Lyrd Of The Ryngs - The Homies

[Grey_Wolf]

"Yes, the 'clean-lift' did help a lot." Aragorn said.

"I am sorry for having to leave Bill the Quad behind." Sam said."I hope he'll manage to drive back to Rivendell in safety."

"You needn't worry, I programmed him for a safe return since I figured we wouldn't be able to take him into Moria." said Gandalf.

"Gandalf, did you know about that horrid thing in the Lake?" Frodo asked."I felt it, somehow, when I walked through that creek emtying into the Lake."

"No, I didn't." said Gandalf, simply, walking carefully along the dusky tunnel, the shining tip of his staff barely lighting up so much of the floor that he saw where he was going."But there are older and fouler things in the deep places of the world."

Boromir muttered under his breath, but the echoing stone magnified the sound to a hoarse whisper that all could hear:
"In the deep places of the world! And thither we are going against my wish."

"With Gimli as my aid we'll get through so I don't think you need whorry." Gandalf said."

As the Wizard walked ahead they came to an ancient non-functioning escalator which they had to walk up. They counted three hundred steps before they came to the first platform. In the faint light of the staff they saw the old posters for the Dwarven Metalworks and The Elven Smiths of Hollin alternating along the walls.

"Let us sit and rest and have something to eat, here on the platform, since we can't find a dining-room!" Frodo said. He had begun shaking off the horror of the Rasta-Monster and suddenly felt very hungry.

The proposal was welcomed by all: and they sat down on the couches placed along the platform, dim figures in the gloom. After they had eaten some of the MRE's, Gandalf gave them a third sip of Energy.

"It will not last much longer, I'm afraid." he said."But I think we'll need it after the Horror of the Gate. And unless we have great luck, we'll need all that is left before we see the other side! Go carefully with the Evian, too! There are many old taps in the Subway, but they should not be touched. We may not have a chance of filling our bottles till we come down into Dimrill Dale."

"How long is it going to take us?" asked Frodo.

"I cannot say." answered Gandalf."The Main Line stretches for about 40 miles from the Western Doors to the Eastern Gates. But going straight, without mishap or losing our way, we'll do it in about three or four marches, I espect."

[Nurvingiel]

"If the Subway was working, of course it would be a matter of minutes," said Aragorn. "But alas, I'm afraid that it is no longer operational." He placed a hand comfortingly on Gimli's shoulder. Gimli looked downcast, realizing the implications of Aragorn's words, that until now he was not ready to accept.
Pippin grabbed Aragorn's hand. "Pippin, if you start singing 'Dancing in the Dark' one more time, I'm going to give you a root canal with Narsil, if you take my meaning."
"No it's not that. I went a bit ahead and there's a huge gap in the walkway! I can't even see the other side!"
"I saw the other side," said Legolas, "I estimate it's no more than two meters."
"Estimate!!? Two meters!!?" Pippin spazzed.
"Yeah, that's huge!" Sam trailed off, swearing. "But I see now that you were right to send Bill back Gandalf. But what about the Wigs? If they chase him... they're a fearsome and relentless biker gang."
"Don't worry Sam, Bill has a better chance of making it safely back to Rivendell than we do," said Gandalf comfortingly.
"That's... not comforting at all..." Sam said, disturbed.
"Alright guys, let's cross this gap! Just take a running start, you can do it!" Aragorn encouraged.
"I'll go first," Boromir said bravely. He took a run, and lept neatly accross the gap.
"I'll go," said Gimli.
"Ooh, how are you going to do it decked out in all that fearsome armour and axes and what not," teased Legolas.
"Eat my shorts nancy-boy. Watch and learn," said Gimli, taking a run and easily clearing the gap, armour and all. Legolas followed him nimbly, and Gandalf also seemed to have no trouble.
"Now it's just us Hobbits," said Aragorn.
"No duh Sherlock," said Sam sarcastically, still bitter about the loss of Bill.
Aragorn ignored him. "You can see the light from Gandalf's staff, just jump for that."

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Pippin and Merry made the jump first, clearing it by about a meter. Then Sam ran at the gap but stopped just short. He walked towards Aragorn and whispered.
"Umm, Mr Strider. Could throw me acroos please? I'm not the nimblest of hobbits, or the slimest, and as my old Gaffer says 'Better safe than sorry.'"
Aragorn smiled and picked Sam up and threw him across where he was caught by Gandalf. Frodo then cleared the gap with ease followed by Aragorn.

[Grey_Wolf]

When they had jumped over the gap they continued for several hours until they came to yet another platform where they spent the night.
In the morning (which they only could tell by pushing the glow-button on their Casio-watches), Gandalf handed out their breakfast.
"I have here some Hovis. I, at least, am a bit sick of these MRE US Army leftovers so I hope they'll do."

"And here, have some Gainomax Recovery, the protein will do you good."

"Jolly good." the hobbits said after having a bite and a sip.

"Even better than Lembas from the Rivendell Bakeries." said Legolas.

"What do you know about pastry?" Gimli countered derisively, thinking dreamily about the products of The Lonely Skyscraper's excellent cooks and bakers.

"Anything Dwarves can do Elves can do better" Legolas sang even more derisively.

"Well, have at you, you elven pancy!!" Gimli screamed, clenching his fists.

"Now, now, boys, take it easy. We're all in the same gang here, aren't we? This infighting won't do either of you any good." said Aragorn.

[Nurvingiel]

Legolas and Gimli continued to glare daggers at each other.
"You two really need to deal with this animosity," said Gandalf, "Because in battle you will depend on each other."
"Don't worry, I won't let him die."
"I'll be sure to save his life," said Gimli and Legolas at pretty much the same time. However, they stopped arguing, both thinking that they had had the last word.
"Come on, about ten more minutes along is a Journey's Friend kiosk. We can camp there for the night," said Gandalf. "If my memory serves correctly..." he said more quietly.
"What was that?" said Sam.
"Erm... nothing..."
The Homies continued to the kiosk, which they found abandonned, and sadly, not even an old packet of crisps on the shelves. The kiosk had tall windows all around, some of them smashed. There was a broken payphone inside, and an empty (Sam checked) cash register on the grimy counter. It was situated on a wide platform, and Pippin discovered a deep, dark hole behind the kiosk. He peered over the edge cautiously, unable to see the bottom.
"What are you doing?" said Gandalf, crossly.
"Erm... just wondering what this was," said Pippin sheepishly.
"There must have been a loo there at one point."
Pippin backed away, disturbed, but his curiosity remained.


OOC: Just to keep up the British references...

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

While everyone was unpacking and laying out lilo's and slleping bags Pippin wandered over to the toilet. Although he didn't need to go he felt fascinated by it and before anyone had noticed where he was he pulled the flush, expecting it not to work. Unfortunatly for Pippin it did. A loud noise echoed through the kiosk.
"Fool of a Took," said Ganalf hurrying over. The CCTV cameras are usually left un watched but because of your flush I fear that they will be kept under close surveillance now."

[Thain Peregrin Took I]

OOC: I hope no one minds if I join...

Pippin, discouraged by that fact that even flushing a toilet made Gandalf mad, walked over to his blanket. On the way, he passed by Gandalf's sleeping spot, and noticed that he had left a very valuable questionaly shaped carrot lying around.

"Messy fellow, Gandalf." he said to himself, and tuning around, he tossed it right into the toilet. He gulped when the toilet started making nasty sounding gurgles because the carrot had clogged it up. Gandalf ran up to it and yelled "What the heck is going on?!?"

Pippin looked at his feet, and whispered that he had tossed the carrot into the toilet.

"Fool of a Took!" Gandalf said fo rthe second time in 2 minutes. "Now, because you were such an idiot, you get the first watch!"

Pip gulped, and said "B-but it was your questionably shaped carrot!"

Gandalf started to cry, and everyone took off any hats or hood they and on, and quietly hummed a funeral song. When they finished, they all put their hats back on, and Gandalf, turning to Pippin, said "Now go and take your watch!"

Pippin slowly mad his way to his post, while Gandalf sat down and mourned for the loss of his questionably shaped carrot. After a while, he came and relived Pippin, saying "You go get some sleep. I can't sleep, after the loss of my carrot--" he said, and Gandalf took of his grey hat while both hummed the funeral song again. Pippin went back to his little sleeping spot, and the last he saw before falling asleep (which took awhile, as Boromir snored very loud) was Gandalf sitting all hunched up, and smoking his pipe.

OOC: How was that for a first time ever doing a RPG? I know I didn't take some of the quotes directly from the book, because I did it by memory.

[Grey_Wolf]

The next "morning" they all awoke at the same time. Gandalf had let them sleep all through "night".

"I've used the plentyful time to try to remember my last visit." he said.

At the further end of the platform there was three tunnels.
One descending, one going straight ahead and one accending. The ancient rusting rails where still there.

"I don't like the one to the left, descending one and not the accending one to the right. I think we should take the middle one going straight ahead. It has a good feel to it and we still have a long way to go."

They all stuffed their sleeping bags and whatever things they had brought out and followed Gandalf into the middlemost tunnel.

"This should lead to the Grand Central Station where we might find Balin still alive and well with his company."

OCC: An Official Welcome to tpt1. Welcome to the wonderful world of the Lyrd.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

OOC: TPT1 that was great.

Before Gandalf walked away from the door he put his hand on his heart and said,
"O questionably shaped carrot. How I mourn your death. If ever it is within my power to return I will do so and find your remains."
Gandalf then led them into a room at the end of a corridor. It seemed to Frodo that they had walked into an indoor cememtry. In the middle of the room there was a rather large and extravegent tomb stone. Frodo walked up to it and looked at the letters carved into the side.
"There are letters here, yet I have only reache grade 5 in my elvish. This is beyond my skill to read," he said to the Company as Gandalf walked over.
"The words read Here lies [I]Balin sonof Fudin. Lord of Moria,/I]" said Gandalf.

[Grey_Wolf]

"He is dead then. I feared as much." said Gimli.

Meanwhile, the others where looking at a table closeby which contained a still functioning portable computor.

"Hey, Gandalf, will you come and have look at this."

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Book 2.5: The Bridge of Khazad-Dûm

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Gandalf walked over and touched the mouse so the screen no longer had a screensaver reading 'They are coming'. Gandalf noticed that a word document was open and the mouse had been hovering over the save icon.
"This document recalls the dwarves fortunes in Moria," said Gandalf after about 5 minutes. "I will not read it all as it is grim reading, but here is the end part. 'They are coming. They have taken the bridge and the lower levels. We cannot get out, they are coming. Floi was slain by an arrow defending the bridge. Then came he shadow of fire. He must have been the security guard. He had a name badge engulfed in terrible flames, it was Durin's Bane. None could withstand his fire, for we have not the skills in hat making as out forefathers of Belegost. They are coming. The end is near. We cannot get out. They are coming.'"

[Thain Peregrin Took I]

Merry and Pippin tried to look over Gandalf's shoulder to read it, though they failed, since they were rather shorter than he was, so they settled for look at it from under his arms, which wasn't a pleasent experience.

"It must have been ages since you wore deodorent, Gandalf!" said Pippin, as he held his nose. "I think I might lose my breakfast..."

"Well, if you must barf, don't do it on me. These are my 'broken-in' clothes. My other ones are too starched. And, for your information, it's only been about, oh say, 50 years since I've worn deorderand."

This made Pip really fell like losing his breakfast, so he did so on Sam, since he was the one who had gotten bafed on least in the past experience. Sam got really ticked off by this, as he also was wearing his broken-in clothes, so he upchucked on Pip in return.

Suddenly, Gandalf yelled "STOP! Right now we really don't need to be found out by anyone who is here by them smelling us out."

"But, you haven't worn---" Sam began, but was soon cut off by Gandalf. "just hush up!" he yelled, and glared at both with such a long, mean glare, that Pippin gave out a little squeak like a mouse, and hid behind Merry, who was now standing over by Aragorn. Merry pushed Pippin out of the way, and whispered "Would you rather tell Legolas that his hairline is receeding, or suck it up and tell Gandalf to stop picking on you?"

Pippin looke at Merry and said "Tell Legolas that his hairline is reeceding..."

"Well, then go do it!"

Pippin ran upp to Legolas and tugged at his shirt. Legolas looked down at him, and said "Is there something you wanted to say?"

Pippin nodded, and in one breath, said "Legolas, you're hairline is reeceding."

Legolas' eyes went all big, and he ran around franticly in search of some water to look at himself in. When he found some his eyes went bigger, and he yelled "It's true! I do have a reeceding hairline! it's almost as sad as the loss of the questionably shaped carrot!" Everyone put their hands on their hearts, and said in unison "May it rest in peace."

Legolas went to have another look at himself, when he said "Hey-- this puddle is yellow." Everyone looked at each other in disgust, until Aragorn said "What?! Did you expect me to pee in my pants? I gotta go somewhere..."
Legolas stared at Aragorn, then the puddle, then back at Aragorn before slowly stepping away form both. Aragorn's cheeks went red with embarresment, but he said nothing.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

The ORC Unionists, having noticed the unused toilet had recently been fluched, had called an extraordinary meeting of the committee, "Well," said the secretary "It seems that our unwelcome visitors have been using company property, and yet have refused to join the union, we msut stamp out these capitalist pig-dogs, we are coming" he screamed, in his most propagandist voice, Barry Rog just nodded, stood up and walked up the stairs, followed by hundreds of ORC members, clashing their shields and waving their notices

[Grey_Wolf]

Suddenly, they heard ferocious stamping coming up from behind a side-door.

"They are coming." said Gandalf and rushed over to check who actually was coming, he opened the door slightly.
"It's the ORC unionists trying to make us join them. Everybody, find whatever you can to jam the door shut."

They rushed about for pieces of wood and metal to hinder the opening the door.

From behind the door there came: BOOM, BOOM, DOOM BOOM and the shouts of the ORC's.

"There's something else coming with them. Let me check."
said Gandalf.

He opened the door and held it open a little more and took a peek. He sprang back as a sharp stone whistled past him into the room. He shut the door quickly and the rest of the Homies barricaded the door with metal and wood they had found in the room.

BOOM, DOOOM, BOOOM, DOOOOM, DOOOM there came again from behind the door, shaking it.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"The assistant security guard," said Gandalf, unsheathing his soldering iron and getting out a fresh reel of solder. "Maybe one, perhaps more, I'm not sure."
Frodo pulled out his soldering iron, it was glowing pink, as was Gandalf's, a sign of the ORC unionists. Legolas got out his staple gune and put in some new staples. Aragorn and Boromir took out their power drills and switched them on as Merry and Pippin took out their crow bars and Sam took out his hammer. A nooise came from behind the Homies and they saw Gimli ferociously a swiss army knife as a tooth brush came out, he shook it again as a mirror came out then on his third shake a gigantic axe appeared from it. He looked towards the door and growled.

[Nurvingiel]

DOOOM DOOOM pounded the beat again.

"They're playing bad hip hop!" said Frodo, as strains of "Lean back... lean back..." reached his ears.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

The sound of the music reached breaking point, the doors rattled as the ORC Unionists pushed speakers against them, in an effort to blast them open, DOOM DOOM went the beat again, the security guards, wielding heavy torches, burst through the doors, the Unionists swarming behind, waving their membership cards, and hanging red banners all about the chamber.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

But the Homies weren't totally unready. As the security guards came in Legolas rapidly starting firing staples at them, whilst Boromir jumped forward try to chop off their feet. As Frodo saw the destruction around him, an anger so great built up inside him he jumped forward to Boromirs side and started using the solder reel against the security guards, a fire smouldering in his eyes.

[Grey_Wolf]

"One for the Shire!" shouted Aragorn as Frodo soldered a security guard in the eye."You're good at fusing things, Frodo, son of Drogo."

Aragorn, himself, used the Power-drill to great effect on the other guards one after another falling for his deadly spinning weapon.

Gandalf, blinding the his opponents with a IR laser emitter, succeeded in defeating a great number of ORC's with great swings of his oak staff.

The hobbits also used their tools to great effect.

Finally, having enough, the ORC's and security guards fled shrieking from the Information Chamber, slamming the door after them.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Run," yelled Gandalf as the door slammed. Each of them grabbed their packs and ran for the other door. Yet even as this happened the door opened slightly again and an ORC slipped in, holding a weapon that none of the Homies save Gandalf had seen. Gandalf'ss eyes widened in fear and his pace quickened. Whilst the Homies were reacting to this, he pulled a trigger and a number of small metal objects came flying throught the air and hit Frodo. A broad grin spread across his face before Aragorn's power drill beheaded him.