Ask Snape Column

PippinTook · 11-09-2004, 11:08 PM

Okay, I saw this game on another Harry potter sight and it was hilarious, so I thought I would bring it here and see how it goes since I know there's a good HP following going on here.

Anywho, the idea is students or other HP people write to snape and snape answers, so the first post would be such, "Prof. Snape, I lost my homework. Neville." (well, be more creative than that, lol) And then the next person posts Snape's reply and a new question for Snape. See? So it goes like this,

Person 1:
Prof. Snape
Lost my homework,
Neville

Person 2:
Neville,
50 points from Gryffindor,
Prof. Snape
------------------------
Prof. Snape
URA Ugly Git
Signed,
Not Fred and George.

See? Quite fun, really. Anywho, I'll start the first one and then the next person pick it up with Snape's reply and another question.

Dear Professor Snape,
I don't understand this P I got on my Potions final. I got every question right, sir! I can't get an P! You got it wrong, man! I do not get P's! Please change this grade.
Hermione Granger

thranduil · 11-10-2004, 06:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PippinTook

Dear Professor Snape,
I don't understand this P I got on my Potions final. I got every question right, sir! I can't get an P! You got it wrong, man! I do not get P's! Please change this grade.
Hermione Granger

Miss Granger. Obviously books arent everything. Knowing something doesnt mean you can do it. And you barely managed to get a P. 50 points from gryffindor for interrupting the lesson granger!

-So eh, snape, another year in er potions? Just cant' get tha DADA job can ya? -Rubeus Hagrid

Beren3000 · 11-10-2004, 07:11 AM

Hey, fun game!

Next morning, Hagrid found this anonymous note in his cottage:

"Go kiss a Hippogriff you

The following part of the note is censored

"

Hyia Snapey,
I've known you for the last 5 years and I can't help it anymore: I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU! So if you're interested in a date, meet me in the Slytherin common room at midnight. What do you say, muffin?
Secret admirer

**Nurvingiel** · 11-10-2004, 08:31 AM

Dear Fred and George,
You'd be surprised what you can use potions for, such as revealing the sender of an "anonymous" note. Maybe you can use one of your Puking Pastilles to get rid of the rash.
Professor Snape

Dear Professor Snape,
It is inappropriate to hex, poison, or cast any harmful spells on students. Fred and George are now recovered.
Minerva MacGonagall

Hey Harry,
Would you believe what that evil git Snape did to us!? If you want to join us in a prank meet us in the Astronomy tower tonight after dinner.
F&G

Telcontar_Dunedain · 11-10-2004, 12:46 PM

I thought we were only meant to do the one replying to the one above and one new letter!

Oh well!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nurvingiel

Hey Harry,
Would you believe what that evil git Snape did to us!? If you want to join us in a prank meet us in the Astronomy tower tonight after dinner.
F&G

Dear F&G
Great anything to annoy that evil git.
Harry.

Dear Mr. Filch
Mrs Norris has been murdered

To collect her corpse please come to my office.
Prof Macgonagall

PippinTook · 11-10-2004, 10:29 PM

This is great! I'm so glad some people have posted. Bleh, I would feel so stupid if nothing happened and I had to listen to the crickets.

A couple things. 1, the posts should all have 2 parts, one from snape and one to snape.
person 1:
Dear Fred and George,
Next time don't use your own scribbly handwriting when you write me love notes. 10 points from Gryffindor.
Snape
=================
Snape,
You forgot the vodka at the DE meeting, don't let it happen again!!
Wormtail

Ok, so the next person would reply to wormtail and then present a new question for snape. see? no more or less than 2 messages a post. Problem 2, its only supposed to be for snapey-poo, sorry Nurv, dear.

Alrighty, enough of sounding like a rule-maker rather than a rule-breaker! LETS PARTY. The next person can reply to the wormtail comment

The Sasquatch of Fangorn · 06-04-2008, 11:57 AM

Dear Snape-

How do I stop setting my eyebrows on fire?!

- S. Finnagin

Coffeehouse · 06-04-2008, 04:11 PM

Snape why u hatin' so much brotha?

Midge · 08-30-2008, 12:33 PM

Seamus,

First of all, quit pointing your wand at your face. If that doesn't work, go swimming often. If you're not sure it's YOU setting your eyebrows on fire, then shun all your friends and join what Muggles call a Monastery: a place where radically religious Muggles live the rest of their days in silence and celibacy. Do you know what "celibacy" means? Ask Ron Weasley, he's probably got it figured out. There are plenty of good monasteries in Southeast Asia; India, Burma, Taiwan, and the like. Hope I never see you again!

Your nothing-special-in-particular,
Professor Snape.

(Note: Going back in time because I had a good idea for a letter, probably first or second year).

Dear Sev,

Remember me? When we were little, you lived down at Spinner's End! You always liked Lily better than me, but I have an idea you might enjoy. You may or may not know this, but Lily's son, Harry, lives with my family and he is quite the bunion on my left foot. I give you full permission to torture him in any way possible. My husband and I are quite glad he's not here now, but we pity that school of his for having to put up with him now. I am not very creative, of course, but I can ask my husband (who's really quite imaginative) to come up with ways to agonize Harry should you ever run out.

I just wanted you to know that no matter what you do to him, as long as you don't kill him, I suppose, we are behind you 100 per cent. There will be no lawsuits with the school on account of us.

Greatest love,
Tuney.

Alec · 01-13-2014, 12:19 PM

Dear Tuney,
I will try my best to make his life terrible him but I was planning on doing it anyway.
Best wishes,
Snape

Dear Snape,
I need you to tell me were the grifendor common room is so I can curse Potter back.
Malfoy

Princess Fluttershy · 12-14-2015, 10:57 AM

Dear Prof. Snape,
You rarely notice me but i am paired up with Ron and he messed up our potion making him puke slugs is there a potion i can use to reverse the effects?
Aria

11-09-2004, 11:08 PM	#1
PippinTook The Infamous Tea Hobbit Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Riding my Attack Llama, CORY! Posts: 1,162	Ask Snape Column Okay, I saw this game on another Harry potter sight and it was hilarious, so I thought I would bring it here and see how it goes since I know there's a good HP following going on here. Anywho, the idea is students or other HP people write to snape and snape answers, so the first post would be such, "Prof. Snape, I lost my homework. Neville." (well, be more creative than that, lol) And then the next person posts Snape's reply and a new question for Snape. See? So it goes like this, Person 1: Prof. Snape Lost my homework, Neville Person 2: Neville, 50 points from Gryffindor, Prof. Snape ------------------------ Prof. Snape URA Ugly Git Signed, Not Fred and George. See? Quite fun, really. Anywho, I'll start the first one and then the next person pick it up with Snape's reply and another question. Dear Professor Snape, I don't understand this P I got on my Potions final. I got every question right, sir! I can't get an P! You got it wrong, man! I do not get P's! Please change this grade. Hermione Granger __________________ http://jupiter.walagata.com/w/shanakdakhete/svbf.gif If I can stop one heart from aching, I shall not live in vain. -Emily Dickinson But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd Never can quite understand The worth of a soul and the change that is wrought By the touch of the Master's hand. Though she be but little, she is fierce! -MSND

11-10-2004, 10:29 PM	#6
PippinTook The Infamous Tea Hobbit Join Date: Aug 2003 Location: Riding my Attack Llama, CORY! Posts: 1,162	This is great! I'm so glad some people have posted. Bleh, I would feel so stupid if nothing happened and I had to listen to the crickets. A couple things. 1, the posts should all have 2 parts, one from snape and one to snape. person 1: Dear Fred and George, Next time don't use your own scribbly handwriting when you write me love notes. 10 points from Gryffindor. Snape ================= Snape, You forgot the vodka at the DE meeting, don't let it happen again!! Wormtail Ok, so the next person would reply to wormtail and then present a new question for snape. see? no more or less than 2 messages a post. Problem 2, its only supposed to be for snapey-poo, sorry Nurv, dear. Alrighty, enough of sounding like a rule-maker rather than a rule-breaker! LETS PARTY. The next person can reply to the wormtail comment __________________ http://jupiter.walagata.com/w/shanakdakhete/svbf.gif If I can stop one heart from aching, I shall not live in vain. -Emily Dickinson But the Master comes, and the foolish crowd Never can quite understand The worth of a soul and the change that is wrought By the touch of the Master's hand. Though she be but little, she is fierce! -MSND

06-04-2008, 11:57 AM	#7
The Sasquatch of Fangorn The Co-president of Entmoot - The Half-Dwarven Guardian of the Ancient Forest Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: rexacoracophalifatoryx Posts: 1,405	Dear Snape- How do I stop setting my eyebrows on fire?! - S. Finnagin __________________ proud member of the republic of rexacoracophalifatoryx and it's sister planet clom. "she turned me into a newt!!........but I got better."-Monty Python and the holy grail. Thanks for breaking up the group Yoko!"- The reduced Shakespeare company. Fly Eagles fly, on the road to victory. Fight Eagles fight, score a touchdown 1-2-3. Hit 'em low, Hit 'em high, And we'll watch our Eagles fly. Fly Eagles fly on the road to victory.

06-04-2008, 04:11 PM	#8
Coffeehouse Entmoot Minister of Foreign Affairs Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Copenhagen Posts: 2,145	Snape why u hatin' so much brotha? __________________ "Well, thief! I smell you and I feel your air. I hear your breath. Come along! Help yourself again, there is plenty and to spare."

08-30-2008, 12:33 PM	#9
Midge Faithful Gardener Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: I walk here and there, they say... Posts: 3,603	Seamus, First of all, quit pointing your wand at your face. If that doesn't work, go swimming often. If you're not sure it's YOU setting your eyebrows on fire, then shun all your friends and join what Muggles call a Monastery: a place where radically religious Muggles live the rest of their days in silence and celibacy. Do you know what "celibacy" means? Ask Ron Weasley, he's probably got it figured out. There are plenty of good monasteries in Southeast Asia; India, Burma, Taiwan, and the like. Hope I never see you again! Your nothing-special-in-particular, Professor Snape. (Note: Going back in time because I had a good idea for a letter, probably first or second year). Dear Sev, Remember me? When we were little, you lived down at Spinner's End! You always liked Lily better than me, but I have an idea you might enjoy. You may or may not know this, but Lily's son, Harry, lives with my family and he is quite the bunion on my left foot. I give you full permission to torture him in any way possible. My husband and I are quite glad he's not here now, but we pity that school of his for having to put up with him now. I am not very creative, of course, but I can ask my husband (who's really quite imaginative) to come up with ways to agonize Harry should you ever run out. I just wanted you to know that no matter what you do to him, as long as you don't kill him, I suppose, we are behind you 100 per cent. There will be no lawsuits with the school on account of us. Greatest love, Tuney. __________________ In God I trust, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 56:11 "Starbuck, what do you hear?" "Nothin' but the rain, sir!" "Then grab your gun and bring in the cat." Make sure to check out the C.S. Lewis forum. Game threads, movie and book discussions and more! Last edited by Midge : 08-30-2008 at 01:29 PM.

01-13-2014, 12:19 PM	#10
Alec Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2014 Location: USA until I find ME, than I will be roaming ME on a black steed Posts: 109	Dear Tuney, I will try my best to make his life terrible him but I was planning on doing it anyway. Best wishes, Snape Dear Snape, I need you to tell me were the grifendor common room is so I can curse Potter back. Malfoy

12-14-2015, 10:57 AM	#11
Princess Fluttershy Hobbit Join Date: Oct 2015 Location: Equestria Posts: 44	Dear Prof. Snape, You rarely notice me but i am paired up with Ron and he messed up our potion making him puke slugs is there a potion i can use to reverse the effects? Aria Last edited by Princess Fluttershy : 12-14-2015 at 11:00 AM. Reason: Misspelled

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