Some Poems

[Katie of the Golden Wood]

Originally posted by Lady Ravyn
that's so good! is it really your first attempt at poetry? i'm impressed

the only thing i have to critique is the second stanza; when you talk about the pavement, the lemonade stand and the kickball game? it sounds like it could be such a discriptive line! i can almost feel the things you're describing- almost perhaps if you described the heat of the pavement (ex: the sizzling heat or hotness); the sound of the kickball game, etc. other than that one part, it rather good!

Thanks! I'll work on, it, those were some good suggestions.

Katie

[Lady Ravyn]

no prob!


this one i wrote the other day; it seems like it might need something , but i can't put my finger on it...

I'm Gonna Shine

My light
is going to shine
for all to see.
An outward sign of
my sheer will,
it will serve as a
guidance and warning
to everyone who sees it.

The brilliance of this Beacon
wiil at once
comfort and frighten,
as its radience
streams from my eyes.

My gaze will strike terror,
and yet guide
the hearts of those
for miles around.

This White Power will be
terrible and wondrous,
and I will be shunned-

left alone
in my glory.

[Katie of the Golden Wood]

I like that a lot, except the first line. "This little light of mine." As soon as I read it I thought of that song..."This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine" and I think it sort of set the mood for the rest of the poem the wrong way. Besides that though, it was a beautiful poem. Most of the time when I read poems, they seem...quiet. But yours wasn't, it was very strong. Good job!
Katie

[Rosie Gamgee]

Nice poems! Very evocative. Cool!

[Lady Ravyn]

Originally posted by Katie of the Golden Wood
I like that a lot, except the first line. "This little light of mine." As soon as I read it I thought of that song..."This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine" and I think it sort of set the mood for the rest of the poem the wrong way. Besides that though, it was a beautiful poem. Most of the time when I read poems, they seem...quiet. But yours wasn't, it was very strong. Good job!
Katie

thanx for the suggestion; that song inspired the poem, but it didn't have anything to do with the direction the poem went in. i changed the first line to "my light" so hopefully that will erase all song-ish traces from it. thanx!

[Katie of the Golden Wood]

No problem. I really like the poem in your sig though (We are the music makers)...did you write it?

Katie

[Lady Ravyn]

ha! i wish i wrote that well! lol
no, it's called "ode (we are the music makers)" and it's by arthur edgar william o'shaughnessy; it's one of my favorites! (that and "i'm nobody" by emily dickinson)

[Nurvingiel]

Originally posted by Lady Ravyn
ha! i wish i wrote that well! lol
no, it's called "ode (we are the music makers)" and it's by arthur edgar william o'shaughnessy; it's one of my favorites! (that and "i'm nobody" by emily dickinson)

I'm nobody, who are you?

I love Emily Dickinson! She's my favourite poet! (My favourite is "Because I could not stop for death".)

[Lady Ravyn]

she da bomb! and sylvia plath and robert frost!

[Lady Ravyn]

this was brought on by my grandpa's funeral last year. i saw all my aunts and uncles and parents and grandma crying, and it hit me that they weren't as invincible as i thought they were when i was little.

Stripped

I've gottten to the center
of this tootsie roll pop,
and I forgot how many
licks it took.

This chocolate-covered cherry
is melting, and
my ice cream
just fell in the dirt.

I've seen too much
living being done
by other M&Ms, and I
don't like the look of that storm on the horizon.
I want a blanket to crawl under,
and someone to tell me,
"It's okay".

So give me back
my rose-colored glasses,
and pass me the sugar bowl-
the world needs to be coated again.

[Tessar]

Sitting alone in this old empty house,
Surrounded by family but still so cold,
Affection is there but I can't move my hand,
Because it's not the kind I want, I make my own problems.

There's nothing that brightens my day like e-mail,
Though I'd rather be talking to some one instead,
But that's not going to happen since I'm trapped in this place,
Caught between what might be death or saving grace.

It's not all bad but it's hard to see,
What kind of good this is doing for me,
So here I sit just typing away,
And wishing that I were somewhere else, instead.


Hooray for teen angst

[Beruthiel's cat]

You guys are inspiring! Here's what I just came up with! Comments welcome!

Passing Metaphor (a poem by Beruthiel's cat)

Sometimes you watch it go
like water through fingers.

Sometimes you pray it stays
and grip tightly.

It's the tide
flowing, ebbing
on your shore --

erroding sand,
returning it --

can't be kept,
won't go away --

measures breath,
measures death --

all things,
no things --

sifts, shifts,
sleeps, wakes --

makes and unmakes.

[Lady Ravyn]

awesome! i love the first line: "sometimes you watch it go/like water through fingers" cool, bc! what are you talking about? love? or life, maybe?

[Beruthiel's cat]

Originally posted by Lady Ravyn
awesome! i love the first line: "sometimes you watch it go/like water through fingers" cool, bc! what are you talking about? love? or life, maybe?

Yes...and no. It's time . (I probably should have kept you guessing, but thanks!)

[Gulio, Strength of Many]

Wow, you guys are GOOD! I must admit that I can't do any foot patterns whatsoever, but I'll get there I can only write humorous poems. I've tried to write a sad or meaningful one, and it turned out funny. I can't help it! I wrote this today, between SAT's (our standardized tests).

My test is done
Bored, bored, bored.
Twenty minutes have gone,
Good Lord!

I'm still here
Waiting and waiting.
This is what I fear
And dread about testing.

The pointless wait
While doing nothing.
Why not debate
Fingernails, or something!

Anything other than
This awful silence
I'm forced to sit in
For a half-hour hence.

You say, "Bring a book,
Then it won't be so dull."
But school-ish thoughts I forsook,
And the weekend took it's toll.

On Saturday fun thoughts I harbor
And the testing I forgot.
Should I have to suffer
What a busy life begot?

Heh heh heh. . . . . yeah. That sucks. Oh well. The best I can do when I'm not allowed to think out loud

[Beruthiel's cat]

All I can say it that you must have been done with the Language part of the test. That's the only time I ever had to be bored during my SAT's. During the math & science sections, I'd have begged and pleaded for more time if they'd have let me.

Oh, how I hate those tests!

And you know what -- flash forward -- if you take a Civil Service test it's very similar. So, theoretically, I guess these tests do prepare you somewhat for the "real" world!

Seriously, very clever, Gulio. Nice job. No need to appologize for humor...heaven knows we need a lot more of it!

[Gulio, Strength of Many]

Thanks!

You mean these tests are good for something?! Who'd ever guess?

I have to write a journal every week for Bible class (Christian school), and once I was so tired and couldn't think of anything to write. I wrote a poem about how I needed more sleep and my braind was dead, and I got an 'A'! (I don't really think the poem was 'A' work, but it was better that the test one. Oh well)

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

I have found this song, and i love it.
a song is a type of poem, really, isn't it?

You don't remember me
But I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard
not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream?
And dream I do...

I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
You're taking over me

Have you forgotten all I know
And all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand
I knew you loved me then

I believe in you
I'll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you to live to breathe
You're taking over me

I look in the mirror and see your face
If I look deep enough
So many things inside that are
Just like you are taking over

Written by Amy Lee, Lead Singer of Evanescence

[Rosie Gamgee]

Bit of a country song I wrote:


Country Road


There's a country road not far from here
Where my dad and me walked with our fishin' gear.
We talked about girls, and laughed about life,
Cut fish-bait with his Swiss Army knife
On that country road.

We'd fish all day, just lyin' 'neath the pines
Waitin' for a tug on our fishin' lines.
And once in a while we'd catch a winner,
And me and my dad brought it home for dinner
Down that country road.

I'm bound to walk That country road
With the future's wings, And mem'ry's load.
Seems I'm, bound to walk That country road.

That road looked so pretty in the moonlight
But she was the prettiest of all that night,
When we walked together on our first date
And I had to explain gettin' home so late
From that country road.

And a few years later she walked with me
And I finally got the nerve to get down on one knee.
I don't remember the askin', but she said she'd be mine
And now hand-in-hand so many times
We've walked that country road.

I'm bound to walk That country road
With the future's wings, And mem'ry's load.
Seems I'm bound to walk That country road.

I walked that road the day my daddy died,
And when my little girl got married I cried,
And when this life's treasures turn to rust
I'll kneel down in the dirt and dust
Of that country road

And thank the Lord for life and joy
That He's given to this country boy
And pray in Heaven there still will be
A place so special and dear to me
As that country road.

I'm bound to walk That country road
With the future's wings, And mem'ry's load.
Seems I'm bound to walk That country road.

Seems I'm bound to walk That country road.

[Lady Ravyn]

rosie, that's awesome! very touching. it sounds like some of the stuff my dad writes; he'd really like that