Star wars funnys

[Curubethion]

Originally Posted by me9996

Yoda: Lumanus beings are we, not this crude matter.
Luke: Who you calling crude?

LOL! That's great...so along the same lines...

Vader: Luke, I am your father.

Luke (under his breath): A little more than kin and less than kind.

Vader: Huh?

Luke: Dude, I was quoting Shakespeare!

Vader: Wha-?

Luke: Shakespeare! Hamlet, Act I, Scene ii, when Hamlet, forlorn and overall gloomy prince of Denmark shows up in the court of his uncle, King Claudius, following the unfortunate death of Hamlet's father, also coincidentially named King Hamlet, and displays his grief at Claudius, who has practically usurped his position as the heir to the throne...

Vader: Is there any method to your madness?

Luke: No, no, no! That was Act II, Scene ii, Hamlet's conversation with Polonius, when he appears to be stark raving mad, in an attempt to gain information that he would not be able to acquire through ordinary means. And also giving him the chance to slam Polonius with such insults as "You sir, are a fishmonger!"

Vader: Why me?

Luke: But that's not the question. To be, or not to be?-that is the question.

[me9996]

(Aboard General Grevouses ship in the battle at the start of Esp. 3)
Obi-wan: I sence a trap.
(We see a giant mousetrap)
Anikin: Next step?
Obi-wan: Spring the trap!
(They spring the trap and get traped inside)
Obi-wan: Traped like mice!
Anikin: Rats.
Obi-wan: Watch your language!
Anikin: That's not what I ment, the frase is: 'Traped like rats!'
__________________
(Later in Esp. 3 when Obi-wan drops in on the sepritist leaders)
Gen. Grevous: Eek! Jedi! Scatter!
(Everone scatters exept Obi-wan who stands there looking confused untill Grevous comes in with a giant mousetrap)
Obi-wan: You can't think I'm falling for that again!
(Grevous puts a wedge of cheese in the trap)
Obi-wan(Hipnotised): Oooh... Cheese...
(Just when Obi-wan is about to try to take the cheese in runs a death star gunner, blaster drawn)
Death star gunner: *Pant* *pant* Are either of you will? *pant* *pant*
(Obi-wan and Grevous both shake their heads)
Death star gunner: *Pant* *pant* Oh, *pant* *pant* well, bye...
(Death star gunner runs off, Obi-wan looks confused)
Obi-wan: What was that?
Grevous: I don't know.
Obi-wan: Then why don't you look confused?
Greavous: I can't display imotion, remember the droid head?
Obi-wan: Oh, yeah.

[me9996]

(Palpateen, Darth vader, and a few imperial officers are in some sort of meeting in the death star)
Imperial officer 1: We have made progress on the sith cloneing program.
Imperial officer 2: Progress! We've allready got a sith clone!
Imperial officer 1: I didn't want to bring him up, remember the little problem?
Palpateen: Well? I want to see this clone!
Imperial officer 1: You wouldn't want to see him he's realy not-
(Imperial officer 1 starts chokeing)
Imperial officer 1(Weezeing): Okay! Okay! You can see it! But you won't like it!
Palpateen: Release him, lord vader.
(Vader stops makeing chokeing motions with his hand)
Imperial officer 1: Okay, here he is...
(A shadow creeps into the doorway)
Imperial officer 1: We maniged to clone Darth Maul, but the genedics went a little weird.
(Enter a tiny darth maul whom, it seems, the shadow belongs to)
Palpateen: I shall call him: Mini-Maul!
(All the darth vader and imperial officers groan)

[ayra]

That last one was good.
________________
A squad if stormtroopers, Palpateen, and Darth Vader walk into a bar.
Obi-Wan and Luke duck.

[ayra]

*Three clones are walking in a field*
Clone1: It looks a little windy today.
Clone2: No, it's Thursday.
Clone3: I'm thirsty too, let's go get a drink.

[me9996]

(Battle above endor, death star 2)
Palpateen: And now! Witness the power of this fully armed and operational battle station!
(Outside, the deathstar 2 shoots the big laser on it and hits a mon calamari ship, the ship holds together)
Lando: What was that?
Admaral Ackbar: That came from the death star! Thankfully we got allumanum sideing on our crusers the other day and they ought'a hold.
But all the same, bring out the star mirror!
(Out comes a Giant mirror, then the deathstar 2 fires again and it bounces off the mirror into a star distroyer which explodes.)
Super star distroyer captian: Agh! Turn back! Full reverse!
Imperial officer: But sir! Our orders-
Super star distroyer captian: Darn the orders! Turn this thing around!
(The Imperial officer pulls out a needle, string, and two peaces of paper and starts sewing them together)
Super star distroyer captian: What are you doing?
Imperial officer: Darning the orders.
Super star distroyer captian:
(On board the death star)
Luke: Your fleet is lost, and your friends on the endor moon will not survive...
Palpateen: Your overconfidence is your weakness.
Luke: Your faith in your friends -and the dark side- is yours.
Darth Vader: Help!

[me9996]

(Again at the battle above endor)
Palpateen: You think we're going to shoot the super-laser at the enemy ships?!? I've got a better idea.
(Pushes a button)
Palpateen: Launch star-pinball!
(And out of the super-laser on the second death star comes a fast moving shiney metal orb that bounces off of everything)

[ayra]

Luke: You gotta obey the days!
Han: What do you mean, days?
Leia: What days?
Luke: You know, on Sunday it has to be sunny, on Monday, you have to spend all your money, on Tuesday I'm not sure, on Wednesday it has to be windy, on Thursday you gotta be thirsty, on Friday you gotta fry something, and on Saturday you gotta sit all day to say you sat all day. I'm still not sure about Tuesday.
Leia: Hmm, Tuesday... I know: You gotta wear two ponytails! Here, Han, let me do yours first.
*Han backs away*
Han: uh, NO!
Leia: *A little bit confused* Okay, Luke, let me do yours, then.
Luke:*Backs away, also* NO way!
*Han and Luke run for the Falcon. Unknown to them, Leia had pulled a plug, so it did not work.*
Leia: *thinks a minute. Goes and gets two cheesecakes and returns* Here you guys, I got something for you.
*They both come out of The Falcon*
*SPAT! They get two cheesecakes on their faces.*

[trolls' bane]

LOL! It's so weird!

If I ever decide to write a play, you're going to help.

[me9996]

(On board the Meleinium Falcon)
Luke: I am SOO BORED!!! This trip is realy long!
Han: Well, I just hooked up the falcon to the holonet.
Luke: I thought that was emperial.
Han: What? I've allready got these illegal quad-cannons on top, why not patch the TV into the holonet?
Luke: Well it's just emperial stuff, right?
Han: Well let's see about that.
(Han turns on the TV and flips through "My three sith", "The young and the tyranical", "Who wants to live through the episode?", "Survivor: Felutia", " 'Troopers", and finaly "I love Lucy")
Luke: Yay!
Han: Not this again!
(Han flips the chanal to "spices and credits")
Han: Hey! Now here's a show!
(Luke flips it back to "I love Lucy" with the force)
Han: What the?
(Han flips it back to "Spices and credits", Luke swiches it to "I love Lucy" and they keep fliping it back and forth untill Leia comes in with a Starwars data disk)
Leia: Hey guys! Look at this!
Luke and Han: HUH???
__________________
(Luke and han, A.K.A. Luck and Hand, as goes my typos)
__________________
__________________

[ayra]

Originally Posted by trolls' bane

LOL! It's so weird!

If I ever decide to write a play, you're going to help.

And why did you decide that? In a way, I do like writing stuff. It's fun to put your thoughts down, if you don't forget them first, that is.

That last joke cracked me up! Me9996, you do a great job on those.
So, what was on the data disk? Some girly show? Now that would be hilarious if Leia put it in. Watch their faces go beserk. I'm mean to Luke and Han.

[me9996]

Well, I guess I wasn't clear enough.

It was a movie you may have heard of: Starwars.
(I guess saying "A Starwars data disk" makes you think it was just a data disk as found in Starwars)

[ayra]

Originally Posted by me9996

Well, I guess I wasn't clear enough.

It was a movie you may have heard of: Starwars.
(I guess saying "A Starwars data disk" makes you think it was just a data disk as found in Starwars)

Ohh, I didn't catch that... You should of said "A Star Wars Movie data disk" That would have made a little more sense... Oops.
My fault.

[trolls' bane]

Originally Posted by ayra

And why did you decide that? In a way, I do like writing stuff. It's fun to put your thoughts down, if you don't forget them first, that is.

Because I'm bad at writing anything that doesn't directly relate to the storyline. You'd be the one to add the awesome, much-needed brilliant filler. What good is an empty play?

[ayra]

Originally Posted by trolls' bane

Because I'm bad at writing anything that doesn't directly relate to the storyline. You'd be the one to add the awesome, much-needed brilliant filler. What good is an empty play?

An empty play is good for those who like empty things... Who else would like it?

_______________
Two Jedi were walking in a field. They meet up with two Sith.
Jedi 1:Well, good afternoon.
Sith 1: It's morning, crazy.
Jedi 2: Well, that all depends on your point of view.
Sith 2: Of course our point of view is the correct one.
Jedi 1: Really? Tell me, what is the correct view?
Sith 1: Where you view everything as your subordinates, of course!
Jedi 2: Oh brother. Yeah right. I've gotta go now, Bye!
*Both Jedi go back to the Temple leaving the Sith angry*
Sith 2: I told you NOT to talk to the Jedi!
Sith 1: *Gulp*

[me9996]

Vader: I find your lack of feet disturbing.

[ayra]

I wonder who he is talking too...

[me9996]

Luke: So Leia, if you're a princess then does that meen that someday You'll be a queen?
Leia: Yes, and insted of a dark lord...
YOU SHALL HAVE A QUEEN!
NOT DARK BUT BEUTIFUL
AND TERRIBLE AS THE DAWN!
MERCILESS AS THE SEA!
ALL SHALL LOVE ME AND DISPARE!!!
Luke: Quick! Set blasters to stun!

[Nicro]

*a Man Walk's into a Bar * *sit's Down**Talk's To Friend* once i was Caught in Carbonite *other Man * Carbonite is'nt so Bad At Least You Did'nt Have To eat Gorbbean Space Slop!

[ayra]

Originally Posted by Nicro

*a Man Walk's into a Bar * *sit's Down**Talk's To Friend* once i was Caught in Carbonite *other Man * Carbonite is'nt so Bad At Least You Did'nt Have To eat Gorbbean Space Slop!

In a prison or at a Hutt's bar?