Do nazguls have to go to the bathroom? and other pointless questions

this one isn't mine, i forget who said it...

Eowyn vs. Arwen - Mud-wrestling for the hand of Aragorn!

aryne *

How come none of the characters in LotR ever go to the bathroom?

which brings me to my next question (Two Towers):

If 200 orcs are traveling at a speed of 10km per hour and one orc would have to leave the group to go to the bathroom, how many kms would he have to catch up considering these facts?
-it takes about 10 min to find a suitable bathroom place in the grasslands
-orcs take 45 min to go to the bathroom (the stuff they eat gives them constipation)
-it takes about 5 minutes for the orc to find a suitable amount of grass in order to use it as toilet paper
-it takes the orc 10 minutes to use the "toilet paper"
-the orc takes another 5 min to wipe its hands on the grass after finding out that grass does not make good toilet paper
-and another 10 minutes wiping his feet after he accidentaly steps on his own mess (orcs aren't very carefull of where they spill their beans)

anyone?

These young people! No staying power at all . . .

He never would catch up. For one thing his troop is 14.17 kilometres away (I did that without a calculator) and still forced-marching round the clock; is he supposed to double the pace? For another, no orc would give himself* the trouble even if he could; once that far out of Ugluk's reach, he would light out at once for the Misty Mountains or wherever he came from. And for a third, this obviously isn't a real orc; his manners are far too gentleman-like (toilet-paper forsooth!) Actually he's — oh, somebody else can work that one out.

* That ‘himself’ suggests another thought: What are she-orcs like? What kind of names have they? What do they use for make-up?

I suppose they look particularly ugluk. Ugly. Whatever.

To tie this back to the previous question they use dung for make up

Why aren't there any naturist/nudist hobbits?

hobbits are (or MOST hobbits are) a pretty hairy group. nudism never caught on because under their clothes, a select few of them are completely hairless - it's a family trait. these were, of course, the rich fat influential hobbits, & they wore clothing to cover up their hairlessness. this then turned into a fashion, & later a custom. Hobbits, being the civilized quiet familiarity-oriented people they are, never really went against this custom. & the only hobbit "rebels" ended up on strange journeys...

but of course friends don't care if their friends are semi-hairless mutants or not, & so friends will run around naked in front of each other. especially on barrow-mounds...

aryne *

next question: when Aragorn finally caught Gollum, what did he do to make that vile bad creature squeal? (just kidding!)

i don't know what strider did, but i would have let him face the sun all day in a bad of cram(or the elvish variant),while tickling him under the feet and letting the one ring hang in front of him,but in such a way that he couldn't touch it

Did Sauron ever consider farting to take over Middle-Earth? Evil farts smell extremely......ugh!

No, he never really considered it, but it was his farts and not pollution (although they might be counted as pollution) that have permanently damaged the ozone layer. Ever since then, a few people have inherited the gift from him (his weak-but-still-alive spirit farted in their faces when they were born when nobody was looking) and are called "old farts" today.

Sauron didn't fart because he lived next door to a volcano. So he sent his Nazgul throughout ME to do it instead; but out of tact, people always referred to it as "The Black Breath."

Question, question.......I don't know. Which character would be most deserving of the title "Disco Inferno?"

Frodo dancing on the table in The Prancing Pony springs to mind. I doubt even Travolta in Saturday Night Fever could have reproduced Frodo`s killer invisiblity move.

Luthien dancing upon the unfading grass in the glades beside Esgalduin got Beren all hotted up. But she dressed a lot better than Travolta. Does anybody remember the cheesy pin-up version of Luthien on an old JRRT calendar. I think the picture was by Rowena Morrill. Now THAT was Dance Fever!

of the following, who is the best hockey player?

Aragorn
Strider
Wingfoot
Elessar
Longshanks
the King of Minas Tirith
the heir of Isildur
the Dunadan
Thorongil
the first of the House of Telcontar
Elrond's son-in-law

aryne *

I hope that Estel is the best.

Wingfoot`s speed would be hard to beat.

Does Aragorn get to wear the Captain's "C," or should he just get the "A?"

AAAAAAAACK! I KNEW I'D FORGET A NAME!

aryne *

[Christiana]

lol