Return of TLA

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Right. But I have to do a finding Maggie, um, Willow sceen first.

*Katt was really confused. Who was that sleeping where Maggie was? Katt entered the figure and looked about.*

*In Willow's head*

Willow: Katt!

Katt: Gah! Who are you?

Willow: It's me. Willow. One of Maggie's alter ego's

Katt: Oh. I know you.

Willow: You shouldn't be here.

Katt: Why not?

Willow: Because I am the essence of everthing.

Katt: So?

Willow: And you are the essence of nothing.

Katt: So?

Willow: Technacely we cannot co-exist in the exact same spot without negating all existance. The question is why have we not negated existance yet?

Katt: Because I don't belive so.

Willow: But I know so.

Katt: Yes but my belife, even if it isn't true, therfore outweighs your knowledge of the exact opposite of my belife.

Willow: That makes no sence.

Katt: But I belive it does and therefore it is true. *Begins to realize her argument is not valid* But I had better get out of here before I start beliving what your knowledge and we really do negate all existance. By the way, we could use your help fighting the Smaugetts.

Willow: No problem.

*Katt left Willow and drifted into another room just in time to get the shock of her life.*

Katt: Gandgirl NOOOOOO!

*No one could hear her, but what made her scream? What happened to Gandgirl? Who will be victorious? Will we ever find out?*

Katt: Of course we'll find out. I'm not done writing yet.

*Oh. Well, good. I want to know.*

Katt: As well you should be. I'm glad I took away your script.

*Yeah, yeah, yeah*

Katt: It is much more fun to write with a cooperating narrator.

*At least I can satisfy myself with the image of you talking to the air.*

Katt: You can't even do that. I'm INVISIBLE!

*OK! Can we get back to the story?*

Katt: Sure. Here's the next page of the script.

*Ok. Ahem, Katt had drifted into the room at the exact time Gandgirl was modling for Smaugandgirl*

Katt: Gandgirl NOOOOOO! Not Pink! Dear Lord!

*Yes, Gandgirl had a slinky pink dress on that she got to go with her new blond hair.*

Katt: I need to knock some sence into that girl!

*Katt entered Gandgirl*

*In Gandgirl's head*

Katt: Snap out of it, yo!

SGandgirl: *controling GG* Snap out of what?

Katt: YOU!

SGG: Yes me, how do you think I got blond hair on her?

Katt: I am here to exorcize you!

SGG: Try you worst.

Katt: I would like to read you a little poem.

SGG: Don't you know that the Smaugettes are the leading buyers of Vogon Poetry?

Katt: Oh please. That is only the third worst in the Galaxy. This is the worst.

SGG: What? What's all this about dead swans? Oh eww! *Stops contoling Gandgirl.*

GG: What? What happened?

Katt: She took over you. Quick, Get out of the room. And please change clothes.

GG: I get what you mean. Hey, get out of my head.

Katt: Will do.

*Katt left GG's head. GG left the room to change back to normal. Katt advanced on SGG and entered her head.*

SGG: No! Stop! Get away from me! AAAA!

*Katt left SGG shivering in a corner.*

GG: Oh my goodness, what did she do?

*She showed SGG pictures of the torture scene from "The War for All of Middle Earth*

GG: Ooh! *Wince*

*Yeah, I suddered*

[Tanoliel]

*Meanwhile, Tano is curling Smaugano's hair into little ringlets*
Tano: *mutters* Wow. I like having a cooperating narrator, too.
*Who says it's cooperating?*
Tano: I do. Shut up.
Smaugano: What did you say?
Tano: *brightly* Nevermind! I wasn't talking to you. There. Isn't that cute?
Smaugano: Oooooo! A-dor able! I love it!
Tano: Great. It looks very nice. Now if you'll come in here *gestures toward a large closet* I believe there are a few clothings left over from the wreckage. That shirt, for example. Try that on.
Smaugano: Oooo! SO cute! *pounces on clothes*
Tano: *smiles smugly* En-joy.
*She shuts the door carefully, taps it once with her curling iron of doom, and leaves, secure in the knowlege that it is thouroughly locked and Smaugano won't be getting out for a while*

ooc: Yeah, Katt! WORST poetry. I also give permission to do things to my evil twin, though...ya know...not too badly.

[Christiana]

*Meanwhile, Christiana is chasing SG around the hall

[Claenoic]

*With massive earplugs in her ears, Hannah creeps up on Smaugannah, who is still spouting Vogon poetry into a megaphone*

Hannah: *Taps Smaugannah on the shoulder*

Smaugannah: *Turns around* Yes?

Hannah: 42!!!! *In yelling this, she snitches Smaugannah's megaphone* Yoink.

Smaugannah: HEY!!!... What was, like, the point of saying 42?

Hannah: Iunno. Sperm whales?

Smaugannah: Ah.

*They both stand there, a bit stupefied. The very next second, they are fighting over the megaphone.*

[Human#3.141592653]

But then, suddenly...

Penguin (Not the deaf one, but Human in the form of a penguin) fliches the magical elf ears from Zandalf and becomes

Ultra-super-duper Penguin once again!

Wa ha ha ha ha ha!!!

...

Yeah, I'm done.

[Earniel]

OOC: Like my First Contact quote, Katt? It looked fitting. and it was a good movie. If you're still looking for another torture victim, take Renille's evil twin. I don't think she has defeated hers yet and unfortunately I don't think she will.

IC:
*However at that moment Sarah arrives at the scene, still being chased by Smaugarah. Seeing Penguin transforming, she thinks the elven ears may help her too and with a short 'sorry penguin', she snatches the elven ears and puts them on.*

Penguin: Mier!
Sarah: I'm just borrowing some of your ultra-super-duper thingie, I've got an evil twin on my back you know!

*But then the elven ears begin to glow. Somebody turned on a CD-player and some heavenly music begins to play. The light becomes clearer and envelopes Sarah.*

Sarah: Um... is this supposed to happen? Is this how one can become Ultra-super-duper Sarah?

*Just when Penguin and Smaugarah are blinded by the light and have to shield their eyes, the light dimishes again. The music goes shortly cresendo before dying away. The strands of swirling light start to desolve like mist and in the middle still stands Sarah, though not entirely Sarah anymore.*

Penguin: Mier?

*Sarah opens her eyes and there is a light within. She smiles strangely.*

Sarah: Upgrade completed.

*She takes off the elven ears and gives them back to Penguin who immediately transforms back to Ultra-super-duper Penguin.*

Smaugarah: *claps hands* All very nice, you'd make a fortune in Hollywood with all the non-essential special effects. But we've still got some things to settle, don't we?
Sarah: Quite so, catch me if you can!

*Sarah runs away again and Smaugarah follows her into the productionhalls. Finally Smaugarah manages to corner Sarah between the machinery.*

Smaugarah: Got you now! This is the end of the line for you, girl friend.
Sarah: Okay I give up but you've got to say the right words...
Smaugarah: What words?
Sarah: *pleading* Oh come on, you know which ones. You've won, you get to gloat before you finish me off.
Smaugarah: No, I won't. This is just one of your tricks to stall me.
Sarah: Why would I do that? There's no escape for me now. And I like to be defeated by one who knows how to be evil properly. You know you want to....
Smaugarah: *hesitating* No I don't.

*Sarah continues to talk Smaugarah into it. Finally the Smaugette gives in. She throws up her arms and shouts: I'M INVINCIBLE! Suddenly the chocolatemachine right above her erupts and sprays instant congealing chocolate over the Smaugette, forming a nice chocolate statue with Smaugarah within.*

Sarah: *looks at the trapped Smaugette* It's no longer Sarah by the way. You may call me Eärniel and ..... *thinks* Darn, I ran out of catchy phrases! Anyway, let's see how the other TLA'rs are doing.

OOC: Since we are setting up things for the original TLA, I needed to elvenify myself to Eärniel.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: OOOOOH! Goodie! Elvenified! I shall help Renille deAlliefy herself. We have to get the newly Faeriefied Maggie/Willow back in_the story.

*Willow wanders out of the room in which she DeMaggified.*

Willow: Oh, this is horrid. *Sigh* I guess I'll go help or something.

*Turns a corner and runs smack into Allie.*

Allie: Where is it?!?

Willow: I don't have it!

Allie: Oh, you. I know you don't have it. SHE has it, but she is gonna kill me. I gotta get it back! OH NO! Here she comes! Run, RUN!

OOC: Drink twice. That's on the LOTR drinking game. Drink whenever someone says something and then says it louder a secont later. Twice if it's "Run, RUN!"

*Around the corner came Smaugallie with the invisible Katt closely following. Smaugallie did not have IT (the Arkenegg) as Allie suspects. Just to remember, Hannah has it.*

*Allie starts running again and Willow steps aside.*

Willow: Bye Allie, Bye Smaugallie, Bye Katt.

Katt: Bye! Wait! I'm invisible!

*However, Katt did not stop to figure this out.*

*It was at this time that the confused faerie uttered the expression that all confused faeries utter.*

Willow: Cheese?

*From down the hall came the reply that all faerie friends are obliged to say.*

Katt: Wiz!

Willow: Oh.

*Meanwhile Allie had come to an abrupt halt, almost hitting a wall. Smaugallie stopped behind her, and because Katt was too busy yelling "Wiz!" she did not notice and went inside Smaugallie. Surprizingly, this was what she meant to do all along.*

Katt: Yeah, yeah, um, that's right.

*She is a cat after all.*

Katt: Anyway, here I am, where I wanted to be, inside Smaugallie's head. Muah ha ha ha....

OOC: YOu know what's gonna happen!

[Earniel]

*As Eärniel goes off in search for her fellow TLA'rs she bumps into Willow. *

Eärniel: Aaaaah! Who are you?

Willow: Aaaaah! Who are you?

Eärniel: I'm Eärniel.

Willow: I'm Willow.

Eärniel: You seem familiar.

Willow: You seem familiar too.

Eärniel: Are you a TLA-member?

Willow: I think I was. Are you a TLA-member?

Eärniel: I think I was too.

Willow: I was Maggie but I got cursed.

Eärniel: I was Sarah but I got ungraded. How were you cursed?

Willow: I can't enter Middle-earth anymore in my own body. How were you upgraded?

Eärniel: I used Zandalf's elven ears and I elvenified.

*Look will you just get on with it without stating the obvious?*

Willow: Fine, fine!

*The faerie and elf wander off again, they run into Tano who has just disposed of her own evil twin. Together they continue to search for their friends.*

[Nazgûl Queen]

*Meanwhile, in the Library*

NQ: Hey, Smaugacia, now that you're normal...

SA: I take offenjse at that remark!

NQ: Now that you're... well... Acacia...

SA: Yeeeeeeeeeeees...

NQ: WOuld you like something to read? We're very fond of this Raymond E Feist series...

SA: OOH! *takes the book and sits down on the beanbag to read. Within minutes she is suitably enthralled and NQ goes off for a wander, bumping into Earniel and Willow*

NQ: Hey, who are you two?

Earniel: Well, she's Willow

Willow: And she's Earniel....

Both: Wo are you?

NQ: Morauko, the Nazgul Queen. *squints and stares closely at them* Were you two in TLA?

Willow: Yup, we're Maggie and Sarah

NQ: I see, well, I was Acacia. Mind if i join you?

Earniel: Go right ahead. So, what have you done to your evil twin?

NQ: Well, she's still slightly evil, but that's like me. I just bribed her with music and books...

[Claenoic]

OOC: Time for me to Hobbitify!

Smaugannah: *Screeches* IT'S MINE!!!!!!

Hannah: *Growls* NO VOGON POETRY ALLOWED!!!!

*They fight and fight and eventually end up near the fire*

Hannah: Huh? *She feel the heat* Oh... Idea! *She snatches up a long stick of wood and steals a economy sized bottle of hairspray from Smaugannah's arsenal. She lights the stick on fire. Boom. Instant flamethrower*

Smaugannah: *Is too blonde to put 2 and 2 together* Like, what are you doing? *Pats perfect hair with the hand that's not pulling at the megaphone*

Hannah: Oh... nothing ^_^ *Quickly slithers behind Smaugannah, aims the torch at Smaugannah's hair, and sprays the hairspray.*

*The effect is instant*

Smaugannah: AIIEEEEEE!!!!! *Rolls around to try to put out the fire. In doing so, she drops the megaphone. She disappears in a puff of logic, since she was too evil to live.*

Hannah: I conquer!!! GO ME!!

*She snatches up the megaphone. She realizes that she's shrinking.*

Hannah: Huh?

*Hannah's also growing large hairy feet. And she's getting chubby.*

Hannah: HEY!!!

*Opinion. And she suddenly realizes she loves mushrooms, even though she's had an aversion to them all her life*

Hannah: Whoa........ O.o

*The tranformation ceases*

Claenoic: Ceases? *pfft* Don't have to have such big words! Oh well. *Looks around* I guess I need to go see how the other guys did... *trots off on her newly enlarged feet.*

OOC: Yes, the day I got hooked on LOTR was also the day I turned into a pyro... preeetty fiiiiire...

OOC2: There's a pretty funny story behind the flame thrower. I was volunteering at the Sunday school when Pastor Lim walked in with a lighter, a wood skewer, and a bottle of hairspray. I didn't have a clue about what was going on. When the service started *These kids were 5-10 years old* he said that the message today was to spread the word. So he lit the skewer and sprayed the hairspray at it. The flame that shot out was about 2 feet long! And all of the widdle kiddies looked just like this: . So I was wondering, "What if the fire was bigger and there was a lot more hairspray?" There's the inspiration for this post ^_________^.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC:-I'm-gonna-finish-off-Smaugallie-and-will-someone-else-take-care-of-Renellifying-Allie?

OOC2:-whoops!-I-can't-do-anything-right-now-cuz-I-don't-have-a-space-bar.

OOC3:-Yay!-It's-friday!-tonight-is-the-night-when-the-star-trek-episode-I've-been-waiting-for-will-be-on-telivision!!!!Happieness!Brad-Dourif(wormtounge)-guest-stars!Sorry,I'm-so-Happieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

OOC4:-Gaw!It's-hard-to-write-with-no-space-bar!

[Christiana]

*Violet rolls and drops into a fighting stance. Smaugiana lunges at her. Violet relizes that under normal circumstances, she would have vanquished her opponent in too-*

Violet:"hey!That'stwo, not too!!!

*how dare you correct me on my spelling!*

Violet:yeah?well, get back to the story, or we'll introduce Smaugararator!

*o0*

*Violet realized that she would have vanquished her opponent intwo seconds, if it weren't for he fact that Smaugiana had three inch long nails. She ducked a blow that would have taken out her eye, but instead it ripped a gash along her cheek*

OOC:i got to go now, dont finish my story for me!!!

[Elf Girl]

OOC: I don't have to wizardify, so I can Renillify Allie if you finish off her Smaugette. Why-don't-you-have-a-space-bar,-Katt?

[Renille]

OOC- Hi...yeps...It's me...I stayed away for what....two, three whole days??? It didn't work well...TLA kept torturing my brain. I couldn't leave the Hobbit up to YOU guys to finish, anyways! Just kidding. Would you mind very terribly if I finished my own character??? If so, ignore my post....thanks alot. But I'm probably going to post anyway,so your ignoring won't do much good. SO I will just let Katt finish her excellent job of ruining my Smaug-clone, and then I will typically and crazily Ren up!

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: I didn't have a space bar because the computer that I was using sucks. Excuse me while I re-read what the @#&! I was doing. Ah yes.

*Inside Smaugallie's head*

*Before that, isn't it strange how many conflicts go on inside your head? I mean forget the bodily struggles you face every day. Every second you have about seven thousand conflicts going on that need solving. I mean think about it. And then this situation happens where two minds go into one brain and combine all their conflicts. How does a person's mind keep from exploding from all the inner turmoil? How does--*

Random Army: Get on with it!

*Oh right. Anyway, Katt was inside Smaugallie's head. I'm sorry, I just wanted to explain some of logistics of brains coming toge--*

Willow: *Whaps narrator on the head with a frying pan* I apologize. A substitute narrator will be found shortly.

*Hello. I am Jemidiah. I will be your substitute narrator for the rest of the story.*

Random Army: I'm warnin' yuuue!

*Right. Inside Smaugallie's head*

[i]Katt: Hello!

Smaugallie: What are you doing in my head?

Katt: Cower o demon o thing ish! I am all powerish! Um, ha haha ha!

Smaugallie: Riiiight, for some reason I'm not scared.

Willow: (who for some reason has gotten in there with them.) She's right you know. That was a pathetic threat Katt. You have to do it like this: Cower foul demon of the hair curlers. Thou shalt be vanquished!!!!!!!

Katt: Willow, *whiney* this is myyyyyyyy job!!!

Smaugallie: Look you guys, could you take it outside? It's crowded in here.

Katt: Yeah. I don't need you.

Willow: Yes you do. I am the essence of everything and if we get into a conflict we cansel each other out and Smaugallie explodes.

Katt: But I wanna do it miiiieeeee waaaaaaaaay!

Smaugallie: I don't wanna explode!

Smaugallie&Katt: WAAAAAAAA!

*Horrid noise drives Willow out*

Katt: Ah. Now, where were we?

*Right back where you started.*

Katt: Ah, #%&!

[WiseWizard]

OOC: WOW! Lot has happened since I last checked. Anyways, what should I do if I wasn't originally in TLA? Just ride off into the sunset? Or maybe just head for the bar....I'll figure something out.

*Just then, Zandalf awoke with a pounding headache unlike any he had had before. He suddenly remembers that he finally has the power to create aspirin from nothingness, and tries it. Unfortunately, nothing happens.*
Zandalf: Hold on a sec, you said I could create it!
*Um.....you might want to check your ears.*
Zandalf: I'm not deaf, you imbicile! Besides, all of this is written own in the script!
*I'm not implying you're deaf.*
Zandalf: Sounds like you were! And if you say no one more time....
*HOLD UP! I was jut trying to tell you to feel your ears and see if you notice anything missing...*
Zandalf: Feel my ears? Are you insa.....
*Just then Zandalf stops in mid-speech and comes to the realization of what the narrator is trying to say.*
Zandalf: No....it can't be.
*Just feel.*
*Zandalf reaches up to his ears and finds the precious elf ears missing.*
Zandalf: *seething* Okay......the person I find with my elf ears is NOT going to have a pleasant death!
Katt: but what is they're already dead?
Zandalf: Who is that?
Katt: It's me, Katt.
Zandalf: Again? What do you want now?
Katt: I'm just here to incorporate you back into the storyline!
Zandalf: Okay, so what happened to my elf ears?
Katt: Well, I could tell you.....
Zandalf: But....
Katt: But what?
Zandalf: You trailed off.
Katt: Did not.
Zandalf: Oh yeah? Look five lines above this! There are three dots at the end!
Katt: Oh. oops.
Zandalf: I'm leaving!
Katt: But I'm the one in your head!
Zandalf:......This calls for desperate measures. Narrator?
*Wassup?*
Zandalf: I could use a little help here.
*Oh. so it's only NOW that you want to me keep talking, huh?*
Zandalf: Yeah.
*It's only NOW you stop berating me and telling me to shut up?!?*
Zandalf: Well...yeah.
*AND YOU REALLY THINK I'LL HELP YOU?!?!??!*
Zandalf: it would be nice.
*.......You owe me.*
Zandalf: Fine.
*Katt suddenly finds herself disembodied once more and no longer able to enter Zandalf's body.*
Katt: Hey, no fair!
*Too bad. But Zandalf, you seriously owe me!*
Zandalf: Okay, okay! What do you want?
*Continue the damn story!*
Zandalf: That's the favor?
*No. But please get on with it.*
Zandalf: Alright, narrator, take it away!
*Zandalf finally rolls out of bed and takes a look around. Various pieces of high priced furniture are tossed over and the smell of burning makeup fills the room. Sounds of battles with evil twins are heard off in the distance, which suddenly makes Zandalf very afraid.*
Zandalf: But I'm not afraid.
*You will be.....once you come to the realization you'll suddenly come to once this narration is finished.*
Zandalf: What do you mea.......*gasp* I haven't defeated my evil twin yet!
*Damn right.*
Zandalf: Hey, that's my line!
*Too bad. Zandalf begins wandering the corridors, stumbling across various battles, some of which have turned into reconciliations, meaning that various members of the TLA are now wearing makeup and dressing in slightly fashionable and revealing clothes....which shocks him and at the same time makes him wonder what's in store for him...*
*Just then Earniel shows up.*
Earniel: zandalf, you're awake!
Zandalf: And you are......
Earniel: Earniel!
Zandalf: Riiiiight.......
Earniel: I'm just Sarah upgraded!
Zandalf: And I'm confused beyond compare.
Earniel: That's a pretty long name.
Zandalf: I see your impeccable intelligence hasn't changed.
Earniel: It's called wit, Zandalf, learn it sometime.
Zandalf: And how exactly did you get like this?
earniel: Truly it was all thanks to your elf ears.
Zandalf: You wore them?!?
Earniel: yeah, but then I gave them back to Human.
Zandalf: Human's back?!?
Earniel: Yeah! You've been out of it all this time? Wow. it's like some whole kind of Rip Van Winkle story without the whole sleeping for years on end thing.
Zandalf:.......
Earniel: Anyways, I think ultra super duper Penguin went off to the right.
Zandalf:.......*walks away down the right hall*

[Earniel]

OOC: Mwahahah very funny WW! Just who or what is Rip Van Winkle?

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Um, Rip Van Winkle? You know, the guy that slept for a really long time?

[Renille]

Allie- *sniff...sniff...WAH* *sniff...sniff...WAH* Gone....everyone who knows where my Arkeneggis....gone. I've searched the ENTIRE FACTORY thirty-seven times exactly...but...still...*HUGE sob* It's GONE!!

Earniel- Oh...she needs help.

Tano- Without one little doubt.

Katt- I'll help her! I'll...

Everyone- NO, KATT!!!

Willow- Besides, you already exploded Smaugallie.

Jed *Sub Narrator*- *UM...Ahem...I think this is my job.*

TLA-NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Allie- Byebye egg...sob...

Tano- Okay....someone help her! Anyone!

Alfie- *the horse, 'member?*- Oh goodness....do I have to everything??? Allie, come here. I have to do something.

Allie- Yes, sir Alfred...*sob* Please find...*sob*my egg.

Alfie- No. I need to do something...

*And the horse SOMEHOW took out a plastic sword with a strange stone in the handle. He SOMEHOW hit Allie in the head with it. It SOMEHOW broke, and the horse SOMEHOW said...*

Alfie-Neigh.

Allie..erm...Aragren- Odd. I could swear I just talked to a horse. Anyway! To battle for Gondor! Once I get my sword reforged, of course.

Willow- Oh thanks, Alfie. MUCH better. Thanks alot!

Alfie- Neigh.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Has everyone been Cellofied? I haven't. Farewell, Katt is going to become evil and then no more.

Katt: Well fine, you obviously have no more need for me. *Snaps her nonexistant fingers and gathers assorted traumatized Smaugettes to her*

OOC: You can keep your smaugette if you want.

*Katt snapped her nonexistant fingers again and made herself a nonexistant body using the assorted Smaugetts*

Katt: I'm leaving. *Pulls out cell phone and dials* I'll have my revenge too. I am already disembodied, maybe I'll make myself a giant fiery eye. *Thinks then laughs* Come on! No one would find that threatining! Maybe a wizardess, or a giant spider! Hmn...

*Someone picked up on the other side and she was gone.*

Willow: How could she just leave like that?

*Yeah, she didn't even give me the script! Wait, oh here it is. She faxed it to me.*

OOC: Some say that because Sauron is an all seeing eye he can't hear you. Au contrair, he is an exelent lip reader.