They'd never say that!

[jammi567]

glad you liked it.

[me9996]

Frodo:I am realy Sam!
Sam:I am realy Aragorn!
Aragorn:I am realy Saruman!
Saruman:I am realy Rosey Gamgee!
Rosey Gamgee:I am realy Souron!
Souron:I am realy Denathor!
Denathor:I am realy Frodo!
Faramir:I am realy haveing an identity crisis

[Curubethion]

Originally Posted by Meriadoc Brandybuck

Springtime for Sauron and Mordor...

Did you know that Sauron's middle name was Elizabeth? Sauron Elizabeth Evil Minion!

[Elanor's Angel]

Sam: Follow the Butterflys! Follow the butterflys!!! WEEEEEEE!!!!! La! La-La!!!

[durinsbane2244]

melkor: well, sauron, now that we're here in middle earth, we can make it good! better than it was before, ever since my little singing bit, eh? glad i've gotten over that.

sauron: yes...well...:shifty:[pretend there's a face] i've been talking to the inhabitants...they..er..want a bloodthirsty tyrranical warlord to rule over them with fire and brimstone raining down from on high and conquer all lands with an iron fist...

melkor: well than...i was going to plant some daisies actually...
*look at each other for a bit*
but fie upon my idle fancies! the good children of my lord illuvitar must have what they want!! ready the factions! we march!
but i'll need a new name...something...more appropriate to the position...

sauron: what was it that feanor said when we were leaving...oh! oh! MORGOTH! that is QUITE menacing, sir!

melkor: yes...yes...that will do nicely...you stay here, sauron, and tend to the daisies...i have work to do...

[Elanor's Angel]

*laughs*

Gandalf: Nakey time!

(Stabbidy rule!)

[durinsbane2244]

[continuation of above post]
sam: YES!!!! let's go mr. frodo...

[me9996]

Gollum:Whats... 'Taters'... preshus?
Sam:PO-TA-TOs!
(Sam draws Luke Skywalkers lightsaber )
Gollum:Were did he get that preshous?
Sam:Well one day I was trimming the verge if yoy get my meaning.
Gollum:I don't preshous, what's a verge preshous?
Sam:A lawn, anyway out from the sky comes a hand with this in it...
Gollum:EW!!!
Sam:...and it turns out to be the best po-ta-to slicer on middle earth!
Gollum:That's how we got this!
(Gollum draws Darth Vaders lightsaber)
Sam:Huh?
Gollum:YAAAHH!!!
(Sam and Gollum lightsaber fight until they're on a brige and Gollum slices off sams hand)
Sam:AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGG!!!
Gollum:Sam.... I..... AM YOUR FATHER!
Sam:NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! THAT'S IMPOSSABLE!!!
Gollum:Search your fealings, you know it to be true!
(Sam jumps into the river and goes and gets a macanical hand an they start fighting again)
Sam:vmmmmm, nneeeeeeewwwwwmmmmmm...
Gollum:The lightsabers make that sound, you don't have to.
Sam:Oh.
(They keep fighting untill Sam slices off Gollums hand, it turns out gollums hand is macanical)
Souron:Gooooood... now finish him off.
Sam:How'd you get here?
Souron:How did you get here?
(For the first time Sam and Gollum realise they're in Balen'dur )
Sam:Huh?
(Sam wakes up- he's in his hobbit hole and wereing bunny-rabbit PJs)
Sam:Great, now I'm getting nightmares
(Later that day...)
Sam:...and that's how my dreem went, what do you think?
Frodo:Thats funey, that sam knight Ey hade suth a bid dreme Ey kant speal aneethein reight...
Sam:Huh?
Frodo:Ey keant spael aneeting!
Sam:Oh no, you sound like me9996!
(Lightning mysterously strikes Sam )

[jammi567]

(i know this has a character from the sil, but i couldn't think of who else to do it with).

Feanor has just created the simarils, and is having a party to celebrate. suddenly, Barbie Girl by Aqua is playing very loudly (don't ask), and he also grabs Galadrials hand to dance with her. she's pissed out of her mind.

Hi, Glad!
Hi, Feo! (falls over)
(palling her up) You wanna go for a ride?
Sure, Feo!
Jump in! (both fall into an opentop sportscar. Feanor takes the wheel and zooms around the plains of Valinor).

(Galadriel) I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world
Life in plastic, it's brill (throws up over edge of car)
You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere (feanor looks long and hard at her breasts. Manages to just advoid the Trees).
Imagination, life is your creation (throws up again. Feanor does a thumbs up to Eru).
(Feanor) Thanks dude!

(Feanor) You're my doll, rock'n'roll (smokes a bit of weed whilst also imitating hitting drums), feel the glamouring and pain (takes his shoes and socks off. Puts car on autopilet and at high speed).
Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky (she touches him lightley on the leg).

(Galadriel) Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees. (during this, she takes off her dress, and he takes off his shirt and trousers. They are both totally naked).

(both together) You can touch, you can play
If you say: "I'm always yours". (Feanor stops the car. Galadriel gets on top of him, and is about to do "it" when...)

(Finarfin) What the bloody hell are you doing?!
(Finwe) Yes Feanor, you were about to have sex with your niece!
(Feanor) I know that, but I really wanted a bit of her hair, and when she said no...
(Finwe) You, young man, are grounded for 12 years.
(Feanor) But dad, I've just created the most...
(Finwe) I don't ******* care, you're still grounded.
(Finarfin) That goes for you too, but for as well as taking drink, you're grounded for an extra 15 years.
(Galadriel, getting up from the floor) But daddy, it's not my fault. (she bursts into tears).

[me9996]

(The orcs marching through Mordor)
Orc1:The orcs go marching one by one!
All the orcs:Hurra! Hurra!
Orc1:The orcs go marching one by one!
All the orcs:Hurra! Hurra!
Orc1:The orcs go marching one by one, the little one stoped to suck his thumb...
Orc572:I did not!
__________________
Sam:Are you a potato?
Frodo:Huh?
Sam:Are you a potato?
Frodo:No...
Sam:Are you shure?
Frodo:Yes... pretty shure...
Sam:How do know?
Frodo:I don't look like a potato...
Sam:But your eyes could be diseved!
Frodo:Potatos don't have eyes!
Sam:They have more that you!
(Pause)
Frodo:Well potatos can't talk!
Sam:How do you know they can't?
Frodo:Have you ever seen a potato talk?
Sam:Have you ever seen what the one ring can do?
Frodo:No...
Sam:And yet you beleaved Gandalf...
Frodo:I don't feal like a potato...
Sam:Let me feal...
Frodo:ICKY!!!
(Frodo runs into the lake and gets eaten by a very large fish)

[Thain Peregrin Took I]

Orc #1: What do you smell?
Orc: #2: Orc sweat.

[jammi567]

[note:this is an imaginary writen script to how the video to "Tragedy" by Steps might go in lotr terms. More to do with the movie, but oh well.]

(We see Gollum, Sam and Frodo walking along somewhere, eating, drinking, sleeping etc. Suddenly, G starts to sing.)
'Here at night
In a lost and lonely part of town' (the camera pulls back to reveal Osgilith(sp) with them in the middle of it.)
'Held in time
In a wad of tears I slowly drown' (G breaks down and cries loudly. Next thing, we're half way up the stairs of Cirith Ungol, just after F has asked S to go home. Sung as S is walking down.)
'Going home
I just can't make it all alone' (S sits down and begins to softly cry. F and G continue up, but F is lookung downcast. Next bit is sung together with split screen.)
'I really should be holding you
holding you, loving you
Loving you...'

(Corus is sung by all three of them, altenating between S and F and G as they go down and up respectivly.)

'Tragedy...
When the feelings gone
And you can't go on it's
Tragedy...
When the morning cries
And you don't know why, it's
Hard to bear
With no-one to love you
Your going nowhere'

'Tragedy...
When you lose control
And you got no soul, it's
Tragedy...
When the morning cries
And you don't know why, it's
Hard to bear
With no-one beside you
Your goin' nowhere'

(We are now alone with S outside Cirith Ungol after F has been taken. Interlode plays. S cries for a bit. Stands up with tears down his face and stars into the camera.)

'Night and day
There's a burnin' down
inside of me
Burnin' love
With a yearning that won't
Let me be' (At this point, S heads towards the tower)
'Down I go
And I just can't take it all alone
I really should be holding you
Holding you, loving you
Loving you...'

(Sung by S as he goes around the tower to find and rescue F)

'Tragedy...
When the feelings gone
And you can't go on it's
Tragedy...
When the morning cries
And you don't know why, it's
Hard to bear
With no-one to love you
Your going nowhere'

(We now cut to F, who after every pause, is whiped by an Orc)

'Tragedy...
When you lose control
And you got no soul, it's
Tragedy...
When the morning cries
And you don't know why, it's
Hard to bear
With no-one beside you
Your goin' nowhere'

(S now comes in, kills the Orc, and they both escape the tower, as well as both singing the song)

'Tragedy...
When the feelings gone
And you can't go on it's
Tragedy...' (F falls over from the weight of the Ring, and S has to help him out)
'When the morning cries
And you don't know why, it's
Hard to bear
With no-one to love you
Your going nowhere'

(Cut to the crack of doom, where F and G are fighting. S comes up and sings.)
'Tragedy...
When you lose control
And you got no soul, it's
Tragedy...' (Suddenly, G slips and falls. Lava rises and comes close to where F and S are. They take no notice, and sing the last part mounfully regardless.)
'When the morning cries
And your heart just dies
Hard to bear
With no-one beside you
Your goin' nowhere'

(The screen goes black, and then we hear no more)

[A bit depressing, i know, but i hope you like it regardless.]

[me9996]

(Ithilain, Frodo and Sam are walking along and a crazy guy runs up to them)
Crazy guy:Beware! Beware!
(Crazy guy runs past)
Frodo:What was that about?
Sam:I don't know, maybe he saw something?
Frodo:How long can we say nothing but questions?
Sam:What did you say?
Frodo:Huh?
Sam:What?
Frodo:How about we move on?
Sam:Why not?
(They move on)
Frodo:What's that?
Sam:What's what?
Frodo:What's that?
(Frodo points into the bushs, Sam doesn't see anything)
Sam:What is it?
Frodo:Maybe it was whatever that guy was scared of?
Sam:You think?
Frodo:What do you think?
Sam:Maybe you should check sting?
Frodo: Does it look like it's glowing?
Sam:What do you think?
Frodo:Who could think that's glowing?
Sam:How about we move on?
Frodo:Why not?
(They move on)
Sam:Maybe that is what he was raveing about?
(Sam points to a squirel)
Frodo:Who could be afraid of that?
Sam:Maybe the madman?
Frodo:What is that overly large and conspicous cave over there?
Sam:Maybe that was what he was scared of?
Frodo:Why don't we find out?
Sam:What do we have to lose?
(They go in the cave)
Frodo:Where are you Sam?
Sam:Were do I sound like I am?
Frodo:What kind of an anser was that?
Sam:How can I be anyware but behind you?
Frodo:What's that light?
Sam:What light?
Frodo:What's that light?
(Frodo points to a light further back in the cave)
Sam:Why do you think I can see your hand?
Frodo:How can you miss that light over there?
Sam:How about we go closer?
Frodo:Why not?
(They go closer)
Frodo:What's that?!?
Sam:Isn't it evil?!?
(It's a lawn gnome with a lamp)
Frodo and Sam:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???
(Later, Frodo and sam are running through the forest!)
Frodo:Why don't you avoid that cave!
Sam:Won't you please avoid that cave?
__________________
(Weathertop, Frodo has just put on the ring and sees the ringwraiths)
Lead Nazgul:Keep the ring! We don't want it!
Frodo:Oh, no! Your not tricking me! Take the ring! Take it!
Lead Nazgul:I couldn't, it was a gift from your dearly departed uncal...
Frodo:He's not dead!
Lead Nazgul:But he was dear and did depart.
Frodo:Good point, but still, PLEASE TAKE THE RING!!!
Lead Nazgul:Okay, fine.
Frodo:And stab me with that neat dagger!
Lead Nazgul:No! I couldn't ever stab someone!
Frodo:But I wanna be a wraith!
Lead Nazgul:There are better ways than that to become a wraith.
Frodo:Stab me with the morgal blade!
Lead Nazgul:No!
Frodo:Then I'll do it!
(Frodo grabs the dagger and gives himself a paper cut with it, then gives the Nazgul the ring)
Frodo:Yay! I'm going to turn into a wraith!
(Frodo instantly turns into a wraith)
Lead Nazgul:Hey look! A fire!
Aragorn:How about a nice lunch?
Nazgul #2(Lead Nazgul is Nazgul #1):I don't have a stomach so I realy couldn't.
__________________
(Moria, Gandalf and the balrog are faceing off)
Gandalf:You shall not pass! I once sold girl scout cookies in Numanor!
Balrog:Gasp!
(Balrog faints and falls of the brige)
Gandalf:NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
(Gandalf jumps after him)
__________________
(Same place as the prevous one)
Gandalf:You shall not pass! You killed my father!
Balrog:Gandalf......... I........ am your father!
Gandalf:NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
(Gandalf jumps off the brige and into a shaft on the wall)
__________________
(Moria, again)
Balrog:EW!!! I Steped in and orc! Can you get it off my foot?
(The balrog raises his foot and starts hopping on the other to keep his balence)
Balrog:Woops!
(The balrog hops [on one foot] of the brige)
__________________

[me9996]

Elrond:Hello Mr. BAGGENS...
Frodo:Huh?
Elrond:You can help us willingly Mr. BAGGENS, or unwillingly...
Frodo:Who's 'us'?
Elrond:Get the bug for Mr. BAGGENS...
Frodo:'The bug'? I'll help whoever 'us' is if you just don't sic a bug on me!!!
Elrond:Good Mr. BAGGENS... First don't lissen to Gandalf, he's a very dangerus wizard...
__________________
Cast for Matrix/LOTR mix (I think it's on topic here)
Elrond:Mr Smith
Frodo:Neo (AKA 'Mr BAGGENS')
Gandalf:Morphius
I can't think of any more, lol
__________________
Aragorn:Oh, I just can't wait to be kiiiiinnnngg!!!
Frodo:We know! We know!
Gandalf:Keep singing that song and I'll turn you into a little pink fluffy bunny!!!
Aragorn:But... I just can't wait to be KIIIIIIIIINNNNNN-
(Gandalf turns Aragorn into a little pink fluffy bunny)
__________________
Frodo:Help! I'm a bug!
__________________
Sam:I realy don't like potatos! I'm SICK of potatos! I DON'T LIKE PO-TA-TOS!
Gollum:I like 'taters preshous...
__________________

[me9996]

I've killed the thread
__________________
Saruman:I like cheese.
Wormtoung:That's odd, but as a wizard do you need food?
Saruman:I like eating hobbits.
Wormtoung:Hmm... Does eating other sentanent beings count as canabelisim?
Saruman:I send my Uruk-hai to go get hobbits and cheese.
Wormtoung:Uruk-hai are half human so for them is eating humans canabelisim?
Saruman:And I eat hobbits and cheese.
Wormtoung:How come I'm asking all this posers and you're going on about hobbits and cheese?
Saruman:And I dance a happy dance.
Wormtoung:Perhaps that is what is wrong with this?

[durinsbane2244]

(continuation of above)

Orcs: Sharky, sir, all we've been able to get you is maggoty bread, for three stinking days!

you thread-killer, you!

[Green Rose]

Gollum: Noo!!!!!! I hate the ring!!! Stinkin' precious!!!

Frodo:The Shire? Who cares about that place! In fact lets burn the whole place down! Down with the Shire! Down with the Shire!

Galadriel: Frodo...you do realize I'm willing to sleep with you for the ring?

[me9996]

Hmm... Geting close to the end of the 1000 post limit.

Gimli:Trees! Trees! Trees! I will never go underground in those nasty mines again!
__________________
Aragorn:I AM THE EVILEST LAWN GNOME IN MIDDLE EARTH!!!
Gandalf:You don't look like a lawn gnome.
Aragorn:I AM!!!
Gandalf:And I didn't think there were lawn gnomes in middle earth...
Aragorn:WHAT ABOUT HIM???
(Aragorn points at Gimli)
__________________

[jammi567]

(Frodo is asleep on the stair of CU. suddenly, whilst dreaming, the Spice girls come out of nowhere).
Frodo: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
(They then start to sing).

La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la

When you're feeling sad and low,
We will take you where you gotta go.
Smiling, dancing, everything is free,
All you need is positivity,

Frodo(gloomily): yer

Colours of the world
Spice up your life
Every dwarf and every elf
Spice up your life
Races of the world
Spice up your life
Aaahh!!!

Slam it to the left
If you're having a good time (cut to nazgul, who do whilst the two lines are said)
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine (cut to Shelob, who does so whilst two lines are said)
Chicas to the front
Uh Uh go round
Slam it to the left
If you're having a good time (cut to orc army, who do so)
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine (cut to Sauron in his tower doing just that)
Chicas to the front
Hi Ci Ya Hold Tight

(During next bit, SG and F go zooming off around middle earth, seeing what's happening at that time, whist F is screaming and covering his ears).

La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la
La la la la la la la la la
La la la la la la la

Yellow man in Timbuktu
Colour for both me and you
Kung fu fighting (Gandalf does a few kicks to show off)
Dancing queen (Galadriel shows off a few of her dancing moves in response to the music)
Travel spaceman (We see Melkor do the finger to everyone)
And all that's in between

(During this next verse, they fast forward to Mt Doom, and see the Ring being destroyed).
Colours of the world
Spice up your life
Every dwarf and every elf
Spice up your life
Races of the world
Spice up your life
Aaahh!!!

(We go to the battle outside the black gates)

Slam it to the left
If you're having a good time (Aragon does)
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine (Legalus does)
Chicas to the front
Uh Uh go round
Slam it to the left
If you're having a good time (Gimili does)
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine (Gandalf does)
Chicas to the front
Hi Ci Ya Hold Tight

(We and them then go back to D. and see F. and Sam doing the below styles one after the after. Frodo is shocked to see himself do that).

Flamenco
Lambada
But Hip Hop is harder
We moon walk the foxtrot
Then polka the salsa
Shake Shake Shake haka
Shake Shake Shake haka

(Frodo then takes his hands away from his ears and listerns to the next verse).

Colours of the world
Spice up your life
Every dwarf and every elf
Spice up your life
Races of the world
Spice up your life
Aaahh!!!

Slam it to the left
If you're having a good time (F. does so)
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine (S. does so)
Chicas to the front
Uh Uh go round
Slam it to the left
If you're having a good time (F. does so)
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine (S. does so)
Chicas to the front
Hi Ci Ya Hold Tight

Slam it to the left
If you're having a good time (All good characters do)
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine (All good characters do)
Chicas to the front
Uh Uh go round
Slam it to the left
If you're having a good time (All good characters do)
Shake it to the right
If you know that you feel fine (All good characters do)
Chicas to the front
Hi Ci Ya Hold Tight.

(F. wakes up screaming. Fortunatly, Gollum is so startled that he steps backwards and impales himself on a sharp spike. S. wakes up and goes to comfort F.).

[jammi567]

Only one more post after this, so i'm going to put something that's fitting ikn the next post.