Tolkien Lover Anonymous 3, The Sil(ly)marillion

[Elf Girl]

Meanwhile:

OloriGirl: Ho hum.

Eru: *invisable booming voice* What the @#$% are you doing in Middle Earth?!

OloriGirl: *disappears* Wha?! *reappears in Valinor* Ah.

Manwë: *sees her* Gaah! I thought you were gone for gooooood.... *breaks down crying.

OloriGirl: There, there, my lord. I thought I was too.

Manwë: *sob*

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Look, if all you random elves out there arn't going to start building things, then all you random Valar out there are gonna have to unchain Melkor so we can have some conflict!

*And it came to pass that the elves remaining in Middle Earth built great cities on the shores of the ocean. The Noldor mourned for their lost brothers left at Middle Earth until Ulmo harkened to their prayers and went to bring the Teleri to Valinor. Ulmo was ill-pleased that the voices of the Teleri would be hear no more by his sea, and pursuaded many of them to stay.*

*The Teleri were born accross the sea where they rejoined their brothers, the Noldor. And Illuvitar did grin, and the elves feasted on the grain, and fruit, and vegitables, and elk, and deer, and orangutangs, and fruitbats, and breakfast cererals, and--*

Illuvitar: They get the picture.

*Oh, sorry. Yes lord. And there was much rejoicing.*

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Or something to that effect.

[Earniel]

*Since we know that this gets read by children, we will spare you Eärniel's singing. Some things can scar a child (not to mention a narrator) for life.*

Eärniel: Hey!

*So we'll skip to the part after Olwë has been revived from his catatonia and most of the fled Elves return to Alqualondë once the hideous noice died down.*

Eärniel: Fne.

Olwë: *still pale and shaky* That... that's quite enough.... I suppose... Why don't you go to the harbour? If your skill doesn't lie in singing...

*Darn right*

Olwë:*continuing hopefully* ... maybe you're better in shipbuilding.

*A few days later*

Eärniel: *proudly* You like it?

Olwë: *unsure* It's... novel....

Eärniel: Pretty, no?

Olwë: I must confess I got used to the swanboats but a... frogboat is something... different.

[Finrod Felagund]

*So Finwe had taken Miriam as his wife. But Iluvatar realized if she was to see the history, she could not be Miriel. Therefore Iluvatar used one of the flashy thingies from MIB and modified both their memories and gave Finwe the real Miriel.*

Finwe: Hey! She's hot............nice boobs!
Miriel: *slaps him*

*Before long they were married!*

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

And soon Miriel gave birth to a son, though his fiery spirit consumed her so much that she afterward decided she liked sleeping a lot, and forgot everything else.

(Interlude: a scene between Miriel and Finwe: *poke, poke* Um, Miriel? Wake up?
Miriel: *sleepy*
Finwe: Miriel, we have a son. Come take care of him.
Miriel: *sleepy*
Finwe: *shrug*)

And this son was called Feanor. (ooc: Okay, guys, haven't had time to read through the whole thread yet, so I'm going to assume Feanor is not yet taken. If he is you can yell at me and then I'll sulk because I wanted to be him But if he is, I have my own char. I'm throwing in to complicate things in a very TLA fashion. Um. Heh. Oh, and Claeonic, you're Maedhros? I hope you don't mind an elf-chick from Alqualonde falling all over you...)

But Feanor was very strange. For not only was he incredibly smart--a true genius--and a very fiery spirit, he had this strange tendency to turn into a girl, Feanoriel, on the full moon. We don't ask. Especially the bit about the full moon, as the moon is not yet in existance. Oh well. But he does. Feanoriel. There will be a reason for this somewhere...I think...um...

[Tanoliel]

Meanwhile, Among the Noldorian elves, Tanoliel was busy making weapons.

Tano: *humming* Da da DA...aha. One hundred and twenty four longswords. Niiiice. I like this one. Maybe I'll keep it.

Elf (also weaponsmaker): That's what you said about the last hundred and twenty things you've made.

Tano: Fne. All right then. *Hands it over* But now I've got to make a really good something...all for myself.

*A little selfish, are well?*

Tano: So what? I've given my skill to these elves for the making of over a hundred weapons--in less than two weeks, I'll have you know--and I don't get anything to compensate? Geez! Where's the Equal Employment Act around here? Fair pay? Minimum wage? Apparently it's zero!

*Um...okay, okay....calm down....*

Tano: I'm perfectly calm. *smiles..er...nicely. Yeah.* I'll just be getting back to work now...*chooses the best of the metal waiting*

Elf: Um? *edges away from apparently insane weaponsmaker* I might have to tell someone about this...

ooc: How do we want unrest? I mean, I could sure start it here, but it would be pretty petty...does anyone else wanna be a random elf and help me out?

[Willow Oran]

OOC: Heh, heh... want some unrest do ya.... *grins the evil grin of doom* one unrestful elven nation coming right up.

*And it came to pass that Melkor dissapeared from the story altogether, he was deemed too silly for the job and replaced with an evil more deadly, more cruel and more attracted to bright shiny objects than the minds of men can possibly imagine, and her name was... Ulrica! Wait... Ulrica?*

Willow: It works. It's no worse than Melkor.

*Whatever, anyway, evil lady came and started causing unrest, lots of unrest. And she taught them how to make shiny things and Feanor made the shiniest things of all and they were called....

Willow: (intterupts with a drumroll)

*the Sillymarils*

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

And then Feanor (who we now all know some incarnation of EG...oh well *grin*...) looked at these Sillymarils, which were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and decided he wanted to be horribly possesive and not let anyone else touch them. Because they were sooo pretty, all full of light, and for some strange reason, just looking upon them put one in the same sort of feeling as having just consumed some really goood chocolate, and had alos the effect of making one laugh. So he wouldn't let anyone else have them, just him, though he let his sons touch them occasionally. (And daughters, actually. Because I'm making the twins female. So there. Hmph. )

Meanwhile, a young Noldorin elf maiden (well not all that young really) met a Teleri shipwright, and they fell in love and got married and all that, and had a daughter, whom they called Suliel Morlin, "wind's child dark bird." She would later be known as Eruviel Greenleaf, Captain of the Nal, but that would be quite a long time from now. And is an entirely different story anyway.

[Finrod Felagund]

*In the time that this happened, Finwe remarried, Indis of the Vanyar*


Finwe: Blondes really are more fun...heheheheheh
Indis: *Ditzy laugh*


*And she gave birth to two sons. Fingolfin and Finarfin. Fingolfin was lke his father. And Finarfin carried the golden hair of his mother's-


Finrod Felagund: Shut up so I can be born!

*Ahem...Finarfin had golden hair like his mother's people.-sticks tongue out at FF-So soon Feanor and Fingolfin and Finarfin were married.

Feanor: *looks disturbed*

*They were married to three women!*

Fingolfin: *looks disturbed*

*ONE WOMAN EACH!*

Finarfin: Ohhh...I get it *smiles*

*And Fingolfin and Finarfin's mother, Indis, simply disappeared from the face of Middle-Earth. No one knows why.*

Finwe: *cries*

Fingolfin: *cries*

Finarfin: *cries*

Feanor: *Makes the palantiri*







OOC: Maybe we could leave Melkor in and have Ulrica be his wife and she's like the control freak wife. You know, Melkor is the whipped husband?

[Tanoliel]

ooc: I kind of like that whipped hubby.
But wasn't Katt going to be Melkor?
ic:

Tano: This is ridiculous! Here I am, the best weapons maker in all the elven nation--or something--and then this ditz Ulrica whatsit comes along and thinks she can usurp my spot? Well, I don't think so. Harumph. *takes new longsword* This thing needs a good name...but first it needs some blood. *laughs evilly, and heads off to find Ulrica*

ooc: Er. Sorry, Maggie.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: No. Actually, my aunt is Melkor. But to save her dignaty, I approve of this name.

[Claenoic]

OOC: Who's doing Ungoliant? Or will.... ok, I'm officially confused. Did Ulrica ursup Melkor, or... O.o Explain.

[Earniel]

OOC: Use the discussion thread for this, people.

Eärniel:*after making several more frogboats* We've got quite an impressive fleet now.

Olwë: So many! I think you got carried away a bit....we don't even have enough crew to man them all. Who would need so many boats?

Eärniel: *shifty look* Oh, I'm sure someone will find a use for them....

Olwë: I'm still not sure whether they weren't all supposed to be swanboats.....

Eärniel: Variety keeps the straight jacket away. Or so I heard somewhere.

Olwë: Straight jacket? Oh, don't bother explaining. *Olwë began to understand Eärniel a little* I have this nagging feeling I don't really want to know.

Eru: EARNIEL!

Eärniel: Aaaiiih! You're using the Invisible Booming Voice again! Don't do that!

Eru: *normal again* Sorry I forgot to turn it off. Now did I say anything about messing with the icons of the Teleri culture, young lady?

Eärniel:*defensive* Frogs ARE water creatures. Teleri ARE water elves.

Olwë: SEA elves.

Eärniel: That's the same thing!

Eru: *sighs* Next time I'll make you a flouncing cloud of sparkly urple stuff. In the mean time DON'T make any more boats!

Eärniel: Fne....

[goldiegollum]

*while all this has been going on, GG has been enjoying peacefull tree climbing and other such activities as she enjoys in Valinor (most thought she was just an unusual elf suffering from stunted growth). Then one day she heard that Feanor had made some really pretty shiney things. Being of annoyingly curious mind, she decided to check it out. Feanor's wife (FW...dunno her name) answered the door.*

FW: yes? *looks down* oh hello.

GG: Hi! I'm here to see the shiney thi- i mean i'm here to see see Feanor.

FW: *her smile vanishes* Oh. right....Feanor...*sniff* no one ever wants to see me...I'm just the maniac's wife.

GG: *shifts uncomfortably* err...Is he home?

FW: What? oh. Yes, but i wouldn't really call it 'being home', shut up in that that room of his, making Illuvitar-knows-what all day then he come home, drinks a few jugs of wine and stares at those...those...THINGS for hours on end, and won't even let me touch them! *mutters* psycho... but of corse they don't think so, they think he's brilliant, this wonderful...

GG: err... *starts to edge away*

FW: And you don't even want to know what happens every full moon...they never told me this before i married him!

GG: excuse me..?

FW: SHUT UP MIDGET! *resumes her rantings and ravings* think i'm going to file a divorce, no, they're not invented yet! ARGGGG!

GG: *having decided not to ase, she is now well out of hearing range* i sense the unrest.

GG: now well out

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

Meanwhile, Feanor sat in his workship, putting the finishing touches on the Palantiri. Finally done, he looked at them with some satisfaction, but they did not seem near as good as the Sillymarillions.

Then he went to get some dinner. His wife was in the main room of their grand home looking rather upset.

Feanor: What's wrong, my love?

FW: What's wrong? What's wrong? Eh? You should know what's wrong! All you do all day is sit in your little workshop making shiny things that you barely let me see, let alone the children! I'm tired of this! I had seven children for you and--

*she stops, seeing Feanor looking incredibly upset*

FW: What is it?

Fea: I...remember when we first met, and I gave you that jewel?

FW: Yes...*touches a beautiful jewel that hangs around her neck on the finest chain*

Fea: Well, I promised you that you'd get something even more grand one day. And here it is. I hope you can forgive me, and maybe we can spend some more time together in the future.

FW: Well. . .alright. . .I suppose. . .but only if you promise to spend less time in the workshop and help me around the house for once!

Fea: Anything for you, my love! *hands her a magnificent jewel, the colour of the sea on a bright day when Laurelin's light shines out on the water. It is a deep blue but hidden within it are yellows and golds and reds and silvers and all sorts of colours*

And so Feanor and his wife were relatively happy again, though she was still worried as he spent a lot of time with the sillymarillions. And she worried that he loved those more than he loved her.

Meanwhile, their eldest son, Maedhros, was courting a young lass, the daughter of a Teleri shipwright and a Noldorin elf-woman, named Suliel. (ooc: sorry, i keep putting in my side story! i'll stop...eventually...sometime..maybe...)

[Willow Oran]

OOC: Just had a moment of genius that should clear up confusion about Melkor/Ulrica, have Ulrica be our version of Ungoliant. She'll fit right in.

*Meanwhile over where the evil people were plotting...*

Ulrica: Melkor dear...

Melkor: What?

Ulrica: I heard that Feanor's been making shiny things.

Melkor: Yes?

Ulrica: I like shiny things.

Melkor: And?

Ulrica: I want you to prove just how evil you are by getting the shiny things Feanor made and giving them to me. I'll forgive you for missing my birthday if you do, and maybe after wards I'll even reward you...

*For the sake of the little innocence we have left the rest of that conversation has been censored, suffice to say, Melkor agreed to steal the Sillymarils for his wife and thus the conflict began.*

[Finrod Felagund]

*So after Feanor had his seven sons/daughters, Fingolfin and Finarfin got it on...*

Fingolfin and Finarfin's wives:

*Ahem...got it on WITH THEIR WIVES!*

Wives: Oh...

*And Fingolfin and his wife had several children. Their names were (with slight variations), Fingon (father of Gil-Galad), Turgon (later king of the city of Gondola), and Aredhel (a girl, later to marry the dark elf Eyore).


Finarfin's children wee named Finrod (who would in later years be called Finrollum, and Fineagol), Galadriel (who would become the queen/founder of LorioDonalds), Aegnor and Angrod (famed hunters of the wild white frog of the north with their cousins Amrod & Amras), and Orodreth. (the one that all the other kids beat up on, especially Galadriel.)*


Finrod: I'VE BEEN BORN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Miriam: Well look at that I have pointy ears...AHHHH!!! I'M AN ELF!






OOC: If I missed any. let me know and I'll edit!

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

Sauronkatt: Hmph! Melkor is all out parading around with that spider bint Ulrica and I'm stuck here in a pit under Angband! Well I won't stand for it!

*And with that Sauronkatt went scouring the pits for bits of evil. She brought together fire and ash an created a tiny winged plastic creature.*

Sauronkatt: Now my child, become alive!

*From the small plastic creature came a burst of fire which split and flew off in different directions. Thus the balrogs were born.*

*Sauronkatt glanced down*

Sauronkatt: Oh you poor thing!

*The little plastic balrog was hollowed out and it's wings were singed off.*

Sauronkatt: Poor thing. *Picks it up*

PlasticBalrog: *Squeeka*

Sauronkatt: Oh how delightfull! I know, I'll make you some companions.

*Unfortunatly the next room she came to was filled with pink cotton candy like stuff.*

OOC: More later. Prepare yourselves for the NEOPETS!

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: I love worktime at school.

OOC2: I'm sorry, I can't do it. To research, I went to find pictures of NeoPets to discribe them accuratly like an expert. I CAN'T DO IT!!! TOO CUTE!!

OOC3: Help!