There and . . . wait, I'm going WHERE?!

[FrodoFriend]

First post by Rogue Elf:

The Concluding Chapter: Unexpected Party...
(One Month Later...)

(Elijah Wood walks out from his house to throw out his recycling, when he hears footsteps behind him. He jerks around in defense, remembering very well what happened the last time he took out his recycling, but sees nothing. Elijah smiles and walks back inside his house.)

EW: Ah...I love normal life. [plops down on his couch]

(Suddenly there's a knock on the door. Elijah gets up to answer it.)

Short Strange-Looking Man With Beard: Hello, neighbor! I'm new in town and I thought I'd introduce myself! My name's Dweeb!
Elijah: Nice to meet you, Dweeb. I'm Elijah. [shakes the guy's hand]
Dweeb: Mind if I come in? It's rather chilly outside.
Elijah: No, not at all! Come on in.

(Dweeb goes in and sits on the couch as Elijah closes the door. Suddenly another knock comes. Elijah jerks back open the door.)

Elijah: Hello?
Another Short Strange-Looking Man With Beard: Hullo, neighbor! I'm Sweeb and I've just moved in down the street! I've come to make welcoming with homemade Apple Pie! [hands Elijah a homemade apple pie]
Elijah: [gasps!] I love apple pie! [lets Sweeb in the house]
Another Short Strange-Looking Man With Beard: Wait! I want to come in too! I'm Bleeb, and I've brought you some Triple German Chocolate Coconut Almond Vanilla Raspberry Peach Honey Cake!
Elijah: Wow! Thank you so much! [wipes away a tear]

(Elijah is about to close the door and suddenly the doorbell rings. He pulls it open. Two more short strange-looking men with beards are standing there.)

Two Short Strange-Looking Men With Beards: Hello, neighbor! We're Sili and Dili and we've just moved in town! We thought we'd greet our new next-door neighbor! [each hand Elijah a cake]
Elijah: [smiling] Thanks! I could use more sweets in the house... [lets Sili & Dili in]

(Elijah goes to put up the pie and two cakes when there's another knock on the door. He goes once again to answer it.)

Elijah: Hel--

(Standing in front of him this time are three short strange-looking men with beards. Elijah blinks a few times. Apparently it's beggining to scare him.)

Elijah: Umm...uhh....hi.
Three Short Strange-Looking Men With Beards: Hallo, neighbor! We're Bambi, Lambi, & Dambi! We've come to bring you homemade sweets!
Elijah: Umm....well....the more the merrier! [lets them in and they put the sweets on his kitchen table]

(Elijah is about to sit down when suddenly someone begins ringing his doorbell to the tune of "Jingle Bells". He runs up to the door in frustration and pulls it open.)

Elijah: Would you people--

(Four short strange-looking men with beards tumble in and fall flat on their faces. They quickly get up and introduce themselves.)

First Three Short Strange-Looking Men With Beards: Hello! We're Poin, Floin, & Moin!
Fourth Short Strange-Looking Man With Beard: And I'm the most important of them all, Thord! Lord of Comely Mountain! It was once the Lonely Mountain, but I, of course, brought all my people back to it and now it's over-populated with very friendly people, so it's now known as Comely Mountain.
Elijah: [blinks]

(They all then march their way in against Elijah's protests. Elijah's now whining and carrying on when he looks out the door and sees a really tall white-bearded man with a blue cloak, hat, and staff. He slowly looks up to the guy's face.)

Elijah: AAAHHHHH!!! Wayfarer! What are you doing here?!?!
Wayfarer: Well, you see...there's a slight predicament going on in Middle-Earth and we at the Messageboard need your help.
Elijah: [blinks many, many times as tears fall down his face] I was just making a friggin' movie....because I enjoy acting and....making lots of money and....and I thought that it would broaden my career and then.....then I could be well-known and...and...why are you tormenting me like this?!?!
Wayfarer: [blinks] Oh. So now it's my fault you chose to be Frodo Baggins? Now it's my fault you knew the consequences of becoming involved with the Tolkien World? Now it's my fault you ran into MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT MIDDLE-EARTH AND FACED THE CONSEQUENCES OF FINDING OUT OF HOW THE CRAZED AND DEDICATED FANS WOULD REACT!!!
Elijah: [unable to control his steady-falling tears] Wh...why did it have to happen to me, though? This just isn't fair! Why can't you just go away and never come back? Oh, I wish this never happened in my time!
Wayfarer: [kneels down sympathically in front of Elijah then realizes Elijah isn't short anymore so stands back up] I know...and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All they have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to them.
Elijah: [sniffing] Why isn't that for them to decide?
Wayfarer: Because you're dealing with TOLKIEN fans, you IMBECILE!
Elijah: [squeals] GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT! I never want to see you again as long as I live! [slams the door in Wayfarer's face]

(All the short strange-looking men with beards turn to Elijah and lift their bushy eyebrows at him. Elijah is about to scream bloody murder at the sight of them, but they gather up all their sweets and storm out the back door.)

Thord: [huffs] So much for wanting to go on an adventure. Us Tolkien people can't even find good heroes anymore!
Sili: How about we go to Orlando Bloom's house? I heard he was an adrenaline junkie. He ought to be fun!