care for a signed copy of ‘Magical Me’. It’s very good, and apparently I wrote it,
Yours smilingly,
Gilderoy Lockhart

[Elanor]

Lockhart, my old friend:

Guess what? I feel so bad about you losing your memory that I'm going to tell you exactly what you were like before you lost it. You wore pink robes all the time with lime green bows and orange flowers in your hair. You also liked to carry around a sign that said "Kick me-- in an effective spot", and you liked to pretend you were a wizard. You have a girlfriend named Minerva McGonagall, so I think you should go visit her, but don't tell her I told you. She misses you a lot, so take her a big bunch of pink carnations. She might sneeze when you give them to her, but that's just because she loves you so much. Don't be discouraged, old boy. She might play hard to get, but keep it up.

Oh, and you have a strong affinity with magical creatures, especially Blast-Ended Skrewts. I think you should ask Hagrid for one as a pet.

Your old colleague,

Professor Snape


---


Snivelly Snape (got that name from an old map of ours),

Ha ha! You're not a professor anymore, so you can't take any points from Gryffindor, ever again!

Hey, Fred, maybe we should apply to work at Hogwarts, then we can take points from all the Slytherins.

That's an idea, George, but what would we teach?

You take Transfiguration, I'll take Defense.

Sounds good. Oh, and Snape? If you've kept reading this long, the Itching charm we put on this message should have had time to attach itself to various parts of your body. Just a little gift from us.

Cheers!

Fred and George Weasley

[Lord Choc Obo]

F. and G. (you're not worth saying your entire name)

I would just like to say that I always use pupils from Gryfindor that are in detention to read me the mail I get by regular post (as you might have guessed, I have other ways of communicating with important people) so you just jinxed your poor brother.
why don't you come and teach at Hogwarts? you might find it quite amusing, the job of DADA is really jinxed, so you'll be bickering about who WOULDN'T get it, rather than deciding who gets it.
oh and please be near hogwarts when the Death Eaters come back, it would be so much fun, thank you.

yours not really

Snape
__________________________

Dear Snape,

this is lord V.-stop
urgent message-stop
Harry potter-stop
must be-stop
destroyed-stop
by me or else-stop
the spell I'm-stop
preparing-stop
won't work-stop

I hate muggle telegrams, but I have to stay undercover for a little while, I can't tell you why.

Lord V.

[Fleur Delacour]

My Lord, I will try my best to attend. I wouldn’t recommend killing him yet. I recommend a strong potion so I can get my revenge on him after 6 years of temptation... I can brew one for you if you like...

Your faithfull server S


Sir,
I’m terribly sorry, I forgot to do my Potions Homework. I can’t tell you in person as I had a slight accident climbing down the ladder from my Divination class (Professor Trelawney says I should have forseen it & taken more care), so I’m sending you this owl from the Hospital Wing. Would it be ok to hand it in next week?
OOps, sorry I forgot, you are not longer the Potionmaster, can you please give Slughorn this message?
Neville Longbottom

[Lord Choc Obo]

you DIMWIT, if you had the time to write down that I had to give it to Slughorn, you could just have sent it to HIM, FIFTY POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR FOR BOTHERING.

you should have forseen this too.

slow recovery, Snape

____________________

good Professor Snape,

I would like to invite you on a little date to have a chat with me in the hogshead, just to write down your thoughts on harry Potter.

Rita

[Fleur Delacour]

Ehmm, didn’t I tell you not to write to me. In fact didn’t I tell you not to communicate with me in any form again?I don’t know what came over me last night - you must have drugged that wine with some sort of bewitching potion. Leave me alone..Luckily for many of my students, I do not choose favourites... There are some who cause frequent trouble in my class... perhaps more frequent than others, but I have reconciled to the fact that there will always be something wrong with the majority of my students....
Potter's welfare, from the moment he steps outside my classroom, is none of my concern, nor is it yours!

Sincerely,
S. Snape

HOGWARTS SCHOOL of WITCHCRAFT and WIZARDRY
(Order of Merlin, First Class, Grand Sorc., Chf. Warlock, Supreme Mugwump, International Confed. of Wizards)


Dear Mr. Snape,


We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.


Term begins on September 1. We await your owl by no later than July 31.


Yours Sincerely,


Minerva McGonagall,


Headmistress.

[Lord Choc Obo]

Minerva, what kind of a sick jo....

FRED AND GEORGE, I will dock 2 points for every letter in your message from Gryffindor.

NOW STOP PESTERING ME.

Snape

__ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

good old snape,

remember me??? it's Burke, from the store...you still owe me money my friend for that...Dark object you purchased here the other day.
you better pay fast or else I'll let the Big Chief know.

yours truly, Burke

[Fleur Delacour]

Burke,
Please don’t insult my intelligence by pretending I Still owe you money for that silly toy...It dosen't even work you mindless dolt!. Everyone’s heard the rumours about what you get up to with those ‘Dark objects’... Your "Cheif" is nothing against mine, so you don't scare me...
Sincerely,
S. Snape
------------------------------------------------

Severus,
I seem to have run out of that special potion you’ve been brewing for me and wondered if you might send some with this owl, only there’s a full moon coming up and... Well you know what happens, you’ve seen the effects for yourself,
Thanking you in advance,
Remus Lupin

[durinsbane2244]

Remus,
Ah, Remus, old friend, of course! I'll send some strait away!
It always has been and always will be a pleasure to help my old classmate!
-Severus

P.S. You may want to check for some of my, ah, "personal" ingrediants, they
seem to have gone missing, and we both know I wouldn't want to have anything happen to you! I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I was the cause of any misforutne for you, my dear friend Remus!

P.P.S. I attatched a flea coller, happy belated. . .

[Fleur Delacour]

Sir,
Father told me to tell you that it’s all your fault that he’s in this mess, and you would do well to remember that he's the only friend you’ve got. Nobody would ever talk to you at school except him - and you’re a big nosed greasy haired git.
please don’t get mad at me - he said that.
Sincerely
Draco Malfoy

[Elanor]

Draco:
Your father is a loser, and I hope he stays in Azkaban a long time. You can tell him I said that.
Severus Snape
--------

Dear Severus Snape,

I heard through the grapevine recently that you witnessed one of those miraculous creatures-- a Crumple-Horned Snorcack! I'm writing to ask if you and I might meet to discuss this, and I could possibly write an article on you and prove to the wizarding world once and for all that the Snorcack does exist. Please reply as soon as you can and let me know when I could interview you.

Best regards,

Leonardo Lovegood
Editor of the Quibbler.

[Lord Choc Obo]

dear Leonardo Lovegood

as you might know, I don't like harry potter...and i don't like anyone who has anything to do with harry potter, and I most certainly don't want to appear in a magazine where harry potter has been in as a main article.

so no, I do not want to meet you

I hope your really hurt and fall off a stair.

yours not really

Snape

P.S.: Twenty points from your daughter's house for you bothering me

-------------------------

dear professor,

could you make us some Felix Felicis for next weeks Quidditch match? or I hope you've got some left for our Seeker atleast, we know it's kind of illegal, but hey, we're your house, so it's okay isn't it??

the Slytherin Quidditch team

[Fleur Delacour]

Certainly, Please find the required potion in the phial I have attached to this owl.I hope you are practising hard for next weeks’ Quidditch match. I expect you to beat those Gryffindors at any cost. Use any means necessary, even better, if you give that troublesome Potter brat a visit to the hostpital wing.

Sincerely,
Your old Head of House
Professor Snape
-------------------------------------
Dear Severus,
I felt it only fair to warn you. Today I saw in the tea cup that Neville Longbottom will break a cauldron in tomorrows Potions Lesson.
Take heed
Oh, is it true that you left the school? I can't remember you told the staff about it...
Sybil Trelawney - Divinations Dept

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Sybil
I don't teach Potions anymore.
Snape

------------------

Dear Mr Snape.
We intercepted an owl being delivered to the Slytherin Quidditch from you with a phial of Felix Felicis. As a result your team have automatically been disqualified from the Tournament and are to be arrested.
Ministry of Quidditch.

[Lord Choc Obo]

this must be some kind of trick of Harry Potter, he knows he can't beat our team, so he just tried to get them disqualified, I'm most certain of this, and if you would just be so kind to drink this little brew I attached to the owl which will make you feel much refreshed, you'll see things from my point of view.

Snape

_____ ______ _________ ______ _____


good professor Snape,

I would just like to say that I'm not happy with your way of work in the DADA classes at all, mostly you don't teach us anything we could use, and most of the things you try to teach us we already knew. could this problem be resolved??

Hermione granger