The Drunk Elf Pirates and the Quest for the Wine-thieves

[The last sane person]

*Kor went rummaging for an axe and hammer muttering about annoying pairs of whatsits and invisible somethings*

Kor: *on deck and armed, hearing the exoskeletoned and mandible bit* Exo whats and mandibled? What is that all about? So, we are a confronting a pair of somethings, which could very well be anythings (that are more or less ship shaped). DO we at least know the vague direction that these whatevers are coming from?

[Elfmaster XK]

As the crew bustled behind her the captain stared out across the waves. Should Willow be allowed to enter the fray? Perhaps Captain Maeve would try to re-capture her. The Nal needed her if they had any hope of recovering the wine.

XK: Willow?

Willow: Aye?

XK: What happened to the Weapon?

[Willow Oran]

Willow: *a little taken a back, she hadn't thought about the Weapon in quite a long while* Umm... that's a good question.

Exk: *sighs* Did you and Tano happen to take it with you?

Willow: Yes... I think we did. We talked about taking it with us anyway and I can't think why we might of left it behind. I am quite certain that it didn't return with me.

Exk: That's unfortunate.

Willow: If you think there's time I could try to re-build it. Chances of reproducing the effect precisely are slim, but I could probably manage something similar...

[Earniel]

Eärniel: You didn't -by accident- leave the weapon somewhere where captain Maeve could have found it, did you, Willow? I'm not that keen to spend the rest of my life as a piglet. I hear they have a lousy tolerance for chocolate.

[Willow Oran]

Willow: No... I think that Tano took it when she ran off with those actors. I don't recall seeing it at any point after she left...

[Grey_Wolf]

Meanwhile Avery clears the table and puts the dirty dishes in his specially designed washing machine and pours a specially made washing detergent made out of coconut milk in it and begins to turn it around with a lever.

[Elfmaster XK]

XK: Hmm. I guess we'll have to do without it then.

Willow: What about another one then? I can...

XK: No, there is no time.

Eärniel: What? Why? Where's the enemy *pulls out some knives*

XK: *raises eyebrow and looks at Willow* It's been a while since we've had a proper fight. Right, everyone, keep your eyes open. Something is coming. Still.

Willow: And you still haven't answered my question. Er, ma'am.

XK: Well. We don't want to lose our only ally with a vague idea of what might or might not happen. Not that having you helped us last time with the running away and all. But this isn't last time. Hmm. *nods at them and walks to the prow of the ship, eyes fixed on a point in the horizon. Willow looks confused.*

Eärniel: Means yes. I think.

[Earniel]

Eärniel: Captain, may I volunteer a wild and probably totally impossible idea? You see, at home in Mithlond, we had this fairy tale about the hero with the pink frilly things and the invisible corsair... *sees EXK doubtfull look and hastens on* ... whose tale I will tell at a more appropriate time. But in short the hero dunked the corsair with paint so it was visible and them killed 'em. So it made me think, we have two possible anythings out there that we can't see. Can't we coat them with something too? We've got the catapult, and I'm sure we can get something out of supplies that can serve as paint.

[klatukatt]

Dick: *appears next to Eärniel* Ma'am. I heard there was a battle afoot.

Eärniel: Gah. Aye there is. Where you been?

Dick: I found a pile of dirty laundry. Tons of holes. Probably from amateur dramatics. *gets a look* You know. People storing daggers in their pants. It's all very cool until someone loses a leg. Then it gets very cold.

Eärniel: Right. Look, why don't you help find some ammunition.

Dick: Right you are ma'am.

[Earniel]

*The Captain of the Nal watches the two ship-shaped somethings through her spy-glass.*

EXK: One of them is coming closer. It's a ship alright, but a most peculiar shade of grey...

Kor: Can you see a name, captain?

EXK: Yes... Wraak... *lowers spy-glass* What kind of a name is that?

Eär: Oooh, I know, I know! That's Dutch, some obscure dialect I once encountered in a sweet little harbour named Antwerp. I think that's where I picked up my first taste of chocolate. The name means 'vengeance'.

Willow: Vengeance? For what? And on who? Why is everyone always so cryptic around here?

*Aboard the Wraak, a gunner got impatient and fired a cannon. Still out of range, the cannon ball hits the water, before the Nal's bow.*

Eär: I take it that answers your questions, Willow. Vengeance on us.

EXK: *re-arranges captain's hat* Now that's a language I understand. Battle stations!

[Acalewia]

*Various scuttlings of the crew as they scramble to their battle stations*

Rana: Looks like we're in for a fun time. *Megil rolls eyes*

Eresse:*grabbes Migil's arm* Oh come on! Lets have some fun shooting stuff at them. *Sharkbait follows*

Megil: You have got to be kidding.

Rana: Nope. *Grabs the helm* Ready for orders, Capt'n!

[Elfmaster XK]

*EXK looked at the sky and stroked her imaginary beard. And don't look like that you lot, it's what she does to think. She pondered the plausibility of Eärniel's idea. Suddenly, water splashed over the prow of the ship as another cannon fired. She narrowed her eyes at the ghostly Wraak.*

EXK: Dick, Kor...go below decks to the hold. Right at the back, and the end behind the gin there are two barrels of treacle.

Dick: Treacle?

EXK: Aye. It should still be black and sticky, but by now it's probably partly alive.

Dick: But...treacle?

EXK: JUST DO IT or we'll be using YOU as paint to coat that ship.

Dick: Yes ma'am.

Eärniel: Are you actually...you know...using my idea?

EXK: Yes. It may be inspired by frills and corsairs, but its the only one we have right now.

*After a tense pause, Dick and Kor reappear rolling barrels up towards the catapult.*

EXK: Right, so who wants to fire?

[Acalewia]

*Megil just happens to "step" forward*

Megil: Hey!

*Eresse has an innocent look on her face*

[Earniel]

Eär: Right! *grins broadly* Now let's give them something to really visit vengeance upon us.

Kor: Is that actually a good thing?

Eär: No, but when did that stop us before?

Kor: Right...

*The first barrel of treacle is carefully loaded on the catapult.*

Megil: Two degrees to the left.... five degrees up... Right on target. Awaiting orders, captain.

EXK: Fire at will.

Megil: *confused* Who's Will, do we know him?

EXK: *sighs* Just fire, Megil.

[Acalewia]

Megil: Oh right!

Rana: He never claimed to be the brightest one on the ship.

Megil: I'm going to ignore that.

*The treacle is fired at the firing ship*

[Earniel]

*The crew gathered around the captain who whipped out her spy-glass to survey the damage they'd done.*

Captain: Nice shot, Megil. The barrel nicked the prow, dripping over the hull and then spilled over the deck. I can see some very angry gesturing happening there.

*Another shot is fired from the Wraak, this time it passes the Nal by only a margin.*

Eärniel: They're getting in range, Captain.

Captain: Right. Are our cannons loaded?

Kor: Loaded with some very ... interesting munition and standing by.

[Willow Oran]

XK: Excellent. Fire!

And lo! The cannons did boom and the ammunition did fly across the shallow waters like a yellow rain to thud into the bulk of the Wraack and its cursed (imagine an accent mark above the e, please) crew with the most sorrowful squeaks! And the Captain of the Nal, observing her crew's handiwork spake thusly:

XK: Duckies?! WE've got a shipfull of sharp, metal junk and you assualt our enemies with bathtoys?

Earniel: Heh... fire the other cannon!

They did, not wanting to face the Captain's wrath and this time chains were sent flying and the damage done to the Wraack was great, so much so that the illusion of invisibilty was ruined utterly and the crew could see their foes clearly

Willow: Isn't that the same ship as - ?

Xk: *holding on to Willow firmly* Yes. They returned to have vengence on us for killing their old Captain.

Dun duh duuuh!

Willow: ... Shouldn't that be our line? And what's with the melodramatic narration all of a sudden?

Bob: *puts away her protable orchestra* Sorry.

XK: Right. We want vengence on them too. Re-load the cannons, ladies! It's revenge all around!

[Earniel]

Eärniel: *grinning maniacally* Vengeance! Yeay! Who needs cold-served dishes when one can have fully-loaded cannons?! *shoves more random metal into the cannon mouth* Wheeee!

EXK: Less revelling, more reloading! The Wraak's reloading as well!

[klatukatt]

*Unfortunately, Bob was also "helping" to load the cannons."*

Eärniel: NO! No more fruit! No, not EVEN a pineapple! We need metal!

Bob: Like this? *thunk*

*Eärniel turned around to see a very large metal spike.*

Eärniel: Now that's more like it! *loads cannon*

EXK: FIRE!

*The huge metal spike crashed through the hull of the Wraak and turned back into Bob.*

Bob: Oh. Goodie.

[Willow Oran]

The Wraack and the Nal, exchanging fire all the while (Bob was repeating her newfound humanoid-cannon-spike trick with much glee), gradually drifted closer. Wallowing in the shallows around the sandbar till at last, with a massive jolt, both ships ran aground and now on land the Wraack's savage crewmen steamed from their ship. Though as outnumbered as they were in any fight, our own heroes on the Nal took up their motley assortment of weapons and leapt from their ship to meet these foes.

Maeve: *watching the battle from the still shielded sloop* To arms everyone! Our targets are getting themselves beat by that other ship.

There is a brief spurt of flame and several screams from the sandbar as Ignatius puts his natural talents to use.

Cera: You're sure they're in trouble?

Maeve: *still watching* ... No. But let's not take chances, hmm? No one here wants to miss a fight. Bring us into land, we'll suprise the lot of them.