Ask Gollum

Elessar the Elfstone · 05-13-2005, 05:07 PM

This is acctually in the Harry Potter section as an ask Snape collum and I thought it was Gr8 so I decided to take it upon myself to start an ask gollum one.

what you do is someone posts a question or letter for gollum or smegol and then another person posts gollum's answer so it may go something like this:

someone would post a question:
To Gollum

my friend thinks you have a funny voice

from ellesar

another poster would quote this question and answer it like this:

Gollum: what do you mean preciouses we do not have a funny voicessss precious

Smegol: we do a little bit preciousess

Gollum: we do notsses

we do notsses

precious, tell your friendsesss that she is a stupid fat hobbit preciousses

etc etc etc

what do people think I will post a starter question for gollum, someone else answer it!

Elessar the Elfstone · 05-13-2005, 05:10 PM

to gollum

why doesn't sam trust you?

from
ellesar the elfstone

Lotesse · 05-13-2005, 07:20 PM

Gollum: Because he's a stupid, fat hobbit who makes up nassty liesss...

Smeagol: Sam is just jealous, preciousss, yesss, jealousss of all the attention that Smeagol gets from master. Sam wishes he could get as much attention from masster, doesn't he, preciousss?

Gollum: No, precious, it's just because he is a stupid, fat --

Smeagol: Stop saying that, preciousss, it bothers us to hear it conssstantly.

Lotesse · 05-13-2005, 08:49 PM

To: Master Frodo Baggins

From: Smeagol (Gollum!Gollum!)

Dear Master, Why does Sam hates poor Smeagol? What has Smeagol ever done to him? If you tells him to go away for a while, maybe we could have some quality time alone together; Smeagol knows this relaxxing place in Ithilien with great fissshing and relative seclusssion, so we won'ts be bothered. RSVP

Elessar the Elfstone · 05-14-2005, 04:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lotesse

To: Master Frodo Baggins

From: Smeagol (Gollum!Gollum!)

Dear Master, Why does Sam hates poor Smeagol? What has Smeagol ever done to him? If you tells him to go away for a while, maybe we could have some quality time alone together; Smeagol knows this relaxxing place in Ithilien with great fissshing and relative seclusssion, so we won'ts be bothered. RSVP

to smeagol
I'm not sure is I can, with the ring being such a burden, but maybee I am due in for a relax maybee your right maybee Sam is out to get you, maybee he is going to take THE RING
from
Frodo

Jon S. · 05-15-2005, 10:52 PM

To Gollum:

Even a Ringbearing cave dweller needs vitamins to survive - you can't be living just on fish, what the heck else are you eating?!

Lotesse · 05-16-2005, 05:03 PM

To: Anonymous Letter-Writer
From: Gollum
Re: My Eating Habits

Dear Anonymousss,
Wouldn't YOU likes to know, Prreciousss? Hobbitses-that's what we eats. Otherwise, we keeps it a secret from anonymoussss strangers, we do. (gollum!gollum!)

CrazySquirrel · 05-20-2005, 09:58 AM

To: Gollum
From: The Dark lord Sauron
cc: The Nine

WHY HAVE YOU, LITTLE SLIMY CREATURE, WITHHELD THE RING FROM ITS RIGHTFUL LORD?

Lotesse · 05-27-2005, 12:01 AM

To: Mr. D. L.Sauron
From: The offices of Fish, Fishy and Fishier representing Mr. S. Gollum
Re: Rightful ownership of One Ring

Mr. Sauron, We are writing to you on behalf of our client Mr. S. Gollum, in regards to One Ring in question. I believe, sir, you may be aware of the "finders keepers losers weepers" law of property ownership which prevails in all the provinces of Middle-Earth. In addition, possession is 9/10ths of the law; therefore, as you do not now possess said Ring ,which we might remind you, you also lost in the first place, it follows that the One Ring in question now belongs to our client, Mr.S. Gollum. If you should attempt to forcibly remove said One Ring from our client's legal holding, we will use extreme methods to both protect its bearer, and to prevent One Ring from becoming unlawfully obtained.
Sincerely, Fish, Fishy and Fishier, Attorneys-At-Law

Lotesse · 05-27-2005, 03:15 PM

To: Massster
From: Smeagol (gollum!gollum!)

Dear Massster,
Smeagol wantsss to know if Master can lends us sssome money, we needs to
pay our attorneyss feesss, because - because - (gollum!GOLLum!) because we are helpsing the MASSSter, yes we are, precious, HELping the Master by pretending WE has the Precious, now that wicked, tricksy Mr. Sauron is trying to TAKES it from us, and all Smeagol wants to do is helps the Master - of the Precious. Can we borrows some money?

P.S. If Master does not CARE that we be threatened by those nasssty Nine, if Master does not CARE that we be in danger, maybe Smea-Gollum!Gollum! will tell that tricksy Sauron who REAlly has the Preciousss right now...

Gordis · 05-27-2005, 03:39 PM

To: The offices of Fish, Fishy and Fishier representing Mr. S. Gollum <fish@mmountains.com>
From: The Mouth of Sauron, Secretary of HM the Dark Lord <mouth@baraddur.gov>
Cc: The Nine <nazgul@morgul.gov>
Re: Rightful ownership of One Ring

Dear Mr. Fish, Fishy and Fishier,

You are hereby requested to present yourselves along with your client and the One Ring to the Supreme Court, BaradDur, GorgorShire, Mordor, no later than a week from now, to discuss the legal issues of the said ring ownership with Lord Sauron's legal representatives W.K. d'Angmar and Associates.

For His Majesty Lord Sauron

Sincerely,
Mouth

Last Child of Ungoliant · 05-27-2005, 06:58 PM

My Dearest Gollum,

What secretas do you have to remove fish scales from your fangs, and which is better, goblin meat or fishesss?

Yours Truly

Gondros of Tol Falas

Butterbeer · 05-27-2005, 07:03 PM

To: The offices of Fish, Fishy and Fishier representing Mr. S. Gollum <fish@mmountains.com>

From: Plaice, Haddock and Cod Asssociates of Anduin Vale
representing HRH The Witch King <no1nazgul@morgul.gov>

Cc: EntmootIFfraternity@yourhavingalaugh.com

Re: Rightful ownership of One Ring

Dear Mr. Fish, Fishy and Fishier, in a spirit of conciliation my client the former Witch King of Angmar and 500 time winner of the Biggest leek and funniest carrot contest (Angmar & the North Division) offers to hold in trust the said Ring and will act on your behalf against Said Claimant Mr D.L. Sauron Esq.

Looking forward to your reply

Insincerely yours

Messrs Plaice, Haddock and Cod

Last Child of Ungoliant · 05-27-2005, 07:10 PM

To: The offices of Plaice, Haddock and Cod Asssociates of Anduin Vale
representing HRH The Witch King <no1nazgul@morgul.gov>
From: Elf Lords Inc., representing the Lady Galadriel, the Lord Feanor, and Supreme Overlord Sauron <white.council@mordor.org>

Dear Sirs,

My clients, the Great Lords of the West, would like to re-inform you of your client's allegiance to our client, Mr D L Sauron, who is Supreme Overlord of Arda, with His Lieutenants, The Lord Feanor and Lady Galadriel, and would you please inform your client of his duty to reclaim this trinket, this smallest of rings, to pass back to Him.

Yours Truly,

The Rt. Hon. F Felagund Esq. MC
representing Elf Lords Inc.

Gordis · 05-28-2005, 06:52 AM

To: Mr. S. Gollum Esc. <fish@mmountains.com>
From: Saruman The Multicolored, Lord of Isengard <saruman@orthanc.org>
Subject: Your legal problems

Dearest Mr. Gollum,

It has recently come to my knowledge that certain very powerful persons were questioning Your undeniable right to possess the Ring commonly known as "the One". As Your friend and a stalwart defender of the Civil Rights I must warn You of the great danger of the situation both for Yourself and Your Legal Representatives. Beware of Sauron, the self-styled Lord of Arda, his evil minion W.K. d'Angmar (also known as "the Witch-King" or "Witchy"), as well as the self-appointed "White Counsil" led by an evil witch Galadriel (known also as "The White Lady" or "The Lady of the Golden Wood". All these persons only wish to seize Your Precious.

I, Saruman, Lord of Isengard, hereby promise you my assistance in this matter, including a shelter in my impregnable tower of Orthanc, holding in trust the One Ring as well as a FREE legal representation by my attorneys Messrs. Poisson and Wormtongue.

Considering the imminent danger of Your present situation, I am sending my trusted Secret Service agent Codename Crebain to lead you to Isengard safely.

Looking forward to meet You soon,

Your only Friend,
Saruman the Multicolored, Lord of Isengard.

Last Child of Ungoliant · 05-28-2005, 07:01 AM

To: Saruman The Multicolored, Lord of Isengard <saruman@orthanc.org>
From: Elf Lords Inc., representing the Lady Galadriel, the Lord Feanor, and Supreme Overlord Sauron <white.council@mordor.org>
Subject: Resignation from the White Council <http://www.mordor.org/WhiteCouncil>

Dear Sir,

My Clients, the White Council, have accepted your resignation from the afore mentioned 'White Council', and ask that you do not hinder their activities in the Vale of Anduin, particularly the activities of their servant, Khamul of Dol Guldur, and the Lieutenant-General, Lady Galadriel of West Dol Guldur (Formerly Lothlorien)

Sincerely

The Rt. Hon. F Felagund Esq. MC
representing Elf Lords Inc.

Gordis · 05-28-2005, 08:37 AM

From: Smeagol Gollum
To: The Fisher God
Subject: Prayer

Oh mighty Fisher God! Hear uss pour wretchesss! Gollum! We are lossst, losst! GOLLUM Gollum! We losst the Preciousss! They wants uss, the nasssty onesss! The nasty wraithsess and witchesesss! They all wants the Preciousss! Gollum! They will tear uss to piecesss and eat uss! Gollum! Help uss!

Gordis · 05-28-2005, 08:43 AM

From: Ulmo <ulmo@valinor.com>
To: Mr. S. Gollum
Re: your prayer

Dear Mr. Gollum,
Your prayer has been heard and will be acted upon.
Lord Ulmo

Last Child of Ungoliant · 05-28-2005, 09:35 AM

From: Manwe, Lord of Arda <taniquetil.manwe@valinor.com>
To: Ulmo, Lord of Waters <ulmo@valinor.com>

Hey, bruv, stop messing about in M-E, Me and Varda are having a party, and Ingwe is already drunk!!
Manwe

me9996 · 05-28-2005, 11:09 AM

Dear Smegol/Gollem:

Why do you think so much of Shelob?

Sencerly Gandalf T. Gray

05-13-2005, 05:07 PM	#1
Elessar the Elfstone Enting Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Usually located Bree Inn of the prancing pony Posts: 59	Ask Gollum This is acctually in the Harry Potter section as an ask Snape collum and I thought it was Gr8 so I decided to take it upon myself to start an ask gollum one. what you do is someone posts a question or letter for gollum or smegol and then another person posts gollum's answer so it may go something like this: someone would post a question: To Gollum my friend thinks you have a funny voice from ellesar another poster would quote this question and answer it like this: Gollum: what do you mean preciouses we do not have a funny voicessss precious Smegol: we do a little bit preciousess Gollum: we do notsses we do notsses precious, tell your friendsesss that she is a stupid fat hobbit preciousses etc etc etc what do people think I will post a starter question for gollum, someone else answer it!

05-13-2005, 07:20 PM	#3
Lotesse of the House of Fëanor Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,150	Gollum: Because he's a stupid, fat hobbit who makes up nassty liesss... Smeagol: Sam is just jealous, preciousss, yesss, jealousss of all the attention that Smeagol gets from master. Sam wishes he could get as much attention from masster, doesn't he, preciousss? Gollum: No, precious, it's just because he is a stupid, fat -- Smeagol: Stop saying that, preciousss, it bothers us to hear it conssstantly. __________________ Few people have the imagination for reality. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

05-13-2005, 08:49 PM	#4
Lotesse of the House of Fëanor Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,150	To: Master Frodo Baggins From: Smeagol (Gollum!Gollum!) Dear Master, Why does Sam hates poor Smeagol? What has Smeagol ever done to him? If you tells him to go away for a while, maybe we could have some quality time alone together; Smeagol knows this relaxxing place in Ithilien with great fissshing and relative seclusssion, so we won'ts be bothered. RSVP __________________ Few people have the imagination for reality. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

05-16-2005, 05:03 PM	#7
Lotesse of the House of Fëanor Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,150	To: Anonymous Letter-Writer From: Gollum Re: My Eating Habits Dear Anonymousss, Wouldn't YOU likes to know, Prreciousss? Hobbitses-that's what we eats. Otherwise, we keeps it a secret from anonymoussss strangers, we do. (gollum!gollum!) __________________ Few people have the imagination for reality. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

05-27-2005, 12:01 AM	#9
Lotesse of the House of Fëanor Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,150	To: Mr. D. L.Sauron From: The offices of Fish, Fishy and Fishier representing Mr. S. Gollum Re: Rightful ownership of One Ring Mr. Sauron, We are writing to you on behalf of our client Mr. S. Gollum, in regards to One Ring in question. I believe, sir, you may be aware of the "finders keepers losers weepers" law of property ownership which prevails in all the provinces of Middle-Earth. In addition, possession is 9/10ths of the law; therefore, as you do not now possess said Ring ,which we might remind you, you also lost in the first place, it follows that the One Ring in question now belongs to our client, Mr.S. Gollum. If you should attempt to forcibly remove said One Ring from our client's legal holding, we will use extreme methods to both protect its bearer, and to prevent One Ring from becoming unlawfully obtained. Sincerely, Fish, Fishy and Fishier, Attorneys-At-Law __________________ Few people have the imagination for reality. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Last edited by Lotesse : 05-27-2005 at 12:26 AM.

05-13-2005, 05:10 PM	#2
Elessar the Elfstone Enting Join Date: Mar 2003 Location: Usually located Bree Inn of the prancing pony Posts: 59	to gollum why doesn't sam trust you? from ellesar the elfstone

05-15-2005, 10:52 PM	#6
Jon S. Elven Warrior Join Date: Dec 2004 Posts: 455	To Gollum: Even a Ringbearing cave dweller needs vitamins to survive - you can't be living just on fish, what the heck else are you eating?!

05-20-2005, 09:58 AM	#8
CrazySquirrel Shape-shifting, men-grabbing NAZGUL Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Mirkwood Posts: 796	To: Gollum From: The Dark lord Sauron cc: The Nine WHY HAVE YOU, LITTLE SLIMY CREATURE, WITHHELD THE RING FROM ITS RIGHTFUL LORD?

05-27-2005, 03:15 PM	#10
Lotesse of the House of Fëanor Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 6,150	To: Massster From: Smeagol (gollum!gollum!) Dear Massster, Smeagol wantsss to know if Master can lends us sssome money, we needs to pay our attorneyss feesss, because - because - (gollum!GOLLum!) because we are helpsing the MASSSter, yes we are, precious, HELping the Master by pretending WE has the Precious, now that wicked, tricksy Mr. Sauron is trying to TAKES it from us, and all Smeagol wants to do is helps the Master - of the Precious. Can we borrows some money? P.S. If Master does not CARE that we be threatened by those nasssty Nine, if Master does not CARE that we be in danger, maybe Smea-Gollum!Gollum! will tell that tricksy Sauron who REAlly has the Preciousss right now... __________________ Few people have the imagination for reality. ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Last edited by Lotesse : 05-27-2005 at 03:22 PM.

05-27-2005, 03:39 PM	#11
Gordis Lady of the Ulairi Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Minas Morgul Posts: 2,783	To: The offices of Fish, Fishy and Fishier representing Mr. S. Gollum <fish@mmountains.com> From: The Mouth of Sauron, Secretary of HM the Dark Lord <mouth@baraddur.gov> Cc: The Nine <nazgul@morgul.gov> Re: Rightful ownership of One Ring Dear Mr. Fish, Fishy and Fishier, You are hereby requested to present yourselves along with your client and the One Ring to the Supreme Court, BaradDur, GorgorShire, Mordor, no later than a week from now, to discuss the legal issues of the said ring ownership with Lord Sauron's legal representatives W.K. d'Angmar and Associates. For His Majesty Lord Sauron Sincerely, Mouth

05-27-2005, 06:58 PM	#12
Last Child of Ungoliant The Intermittent One Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: here and there Posts: 4,671	My Dearest Gollum, What secretas do you have to remove fish scales from your fangs, and which is better, goblin meat or fishesss? Yours Truly Gondros of Tol Falas

05-27-2005, 07:03 PM	#13
Butterbeer Elf Lord Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: here and there Posts: 3,514	To: The offices of Fish, Fishy and Fishier representing Mr. S. Gollum <fish@mmountains.com> From: Plaice, Haddock and Cod Asssociates of Anduin Vale representing HRH The Witch King <no1nazgul@morgul.gov> Cc: EntmootIFfraternity@yourhavingalaugh.com Re: Rightful ownership of One Ring Dear Mr. Fish, Fishy and Fishier, in a spirit of conciliation my client the former Witch King of Angmar and 500 time winner of the Biggest leek and funniest carrot contest (Angmar & the North Division) offers to hold in trust the said Ring and will act on your behalf against Said Claimant Mr D.L. Sauron Esq. Looking forward to your reply Insincerely yours Messrs Plaice, Haddock and Cod

05-27-2005, 07:10 PM	#14
Last Child of Ungoliant The Intermittent One Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: here and there Posts: 4,671	To: The offices of Plaice, Haddock and Cod Asssociates of Anduin Vale representing HRH The Witch King <no1nazgul@morgul.gov> From: Elf Lords Inc., representing the Lady Galadriel, the Lord Feanor, and Supreme Overlord Sauron <white.council@mordor.org> Dear Sirs, My clients, the Great Lords of the West, would like to re-inform you of your client's allegiance to our client, Mr D L Sauron, who is Supreme Overlord of Arda, with His Lieutenants, The Lord Feanor and Lady Galadriel, and would you please inform your client of his duty to reclaim this trinket, this smallest of rings, to pass back to Him. Yours Truly, The Rt. Hon. F Felagund Esq. MC representing Elf Lords Inc.

05-28-2005, 06:52 AM	#15
Gordis Lady of the Ulairi Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Minas Morgul Posts: 2,783	To: Mr. S. Gollum Esc. <fish@mmountains.com> From: Saruman The Multicolored, Lord of Isengard <saruman@orthanc.org> Subject: Your legal problems Dearest Mr. Gollum, It has recently come to my knowledge that certain very powerful persons were questioning Your undeniable right to possess the Ring commonly known as "the One". As Your friend and a stalwart defender of the Civil Rights I must warn You of the great danger of the situation both for Yourself and Your Legal Representatives. Beware of Sauron, the self-styled Lord of Arda, his evil minion W.K. d'Angmar (also known as "the Witch-King" or "Witchy"), as well as the self-appointed "White Counsil" led by an evil witch Galadriel (known also as "The White Lady" or "The Lady of the Golden Wood". All these persons only wish to seize Your Precious. I, Saruman, Lord of Isengard, hereby promise you my assistance in this matter, including a shelter in my impregnable tower of Orthanc, holding in trust the One Ring as well as a FREE legal representation by my attorneys Messrs. Poisson and Wormtongue. Considering the imminent danger of Your present situation, I am sending my trusted Secret Service agent Codename Crebain to lead you to Isengard safely. Looking forward to meet You soon, Your only Friend, Saruman the Multicolored, Lord of Isengard.

05-28-2005, 07:01 AM	#16
Last Child of Ungoliant The Intermittent One Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: here and there Posts: 4,671	To: Saruman The Multicolored, Lord of Isengard <saruman@orthanc.org> From: Elf Lords Inc., representing the Lady Galadriel, the Lord Feanor, and Supreme Overlord Sauron <white.council@mordor.org> Subject: Resignation from the White Council <http://www.mordor.org/WhiteCouncil> Dear Sir, My Clients, the White Council, have accepted your resignation from the afore mentioned 'White Council', and ask that you do not hinder their activities in the Vale of Anduin, particularly the activities of their servant, Khamul of Dol Guldur, and the Lieutenant-General, Lady Galadriel of West Dol Guldur (Formerly Lothlorien) Sincerely The Rt. Hon. F Felagund Esq. MC representing Elf Lords Inc.

05-28-2005, 08:37 AM	#17
Gordis Lady of the Ulairi Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Minas Morgul Posts: 2,783	From: Smeagol Gollum To: The Fisher God Subject: Prayer Oh mighty Fisher God! Hear uss pour wretchesss! Gollum! We are lossst, losst! GOLLUM Gollum! We losst the Preciousss! They wants uss, the nasssty onesss! The nasty wraithsess and witchesesss! They all wants the Preciousss! Gollum! They will tear uss to piecesss and eat uss! Gollum! Help uss!

05-28-2005, 08:43 AM	#18
Gordis Lady of the Ulairi Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Minas Morgul Posts: 2,783	From: Ulmo <ulmo@valinor.com> To: Mr. S. Gollum Re: your prayer Dear Mr. Gollum, Your prayer has been heard and will be acted upon. Lord Ulmo

05-28-2005, 09:35 AM	#19
Last Child of Ungoliant The Intermittent One Join Date: Feb 2004 Location: here and there Posts: 4,671	From: Manwe, Lord of Arda <taniquetil.manwe@valinor.com> To: Ulmo, Lord of Waters <ulmo@valinor.com> Hey, bruv, stop messing about in M-E, Me and Varda are having a party, and Ingwe is already drunk!! Manwe

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