The List Thread

[Aeryn]

Radagast,
Yes, are u being sarcastic?
They are jokes.......

[Radagast The Brown]

I guess that your answer is yes?

[Aeryn]

Grrrrrrrrr, yes, my answer is yes okay....??????????????

[Laurelyn]

Lol!!

[Aeryn]

Oh *serious glance at Laurelyn, hands on hips* You think this is funny do you???
Well missy...errr...*confuzzled look* ...IT IS!

[Ma Uai: Ua Nemti]

The people here on entmoot never cease to amaze, astound, and confuse me.

Nice lists Aeryn. I especially like the "fun at Wal-mart" and the "Fun with Cops."

[Dussander]

Originally posted by Ma Uai: Ua Nemti
The people here on entmoot never cease to amaze, astound, and confuse me.

Nice lists Aeryn. I especially like the "fun at Wal-mart" and the "Fun with Cops."

I agree, but I also like the Elevator ones, I've done some of those before, alas I was kicked out of the mall. Go figure.

[Coney]

This was posted in the MSN community I manage..............nothing personal, or sexist, intended.

EXPRESSIONS FOR WOMEN ON HIGH STRESS DAYS


1. You - Off my planet.
2. Not the brightest crayon in the box now, are we?
3. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
4. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
5. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?
6. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
7. Allow me to introduce my selves.
8. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
9. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
10. I'm just working here until a good fast-food job opens up.
11. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
12. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.
13. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.
14. How many times do I have to flush before you go away?
15. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
16. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing.
17. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2?
18. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
19. Chaos, panic, and disorder-my work here is done.
20. Earth is full. Go home.
21. Is it time for your medication or mine?
22. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
23. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

[Aeryn]

Coney,
Find one for women on just PLAIN BAD DAYS, I could relate.

*grumbles about the time change*

*grumbles about that stupid telemarketing call at 5:00 this morning*

*grumbles about burnt breakfast, and a late lunch*

*continues grumbling*

[Coney]

How to Give a Cat a Pill (this is nearly true), not strictly a list tho'.

1.) Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2.) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3.) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4.) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count ten.

5.) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top wardrobe. Call spouse to help.

6.) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7.) Retrieve cat from curtain rod, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8.) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visable from beow armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9.) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink 1 beer to take tste away. Apply plaster to forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10.) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11.) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw t-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12.) Call firebrigade to retrieve the friggin' cat from tree across road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil -wrap.

13.) Tie the front paws to rear paws with twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy duty pruning glooves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head down vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14.) Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to casualty, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from your right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15.) Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

[Aeryn]

LMAO!

[Aeryn]

A Grandchild's Guide to Using Grandpa's Computer

(This poem by Gene Ziegler was copied, reduced by half,
attributed to "Anonymous", and recirculated under the title
"If Dr. Seuss were a Technical Writer")

Bits Bytes Chips Clocks
Bits in bytes on chips in box.
Bytes with bits and chips with clocks.
Chips in box on ether-docks.

Chips with bits come. Chips with bytes come.
Chips with bits and bytes and clocks come.

Look, sir. Look, sir. read the book, sir.
Let's do tricks with bits and bytes, sir.
Let's do tricks with chips and clocks, sir.

First, I'll make a quick trick bit stack.
Then I'll make a quick trick byte stack.
You can make a quick trick chip stack.
You can make a quick trick clock stack.

And here's a new trick on the scene.
Bits in bytes for your machine.
Bytes in words to fill your screen.

Now we come to ticks and tocks, sir.
Try to say this by the clock, sir.

Clocks on chips tick.
Clocks on chips tock.
Eight byte bits tick.
Eight bit bytes tock.
Clocks on chips with eight bit bytes tick.
Chips with clocks and eight byte bits tock.

Here's an easy game to play.
Here's an easy thing to say....

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory makes your floppy disk abort
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report!

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless, and your system's gunna crash.

You can't say this? What a shame, sir!
We'll find you another game, sir.

If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side-effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse,
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
cause as sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gunna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy on the disk,
and the microcode instructions cause unnecessary risc,
then you have to flash your memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
quickly turn off your computer and be sure to tell your mom!


(God bless you Dr. Seuss wherever you are!)



Hang the Information Highwayman!

(Commentary on the widely circulated poem called
"If Dr. Seuss were a Technical Writer")

When a party writes a poem and he puts it on the net,
He writes for love not money, and he takes what he can get.
He writes to bring you pleasure, that's the nature of the game.
He writes for recognition and he's sure to sign his name.

I wrote the poem in question, but this will make you laugh,
the version circulating, is my work cut in half!
Someone didn't like it, I guess that's a cinch.
It passed around the internet, until it met the Grinch.

I've never met the miscreant who edited my work,
but when I close my eyes and try, I can see the jerk!
The eyes are tiny pixels, close together you will find,
they're only separated by his narrow little mind.

His fingernails are dirty as he types on sticky keys,
He lurks around the network and takes whatever he sees.
He edits, chops, appropriates, and strips away my name,
A scoundrel on the internet, a lowdown dirty shame.

I'd like to find this filcher, so I'll offer this reward.
I'll give away my Mac SE, throw in the power cord.
If you will help me track him down and hang his internets
This information highwayman deserves what'er he gets.

And if we fail to find him, I'll hit him with a curse.
His hard disk will start spinning counter-clockwise in reverse.
His screen will start to flicker, and his mouse will chase a hearse.
I'll teach that hacking larcenist to tamper with my verse!

If you want to see my uncut work, take heart, it's still alive
It's in NetGuide, page eighty-six, for March of ninty-five.

[Ma Uai: Ua Nemti]

What's LAMO?

[Aeryn]

LMAO means Laughing my a$$ off


I have no clue what LAMO means

[Ma Uai: Ua Nemti]

thanks
my bad

[Aeryn]

Don't worry about it. I still don't know what IMHO means.

[Khamûl]

IMHO - In my humble opinion.