Ask Snape Column - Page 3

Elanor the hobbit · 02-16-2005, 02:03 PM

Mr. Malfoy,
How do you know about my Pensieve? I never told you! Have you been snooping around my office? And where did you get the bat guano?
Professor Snape

(Wizard, you were supposed to figure out that DivintnGurrl was Parvati...)

Dear Professor Snape,
I just realized that I sorted you into the wrong house! You were supposed to be in Hufflepuff all along. Please forgive me for any mistakes that may have occurred as a result of you being sorted into Slytherin. I shall speak to the Headmaster and see if we can't get you a nice set of yellow robes and Hufflepuff decorations for your classroom. Have a nice day!

The Sorting Hat

The Wizard from Milan · 02-24-2005, 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elanor the hobbit

(Wizard, you were supposed to figure out that DivintnGurrl was Parvati...)

Sorry

EarthBound · 02-25-2005, 07:33 AM

Dear Sorting Hat,

As you've just managed to point out, you often m a k e m i s t a k e s , so please excuse me if I ignore your fedora rumblings completely and tell you to go tie yourself into a bonnet you mangy headdress .

Excruciatingly,

Professor Snape

PS...I've seen better hats on a circus clown...

Dear Professor Snape,

Is there any way of making up the exam I missed last Tuesday? Due to my hospitalization with 17 broken bones and temporary blindness from the womping willow and a poorly chosen shortcut I hope you will excuse my absence and grant a re-test.

Sincerely,

Nancy Butterbeerous

The Wizard from Milan · 03-06-2005, 05:09 PM

Miss Jorkins,

You must have lost the last ounce of your already minuscoulous brain if you ask me for a re-test. And for the dark lord's sake try to remember at least your name, or I might regret that my detention prevented you to go on a night stroll with Peter Pettigrew (for now).

Professor Snape.

================================================== ==========

Dear Professor Snape:

We would greatly appreciate if you could lend us some of your bezoar; we have mended our ways; we are now decided to take the NEWTS in potions next year and we would appreciate your help in our preparations.

Weasly Wizard Weezes

EarthBound · 04-01-2005, 08:24 AM

Ah, yes...the twins, ahem.

After careful thought and balanced consideration I am delighted to inform you that in the interest of the betterment of your standing and situation I have with whole heart decided to "NOT" give you one DROP of anything from my stores of goods or give you anything more than a dreadful glare concerning "my services" towards helping.

Also, enjoyably, I have placed severe curses upon my entire regioin of the dungeon that will specifically, and hopefully, inflict much damage upon your persons if you visit.

It is with sincere "Thanks" I thank you for this oppurtunity to hinder your progress in life...frankly, I live for these moments.

Professor Snape

Dear Professor Snape,

If you checked beside your desk after class last Thursday you may have noticed a package...and if you opened it...you found a green sweater with an "S" knit on the front...this could stand for your "house" or "Snape", tehehe.

your sweater maker,

XXX

PS: Maybe you could wear it at the next tournament?

**Nurvingiel** · 04-26-2005, 06:53 PM

Bleh. I had a link here for an Mmail fic, but it degenerates into fangirlish ravings after a while.

I like your Ask Snape Column much better.

emily leonard · 04-28-2005, 05:56 AM

dear prof snape i am wrighting to imform you that you are a big slezy git all my love mother

Master'sBaneSwiftSnowmane · 08-13-2005, 12:24 AM

Mum,
I am writing to inform you that I still cannot understand your writing. MY childhood with you stunk and I hope you posion yourself.
Severus

Dearest Snape,
I was wondering if I couldn't get an extension on that moonstone essay. There might be something good in it for you. *wink wink*
Sincerly,
Dean Thomas

durinsbane2244 · 08-13-2005, 07:50 PM

Mr. Thomas,

If by "good" I am to understand that I will be able to perform ridiculously painful and damaging curses upon your person, than yes, by all means, you may have your, what was it, "extension". If that is not the case, than you had best study. Oh, and watch what you drink, ahem, *wink* *wink*

-Proffesor Snape

durinsbane2244 · 08-15-2005, 08:18 PM

oh, i give the next one, i knew that, o' course i did!
well,

Dear Professor Snape,
Have they found any leads on me yet? You swore to keep silent! Do not betray me in my hour of need.

-Karrkaroff
(spelling?)

Master'sBaneSwiftSnowmane · 08-16-2005, 09:51 AM

Karrkaroff,
You are as smart as you are pretty, the Death Eaters will be on your doorstep at any moment. Your hour of need, bah! By the way, and just between friends, Nagini hasn't been feed latly and she prefers her food alive.
Wishing you only the best,
Severus Snape

Severus,
Have the supplies arrived yet? I grow impatient. Oh, yes, Karrkaroff sends you his worst wishes. Ah, how he screamed. I love it when they beg. But I digress. You may be interested to know that Mr. Malfoy is being given an assignment of a most peculier nature. More on that when we meet tonight. Bring the supplies.
Yours Sincerly,
The Dark Lord
Ps. The new robes were lovely, thank you.

Elanor · 08-16-2005, 08:33 PM

Um, Spoiler warning....

To the Mighty Lord of Darkness:

Have Killed Dumbledore. Expect raise.

Snape

(Please, let's keep this going! It's so much fun!)

Dear Severus,

Heard you lost your job. Too bad. I just got a job with Grunnings, a company that makes drills. Hope you're proud of your old dad. My boss's name is Vernon Dursley, and he seems a bit odd, but works hard. Mind if I come visit at Spinner's End this weekend?

Love,
Tobias Snape

PippinTook · 08-16-2005, 10:40 PM

Wow! I can't believe this thing is still alive! Y'all had to defibrillate it a couple times, didn't you?

Embarrassing scum under my shoes,
Did not lose my job, thank you very much. There were difficulties with my boss and I quit. Fled, in fact. Sure, come to Spinner's End. You can meet my new boss. He loves cute little muggles like you. You would have such fun.
Your superior son,
Severus

Dear Snape,
Bah, thanks for ruining all the theories about me being the Half Blood Prince. Geez. First you're the reason for my death and now this. What, do you have a crush on me or something? **Lily/Snape shippers squeal**

From beyond the grave,
Lily Potter

tomstheman · 08-22-2005, 09:02 PM

Spoiler warning

How dare you besmirch my name you filthy mudblood. To even insinuate that I would have a crush on a piece of half muggle filth like you makes my blood boil. Having now killed Dumbledore, my next task shall be to help the Dark Lord iradicate the last piece of self-centered vile trash in the hopes that it shall irradicate the name Potter from all the land.
Worst Wishes
Severus Snape

Dear Snivelus,
Once i find you, you dirty coward i want you to know that i will drag you back to Hogwarts and take you into the forest, tie you to a tree and let Grwap have his way with you. Then I'm sure there's a few people who would like to get a piece of you before we allow to leave us forever.
Sincerely
Harry Potter

Smeagol_fan · 08-22-2005, 09:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by tomstheman

Spoiler warning

Dear Snivelus,
Once i find you, you dirty coward i want you to know that i will drag you back to Hogwarts and take you into the forest, tie you to a tree and let Grwap have his way with you. Then I'm sure there's a few people who would like to get a piece of you before we allow to leave us forever.
Sincerely
Harry Potter

Senior Potter Brat ~
Once again, FYI - I am NOT a coward, smartbutt.
~Professor Snape

Fleur Delacour · 08-31-2005, 10:55 PM

Hi professor Snape.

Well, I just wonder if you seen a jumping wand down in your office? * Blush* Fred and George Weasly jinxed it, and they told me it was there. So have you seen it professor? and can I please get it back?

With love from Fleur Delacour

Lord Choc Obo · 09-01-2005, 05:10 AM

why of course miss delacour,
if you don't mind I just take a few of your hairs on the way, who knows what potential they still have, even though they probably lost much of it seeing that you're NOT a PURE BLOOD WIZARD BUT SOME EVIL VILE YUCKYBUCKY CONVERGION OF THE SUPERIOR WIZARDING RACE WITH THAT OF YOUR MOTHER WHICH I AM NOT EVEN GOING TO MENTION BECAUSE IT'S SO TERRIBLY HORRENDOUS.

haaa, now that's of my mind, sure, come and get it

P.S., tell fred and George I will dock 50 points from each of them for jinxing that wand into trying to jump up my robes

_____________________________________________

dear professor snape,

if you haven't noticed yet, I hate you and I'm going to kill you...

yours truly, The Chosen One

Fleur Delacour · 09-01-2005, 03:58 PM

The Chosen one..
*raises an eyebrow*
*sneers* It might be wise to try to be less gullible in the future, 50 points from Griffingdor!!!Just because I can!!.
Sincerely,
Professor S. Snape

Lord Choc Obo · 09-01-2005, 05:03 PM

you've forgotten the next question dear Fleur :-)

Fleur Delacour · 09-01-2005, 05:17 PM

Here it comes=)

Dear S!

Have you ever had...wait a minute I have a gift for you(* Fleur gives Professor Snape his present who contains hair shampoo.*) I'ts the same type I juse in my hair sir.( *smiling nervous* )Why do you always wear black clocks? It would be fun to see you in a different colour for a change, im begining to get a little bit tired of that black one you juse all the time. Well I quess I have to go now, Hermione Granger are waiting for me, you know SPEW stuff..

With love from Fleur Delacour

02-16-2005, 02:03 PM	#41
Elanor the hobbit Sapling Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: hobbit hole Posts: 12	Mr. Malfoy, How do you know about my Pensieve? I never told you! Have you been snooping around my office? And where did you get the bat guano? Professor Snape (Wizard, you were supposed to figure out that DivintnGurrl was Parvati...) Dear Professor Snape, I just realized that I sorted you into the wrong house! You were supposed to be in Hufflepuff all along. Please forgive me for any mistakes that may have occurred as a result of you being sorted into Slytherin. I shall speak to the Headmaster and see if we can't get you a nice set of yellow robes and Hufflepuff decorations for your classroom. Have a nice day! The Sorting Hat __________________ Elanor the friendly hobbit who draws cool mazes: Segovia Mazes

02-25-2005, 07:33 AM	#43
EarthBound Lady Tipple & Queen of Blessed Thistle Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: I've been told it's all in my head Posts: 916	Dear Sorting Hat, As you've just managed to point out, you often m a k e m i s t a k e s , so please excuse me if I ignore your fedora rumblings completely and tell you to go tie yourself into a bonnet you mangy headdress . Excruciatingly, Professor Snape PS...I've seen better hats on a circus clown... Dear Professor Snape, Is there any way of making up the exam I missed last Tuesday? Due to my hospitalization with 17 broken bones and temporary blindness from the womping willow and a poorly chosen shortcut I hope you will excuse my absence and grant a re-test. Sincerely, Nancy Butterbeerous __________________ Beer + Pizza = N'uff said Happy to be here The HACBR has been alerted to my postings…..Hobbits Against Constant Beer References Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Ben Franklin I want my Mooter T-Shirt!

04-01-2005, 08:24 AM	#45
EarthBound Lady Tipple & Queen of Blessed Thistle Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: I've been told it's all in my head Posts: 916	Ah, yes...the twins, ahem. After careful thought and balanced consideration I am delighted to inform you that in the interest of the betterment of your standing and situation I have with whole heart decided to "NOT" give you one DROP of anything from my stores of goods or give you anything more than a dreadful glare concerning "my services" towards helping. Also, enjoyably, I have placed severe curses upon my entire regioin of the dungeon that will specifically, and hopefully, inflict much damage upon your persons if you visit. It is with sincere "Thanks" I thank you for this oppurtunity to hinder your progress in life...frankly, I live for these moments. Professor Snape Dear Professor Snape, If you checked beside your desk after class last Thursday you may have noticed a package...and if you opened it...you found a green sweater with an "S" knit on the front...this could stand for your "house" or "Snape", tehehe. your sweater maker, XXX PS: Maybe you could wear it at the next tournament? __________________ Beer + Pizza = N'uff said Happy to be here The HACBR has been alerted to my postings…..Hobbits Against Constant Beer References Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Ben Franklin I want my Mooter T-Shirt! Last edited by EarthBound : 04-05-2005 at 07:51 AM.

04-28-2005, 05:56 AM	#47
emily leonard Enting Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: on the moon but i do vist earth now and again Posts: 57	hi dear prof snape i am wrighting to imform you that you are a big slezy git all my love mother

08-13-2005, 12:24 AM	#48
Master'sBaneSwiftSnowmane Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 103	Mum, I am writing to inform you that I still cannot understand your writing. MY childhood with you stunk and I hope you posion yourself. Severus Dearest Snape, I was wondering if I couldn't get an extension on that moonstone essay. There might be something good in it for you. wink wink Sincerly, Dean Thomas __________________ "Not only did my encounters with voters confirm the fundamental decency of the American people, they also reminded me that at the core of the American experience are a set of ideals that continue to stir our collective conscience; a common set of values that bind us together despite our differences; a running thread of hope that makes our improbable experiment in democracy work..." Barack Obama, The Audacity of Hope

03-06-2005, 05:09 PM	#44
The Wizard from Milan Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 421	Miss Jorkins, You must have lost the last ounce of your already minuscoulous brain if you ask me for a re-test. And for the dark lord's sake try to remember at least your name, or I might regret that my detention prevented you to go on a night stroll with Peter Pettigrew (for now). Professor Snape. ================================================== ========== Dear Professor Snape: We would greatly appreciate if you could lend us some of your bezoar; we have mended our ways; we are now decided to take the NEWTS in potions next year and we would appreciate your help in our preparations. Weasly Wizard Weezes

08-13-2005, 07:50 PM	#49
durinsbane2244 Dreamweaver Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: The Misty Mountains, where the spirits go... Posts: 3,560	Mr. Thomas, If by "good" I am to understand that I will be able to perform ridiculously painful and damaging curses upon your person, than yes, by all means, you may have your, what was it, "extension". If that is not the case, than you had best study. Oh, and watch what you drink, ahem, wink wink -Proffesor Snape __________________ Lord, what fools these mortals be! ---------------- We are the music-makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams, Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams; World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams: Yet we are the movers and shakers Of the world for ever, it seems. ---------------- Shanti, shanti, shantih...

08-15-2005, 08:18 PM	#50
durinsbane2244 Dreamweaver Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: The Misty Mountains, where the spirits go... Posts: 3,560	oh, i give the next one, i knew that, o' course i did! well, Dear Professor Snape, Have they found any leads on me yet? You swore to keep silent! Do not betray me in my hour of need. -Karrkaroff (spelling?) __________________ Lord, what fools these mortals be! ---------------- We are the music-makers, And we are the dreamers of dreams, Wandering by lone sea-breakers, And sitting by desolate streams; World-losers and world-forsakers, On whom the pale moon gleams: Yet we are the movers and shakers Of the world for ever, it seems. ---------------- Shanti, shanti, shantih...

08-16-2005, 09:51 AM	#51
Master'sBaneSwiftSnowmane Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 103	Karrkaroff, You are as smart as you are pretty, the Death Eaters will be on your doorstep at any moment. Your hour of need, bah! By the way, and just between friends, Nagini hasn't been feed latly and she prefers her food alive. Wishing you only the best, Severus Snape Severus, Have the supplies arrived yet? I grow impatient. Oh, yes, Karrkaroff sends you his worst wishes. Ah, how he screamed. I love it when they beg. But I digress. You may be interested to know that Mr. Malfoy is being given an assignment of a most peculier nature. More on that when we meet tonight. Bring the supplies. Yours Sincerly, The Dark Lord Ps. The new robes were lovely, thank you. __________________ "Not only did my encounters with voters confirm the fundamental decency of the American people, they also reminded me that at the core of the American experience are a set of ideals that continue to stir our collective conscience; a common set of values that bind us together despite our differences; a running thread of hope that makes our improbable experiment in democracy work..." Barack Obama, The Audacity of Hope

08-16-2005, 08:33 PM	#52
Elanor Hobbit in the Music Join Date: Nov 1999 Location: Westmarch Posts: 1,111	Um, Spoiler warning.... To the Mighty Lord of Darkness: Have Killed Dumbledore. Expect raise. Snape (Please, let's keep this going! It's so much fun!) Dear Severus, Heard you lost your job. Too bad. I just got a job with Grunnings, a company that makes drills. Hope you're proud of your old dad. My boss's name is Vernon Dursley, and he seems a bit odd, but works hard. Mind if I come visit at Spinner's End this weekend? Love, Tobias Snape __________________ Middle Earth Crossword Puzzle on the Tolkien Site of DOOM Segovia Mazes

08-16-2005, 10:40 PM	#53
PippinTook The Infamous Tea Hobbit Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Riding my Attack Llama, CORY! Posts: 1,162	Wow! I can't believe this thing is still alive! Y'all had to defibrillate it a couple times, didn't you? Embarrassing scum under my shoes, Did not lose my job, thank you very much. There were difficulties with my boss and I quit. Fled, in fact. Sure, come to Spinner's End. You can meet my new boss. He loves cute little muggles like you. You would have such fun. Your superior son, Severus Dear Snape, Bah, thanks for ruining all the theories about me being the Half Blood Prince. Geez. First you're the reason for my death and now this. What, do you have a crush on me or something? Lily/Snape shippers squeal From beyond the grave, Lily Potter __________________ http://jupiter.walagata.com/w/shanakdakhete/svbf.gif If I can stop one heart from aching, I shall not live in vain. -Emily Dickinson But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd Never can quite understand The worth of a soul and the change that is wrought By the touch of the Master's hand. Though she be but little, she is fierce! -MSND

08-22-2005, 09:02 PM	#54
tomstheman Enting Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Some where between the ground and the sky Posts: 63	Spoiler warning Spoiler warning How dare you besmirch my name you filthy mudblood. To even insinuate that I would have a crush on a piece of half muggle filth like you makes my blood boil. Having now killed Dumbledore, my next task shall be to help the Dark Lord iradicate the last piece of self-centered vile trash in the hopes that it shall irradicate the name Potter from all the land. Worst Wishes Severus Snape Dear Snivelus, Once i find you, you dirty coward i want you to know that i will drag you back to Hogwarts and take you into the forest, tie you to a tree and let Grwap have his way with you. Then I'm sure there's a few people who would like to get a piece of you before we allow to leave us forever. Sincerely Harry Potter __________________ Why is the word phonetically spelled with a ph? Who's cruel idea was it to put a s in the word Lisp? Why is the word abbreviated such a long word? Why is the latin word for fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia? Yes it is i checked online. Remember Remember the fifth of November

08-31-2005, 10:55 PM	#56
Fleur Delacour Sapling Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Beauxbatons, Academy of Magic Posts: 13	Hi professor Snape. Well, I just wonder if you seen a jumping wand down in your office? * Blush* Fred and George Weasly jinxed it, and they told me it was there. So have you seen it professor? and can I please get it back? With love from Fleur Delacour

09-01-2005, 05:10 AM	#57
Lord Choc Obo Elven Warrior Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 101	why of course miss delacour, if you don't mind I just take a few of your hairs on the way, who knows what potential they still have, even though they probably lost much of it seeing that you're NOT a PURE BLOOD WIZARD BUT SOME EVIL VILE YUCKYBUCKY CONVERGION OF THE SUPERIOR WIZARDING RACE WITH THAT OF YOUR MOTHER WHICH I AM NOT EVEN GOING TO MENTION BECAUSE IT'S SO TERRIBLY HORRENDOUS. haaa, now that's of my mind, sure, come and get it P.S., tell fred and George I will dock 50 points from each of them for jinxing that wand into trying to jump up my robes _____________________________________________ dear professor snape, if you haven't noticed yet, I hate you and I'm going to kill you... yours truly, The Chosen One

09-01-2005, 03:58 PM	#58
Fleur Delacour Sapling Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Beauxbatons, Academy of Magic Posts: 13	The Chosen one.. raises an eyebrow sneers It might be wise to try to be less gullible in the future, 50 points from Griffingdor!!!Just because I can!!. Sincerely, Professor S. Snape Last edited by Fleur Delacour : 09-01-2005 at 04:02 PM.

09-01-2005, 05:03 PM	#59
Lord Choc Obo Elven Warrior Join Date: Aug 2005 Posts: 101	you've forgotten the next question dear Fleur :-)

09-01-2005, 05:17 PM	#60
Fleur Delacour Sapling Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Beauxbatons, Academy of Magic Posts: 13	Here it comes=) Dear S! Have you ever had...wait a minute I have a gift for you(* Fleur gives Professor Snape his present who contains hair shampoo.) I'ts the same type I juse in my hair sir.( smiling nervous* )Why do you always wear black clocks? It would be fun to see you in a different colour for a change, im begining to get a little bit tired of that black one you juse all the time. Well I quess I have to go now, Hermione Granger are waiting for me, you know SPEW stuff.. With love from Fleur Delacour Last edited by Fleur Delacour : 09-02-2005 at 07:06 PM.

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