Discussion thread for Olmer's Uruk-hai, or the journey there...

[captain carrot]

.
.

The discussion thread for Olmer's Uruk-hai, or the journey there...

Firstly, good to see you again Olmer.
I didn't want to clutter up your story translation thread, so i started this discussion thread here.

i hope that is ok?


Where to start? ... beginnings are such fragile things ... ok - at the top!

Firstly i think you have done a very good job on the whole. There are parts translation wise that would lend themselves to some tightening or to some english phrasing, but in parts the translation from russian to english adds it's own beauty and interest.

In terms of posting here online ...a few paragraph breaks and spaces would make it less daunting and such a strain on the eyes / mind!!!


I am hesitant to suggest this, for fear of any offence .... ... but perhaps we could offer the odd suggestion - just to tighten it up?

eg:

Who was he? The son of gardener

The son of a gardener would be a suggestion.


If you are happy for mooters to help out i am sure there'd be plenty of helpful suggestions!

The above example is of course pretty innocuous. however the more thorny issue is where a sentence or description or punctuation changes subtly the meaning, emphasis or description - this is where it becomes cloudy, and you would have to use your judgement!

an example of this would be:

We, then, have brought the beer to Butterbur for his " Prancing pony ".

We, then, have brought the beer to good ol' Butterbur for his most excellent inn the "Prancing pony". ( )

(he'd be gettin on a bit heh?)

Now this is me messing about a bit on this particular example ,

but the issue is clear - at what point is it a cleaner english translation and at what point are we changing the writing style or adding new concepts?