Lyrd Of The Ryngs - The Homies

[Grey_Wolf]

"A week!" said Hirgon. "If it must be so, it must. But you are like to find only ruined walls in seven days from now, unless other help unlooked-for comes. Still, you may at the least disturb the Orcs and Swarthy Men from their feasting in the White Tower."
"At the least we will do that," said Théoden. "But I myself am new-come from battle and long journey, and I will now go to rest. Tarry here this night. Then you shall look on the muster of Rohan and drive away the gladder for the sight, and the swifter for the rest. In the morning counsels are best, and night changes many thoughts.

With that the general stood up, and they all rose. "Go now each to your rest." he said, "and sleep well. And you, Master Meriadoc, I need no more tonight. But be ready to my call as soon as the Sun is risen."
"I will be ready," said Merry, "even if you bid me ride with you on the Paths of the Dead."
"Speak not words of omen!" said the king. "For there may be more roads than one that could bear that name. But I did not say that I would bid you ride with me on any road. Good night!"
"I won't be left behind, to be called for on return!" said Merry. "I won't be left, I won't." And repeating this over and over again to himself he fell asleep at last in his tent.

He was wakened by a man shaking him. "Wake up, wake up. Master Holbytla!" he cried; and at length Merry came out of deep dreams and sat up with a start. It still seemed very dark, he thought.
"What is the matter?" he asked.
"The king calls for you."
"But the Sun has not risen, yet," said Merry.
"No, and will not rise today, Master Holbytla. Nor ever again, one would think under this cloud. But time does not stand still, though the Sun be lost. Make haste!"

[Grey_Wolf]

Flinging on some clothes, Merry looked outside. The world was darkling. The very air seemed brown, and all things about were black and grey and shadowless; there was a great stillness. No shape of cloud could be seen, unless it were far away westward, where the furthest groping fingers of the great gloom still crawled onwards and a little light leaked through them. Overhead there hung a heavy roof, sombre and featureless, and light seemed rather to be failing than growing.

Merry saw many folk standing, looking up and muttering: all their faces were grey and sad, and some were afraid. With a sinking heart he made his way to the general. Hirgon the biker of Gondor was there before him, and beside him stood now another man, like him and dressed alike, but shorter and broader. As Merry entered he was speaking to the king.
"It comes from Mordor, lord," he said. "It began last night at sunset. From the hills in the Eastfold of your realm I saw it rise and creep across the sky, and all night as I rode it came behind eating up the stars. Now the great cloud hangs over all the land between here and the Mountains of Shadow; and it is deepening. War has already begun."

For a while the general sat silent. At last he spoke. "So we come to it in the end," he said: "the great battle of our time, in which many things shall pass away. But at least there is no longer need for hiding. We will drive the straight way and the open road and with all our speed. The muster shall begin at once, and wait for none that tarry. Have you good store in Minas Tirith? For if we must ride now in all haste, then we must drive light, with but meal and water enough to last us into battle."
"We have very great store long prepared," answered Hirgon. Ride now as light and as swift as you may!"
"Then call the heralds, Éomer," said Théoden. "Let the Bikers be marshalled!"

Éomer went out, and presently the sirens rang in the Hold and were answered by many others from below; but their voices no longer sounded clear and brave as they had seemed to Merry the night before. Dull they seemed and harsh in the heavy air, braying ominously.

[Grey_Wolf]

The general turned to Merry. "I am going to war, Master Meriadoc," he said. "In a little while I shall take the road. I release you from my service, but not from my friendship. You shall abide here, and if you will, you shall serve the Lady Éowyn, who will govern the folk in my stead."
"But, but, lord," Merry stammered, "I offered you my sword. I do not want to be parted from you like this, Théoden King. And as all my friends have gone to the battle' I should be ashamed to stay behind."
"But we drive swift bikes and vehicles," said Théoden; "and great though your heart be, you cannot drive on such things."
"Then tie me on to the back of one, or place in the trunk of a vehicle, or something," said Merry. "It is a long way to run; but run I shall, if I cannot ride, even if I wear my feet off and arrive weeks too late."

Théoden smiled. "Rather than that I would bear you with me on Snowmane," he said. "But at the least you shall ride with me to Edoras and look on Meduseld; for that way I shall go. So far Stybba can bear you: the great race will not begin till we reach the plains."

Then Éowyn rose up. "Come now, Meriadoc!" she said. "I will show you the gear that I have prepared fur you." They went out together. "This request only did Aragorn make to me," said Éowyn, as they passed among the tents, "that you should be armed for battle. I have granted it, as I could. For my heart tells me that you will need such gear ere the end."

Now she led Merry to a booth among the lodges of the king's guard and there an armourer brought out to her a small helm, and a round shield, and other gear.
"No bodyarmour have we to fit you," said Éowyn, "nor any time for the forging of such; but here is also a stout jacket of leather, a belt, and a bowieknife. that's all the sword we have for you ."

Merry bowed, and the lady showed him the shield, which was like the shield that had been given to Gimli, and it bore on it the device of the white horse. "Take all these things," she said, "and bear them to good fortune! Farewell now, Master Meriadoc! Yet maybe we shall meet again, you and I."

[Grey_Wolf]

So it was that amid a gathering gloom the General of the Mark made ready to lead all his Bikers and Armoured Cavalry Regiments on the eastward road. Hearts were heavy and many quailed in the shadow. But they were a stern people, loyal to their lord, and little weeping or murmuring was heard, even in the camp in the Hold where the exiles from Edoras were housed, women and children and old men. Doom hung over them, but they faced it silently.

Two swift hours passed, and now the king sat upon his white chopper, glimmering in the half light. Proud and tall he seemed, though the hair that flowed beneath his high helmet was like snow; and many marvelled at him and took heart to see him unbent and unafraid.

There on the wide flats beside the noisy river were marshalled in many companies well nigh five and fifty hundreds of Bikers fully armed, and many hundreds of other men with spare bikes lightly burdened. A single siren sounded. The general raised his hand, and then silently the host of the Mark began to move. Foremost went twelve of the king's household-men, Bikers of renown. Then the king followed with Éomer on his right. He had said farewell to Éowyn above in the Hold, and the memory was grievous; but now he turned his mind to the road that lay ahead. Behind him Merry rode on Stybba the dirtbike with the errand bikers of Gondor, and behind them again twelve more of the king's household. They passed down the long ranks of waiting men with stern and unmoved faces. But when they had come almost to the end of the line one looked up glancing keenly at the hobbit. A young man, Merry thought as he returned the glance, less in height and girth than most. He caught the glint of clear grey eyes; and then he shivered, for it came suddenly to him that it was the face of one without hope who goes in search of death.

[Acalewia]

On down they grey road they went beside the Snowbourn rushing on its stones; through the hamlets of Underharrow and Uphorn, where many said faces of women looking out from dark doors; and so without loudspeaker or the music of men's voices the great bike rally into the East began with which the songs of Rohan were busy for many long lives of men thereafter.


How can you look into my eyes like open doors?
Leading you down into my core
Where I've be come so numb without a soul
My spirit sleeping somewhere cold
Until you find it there and lead it back home

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life

Now that I know what I'm without
You can't just leave me
Breathe into me and make me real
Bring me to life

Wake me up inside
Wake me up inside
Call my name and save me from the dark
Bid my blood to run before I come undone
Save me from the nothing I've become
Bring me to life
Bring me to life

It was indeed in deeping gloom that the king came to Endoras, although it was then but noon by the hour. There he halted only a short while and strengthened his host by some three score of Bikers that came late to the weapontake. Now having eaten he made ready to set out again, and he wished his esauire a kindly fairwell. But Merry begged for the last time not to be parted from him.

[Acalewia]

"This is no journey for such bikes as Stybba, as I have told you," said Theoden. "And in such a battle as we think to make on the fields of Gondor what would you do, Master Meriadoc, swordthain though you be, and greater of heart than stature?"
"As for that, who can tell?" answered Merry. "But why, lord, did you recieve me as your swordthain, if not to stay at your side? And I would not have it said of me in song only that I was always left behind! And will you stop pointing out my height. I know I'm short!"
"Sorry. Irecieved you for your safe-keeping," answered Theoden; "and also to do as I might bid. None of my Bikers can bear you as a burden. If the battle were before my gates, maybe your deeds would be rembered by the songwriters and singers; but it is a hundred leagues and two to Mundburg where Denethor is CA. I will say no more."
Merry bowed and went away unhapply, and stared at the line of bikers. Already the packs were preparing to start. Unnoticed a Biker came up and spoke softly in the hobbit's ear.
"Where will wants not, a way opens, so we say" he whispered; "and so I have found myself." Merry looked up and saw that it was the young Biker whom he had noticed in the morning. "You wish to go whither the Lord of the Mark goes. I see it in your face"
"I do," said Merry.
"Then you shall go with me," said the Biker. "I will bear you before me, under my coat until we are far afield, and this darkness is yet darker. Such good will not should not be denied. Say no more to any man, but come!"
"Thank you indeed!" said Merry. "Thank you, sir, though I don't know your name."
"Do you not?" said the Biker softly. "Then call me Dernhelm."

[Grey_Wolf]

Then it came to pass that when the General set out, before Dernhelm sat Meriadoc the Hobbit, and him being such lightweight meant that the fuel was consumed only marginally more because Dernhelm was also lighter of weight when compared to the regular Rohirrim Cavalry trooper.

On into the shadow they drove. In the willow-thickets where Snowbourn flowed into Entwash, twelve leagues east of Edoras, they camped that night.

And on again through the Folde; and through the Fenmarch, where to their right great oakwoods climbed on the skirts of the hills under the shades of dark Halifirien by the borders of Gondor; but away to their left the mists lay on the marshes fed by the mouths of Entwash.

And as they drove rumour came of war in the North. Lone men, driving hard, brought word of foes assailing their east-borders, of orc-hosts marching in the Wold of Rohan.

"Drive on! Drive on!" cried Éomer."Too late now to turn aside. The fens of Entwash must guard our flank. Haste now we need, Drive on!"

And so General Theoden departed from his realm, and mile by mile the long roud wound away, and the beacon hills marched passed: Calenhad, Min-Rimmon, Erelas, Nardol. But their power was out. All lands were grey and still; and ever the shadow deepened before them, and hope waned in every heart.

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V
Book 5.4: The Siege of Gondor

[Acalewia]

Pippen was roused by Gandalf. The lamps were on in their room, for only a dim twilight came through the windows; the air was heavy as with approching thunder.
"What time is it?" said Pippin yawning.
"Past 2 o'clock in the morning," said Gandalf. "Time to get up and make yourself presentable. You are summoned to the Chief Architect to learn of your new duties"
"Will he provide breakfast?"
"No! You silly hobbit. Must you always think about food? I have provided it:all you will get till noon. Food is now doled out by order.
Pippin looked ruefully at the small English Muffin and (he thought) very inadequate pat of peanut butter, beside a cup of weak coffee.
"Are you going to eat it or stare at it?"
"Why did you bring me here?" Pippin said, on the verge of tears.
"You know quite well," said Gandalf. "To keep you out of trouble; and if you don't like it, you can remember that you brought it on yourself!" Pippin said no more and began eating his breakfast, wishing he had some Bud and Merry to share it with.

[Acalewia]

Before long, he was walking with Gandalf once more down the cold corridor to the door of the Tower Hall. There Denethor sat in a grey gloom, like an old patient spider, Pippin thought he did not seem to have moved since the day before. He beckoned Gandalf to a seat, but Pippin was left for a while standing unheeded. Presently the old man turned to him:
"Well, Master Peregrin, I hope that you used yesterday to your profit, and to your liking? Though I fear that the board is barer in this city than you could wish?"
Pippin had an uncomfortable feeling that most of what he had said or done was somehow known to the Chief Architect, and much was guessed of what he thought as well. He did not answer.
"What would you do in my service?"
"I thought, sir, that you would tell me my duties."
"I will, when I learn what you are fit for," said Denethor. "But that I shall learn soonest, maybe, if I keep you beside me. The esquire of my chamber has begged to go to the out-garrison, so you shall take his place for a while. You shall wait on me, bear errends, and talk to me, if war and council leave me any leasure. Can you sing?"
"Yes," said Pippin. "Well, yes, well enough for my own people. But we have no songs fit for great halls and evil times, lord. We seldom sing of anything more terrible than wind or rain. And most of my songs are about things that make us laugh; or about food and drink, of course"

[Grey_Wolf]

"And why should such songs be unfit for my halls, or for such hours as these? We who have lived long under the Shadow may surely listen to echoes from a land untroubled by it? Then we may feel that our vigil was not fruitless, though it may have been thankless."

Pippin's heart sank. He did not relish the idea of singing any song of the Shire to the Lord of Minas Tirith, certainly not the comic ones that he knew best; they were too, well, rustic for such an occasion. He was however spared the ordeal for the present. He was not commanded to sing. Denethor turned to Gandalf, asking questions about the Rohirrim and their policies, and the position of Éomer, the king's nephew. Pippin marvelled at the amount that the Lord seemed to know about a people that lived far away, though it must, he thought, be many years since Denethor himself had ridden abroad.

Presently Denethor waved to Pippin and dismissed him again for a while. "Go to the armouries of the Citadel," he said, "and get you there the bodyarmour and gear of the Tower. It will be ready. It was commanded yesterday. Return when you are clad!"

It was as he said; and Pippin soon found himself arrayed in strange garments, all of black and silver. He had a small bulletproof vest, its outside made of kevlar , maybe, yet black as jet; and a kevlar helmet with small raven-wings on either side, set with a silver star in the centre. Above the bodyarmour was a short jacket of black, but broidered on the breast in silver with the token of the Tree. His old clothes were folded and put away, but he was permitted to keep the grey cloak of Lórien, though not to wear it when on duty. He looked now, had he known it, verily Ernil i Pheriannath, the Prince of the Halflings, that folk had called him; but he felt uncomfortable. And the gloom began to weigh on his spirits.

[Grey_Wolf]

It was dark and dim all day. From the sunless dawn until evening the heavy shadow had deepened, and all hearts in the City were oppressed. Far above a great cloud streamed slowly westward from the Black Land, devouring light, borne upon a wind of war; but below the air was still and breathless, as if all the Vale of Anduin waited for the onset of a ruinous storm.

About the eleventh hour, released at last for a while from service. Pippin came out and went in search of food and drink to cheer his heavy heart and make his task of waiting more supportable. In the messes he met Beregond again, who had just come from an errand over the Pelennor out to the Guard-towers upon the Causeway. Together they strolled out to the walls; for Pippin felt imprisoned indoors, and stifled even in the lofty citadel. Now they sat side by side again in the embrasure looking eastward, where they had eaten and talked the day before.

It was the sunset-hour, but the great pall had now stretched far into the West, and only as it sank at last into the Sea did the Sun escape to send out a brief farewell gleam before the night, even as Frodo saw it at the Cross-roads touching the head of the fallen king. But to the fields of the Pelennor, under the shadow of Mindolluin, there came no gleam: they were brown and drear.

[EarthBound]

Onward the horde of the Dark Lord trudged forward releasing fumes and puddles of mucus, for the great army was experiencing post-nasal-drip after a large feast of extra-spicy salsa and pinto-bean mush.

The mucus became so bad that those in the back of the march immediately requisitioned for rubber boots.

This request was quickly sent through the chain of command to no one particular, which is how most things were administered in their army.

But through a logistical error, a terrible mistake was made, and in fact a truck load of rubber booties was delivered to the needy orcs sloshing behind the hord.

Many orcs were later hanged for this offence.

[Truck pulls up to unload boots]

“Bowt Time yuss gots heres!” Screamed the commander of Orc labor leader 0159.

[Truck doors open and boots begin to be thrown out to soldiers]

“Uh, hey…these have flowers…and are yellow…not that they aren’t cute, but come one…what will the enemy think!”

[Large orc brandishing a flame-thrower steps out of back of truck with bull-horn] “Any and all union workers, errrr, soldiers that is, will be happily shot or sliced depending on my mood if they express any misgivings about your new ‘union-issued’ 'dark-army' booties!”

So, the dark army slithered through Ithilien, ominous and frightening to behold with crude SKS’s and AK-47’s….and wearing bright yellow booties with lovely flowers printed on them….terrible they were to behold. A fashion statement of death and poor taste.

[Butterbeer]

It began to rain.

"maybe we could do with some umbrellas..." muttered one.

The call went up the line...

[Grey_Wolf]

Another truck drove to the rear echelelons of Dark Army.
A voice shouted:

"'Brellies!'brellies here are your 'brellies!" and a shower bright green umbrellas with covered in tiny red hearts and fringed with tassels shot out of the loading door of truck.

Some, unfortunately, struck the intended recepients.
"Ouch! Look where you throw things, you morons!" shouted the drenched troopers.

[Butterbeer]

Shagbarf the mucus dribbler looked at the be-tassled love hearted bright green brollies with disgust.

Just then a troop carrier splashed by sending a spray of cold semi-toxic liquid at the lads near him ... mmm nice colour he thought, popping the umbrella out and beginning a very infectious Fred-astaire 'singing in the rain' song and dance routine...

"Oh! what a Glorious feeeeeling!" went the refrain from down the line behind him, umbrellas began popping up and swirling round jauntily.

The lads from Morgul were particularly proud of their baritone section. In unison Legs and arms were thrown out in rythum, first to the left then to the right all down the line. Oddly a sudden rent in the clouds poured a moonlight beam right onto the sparkling and spinning top of Shagbarf's umbrella.

Like stardust the glistening drops of rain bounced off it in a theatrical crescendo.

Even a few trolls started beating their heads together in a reasonable attempt at keeping time.

[Grey_Wolf]

The Commanders noticed they gradual slowing down and almost coming to a stop of the Dark Army.

Word was sent back as to ascertain reason for said slouchiness.
A trooper came back almost immediately.

"Sire, eh, the troops...they're...sort of...dancing..." his voice trailed off into silence at the withering stare delivered by the Witch-King's Second-In-Command.

"They're what?" he asked incredulously, staring the trooper down.
"See to it that they stop goofing around and get to it marching instead."

[Butterbeer]

old "goofy" the somewhat deaf and totally blind Orc leader took this personally and quite possibly the wrong way...

"Right Lads!" he bawled ...

[Grey_Wolf]

"Eh, Goofy, shouldn't we...sort of...be marching the other way?" Goofy's lieutenant asked timidly as Big G turned around and began marching back to Mordor.

[EarthBound]

The Witch King, sporting his "Back in Black" AC-DC T-shirt and Beer-cap with the 'dual' straws (so he could sup from immediately in crisis) Quickly put things right by car-jacking a stray Ice-cream truck. Simply by blaring the standard ice-cream truck tunes, he was able to heard his dark army towards the White Tower...and the Doom of it's citizens. Onward they strode, picking up pace and confidence...the Fudge-dilly bars were handed out in bonus for a quicker step.

With speed and darkness the menace marched on. A jumble of booties, umbrellas, and dilly-bar wrappers...

Meanwhile, Pip was caught by Gandalf drinking cola and downing Pop-Rocks with the other guardsmen....

[Butterbeer]

"is that coca-cola or pepsi?" asked gandalf thirstily.

He was handed a blindfold and two glasses.

The audience looked on with interest ... an awed silence fell ( only broken by the loud slurping noises) as the wizard and medicine salesman took the test...

of course the coca-cola was the original recipie! featuring the 'special' ingredient! ...