The Drunk Elf Pirates and the Quest for the Holy Wine

[Sicirus]

Watches crazy possest ninja kick whale.
Sici: Wowe the talking whale shot the ninja back on board. So continue aboput your uncle Borris.
Max: Well he ate a horrible peice of soggy matza once and never wanted to see....
Ninja: How dare you talking mammal(sp).
Sici: *tries to dodge out of way for ninja's second attack. but gets hit.* Help I'm drowning. Help... wait I can swim. Ahhh mermaids!
Ear: *sighs* pathetic!

[Elfmaster XK]

OOC - I hate to be annoying...wait, love it. But nevermind that. Can we please get some coherence back into the story. Logic is not a problem, i can handle idiocy, thats fine, but somehow, it must all make sense. And currently it is not doing so. So, i am going to try and straighten events out. To make sense.
--
XK - *taps cap'n on shoulder.* I think we should probably call a group meeting on board ship.
EG - Aye, *puts sword away and looks at rest of crew, talking to a whale and playing jump ship*

The cap'n and her first mate head back to the ship, still in port in the town of Port, with a bottle of Port in hand. Neh, they mentally decide to pick up the wine later.

XK - You know, perhaps we should plan our excursions before we actually make them cap'n.

EG - Aye, a good idea. But that wouldn't work. Spontinaeity [sp] is something a pirate needs.

XK - Guess so.

On reaching the ship, XK grabs Sici out of the water. She spits wwater all over the captain, who scowls and draws her dagger.

Eär - I'll take that cap'n *she snatches the knife and pockets it, calming her*

XK slings Sici on deck, and Eär and XK pull Zavron, and Ninja aboard. Zavron sits on deck, swaying, while Ninja puts up a fight.

Ninja - YA! YA! HIIIIIIIIIIYA! *takes a flying kick at the cap'n, who pulls a rope and a piece of wood holding up the sail smacks Ninja square on the head* Yaaaarrroowwww...*collapses*

Eär - Okay, that seems about it. Max, i'm afraid you can't fit on board, being a whale and all.

Max - Okay, i'll just wait here then.

EG, XK and Eär drag the rest of the crew into the drawing room. XK places the Port on the table on top of some blueprints and Eärniel squeals, grabbing the maps and prints and stuffing them in a cupboard.

Eär - Mustn't spill on my maps. Sea elves are quite possessive too you know, XK.

XK - Eep, sorry. *Picks up Port*
Eär - I moved them, you can put it down.
XK - Oh no, i wpouldn't want to leave a ring mark on your..er...beautiful desk.
Eär - *glares* Not my fault the desk is dirty. The ship was stolen you know!

EG - SILENCE! *everyone goes quiet as EG paces in front of them twirling yet another knife in her hands. The crew barely had time to ponder where she got all these knives when she spoke again, and sternly* Sit. *They did* Now, i want you all to know something. This ship is on a mission. We have wine to find. Our quest is clear. We must find the Holy Wine, or die trying. Now i want to make it perfectly clear right now, i am the captain and you do as i tell you. If i say we go to port. *XK puts a hand up*

XK - Er, ma'am? Port, or port?

EG - *growls and smacks XK round the face* IT DOESN'T MATTER! Do not interrupt me when i am talking seriously. If i say we go, we go, if i assign you a duty, you do it. If you are not part of the landing scout group, you stay aboard the ship. Some of you have been with me a long time. Fist mate, second mate, Tano, are my senior crew. If you cannot find me, go to one of them. XK is First Mate, and therefore has control when i am not here. If she orders you to do something, do it. Same for Eärniel and Tano if they are in charge. This quest is something we have been striving for for a long time. We know what we are doing, and even if we don't we have been sailing a lot longer than you. Do not presume to think you can take over. Our crew has grown, and new members you must be assigned a position. Zavron, i want you to be assistant navigator. I'm sure Eärniel could use someone else with the star charts if nothing else. Willow, i do not believe you have been assinged a task?

Willow - *tentatively* Uh, no ma'am...

EG - You shall be our resident healer.
BoP - But I am the Doctor!
EG - No. You are a psychiatric doctor. You help, or hinder, our mental state.
BoP - But...

[Elfmaster XK]

OOC - DAMN MESSAGE LENGTH LIMITS!!!
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EG - *brandishes dagger* Do not argue with me, or you will be in the Brig for insubordination! I tolerate a lot from you lot, but i want it clear this time! *silence* Good. Ninja-Human_pi...thing. Ninja! NINJA!
Ninja - Wha...who...when...
Ninja - You are our parole officer. In charge of the Brig. Understand?
Nin - Ya..
EG - No more of this ninja attack business with the crew or i will kill you myself. MMMMAAAAAAXXXXX!!!!!
Max - I can hear you.
EG - You can help us avoid trouble at sea. It's hard to give a whale a position.
Max - Okay.
EG - Right. Now, i want a land party to come ashore with me in search of this human wine, best human wine before i go insane and kill someone. XK, Eärniel, Sicirus, and Zavron come with me. Everyone else stay aboard until called for. Tano, you are in charge. Make them polish your torture implents for a while. Oh, except Willow. She hates Iron. Let her, i don't know, sew some new robes or something. Follow me troop. And Ninja, don't go in the room (the room is locked) by accident. It's left from the Brig. I mean it!

Everyone followed sombrely out of the room and went to their respective duties. Tanoliel stood at the bow of the ship, watching the cap'n row out to land with her four chosen scouts. She saw the dark circles under the cap'n's eyes, and the perpetual frown upon her brow. Something was very wrong, and the cap'n was loathe to tell anyone. She leant against the mast and sighed. This journey wasn't going to be as fun as it had first seemed, though the end result would be worth it, if they ever got there.

Willow - Tano?
Tano - What? Willow?
Willow - What's wrong?
Tano - Nothing. Just thinking. Come on, lets go and show the others how to polish...don't worry, i won't make you touch any iron.
Willow - Okay.
--
Right. Now, go for it. Pleeeeeeease try to keep coherence in the story. I hope that has sorted some things out. Just because we have gone to land and you haven't doesn't matter. Try to keep each bit separate though. And can we get some better grammar and spelling going too. I realise you are all going to hate me (except tano, eärniel and willow who like good spelling) for this, but i only want to improve the story. Thank you.

[Earniel]

OOC: *sighs happily* god, I love a coherent story line....

Eär: Er... captain?

EG: Shut up and row.

Eär: What?

EG: *plays with very sharp looking knife* I said shut up and row. The sooner we get a drink, the happier I'll be.

Eär: *whispers to XK* Don't tell me she's having withdrawal effects again. She's always that scary when she's low on booze. I thought we agreed to keep always a good supply of alcohol aboard to stop that from happening.

XK: *whispers back* Yeah, I know but what do you want? We're drunken elven pirates! We never manage to keep a good supply of any alcohol on board.

EG: *throws knife that hits the wood between Eärniel and Elfmaster with a menacing thud. The first and second mate shut up immediatly.* Thank you.

Eär: *swallows and starts rowing harder*

XK: *tries to count the knives the captain still has, fails to do so and starts rowing harder too*

*Within minutes they reach land.*

[zavron]

zav: let's go exploring!!!

*starts doing titanic film impression at the front of the ship, falss off*

zav: Arghhhh!!

*max catches him and blows him back on the ship*

ear: What the Hell are you doing!!

* zavron blushes and stares down at floor*

zav: Just doing a...err...Titanic, Impression.

ear: Well stop it!! Its silly! and we definitely don't do silly things on board this ship!!*man suddenly appears from no where, walks on the ship and slips onto a Banana and slides overboard* strange that's never happened before......Oh well!! Now come with me, we need to sort out some maps!!

[Earniel]

OOC: Er..... zavron? Did you read the previous posts at all? I don't think so.

[zavron]

ooc: Yeah I did. What about it?

[Earniel]

OOC: Well I doubt it since you would have noticed then that we were no longer on the ship.

[Willow Oran]

Meanwhile back on the ship it is fairly quiet for a change. Tano has assigned everybody to polishing duties and except for the low murmur of the waves against the ship it was silent. Alas, this was not to last long...

[Human#3.141592653]

OOC: *Shame-faced* Sorry. Seems my character has gotten alittle out of control....I will try very hard not to do flying Ninja style attacks...on any one in the crew...

IC:

Ninja is in the brigg, which is damp, dark and slimy.

Ninja: *talking to self.* What were you thinking?! A whale isn't worth the tarnshing of you Honor! Sould have committed seppuku out of shame, but I suppose brigg duty is better....I shall have to work extra hard inorder to resort my Honor!

*Whips out shurkien and begins to stalk through the brigg. However the brigg turned out to be completely emtpy....*

Ninja: Oh poop.

But then, Ninja spies a large slimy covered door with "Do not open under pain of death!" written on it.

Ninja: Oooohhh...*pokes* Hmm. *Pokes harder* Gargh! *Pushes* Yar!!! *Pushes really hard* HIYA!!!!! *Ninja kicks door*

Ninja: ....

*Pulls on door handle. The door swings open easy as a shurkien siniking into wood, and a yellow light streams out*

Ninja: Wow. Is that...I never seen anything so beautiful in all of my life!

*Light changes to a red as a loud scream of some great bird slowly rises to a creshendo (Sp)*

Ninja: AGH!!!!!!!! *Slams door behind himself and locks it, leaning against it* Well, that might cause of the sign... *Feels the unmistakble tremble of a ship running ashore.*

Ninja: Oooh! *Bounds up to the top deck to see what's going on*

[Sicirus]

ic: We hit land.

Sici: Yay we made it.*Hops up in down in hiper motions.(tht made no since.)

ooc: Am I an elf?(Yeh I think so)

Sici: so were shall we start?

EG: we shall start with that large cliff over there with the river flowing around it. Wheres the map? *looks back at XK*

XK: right here cap't. * waves very old map in the air that was found on the ship*

EG: good. Lets be off then.

Sici: starts to sing bottles of wine but is given an evil look of death from captain and shuts up.

[zavron]

ooc: At the time of the reply we hadn't hit land, so how do you expect us to not be on the ship when were in the Middle of the sea? Eh earniel?

[Earniel]

OOC: In XK's post we left in a rowing boat and that's the last thing I'm going to say about it.

[Elfmaster XK]

OOC -

OOC: *Shame-faced* Sorry. Seems my character has gotten alittle out of control....I will try very hard not to do flying Ninja style attacks...on any one in the crew...

That's okay Human. And just so you know, cap'n will flay you alive for even trying to go in the room (the room is locked.) For the benefits of our newest members of the crew...the thing, in the room (the room is locked) is a remnant from our old thread. You do not go in the room, (the room is locked) ever. The thing, in the room (the room is locked) will come out when he does, but you will not see him unless he so desires. Etc etc. Now, no one else go in for the safety of the story. Okay. Just as long an Ninja doesn't attck the crew, you're fine Human!

*sigh* Indeed, Eärniel is correct. We were on a rowing boat, not the Nal. I just want to say i hope everyone read the cap'n's speech. It was fairly pointed and entirely serious, despite the fact it was softened by my own bizarre form of humour. So. Here we go. This is last i hope to hear of this disagreement.

Sici - As far as i know, Tano is the only hobbit, and Willow a faerie, but everyone else (c'ept the thing, in the room (the room is locked)) is elvish.
-------

The captain looked at the landscape before her. It was dark now, and she was unsure of her way around this large port town of Port. She looked to her crew mates, to see Eärniel snatching her map out of XK's hands. It seemed she didn't want anyone else to touch such treasured items. XK let her be. Perhaps the cap'n had been a bit harsh by smacking her across the face. She might have damaged that last bit of brain XK hadn't already erroded with alcohol. She sighed.

EG - Eärniel? Which way shall we go?

Eär - Hmm, i think...

Zavron - West, arr, let's go west!

Eär - *gives him The Look™* Ahem, you do the star charts. These maps are by sea elves. I'm the only one who can read them. *grins smugly* We go North East cap'n.

The cap'n nods, and starts off NE. The crew follows quietly.

EG - Follow me in single file. Be as quiet as possible, we don't know what we may encounter.

XK - Psst. Eärniel. *Second mate drops back* This might be something more than simply a lack of alcohol.

Eär - You think? I suspected so. It's...since the incident with the...er...thing, in the room (the room is locked.) Remember, when you went in. Since then she's been acting funny. She knows more than we...

She stopped. The cap'n had disappeared.

Sici - Ooh, look, a mushroom!

XK - Shh! Wait here. *wanders off with Eärniel*

Sici - Hmmph! Nice of them to bugger off and leave us eh, Zav?

Zav - We don't need them!

Sici - Oi! She said wait here!

Zav - I'm only going to get a better view of the...*stops in his tracks*

Sici - What...*From behind the stony wall of the outskirts of the town three tall, white wolves appear. All growling furiously* Run?

At that point three things happened. Cap'n Eruviel and her senior crew jumped out of the trees to grab the other two crew members, the wolves lunged, and three spears were thrown from high upon the wall. The wolves lay dying below. The elves jumped out of the tree and the guards of Port came to meet them.

Guard one - Fred's mi name, an' who might you lot be?

EG - We are travellers. We have landed here for supplies. We have much to barter with.

Fred - Hmmph. Okay then. You might take more care over the indiginous life next time then. Go ahead.

The crew stalked past Fred and his friends and into a local bar. Sici suddenly felt an intense pain in her arm, the shock had led her to fail to notice she had been slashed in the right arm by the claws of the lead wolf. Her vision was bluring and she felt very sick. She leant forward and grabbed the nearest table.

Eär - Sici?

Sici - I...I...*the world swam before her eyes and she collapsed*

XK - *glances at Eärniel* What happened?

The cap'n steps forward and with the help of XK they place Sici on the table. She leans closer, and whispers

EG - Poison.
----

Duh duh duh! No, i'm not killing you sici! Don't worry.

[zavron]

ooc: You're not making this clear, Xk. I never read anything about we getting into a rowing boat, and in your last reply I never read anything about getting of a boat, also What table? nobody mentioned that there was a forest a table and wall on a beach, please would you tell me when you go from one scene to another. And by the way Ear I'm a sea-elf too.

[Elfmaster XK]

OOC - NO MORE OOC HERE! tALK ABOUT/ARGUE ABOUT IT ON THE DISCUSSION THREAD. Zavron, i have answered your questions there. Thank you all.

[zavron]

ooc: xk, you need to make these things clearer, not by describing the scene from snipets of what other peoplesay, you need to describe it yourself.

[Sicirus]

ic:
Sici: Staring blankley at the ceiling I felt the hot pain in my armencrease from were the blasted wolf cut me. What kind og was that. I thought to myself before blanking out into darkness.
I awoke in a soft white bed with a cast around my now numb arm. The rest of the crew sat in a corner talking about what to do about the quest and searching over the elvish map.

Ear: *points to a spot on the map and shows it to the captain. hte captian nods then starts to drink froma large mug of clear liquid that Sici could only guess to be wine. The rest of the crew played around with some freshly picked mushrooms and wine.

[Earniel]

OOC: Don't worry, Sicirus, that happens to the best of us. I believe there is a possibility to delete posts if you edit them.

XK: *looks up* Hah Sicirus, you're back!

EG: That was a nasty cut, crewwoman. You'll get an extra bottle of wine when we find it.

Eär: Here, have a drink. *hands Sicirus a glass*

Sici:*sniff the drink and looks strangely at Eärniel* Are you trying to kill me? There's no alcohol in it!

Eär:*hits forehead* How silly of me! *hands Sicirus a glass of cider*

[Elfmaster XK]

XK unwraps the bandage and looks at the cut on Sicirus' arm. It seems the bleeding has stopped.

EG - I just hope that the anti-dote works.

Sici - *scared* The..anti-dote?

XK - Indeed, that was no ordinary wolf. It was a Karagg. They have poison on their claws to help with struggling prey. Or so i was told.

Sici - *puts a hand on head* Where am i?

Zav - *Enters carrying a pile of cloth* Hospital. Look, the people in the pub would not barter for these goods.

EG - Well then, you will go to market.

Zav - MARKET! I want to go to the pub!

XK - Fine! We shall go to market! Come on Eärniel! *grabs fabrics and they exit*

EG - Sicirus, can you stand?

Sici - I...think so.

EG - Then we shall get you back to the ship. Hopefully we will then be able to get under way once those two get back with the supplies.

Meanwhile, back on board the Nal, Tanoliel had been happily polishing her weapons. That lasted for the first day. Though Sicirus had not realised it, she had been unconcious for two days. Tano had been watching the island through the spyglass ever since. The others were getting bored, and she had noticed Ninja was acting oddly now. She seemed to run down to the Brig to check it, then run back. So, in her curiosity, Tano decided to see what was going on.

Tano - Willow, will you watch for the others for a while?
Willow - *steps onto bow* Of course.

Tano climbed down the steps and went into the ship. She found it oddly quiet down there, but there was no sign at all of anything strange. Then, once she got down to the Brig level, she gasped. Ninja was lying flat out right by the door to the roo (the room is locked.) She took one step forward, and something sounded from beyond the door...

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OOC - Muahahahaaaaa!!!