It's not the words you say..

[Nerdanel]

This is an essay I wrote last night.. I'm aware that there might not be anything special about it in a literary sense, but there might be some points..

It's not the words you say, it's how you say them that counts (and some chocolate)

Mostly when you interact by talking to someone, the words you say aren’t what people pay attention to. Words are only noises from your throat, perfected by your mouth and lips and finally released into a mixture of gases we call ‘air’. What really matters, is your body language, the look on your face, and the tone of your voice. If one or more of these factors are taken away, the other ones get more important. That’s why, at first, chatting online without any chance to see or hear the one you’re “talking” to, might feel strange and confusing. It shouldn’t even be called talking, since the only thing you get, are the words; no tone, no facial expressions, no talking hands, no screaming eyes. It can even be called confusing. (That’s where the ‘emoticons’, get into the picture, too.. But I won’t say anything about them. I won’t even use them, just to be as confusing as possible.) We try to lessen this confusion by things like web cam and skype, and it sure adds something to the discussion.
Of course, interaction face to face can also be very confusing. The words coming out might say something entirely different than the body, face and tone of the voice. In these cases, we tend to trust the body language more, but these sorts of things might be difficult to point out if you’ve misinterpreted the intentions of the one sending the message.

What I’ll “talk” about now, though, is something that came to my mind earlier today, when I was talking to my mother, who at the time was in another room than I was. So the only things I could use to express what I really meant, were my words, and the tone of my voice. Mum wasn’t in the best of moods, she started complaining about everything that was wrong, something she does when she gets into that mood. I was reading a book for an exam in the living room, while she was in the kitchen. When she noticed that someone (me) had turned off the TV, she said she hadn’t said it should be turned off, with a very pissed off voice. So I had a choice to make.. I knew what to say, and I knew I had two alternative ways of saying it. I could either say “Well, I came here to read this exam book, and you also just said that you‘re going out for a walk..” and sound irate, or sound like I just tried to explain, perhaps with a hint of submission, meaning that if she really wanted to watch TV, I could move to another place. Not because I like being bossed around, but because I know my mother. I tried the latter alternative, and it worked perfectly. She said, “Oh, alright, I didn‘t know that was what you were doing there.. And yeah, I was on my way out, you‘re right”. After that she didn’t complain anymore, but started talking about happy things instead, which made me glad, because the atmosphere in the whole house changed, and it made me think of this and how powerful I was, when I knew what I was doing. It also pissed me off just a bit, since I was trying to read my book, but I ignored that quickly.

Ever since my mother and brother were the only ones left in the house, it has become a bit tense in here. My brother is 16, and is quite sick of listening to my mother’s “advice” (he calls it nagging), so he also makes choices, but often for the worse. None of them feel good in the end. So what I’m trying to do the few times I’m visiting them, is first of all to make those positive decisions and not feel down if they’re giving me less nice comments, but laugh at it and perhaps be a bit sarcastic. I’ll also try to give them hints, to make them aware of how silly the things they do and the comments they make are, so they might, perhaps, one day, realize that life isn’t that serious, and that everyone’s different, even within a family. I tried this with mum and dad as well, before dad moved out, but it didn’t work that well, obviously. That won’t kill my strong belief in my perfect plan though, the plan that eventually will save the world.

So, my point is, if we do indeed know what we’re doing, we might be able to control our surroundings just a bit more. Through conscious choices, we can change things for the better or for the worse, depending on what we want. I prefer a nice atmosphere, though I often make choices for the worse also (I‘ve noticed that the correlation between the decision I make and my blood sugar level might be very significant indeed). I mean, I’m only human, like everyone else. But trying is better than not doing anything. That, combined with lots of chocolate (to keep my blood sugar levels high enough), is my new motto and lifestyle. Try it.

EDIT: changed 'short story' to 'essay', since Eärniel is very correct about that..