Return of TLA

[Claenoic]

Hannah: Oh NO you don't! *She gets Fang, whacks him surreptiously over the head with Fang's hilt, and drags him over to a spare room. Much as it rankled in her head that Finrollum was trying to steal her cellphone, she also had a certain decency that told her to hide Finrollum from the upcoming horror.*

*Meanwhile, Hannah joins the TLA'ers that were currently facing off with the Smaugettes.*

Allie: *Squints at the horrifying version of herself* What do you want?

Smaugallie: You guys took our factory! Now, we're taking it back by force.

TLA'ers: Nooo!!

Smaugiana: Prepare to be blown away, then!

*The Smaugettes spread out, choosing their victims carefully.*

Hannah: *To Tano* Y'know, it's times like these, when you're stuck with a bunch of people that happen to be your friends and evil counterparts are about to annhialate you in a dark and insane chocolate factory, that I wish I was listening to what my mom once told me.

Tano: What was it?

Hannah: I don't know, I wasn't listening.

Tano: Useful.

OOC: A little nod to Douglas Adams here.

[Nazgûl Queen]

OOC: ALL HAIL DOUGLAS ADAMS!!!!!!!!

Smaugacia: *spies Acacia over in the distance and walks up to her.* My, my, you do have the most awful fashion sense, don't you? Why don't i help you...

Acacia: *eyes Smaugacia's black costu7me that is mpractically lingerie and backs away* Ummm... no... I think I'll survive...

Smaugacia: But it will be fun! Believe me, jeans are SO last year... we'll have a slumber party, and cover you with makeup...

*Acacia gulps*

Smaugacia: But first we need to get rid of that horrible chocolate. You need to go on a bit of a diet, my dear! *she walks over, casually takes the chocolate out of Acacias hand, thros it to the ground and crushes it beneath the heel of her stillettos.*

Acacia: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! *kneels on the floor and tries to gather the remaints of the the chocolate back together.* That's it, now it's personal.

Smaugacia: Oh come now, be reasonable. Now, how about you come and get changed into this *she holds out a sequined boob tube and VERy mini skirt*

Acacia: *to self* Time for the secret weapon. *brings out the body glitter* If you come ONE step closer, it goes on the fire!

Smaugacia: Nooooo, not my precious body glitter!!!

Acacia: Yes, the body glitter. Now, face the wall and put your hands above your head.

Smaugacia: This is SO degrading. I can't touch the wall, it'll cover my beautiful costume with icky dirt!

Acacia: MOVE!

Smaugacia: *chuckles evilly*

*Acacia moves her to the wall and ties her hands together with the ripped sequined boob tube. Thinking herself safe, she breathe deeply and turns away to watch the others. But Smaugacia still has a couple of tricks up her lack-of-sleeve*

TO BE CONTINUED!

[Earniel]

OOC: Evil twin fight! Woohoo!

Sarah: And who are you then?

Smaugarah: Smaugarah.

Sarah: *mutters: Great, of all the evil twins available I just have to take my own.*

Smaugarah: *brushes a speck of dust of her otherwise spotless leathery outfit and looks at her perfectly manicured nails* Yeah, you know I'm rather disappointed myself that I'm stuck here with you. There is no glory in victory over you. I mean look at you! Those clothes are tasteless and aweful, they make you look like you've got three penguins and a frog stuffed your pockets.

Sarah: *looks at her clothes* But I have three penguins and a frog in my pockets.

Smaugarah: Oh dear, no wonder. But if it makes you happy.... Personally I can't stand the creatures. You can't even make a proper fur coat out of them. Useless junk.

Sarah: *eyes wide* Fur coats?! You wear fur coats?!

Smaugarah: *shrugs* Off course, what else are animals for? See this? *points to the fur on her shoulders* Nebula panther.

Penguins in Sarah's pocket: Mier mier mier! MIER! MIEIEIER!

Sarah: I absolutely agree. AAAAA-TAAAAAAAACK!!!

*Sarah lunges at Smaugarah, and the two of them roll over the floor, fighting, screeching and hair pulling.*

[Finrod Felagund]

Finrollum is screaming bloody murder as he hears the souns of battle!

[Claenoic]

*Hannah gently sidles over to the room containing the currently enraged Finrollum and gently locks the door. The sensitive side of herself was working.*

Smaugannah: *Is wearing too much body spray* Hey Hannah! Do you want to play a game?

Hannah: *Turns around from the door* Can I say no?

Smaugannah: No.

Hannah: Why?

Smaugannah: You play my game or else I'll read VOGON poetry to you, simile dumpers and all.

Hannah: At least you have good taste about reading material...

Smaugannah: This is how we play *smiles brightly* It's called Sandman.

Hannah:*Has already heard of this game, but it's Sandman or Vogon poetry* Cruuuuuuuuuuuuuddd....

OOC: I think in all of my Smaugette posts I'll add something Hitchhikery, if no one minds.

[Nazgûl Queen]

OOC: SO not complaining!!!

[Tanoliel]

OOC: Go ahead....Douglas Adams rules all.

Smaugano: Well, look who we have here.
Tano: *looks around* Just about everybody, in fact. Fighting, most of them.
Smaugano: *pouts* Well, we don't have to fight, you know.
Tano: *amiably* No, we certainly don't.
Smaugano: We could come to a little agreement, couldn't we?
Tano: Possibly. *hides curling iron behind her back* What did you have in mind?
Smaugano: Well, first of all, we need to get you in some better clothes.
Tano: I like jeans. And I refuse to give up my curling sweatshirt.
Smaugano: Cur-ling?
Tano: Yeah. It's a sport. You wouldn't know...
Smaugano: Yeah. Whatever. And we can use some of that makeup....you really need some more, honey.
Tano: I haven't got any on.
Smaugano: Well, no wonder. What's in your pockets, then?
Tano: Makeup.
Smaugano: *getting suspicious* I thought you said you didn't have any....
Tano: Oh, this isn't to wear...these are bargaining tools! *takes out a small pack of eyeshadow and tosses it onto the fire*
Smaugano: NO!


ooc: and that is all for now, becuse I have math class. see you later! i'll come back to this...

[Willow Oran]

(Smaugalena and Maggie have somehow gotten seperated from the rest and are now facing off in the inner chocolate factory.)

Maggie: We're going to win you know, you're smaugettes are so concerned with fashion and make-up they're practically surenduring.

Smaugalena: I'm aware of that dear, however I think you'll find that I won't be nearly so easy to take down as they are.

Maggie: Oh? And I suppose you don't care at all that I've burned your make-up and all your fancy clothes?

Smaugalena: No. Why should it? I can easily create more.

(She demonstrates this by changing her outfit to a loose, sleeveless dress of red-gold translucent gauze with a snap of her fingers)

Smaugalena: Like it? I can easily make one for you too.

Maggie: Oh really, that is ridiculous. You of all people should know that you and I look much better in blue. That dress blends in with your hair and makes your face look red, very un-becoming and it makes you look fat. Now this-

(She too snaps her fingers and is immediately dressed in an elegant periwinkle blue dress.)

much better.

Smaugalena: You dare insult my fashion sense?! Why you insolent little- (sputters at a loss for words)

Maggie: Insolent little what? Alter ego, in case you've forgotten you're my alter ego, not the other way around.

Smaugalena: That may be so but I've challanged your leadership of our mind before. I can do again!

Maggie: Challange accepted! Begin.

[Finrod Felagund]

Finrod is still screaming. Suddenly he goes silent...a little frog has hopped past.
*silence*
*silence*
*silence*
*silence*
*cricket*
*silence*
*silence*

Finrollum: FROGGIE! YOU CAME BACK TO FINROLLUM!

*he breaks free of his ropes and grabs the frog and begins petting it.

Finrollum: Precious will never lose you again.


(OOC: Yay for sappy owner-pet reunion scenes.)

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Yay Douglass Adams! I currently have three DNA books in my bag!

*Katt was extreamly pleased to be watching the battle from her place near the celing. She gave a loud cheer when Maggie revealed her secret weapon. Katt always knew Maggie always had the best taste in clothes.*

*Katt then becamed dismayed when she saw Smaugack putting on fake eyelashes on Zandalf. Elf Girl had left Zandalf's bedside to go have a better fight in the main hall.*

Katt: *thinking* Arg! I can't belive Smaugack would take advantage of his helpless good twin. I should do something, but first I need a body. Hmn, I could use the penguin's again. I am sorry, but I need it.

*Katt entered the penguin who then made a run at Smaugack.*

Penguin: Hey! That's my job!

Smaugack: What? How can you talk?

Penguin: It doesn't matter, I come to fight on behalf of Zandalf. *Takes his elf ears and turns into Ultra Super Duper Penguin!* Prepare to die!

Smaugack: No!

Zandalf: *Wakes up and sees Penguin with Elf Ears* No you! *Hits penguin with force*

*Penguin goes flying into wall causing the elf ears to fall off it and Katt to come out of it.*

Katt: *Enter's Zandalf* That wasn't very nice. He, or rather, we were trying to help you.

Zandalf: Gah! Who is this!

Katt: It's Katt. And you better not speak out loud or they'll think you are crazy.

Zandalf: *Thinking* By god you are right.

Katt: I always am.

Zandalf: *thinking* Good. Will you leave now?

Katt: Where should I go?

Zandalf: *thinking* I don't know! Anywhere! I am not in the mood to share my brain or body with anyone!

Katt: That's a great idea!

Zandalf: *thinking* what?

Katt: I'll go into all the Smaugettes and bug the hell out of them in their heads. Thanks, bye.

Zandalf: Uh, sure.

Smaugack: Who are you talking to? *Katt enters him* Aaah! What in the fek? Who? No! Get away from me! No! I do not want to hear your poems about dead swans! Stop it! *Grabs head*

Zandalf: *Smiles* I dunno, who are you talking to?


OOC: Another DNA refrence

OOC: Come on you guys! Post! But not until I'm done.

[Claenoic]

Hannah: WAIT!!!!

Smaugannah: *Was starting to do Sandman* What?

Hannah: *Stands up quickly* BOOOOO-YAAAAAAHHH!!! *Runs*

Smaugannah: Ok, you asked for it!

*Hannah is dashing desperately for her life, but then...*

Hannah: Hey, a little help here?

*Why?*

Hannah: *grins* You don't want to hear Vogon Poetry as much as I do.

*Ha! But as soon she starts reading, I'm in my little sound proof room in the obscure placejust above your head.*

Hannah: You suck.

*Thanks*

Smaugannah: *Speaks into megaphone* Oh Gruntbuggly...

Hannah: Run away! Run away... *runs as fast as is humanly possible*

[Christiana]

*Violet and smaugiana are currently confronting eachother*

Violet:Whewy!man, whats that smell?

Sg:how dare you insult my perfume!

Vierfume? i thought you rolled in manure.

Sgin valley girl mode)That is like, like sooo insulting. Especially coming from a girl with noooooo fashion sense. I mean, your hair is in a ponytail for crying out loud. And those clothes are like sooooo last century
*Violet is wearing a back t-shirt with a picture of a wolf pack on the front, and khaki hiking shorts, both of which are several inches looser than Sg's attire(sp)*i mean, you should really take a look at this.*whips out purple dress that looks like it was made for someone with severe anorexia. it has no straps, and would come down to mid thigh*
Vih my gosh!who would actually WARE that thing?
Sg:everyone. and look at this acsessory*produces a shawl of soft gray fur. Violot's eyes narrow. she runs her hand along its surface, and then along Cheyanne's back. it feels almost exactly the same.*
Vi:this...this...this is WOLF FUR!!!!
Sg:i know.its totally the best. I mean, i bet your wolf would make a pretty nice coat.
Vi:WHAT!!!!!!!!!!

*she dives at Sg, and the two of them are soon locked in combat*

[Willow Oran]

(And thus the battle for control over Maggie's brain began and it was fought not with weapons of force, but with weapons of fashion.)

Maggie: (does the snappy finger thing and Smaugalena is suddenly in an outfit that would not look out of place at a medieval fair.) Ha! Take that oh evil counterpart of mine!

Smaugalena: You call this 12th century get up fashion? Try this!

(Maggie is just as suddenly in an overtight, revealing black leather ensemble.)

Maggie: Is that the best you can do? I assure you this will look much better.

(She changes Smaugalena's outfit to black slacks and a nice shirt.)

Smaugalena: Better on your Grandma maybe!

(She switches Maggie into one of those hideous dresses you see celebrities wearing in magazines.)

Smaugalena: See how much better you look in the latest fashions?

Maggie: No. Unlike you I actually learned from someone with good taste.

(Changes smaugalena's outfit and her own to simple but elegant velvet gowns, Smaugalena's in green and her own in blue.)

Smaugalena: Oh? Who?

(switches her gown for her original outfit of red and black sequins and fishnets.)

Maggie: Auntie `Chele and Auntie Th'rese. However, fashionable clothes and not at all practical for adventuring.

(she switches back to her own tattered, written upon jeans and green sweatshirt.)

Maggie: And that I learned from Auntie `Chele's twin and Mama. As you well should know.

Smaugalena: (sneering) Ah yes, I had forgot that you recieved your training from the "Fashion Aunts" and the "Common Sense Sisters." Pity, it will make getting rid of you more difficult, and more painful.

Maggie: You wish! I suggest you surrendur now before I use it.

Smaugalena: You mean the ring you stole from that elf? You don't have the will-power to use it and you know it!

(Maggie didn't reply but started glowing blue, in that moment the room was filled with winds of terrible speeds and Smaugalena was swept away, but as she was carried beyond the mountain and into exile she cast one last curse, that Maggie would never again be allowed to enter Middle Earth in her own body. When the winds subsided and the glow faded the roo was empty but for a tiny, sleeping figure where Maggie had been standing.)

OOC: Whoo! What a battle that was, I figured it was time to make the transition from Maggie into Willow, it had to happen somewhere along the line after all. I hope ya'll liked the refernces to the aunts, my mom's sisters really are like that, it's scary.

[Tanoliel]

ooc: Whoo. Craaaazy. I like!
ic:

Tano: Aha....don't want to see your makeup thrown away, do you?

Smauano: *getting very annoyed* No. I don't. I need it.

Tano: No, you really don't.

Smaugano: I don't?

Tano: No. I think you'd be really pretty without it, actually.

Smaugano: *narrows her eyes suspiciously* Really...

Tano: Yeah. And, oh, I was looking around earlier...I saw the cutest little pair of jeans. They'd fit you perfectly.

Smaugano: Ew. *plants a hand on the hip of her short sequined dress* Jeans are so not revealing enough, honey.

Tano: *smiles slyly* Maybe...but you know, a lot of the time it's what you can't quite see that's exciting...catch my drift?

Smaugano: Oh...hey. Yeah. Hmm...why don't you show me those jeans?

Tano: *grins and sticks the curling iron of doom in her pocket* Right on, chica. This way. *leads Smaugano out a side door*


ooc: Am I the only one attempting to convert my twin to the side of darkness? I mean, our side? I mean...

[Nazgûl Queen]

*While Acacia has her back turned, Smaugacia cuts her bonds with her unnaturally sharp fingernails and leaps onm her from behind, throwing both to the ground.*

Acacia: Hey, that's not fair!!!

Smaugacia: Who said that lifes supposed to be FAIR?!

Acacia: True... *launches back into the struggle which entails much hair pulling and screeching*

*suddenly, the sound of the Musical Les Mis come on, and each stops where they are and listens. Acacia begins by joining in, and then Smaugacia joins her.*

Acacia: Hey, you have a really good voice.

Smaugacia: Like, you really think so?

Acacia: Sure, with a bit of training you could be FANTASTIC!

Smaugacia: That's like, totally cool!

Acacia: *rolls eyes* Please, can you stop with the ditzness?

Smaugacia: Must I?

Acacia: Well, you see, if you wanted to get a part in a proffessional musical, you'd have to act more sensibly and dress *looks over her costume* a little more conservatively.

Smaugacia: But, I love my sequins!

Acacia: Not saying you can't have sequins - just that you need to balance it. Like, cover a bit more of your body up so that people don't immediately think "SLUT" when they see you.

Smaugacia: You're saying i look like a slut?

Acacia: Yep.

Smaugacia: Oh... well, if I HAVE to, then you're going to have to do something about yourself. You could be quite pretty if you took a little more care of yourself.

Acacia: I am NOT wearing sequins and makeup!!!

Smaugacia: Like, we have to compromise. Just try wearing this. *hands her a black top with a silver glitter spiderweb on it and only one sleeve, and some long black pants which sparkle a bit* They'll look good on you!

Acacia: If you say so... *she goes to try them on, and lets Smaugacia give her a little bit of makeup, then looks in the mirror.* You know, that actually looks pretty cool...

Smaugacia: *now wearing the same costume* Yeah, it really suits us. Oh, and you should wear dresses more often...

Acacia: If i must...

Smaugacia: Anyway, would you like to look at some of my jewellery?

Acacia: *follows her and looks through the collection, when one ring catches her eye. It looks mlike a snake, with an emerald for an eye, and it fits on her finger perfectly. Then, suddenly, everything goes black.*

Smaugacia: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I TRICKED YOU!!!!!

*everything goes black for a moment and everyone stops what they're doing. When light returns, in place of Acacia stands a black figure hooded and cloaked, with a mithril sword with an emerald-studded hilt bearing the name Feamarth*

Acacia: Cool, I feel strong... powerful... noone can defeat me. I AM THE NAZGUL QUEEN!

Smaugarah: *to smaugacia* Great, nice going. Now she'll kill us all.

Nazgul Queen: Na, why would I do that. Thanks, clone!

Smaugacia: Oh...

Nazgul Queen: Anyway, we need to start training your voice. Oh, and have you ever read the books by Piers Anthony? They're really good...

*NQ and Smaugacia walk off towards the library. However, as they go people notice that Smaugacia isn't really smaugacia at all any more. She is now the true Acacia, the mix of both sides absorbed into each other... NQ, on the other hand, is a completely new personality to deal with *

OOC: I like the converting idea...

[Earniel]

*Sarah and Smaugarah break up. Sarah's hair now resembles a jungle. Smaugarah lost the fur from her shoulders but she manages to make the torn outfit look stunning and very fashionable. Sigh, don't you just love these catfights? *

Sarah: Who asked you?

*Just doing my job.*

Sarah: Stop enjoying it!

Smaugarah: Hell-o-oh I'm over here. Will you stop yapping into the thin air and start fighting?

Sarah: What ever you want. *grins* And now for the finale... *pats her pockets* Drat! I lost the frog! Where did it go?

*Smaugarah goes into a laughing fit while Sarah feverish searches her pockets for the frog.*

Sarah: Oh never mind, plan B it is!

*She pulls out a penguin and holds it by its feet like a sword. The penguin glares very menacing at the Smaugette. Then Sarah swings the penguin like a baseball bat and Smaugarah get smached against the wall. The penguin however is ill-pleased with the treatment and it starts pecking Sarah's hand.*

Penguin: MIER!

Sarah: *drops the penguin* Hey! Are you on her side now or what?

Penguin: Mier! Mier mier!

Sarah: Okay, okay, I apologize. I won't do it again. Are you ready for the big bang?

Penguin: Mier.

Smaugarah: *dizzily rising to her feet* What big bang? Whatever you've got, bring it on girlfriend. *pulls herself up to full heigth* Bwahahahah! I'm INVINCIBLE!

Sarah: I so knew you were going to say that. It's about time you learn about rule #3 from the Evil Overlord Guidebook.

*Sarah picks the penguin up and throws it at Smaugarah who clearly didn't read the script and she catches it with her hands.*

Sarah: FIRE IN THE HALL! This is your captain speaking, all hands brace for impact! *dives for cover.*

*Smaugarah looks confused at the penguin. Then the penguin does something strange. It smiles at the Smaugette and says only one short word.*

Penguin: Mier.

*The sound of a clock ticking is briefly heard before the penguin explodes with a great show of fireworks. As the smoke slowly clears, Sarah comes out of hiding.*

Sarah: Ha! Assimilate that, girlfriend!

*That's a rather lame reaction.*

Sarah: Well I can't help it that I , unlike some people don't make enough money to get scriptwriters to write me lines okay?

OOC: Mwahahah! I made myself a T-shirt with a penguin on it and "MIER!" written beneath it. I will sow confusing and confuzzlement because 'mier' means 'ant' in Dutch and no one will know true origin of Mier!

OOC2: Nice writing everyone, I'm grinning and giggling here like a maniac.

[Tanoliel]

ooc: aw-right! Can you post a pic of you in that shirt? I wanna see.

[Earniel]

OOC I'll post it in the discussion thread.


*But as Sarah is bickering with the poor narrator...*

Sarah: Hey!

*As I said as Sarah is bickeri....*

Sarah: I heard you the first time! Go narrate somebody else!

*Oh, will you just LOOK instead of bickering?*

Sarah: Look at what? *looks anyway* Uh-uh....

*Now that the smoke has cleared, Sarah can look at the spot where Smaugarah stood just before the penguin exploded. Unfortunately for her, Smaugarah is still there. There are many sootstains on her now-not-so-fashionable-anymore-outfit and her hair is beyond the help of any stylist. Little tufts of penguin still hang on her fingers. There is murder in her eyes.*

Smaugarah: Okay. This means WAR!

Sarah: *slightly worried* Um.... didn't your mother tell you it's very impolite to come back from the dead?

Smaugarah: No, but I'll see to it that YOU won't come back either. And believe me there are worse thing than make-up and Vogon poetry!

Sarah: *backing off* You know,.... if it's okay with you, I think I'll pass this one. *turns and runs*

Smaugarah: Come back here!

*Smaugarah chases after Sarah as she disappears into the corridors of the factory. Some catchy music starts to play.*

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

Originally posted by Eärniel

Sarah: Ha! Assimilate that, girlfriend!

*That's a rather lame reaction.*

Sarah: Well I can't help it that I , unlike some people don't make enough money to get scriptwriters to write me lines okay?

OOC: YAY! I'm so happy you quoted "First Contact"!!!!!! times ten million!

OOC2: Um, who's evil twin can I torture now? Please tell me. I want one.

[Elf Girl]

*Meanwhile, Gandgirl has found herself face to face with her own evil twin- Smaugandgirl!*

Smaugandgirl: *eyes Gandgirl* Still neon green? I thought we told you! It's like, so last year!

Gandgirl: Well, it is my color. Gandgirl the NEON GREEN, get it?

Smaugandgirl: But really. And you should dye your hair. Blond might work for you...

Gandgirl: No!

Smaugandgirl:Well, just highlights, then? And you need to pluck your eyebrows...

Gandgirl: No!

Smaugandgirl: And what about eyeliner?

Gandgirl: No!

Smaugandgirl: You know, after we reclaim the Lonely Mountain, maybe we could spend some of our precious time to give you a makeover!

Gandgirl: NO!

Smaugandgirl: I AM the evil twin of a wizard, you know. I have powers you cannot imagine!

Gandgirl: ...but if you're my evil twin, you're powers should be the same as mine.

Smaugandgirl: Hah! Take... this! *a glittery, be-sequined staff appears in her hand*

Gandgirl: Take what? *gets her own rough wood staff ready just in case*

Smaugandgirl: *waves staff. A pinkish mist floats out of it and surrounds Gandgirl. When it clears, Gandgirl is wearing mascara and lip gloss*

Gandgirl: Help!

Smaugandgirl: *waves staff again. Another mists floats out, giving Gandgirl blond hair*

Gandgirl: *pales, but resolutely waves her own staff. Her makeup disapears and hair returns to normal. Also, Smagandgirl's bright blond hair becomes the same color as Gandgirl's, and her face suddenly looks less perfect*

Smaugandgirl: My makeup! My HAIR!

Gandgirl: Hah! *as she revels in her triumph, however, Smaugandgirl waves her staff again, and a very strange change comes over Gandgirl*

Gandgirl: Omigod, what am I wearing? Neon green is sooooo last year! I, like, totally need to go shopping! Where's my makeup?! This is such a NIGHTMARE!

Smaugandgirl: Let's go into the chocolate factory. Then we can give you a total MAKEOVER!

Gandgirl: Oooh, lets! I hate my hair this way! *follows Smagandgirl into the chocolate factory*



OOC: That was fun! Okay, Katt, torture away!