The Jokes Thread - Page 6

eowyn144 · 04-28-2002, 04:15 PM

nice to know that my jokes have inspired science experiments

and elf_princess- funny. great line!

***Khamûl*** · 04-29-2002, 12:39 AM

My cousin told me this joke and I almost hurt myself laughing. Oh wait... almost forgot the disclaimer: In telling this joke, I mean no personal offense to any people with a blondish hair color. Here goes:

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

*drum roll*

Pregnant.

StrawberryIcecream · 04-29-2002, 11:59 AM

Arathorn · 04-29-2002, 12:06 PM

I think I saw a version about the Spice Girls. It was told by Geri Halliwell herself when they guested on one of those american talk shows.

elf_princess · 04-29-2002, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Khamûl
My cousin told me this joke and I almost hurt myself laughing. Oh wait... almost forgot the disclaimer: In telling this joke, I mean no personal offense to any people with a blondish hair color. Here goes:

What do you call a blonde with two brain cells?

*drum roll*

Pregnant.

LOL!!! HA HA HA! whew... that's funny... I'm going to have to tell my sister that one... she's a blonde *"Oh sis!"*

Imladris · 04-29-2002, 02:11 PM

Imladris · 04-29-2002, 02:21 PM

I was driving in my car the other day and my boss phoned me up. I swerved.
I continued driving and the phone rung again, it was my boss, he said, "You've been promoted again".
I swerved again.
He rung me up a third time and he said, "You're managing director".
I swerved off the road and hit a tree, the car was wrecked but I was alright but slightly dazed (from both experiences(.
A guy comes up to me and says, "What happened to you?"
I replied, " I carreered off the road".

*****
I was going into my car and a man came up to me and said, "Can I have a lift?" I said, "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it".
*****
Thankyou to the comedian Tommy Cooper for these jokes.

StrawberryIcecream · 04-29-2002, 03:03 PM

hee hee.

***Earniel*** · 04-29-2002, 04:37 PM

Three rabbits, a grey, a black and a white one are caught with one paw in the same snare.

The grey rabbit does not hesitate a moment, bites his paw off and runs away happily on three paws.

After a day the black one has enough of it too, bites his paw off and runs away happily on three paws.

After two days the white rabbits is still in the snare. It is still there after three days. So it remains for four days too. A week passes and the white rabbit is still there. Then the white rabbit thinks: "Well I'll be damned! I've bitten of three paws already and I'm still not loose!"

elf_princess · 04-29-2002, 07:06 PM

LOL... the rabbit one was hilarious... poor lil rabbit!!!

Ok... my preacher said this one last night at church...

A preacher gets to heaven and an angel is showing where he's going to live. It's a little shack that's falling apart. The preacher looks up the street and he sees a taxi driver receiving a huge mansion. The preacher asks the angel "Why is that taxi driver getting a mansion when I only get this shack? I've spent my whole life serving God!" The angel replies to the preacher "While you were putting everyone to sleep with your sermons, all of the taxi driver's passengers were praying while he drove."

Ok... it's not that funny but I was desperate!

***Khamûl*** · 04-29-2002, 10:12 PM

I think that I've heard that one before and it's still funny.

How about this one:

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes "Whack! Dangit!" and a bad skydiver goes "Dangit! Whack!"

Arathorn · 04-30-2002, 01:05 AM

LOL! I know of a similar one that compares 2 storey and 20 storey buildings.

Here's another joke:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, setup their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evidence the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!"

eowyn144 · 04-30-2002, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by elf_princess
LOL... the rabbit one was hilarious... poor lil rabbit!!!

Ok... my preacher said this one last night at church...

A preacher gets to heaven and an angel is showing where he's going to live. It's a little shack that's falling apart. The preacher looks up the street and he sees a taxi driver receiving a huge mansion. The preacher asks the angel "Why is that taxi driver getting a mansion when I only get this shack? I've spent my whole life serving God!" The angel replies to the preacher "While you were putting everyone to sleep with your sermons, all of the taxi driver's passengers were praying while he drove."

Ok... it's not that funny but I was desperate!

aawwww.it's so funny that you said that one! when i was recently in egypt we had a tour guide who told us that joke (slightly different-about egyptian taxi drivers) and you've just reminded me of my fabulous trip. aaaaawwww. *wipes tear from her eye*
ah the memories....

elf_princess · 04-30-2002, 06:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by eowyn144

aawwww.it's so funny that you said that one! when i was recently in egypt we had a tour guide who told us that joke (slightly different-about egyptian taxi drivers) and you've just reminded me of my fabulous trip. aaaaawwww. *wipes tear from her eye*
ah the memories....

I'm glad that I brought back a good memory! *hands eowyn144 a tissue* there ya go!

***Khamûl*** · 04-30-2002, 10:33 PM

A blonde and a brunette jump off of the Empire State Building. Which one hits the ground first?

The brunette. The blonde had to stop and ask directions.

eowyn144 · 05-01-2002, 01:42 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by elf_princess

I'm glad that I brought back a good memory! *hands eowyn144 a tissue* there ya go!

*blows nose and hands back tissue*
thankyou!

Glorious Glorfindel · 05-01-2002, 04:09 PM

ewwwww!! okay here's one if i can remember it all:
three golfers die. they get to st.peters gates and he says to the golfers, 'you can play as much golf as you like up in heaven as LONG AS YOU DON'T HIT ANY DUCKS!' so off the 3 golfers went, golfing away merrily. one day, naturally, one of the men hits a duck. he gets taken away and chained to this SERIOUSLY ugly woman. that was his punishment, to spend eternity(which in heaven is quite a while) with this ugly woman. sure enough, another day came and the second golfer hit a duck. he too was chained to a SERIOUSLY ugly woman. then, one day, the third golfer was taken away and chained to this SERIOUSLY beautiful woman. he asked her what had happened, and she replied 'i hit a duck' !!!!!!!!
tee heeeeeeeeee

***Earniel*** · 05-01-2002, 04:20 PM

Two guards in a prison are talking to one another:
guard one: the prisoner from cell 75 escaped last night.
guard two: About bloody time! That scratching file was driving me spare!

Elf Girl · 05-02-2002, 04:30 PM

A guy walks into a bar and orders 3 beers. The bartender askes him if he's going to drink it himself or with friends. The guy says, "No, my two brothers are going on a long journey by boat, and I will dedicate I beer to each of them, and drink one for myself." The bartender says that's that's sweet, and gives him his beer, and the guy leaves. The guy comes back the next day, orders 3 beers again, and says it's for the same reason. This goes on for several monthes, each day the guy ordering 3 beers. Then one day he comes in and orders 2 beers. The bartender thinks that one of his brothers must have died, so when he gives him the beers he says, "I am sorry for your loss". The guy looks at him and says, "What loss?" The bartender says, "Well, didn't one of your brothers perish at sea?" The guy says, "No, no! It's just that I personally have given up alchohal for life.

***Khamûl*** · 05-02-2002, 11:05 PM

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?

Ooh! Look! Donut Seeds!

How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?

Shine a flashlight in her ears.

04-28-2002, 04:15 PM	#101
eowyn144 Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 435	nice to know that my jokes have inspired science experiments and elf_princess- funny. great line! __________________ If you want to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe

04-29-2002, 12:39 AM	#102
*Khamûl* Slacker Warrior Admin Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,759	My cousin told me this joke and I almost hurt myself laughing. Oh wait... almost forgot the disclaimer: In telling this joke, I mean no personal offense to any people with a blondish hair color. Here goes: What do you call a blonde with two brain cells? drum roll Pregnant. __________________ "If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you." Gandalf to Pippin Psalm 107:31

04-29-2002, 11:59 AM	#103
StrawberryIcecream Elf Lord Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: In my jeans Posts: 915	__________________ www.foolofatook.com for all you pippin's out there.

04-29-2002, 12:06 PM	#104
Arathorn Bard of Mangled Songs Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila Posts: 2,679	I think I saw a version about the Spice Girls. It was told by Geri Halliwell herself when they guested on one of those american talk shows. __________________ Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert *Accio, Ash Nazg!* Elennuru s?la lúmenn' omentielvo* (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures...

04-29-2002, 02:11 PM	#106
Imladris Elven Warrior Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 146	__________________ "A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent."

04-29-2002, 02:21 PM	#107
Imladris Elven Warrior Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Manchester, UK Posts: 146	I was driving in my car the other day and my boss phoned me up. I swerved. I continued driving and the phone rung again, it was my boss, he said, "You've been promoted again". I swerved again. He rung me up a third time and he said, "You're managing director". I swerved off the road and hit a tree, the car was wrecked but I was alright but slightly dazed (from both experiences(. A guy comes up to me and says, "What happened to you?" I replied, " I carreered off the road". *** I was going into my car and a man came up to me and said, "Can I have a lift?" I said, "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it". *** Thankyou to the comedian Tommy Cooper for these jokes. __________________ "A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent."

04-29-2002, 03:03 PM	#108
StrawberryIcecream Elf Lord Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: In my jeans Posts: 915	hee hee. __________________ www.foolofatook.com for all you pippin's out there.

04-29-2002, 04:37 PM	#109
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	Three rabbits, a grey, a black and a white one are caught with one paw in the same snare. The grey rabbit does not hesitate a moment, bites his paw off and runs away happily on three paws. After a day the black one has enough of it too, bites his paw off and runs away happily on three paws. After two days the white rabbits is still in the snare. It is still there after three days. So it remains for four days too. A week passes and the white rabbit is still there. Then the white rabbit thinks: "Well I'll be damned! I've bitten of three paws already and I'm still not loose!" __________________ We are not things.

04-29-2002, 07:06 PM	#110
elf_princess Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: la dee da Posts: 275	LOL... the rabbit one was hilarious... poor lil rabbit!!! Ok... my preacher said this one last night at church... A preacher gets to heaven and an angel is showing where he's going to live. It's a little shack that's falling apart. The preacher looks up the street and he sees a taxi driver receiving a huge mansion. The preacher asks the angel "Why is that taxi driver getting a mansion when I only get this shack? I've spent my whole life serving God!" The angel replies to the preacher "While you were putting everyone to sleep with your sermons, all of the taxi driver's passengers were praying while he drove." Ok... it's not that funny but I was desperate! __________________ ~Life's unanswered question~ ¿Which came first... the chicken or the egg? ¿How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

04-29-2002, 10:12 PM	#111
*Khamûl* Slacker Warrior Admin Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,759	I think that I've heard that one before and it's still funny. How about this one: What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes "Whack! Dangit!" and a bad skydiver goes "Dangit! Whack!" __________________ "If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you." Gandalf to Pippin Psalm 107:31

04-30-2002, 01:05 AM	#112
Arathorn Bard of Mangled Songs Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: West of Middle Earth...oh alright...Manila Posts: 2,679	LOL! I know of a similar one that compares 2 storey and 20 storey buildings. Here's another joke: Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, setup their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replies, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evidence the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent!" __________________ Power attracts the corruptible. Absolute power attracts the absolutely corruptible. -Missionaria Protectiva, Frank Herbert *Accio, Ash Nazg!* Elennuru s?la lúmenn' omentielvo* (The Death Star shines on the hour of our meeting) - Darth Arathorn Put aside the ranger... Start looking for Mumakil action figures... Last edited by Arathorn : 04-30-2002 at 01:07 AM.

04-30-2002, 10:33 PM	#115
*Khamûl* Slacker Warrior Admin Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,759	A blonde and a brunette jump off of the Empire State Building. Which one hits the ground first? The brunette. The blonde had to stop and ask directions. __________________ "If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you." Gandalf to Pippin Psalm 107:31

05-01-2002, 04:09 PM	#117
Glorious Glorfindel Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: im too doped up to remember Posts: 371	ewwwww!! okay here's one if i can remember it all: three golfers die. they get to st.peters gates and he says to the golfers, 'you can play as much golf as you like up in heaven as LONG AS YOU DON'T HIT ANY DUCKS!' so off the 3 golfers went, golfing away merrily. one day, naturally, one of the men hits a duck. he gets taken away and chained to this SERIOUSLY ugly woman. that was his punishment, to spend eternity(which in heaven is quite a while) with this ugly woman. sure enough, another day came and the second golfer hit a duck. he too was chained to a SERIOUSLY ugly woman. then, one day, the third golfer was taken away and chained to this SERIOUSLY beautiful woman. he asked her what had happened, and she replied 'i hit a duck' !!!!!!!! tee heeeeeeeeee __________________ A Elbereth Gilthonial Silivren penna miriel o menal aglar elenath Na-chaered palan-diriel o galadhremmin ennorath Fanuilos, le linnathon nef aear, si nef aearon! add a drop of lavander to milk. leave town with an orange and pretend you're laughing at it.

05-01-2002, 04:20 PM	#118
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	Two guards in a prison are talking to one another: guard one: the prisoner from cell 75 escaped last night. guard two: About bloody time! That scratching file was driving me spare! __________________ We are not things.

05-02-2002, 04:30 PM	#119
Elf Girl Lurker Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Lothlórien Posts: 3,419	A guy walks into a bar and orders 3 beers. The bartender askes him if he's going to drink it himself or with friends. The guy says, "No, my two brothers are going on a long journey by boat, and I will dedicate I beer to each of them, and drink one for myself." The bartender says that's that's sweet, and gives him his beer, and the guy leaves. The guy comes back the next day, orders 3 beers again, and says it's for the same reason. This goes on for several monthes, each day the guy ordering 3 beers. Then one day he comes in and orders 2 beers. The bartender thinks that one of his brothers must have died, so when he gives him the beers he says, "I am sorry for your loss". The guy looks at him and says, "What loss?" The bartender says, "Well, didn't one of your brothers perish at sea?" The guy says, "No, no! It's just that I personally have given up alchohal for life. __________________ There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium...

05-02-2002, 11:05 PM	#120
*Khamûl* Slacker Warrior Admin Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Alabama Posts: 2,759	What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios? Ooh! Look! Donut Seeds! How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle? Shine a flashlight in her ears. __________________ "If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you." Gandalf to Pippin Psalm 107:31

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