The Dam Letter

The Response

The following is a genuine hoot. This was an actual letter sent to Ryan
DeVries from the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State
of Michigan. Wait till you read this guy's response - but read the entire
letter before you get to the response.

Mr. Ryan DeVries
2088 Dagget
Pierson, MI 49339


SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County


Dear Mr. DeVries

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
contractor who did the following unauthorized activity: Construction and
maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring
Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A
review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.
Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
violation
of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource
and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws,
annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to
cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream
to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams
from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later
than January 31, 1998.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a
follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply
with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may
result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We
anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any
questions.

Sincerely, David L. Price
District Representative Land and Water Management Division
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RESPONSE

Dear Mr. Price,

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

Your certified letter dated 12/17/97 has been handed to me to respond to.

First of all, Mr. Ryan De Vries is not the legal landowner and/or
contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan. I am the legal owner and
a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of
constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet
stream of my Spring Pond. While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise
their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call
their skillful use of natural building materials "debris."

I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam
project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state
there is no way you could ever match their dam skills, their dam
resourcefulness, their dam ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam
determination and/or their dam work ethic. As to your request, I do not
think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit
prior to the start of this type of dam activity.

My first dam question to you is (1) Are you trying to discriminate against
my Spring Pond Beavers or (2) do you require all beavers throughout
this State to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the
Freedom of Information Act I request completed copies of all those other
applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if
there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of
the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the
Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the
Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is - aren't the beavers
entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute and are unable to pay for said representation - so the State will
have to provide them with a dam lawyer. The Department's dam concern that
either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event causing
flooding is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department
is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond
Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition - please
contact the beavers - but if you are going to arrest them (they obviously
did not pay any attention to your dam letter being unable to read English)

In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their
unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water
flows downstream. They have more dam right than I do to live and enjoy
Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental
Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources
(Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers
and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated
enforcement action right now. Why wait until 1/31/98? The Spring Pond
Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or
your dam staff to contact/harass them then. In conclusion, I would like
to bring to your attention a real environmental quality (health)
problem in the area. It is the bears. Bears are actually defecating
in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the
defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to
investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful
where they dump!) Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being
unable to contact you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this
response to your day office via another government organization - the
dam USPS. Maybe, someday, it will get there.

Sincerely, Stephen L. Tvedten
The University of Texas at Austin
Office Community Relations/Accounting unit
P.O. Box 7367
Austin, TX 78713

:lol: :rollin: :lol: :rollin: Poor beavers . . .

Poor humans... that will toilet-train the bears ...

:lol:

Where did you find that?

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
That was hysterical! Where *did* you get that?

Good stuff!

The worst thing is that the bureacracy is probably square enough to send people out there to tell the beavers to fill out a form...

Great one, though... :lol:

:lol:
FUNNY!

But makes me worry about how dumb some of our governmental branches really are...

he he he he