Tolkien Lover Anonymous 3, The Sil(ly)marillion

[Earniel]

*Meanwhile Eärniel has caught up with Ecthelion who is getting ready to do battle as well*

Eärniel: I bet you'll be storming off to the battle front as well, won't you? *helps Ecthelion into his armour*

Ecthelion: Yes, I suppose it'd be of little use asking Morgoth now if we can't all be friends. And before you say it, no, you won't be staying with me. I'm sending you to the secret tunnel.

Eärniel: *stops for a moment with fastening Ecthelion's armour* But- No! I can fight!

Ecthelion: Not in a full-blown siege such as this one. Or do you think a catapult is an effective defense against dragons and balrogs?

Eärniel:*glances slightly guilty at catapult in her hand* I hate it when people know me too well...

Ecthelion: Now go, gather your TLA-friends and escort Idril and her son and whoever else you can gather, and take them all to the tunnel. Idril will no doubt be there already but make sure she leaves! Don't let her wait for Random young Tuor. *takes his spiked helmet and puts it on*

Eärniel: *weakly* Maybe you don't want to be putting so much armour on. It might slow you down...

Ecthelion: *assured* I think I'll be needing it, though. Goodbye, Eärniel. *goes to the door*

Eärniel: *calls after him* Ecthelion!

Ecthelion: Yes?

Eärniel: I just wanted you to know: you will slay Godmod and we will escape.

Ecthelion: *smiles* Glorfindel has mentioned you and your friends knew more of what would be than others. I will remember your words. Now go! *leaves*

Eärniel:...

Eärniel: I think I'm going to cry now...

*Excellent! After the drama, we will have some angst. There's nothing like that old dependable formula!*

Eärniel: *aims catapult threatingly to the empty air* And soon we'll have a vacancy for the position of narrator!

*The narrator swallows hard.*

*Point taken. Um, shall we move on to the next scene?*

Eärniel: Gladly. The sooner I get out of Gondolina the better.

*Eärniel leaves the House of the Fountains for the last time and rushes to the secret tunnel, that is still the furthest away from the fighting that has started in the watery city. There already some of the women and children have gathered and are sent down in the dark passage. There Eärniel finds already some of the TLA as well.*

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: DEATH TIME! (Ironically, to keep the thread alive... )

*The TLA and other important characters safely assembled in the hidden tunnel out of the city which Katt had made sure NOT to tell anyone about.*

Katt: They have to get away, that's part of the fun.

*And Katt was also doing her part to make sure there would be no goodies left for the warriors afterwards by--*

Katt: Setting things on FIRE! And plundering. No sense letting all this fabric and shiney things go to waste.

*Katt surveyed the scene. Most of the good guys left were trying to do hand to had combat with a dragon. Not easy. Katt pulled out her list of characters that needed to be "taken care of."*

Katt: Let's see, Glorfindel not yet; Ecthelion in a little bit; those guys are much later; and Maeglin--

*Maeglin ran straight into Katt at that moment. It looked as though he also had Katt's idea about plundering.*

Katt: Hey Maeglin! I have a secret! The TLA are *whisper whisper* and you go *whisper whisper* and then *whisper*.

Maeglin: Thanks! *Runs off*

Katt: But don't tell anyone else! That takes care of him. Those guys have got to have some fun, especially when everyone else is dying. Now let's see...

*Ecthelion chose that moment to shout a heroic battle cry while standing in a fountain.*

Katt: Perfect. *deep breath* God MOAAAAAAAD!

*The balrog came lumbering over.*

Katt: *Points to Ecthelion* That! Go get it!

*Godmod lashed out a whip and one of Ecthelion's arms fell right off.*

Ecthelion: All right, who did that? Someone is asking for a beating!

*Godmod whipped again and Ecthelion's other arm fell off.*

Ecthelion: So, it was YOU you big frying lump of terd! Come over here and get the beating you deserve!

*Godmod shrugged and walked over to the fountain. He peered down at the bleeding elf.*

Godmod: Yhhhooo ghhhottt noohhhh ahhrrrmsssssss left.

Ecthelion: Tis but a scratch! And now, prepare to DIE!!!

*Ecthelion lunged forward, ramming his pointed helmet into Godmod's middle. Unfortunatly, the balrog fell forward into the fountain and crushed Ecthelion.*

Katt: Wow. I've always wanted to do that to a god-modder. Now that Ecthelion's dead, I should sound the alarm.

*It wasn't long before shouts of "All is lost!" and "Fly!" rang out through the city.*

[Christiana]

*Christiana wakes up from several decades of beauty sleep- not that it had helped much*

Christiana: HEY!!!

*She quickly staggered her way into the wall, nursing a hangover*

C: i am NOT hung over! its not my fault they imported several bottles of mirovour! i mean, everything is going to be destroyed! i couldn't let it go to waste!

*Christiana somehow manages to put her armor on backwarks*

C:Crap. this is taking WAY too long

*She then crams it on the right way, picks up her sword, runs out the door, and manages to stop a whole squad of orks in their tracks*

C: hey, my hair doesnt look THAT bad

*Actually, it does*

C: do you know how fun it is to stick narrorators with swords?

*Christaimmediatelytakesadvantageoftheorcssurprise andbeginsbashingheadsin*

C:thats better

OOC:im back!!

[Count Comfect]

OOC: We seem to be skipping over Maeglin attempting to kill Earendil and Idril. I think I'll bring that back in, if it's alright.

IC:*And so Maeglin ignored what Katt had whispered in his ear, for he was a proud youth, and went seeking Idril. Upon the stairs leading to the tunnel he found her, carrying her child Eärendil, and he seized upon her*

Idril: Hey, leggo!

Maeglin: Ooh, such a pretty baby. Let's see how it looks smashed like an egg on the paving stones, shall we?

*But being an egotistical villainous type, he was not satisfied with killing the babe there. He carried it and Idril up to the highest battlements. Unfortunately, that took both his hands, and Idril's feet were free*

Maeglin: Oooof... that's below the belt.

Idril: Literally.

Random Young Tuor: WHAT IS THAT MAN DOING WITH MY WIFE AND CHILD?

*And the shout of Random Young Tuor was terrible to hear, so that the forces of Morgoth fell back apace, and RYT went to Idril's aid*

Maeglin: Not so fast! I have a knife, and I still have the kid.

*Eärendil barfs in Maeglin's face, and then bites his hand*

Idril: That's what happens when you forget to burp the baby you're carrying.

*And RYT was upon him ere he could reply*

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Sorry, I forgot that part. I was going to have Maeglin follow them anyway. But, I'll let the expert(s) handle this.

[Count Comfect]

*Meanwhile, Turgon climbed to the highest tower of Gondolina, above the stopped canals and smashed gondolas of his rampaged city, and called out to his people*

Turgon:*

*But they could not hear him, for he was too high up. Yet Random Young Tuor saw him, and decided he had to do something*

RYT: Idril! I will save your father!

Idril: Hadn't you better finish with Maeglin first?

RYT: Right.

Idril: *sigh* Why does he have to be so dumb?

*And RYT threw Maeglin from the battlements*

[Christiana]

*Christiana looked up just in time to see Turgon step ontop of the battlements*

Christiana: OY! um, guys, Turgon's gonna jump

Eärniel: so, we can't do anything about it. No interfering with the plot, remember?

Christiana: Drat.

Turgon: Great is the fall of Gondolina!

Christiana*yelling*: actually, it really stinks! Everyone's DYING, and the orcs are destroying my chocolate stash, and Eärendil's vomiting!

Turgon: What? I can't hear you!*he leans closer, but forgets he is on a battlement. The TLA watch in silence as he falls off with a high pitched girlish scream.

Christiana: Whoops. What's supposed to happen next guys?

Katt: You have a secret chocolate stash?

Christiana: Drat

[Finrod Felagund]

Finrod: Damn, my cousin can't die like that!

*Finrod rides in on an abnormally large red horse*

Finrod: Turgon! Get up!

Turgon: My friggin leg's broken.

Finrod: Drat...okay, here's the scoop...you're gonna die here...

Turgon: But how?

Finrod: ...Lets at least make it glorious, shall we? No shaming the family ok?

Turgon: uhhhh...ok?

Dragon: Roaarrrr!

Finrod: haha...have at thee!

Werewolf: Awoooo!

Finrod: Ummm...Turgon...I'm going to miss you...a lot. I'll see you in Valinor some day. *starts to tear* Look...you were always the best of the cousins. Say hello to my dad...ok?

Werewolf: Awooooooooo!

Finrod: I gotta run...sorry bro...

*Rides away*

Turgon: Wow......HEY! Didn't Cousin Finny already die?!?!?

Dragon: Roar!

*The dragon rears up in front of Turgon, who proceeds to kill it. The dragon falls on to of the tower which in turn falls and crushes Turgon...thus the plot was followed. And so passed Turgon, king of Gondolin.*

[Willow Oran]

*Meanwhile in other parts of the city there was much fighting. And much dieing and much pain and suffering and just general unpleasentness that we shall not describe in detail. Those who were still alive and kicking and stabbing and what-have-you had been forced to retreat from the gates and had managed to gather in the Square of the King's Fountain...*

Glor: *yanks Maggie out of the path of an orc's pike while simultaneously beheading another orc* Any word of your friends?

Maggie: I think most of them are- Look out!

Glor: *ducks*

Maggie: Still alive.

Glor: Are you sure?

Maggie: Relatively, we don't usually die unless we've taken on a role that requires it.

Glor: I'm not sure I want that to make sense. Do you have any idea of what's about to happen?

Maggie: Yes, stay clear of cliffs.

Glor: This is going to be painful isn't it?

Maggie: Very.

Glor:*Doesn't respond, just keeps fighting*

OOC: Evil screwy timelines... Thanks Finrod, I rather missed that bit.

[Finrod Felagund]

OOC: He already died...at the top of this page...

[Earniel]

RYT: *sees Turgon die under tower* Well, that rules out saving your father, sorry honey.

Idril: It's okay... I guess.

Eärniel: Excuse me while I interrupt this romantic moment, but erm... shouldn't you two be going?

RYT: What? Oh, right. Escape. Tunnel. Save people. Be the hero. Yes.

Eärniel: *to Idril* Is he always this slow on the uptake?

Idril:*sighs* What would you want? He has been listening to Ulmo for too long.

*They run back to the tunnel entrance, where the TLA are pushing survivors down the tunnel. Ocassionally the sound 'Wheee! is heard from down below.*

Eärniel: *stares at Idril* You turned the escape tunnel into a slide?

Idril: *shrugs* No one ever said we couldn't have fun while escaping...

*Random Young Tuor and family go down the tunnel, er... slide. Far below the TLA hear a faint 'Wheee!' as the royal family joins the remnant of their people.*

Eärniel: Eärendil sure seems to be enjoying himself... Now,is everybody here?

Tano: Most of the TLA are down already. We're still waiting for Maggie and Glorfy but they should be arriving any moment now, seen that the King's Tower demolished the Square.

Christiana: What about Katt?

Ren: Oh, I'm guessing that's one TLA-member we should worry the least about. Last time I spotted her she was amiably chatting with Godmod.

Eärniel: Okay then. No point in staying then. *turns and looks at burning city* Alas, Gondolina. I knew him, Horatio. It was nice knowin' ya. *jumps down slide*

*Far below a 'Wheeeeee!' is heard.*

[Count Comfect]

*As if in response to the groan-worthy Shakespeare reference, the now-ruined canals and fountains of Gondolina sent up a cloud of mist that just happened to cover the escape of those who had fled via slide. Which was good, as RYT had designed the road away from the slide and it was, well, a very obvious straight line.*

RYT: Oops.

*Meanwhile, Maggie and Glorfindel were taking this as a sign to get the heck out of Gondolina*

OOC: I'll (hopefully) let Maggie figure out how she gets Glorfindel to come with us in order to face the Balrog.

[Willow Oran]

*Meanwhile Maggie and Glor had taken that as a sign to get the heck out of Gondolina and reached the tunnel just as the last of the refugees dissapeared down the slide.*

Maggie: We're just in time, you go ahead and go first, you're heavier.

Glor: What? No, ladies first, you go ahead.

Maggie: This is no time for politeness Glor, get in the tunnel.

Glor: Um... I'd rather not, I'm kind of claustraphobic.

*Maggie decides not to argue and pushes him forward, sliding sown immediately after.*

[Earniel]

*And so the TLA and what's left of the population of Gondolina finds themselves at the base of the slide.*

Eärniel: *jumps up and down* Wheee! That was fun. Let's do it again!

Maggie: Erm. No.

Eärniel: *disappointed* Aww... no fun.

Idril: Is this a good time to get the hell out of here? The more distance we have between us and them would be nice.

Eärniel: Shouldn't we let Glorfy walk in front?

Glorfindel: *slightly suspicious* Why me?

Eärniel: Well because you are suppo- *sees Maggie's murderous glare and swallows* Er.. because... *coughs* I mean... well...*desperate smile* Do you want Random Young Tuor to do it? Because, you know, with him in the lead, we'll probably end up end up... er on the Helcaraxë or something.

Glorfindel: *sighs* Sadly enough, you do have a point there...

[Willow Oran]

Glor:... which is why you had better take the lead. You lot seem to know where to go and how to get there.

Maggie: Seem being the operative word...

Glor: Well, someone had better take the lead. We need to move quickly.

Idril: I'll take it. Glor, you have the most men left will you take rear? We're likely to be followed.

Glor: *Thinks for a moment. Glances suspiciously at Maggie. Thinks some more.* Fine. I'll probably regret it, whatever is about to happen it won't be pleasent, you all wouldn't wincing if I weren't right about that. You also wouldn't know to be wincing about it if it hadn't already happened so there really isn't any point trying to change it. Lead on, we'll take the rear.

*Idril moves to the front and all too slowly the refugees start moving steadily away from the city.*

Maggie: That was a stupid thing to do. Noble, but stupid.

Glor: Sometimes there isn't any other choice. Somebody was going to have to do it. At least I trust myself to do some good if something goes wrong which it most likely will. Our luck ran out the second we saw the armies coming over the pass.

Maggie: You have a point.

Glor: I always have a point. Now, when whatever bad thing that is going to happens happens will you please refrain from doing anything stupid?

Maggie: Um...

Glor: Or do I have to send you to the front?

Maggie: I try to stay calm. Really. I'll do my absolute best not to do anything damaging.

Glor: Huh!

Maggie: I promise!

Glor: Very well.

*and they all march on in silence.*

[Count Comfect]

*And the front of the refugee band came to Thoron Sîr*

Random Young Tuor: What did he say?

Elf Soldier: Thoron Sîr.

RYT: What was that?

Elf Soldier: Thoron Sîr, sir.

RYT: Can't understand a word he says. You!

Other Elf Soldier: Yes, sir?

RYT: What did he *points to Elf Soldier* say?

Other Elf Soldier: He said 'Thoron Sîr, sir,' sir.

*And so the front passed Thoron Sîr with much debate*

[Christiana]

*Christiana squashed her chocolate going down the slide*

Christiana: its *sob* all gone

Earniel: well, thats what you get for not sharing it with us

Christa: thats not ver- WAIT! chocolate is still good melted, now its just chocolate sauce!

Earniel: can i have some?

Christiana: why?

Earniel: because i reminded you that you didnt share it with us, starting your mind on the track that culminated in realizing that chocolate tastes good melted

Christiana:umm.....

Earniel*puppy dog eyes*

Christiana: here you go *hands her a half squashed chocolate bar*

[Earniel]

Eärniel: Thanks. Ah, chocolate! Now nothing else can go wro...

Ren: No! Don't finish that sentence!

Eärniel: Wha-? Why not?

Arcala: Because as soon as some one says nothing else can go wrong, it will!

Tano: No, actually that's what happens when someone says: "It can't get any worse than this".

Arcala: Oh. You think?

Tano: Possitive.

Balrog: *taps on Glorfindels shoulder* Excuse me, aren't you lot the escapees from Gondolina? I'm under orders to wipe you all out but, you see, I've kind of lost track. Rather embarassing, yeah, I know.

Eärniel: Wow, it does work...

[Tanoliel]

Tano: *slaps forehead* Next time, remind me not to say things I'm not supposed to say, even when I'm saying I shouldn't say them, okay?

Balrog: Huh?

Tano: Nevermind. At least it's gone as bad as it ca--

Earniel: Don't say it!

Tano: Oh. Right. Thanks...

[Willow Oran]

Glor: *eyes Balrog warily, put off by the unexpected politness* Escapees from Gondolina?

Balrog: Yes, are you?

Glor: Sorry, no.

Balrog: You aren't?

Glor: Nope, definitly not.

*By this point a rather lot of orcs have shown up and are standing behind the Balrog looking confused while the rest of the escapees have gotten the hint and are quietly moving more quickly away from the exchange.*

Balrog: You're absolutely positive? I mean, I can't think who else would be up here...

Glor: I assure we are not escaping from anything, we were just on our way back to the coast, returning from a camping trip, botany, hiking, that sort of thing.

Balrog: Oh. Well, could you possibly point us in the right direction?

Glor: You could try to the south-east.

Balrog: Right. Thanks. Bye then. *turns to the orcs* Come on lads. Other direction!

*They march off, grumbling about having gotten turned around in the mountains. Glor watches them out of sight and then goes to catch up with the others who have made it around the bend and are still moving, silently he joins the tail end of the straggled out company, coming up behind maggie who has been trailing along behind hoping to hear the outcome of the confrontation.*

Glor: You know it isn't at all safe for a young women to be back here, if an enemy came from behind you'd be the first to die.

Maggie: *blinks, turns* You aren't dead?

Glor: Was I supposed to be? Don't answer that. No I'm not dead, I didn't expect that trick to work, I admit.

Maggie: Er, well, good thing it did.

Glor: You sound unsure.

Maggie: it's just, it changes the plot rather drastically.

Glor: Does it? What would my death have accomplished, really? Aside from providing material for another tragic ballad.

Maggie: You were supposed to have sacraficed you life in order to protect Earendil who will be very important in a decade or so.

Glor: The balrog and its orcs went away didn't they?

Maggie: yes.

Glor: So Earendil is indeed safe, is he not?

Maggie: Yes.

Glor: And my being alive won't really change things later on will it?

Maggie: Mmm... No.

Glor: After all, if I heard your hints right I would have come back eventually, right?

Maggie: Right... I think you were supposed to have been a bit changed powerwise by that.

Glor: Ah. Well, too late to change it now, I'm alive and I intend to stay that way, regardless of plot.

Maggie: Only if you promise to assure the others that I nothing to do with that resolution.

Glor: Of course. How could you have? I'm own character after all, free will and all that. *looks very innocent*

Maggie; *sigh* You're hopeless.

Glor; *cheerfully* No, on the contrary, I'm feeling very hopeful. I've just gained nearly a full age where I'm not expected to be part of the plot.

*And