The Hidden: Discussion - Page 2

Acalewia · 12-04-2007, 02:17 PM

You better answer them or I'm gonna hunt you down

strider8 · 12-06-2007, 04:18 PM

Wow ,that was great. Keep up the good work

Curubethion · 02-03-2008, 05:02 AM

Finally, here's the next episode, number 7! And some things happen...

Acalewia · 02-07-2008, 09:25 PM

That was whoa!

Who got shot? And who shot Troy? Gah! More questions!

I love it

strider8 · 02-10-2008, 10:02 AM

Wow, Write some more, put it on Entmoot, keep everybody happy

Curubethion · 02-10-2008, 05:25 PM

Haha, I'm working on it. College takes up a bit of my time.

Curubethion · 03-18-2008, 12:29 AM

Hey, guess who's got Episode 8 up?

Acalewia · 03-19-2008, 09:05 PM

Nice. Very nice. keep it up

Curubethion · 05-01-2008, 04:08 PM

There we go, Episode 9!

Willow Oran · 05-01-2008, 07:06 PM

The jumping from character to character does remind me of 'Heroes' which isn't a bad thing, but such a fragmented format makes it a little difficult for the reader to orient themself and stay focused on the story, and it makes it unclear what the actual story is...

If you plan to do more with these, I might suggest experimenting with revising them as a scripts for a T.V series or a graphic novel because your style would probably lend itself well to being paired with a visual component.

Curubethion · 05-01-2008, 10:48 PM

Ay, thanks for the comment.

ecthelion · 05-29-2008, 10:25 AM

Well, the story IS gripping, interesting and I agree with most of the comments above.
But where is the criticism?
I have some (always the spoiler):
The writing, I think, needs a brush-up. Many parts seem to be written in a hurry. There is time, we like to read (see e.g. LOTR), and I personally prefer a lot more thought to be put in styling the sentences, enlarging scenes, descriptions, scenery, dialogues...

All of which doesn't take one point away from the story and plot, which is good.

Curubethion · 05-29-2008, 03:29 PM

You're right, it really is kinda written in a hurry. Part of that, yeah, is the nature of the story. I don't know if I'll be refining it, because it's mainly just a way to keep writing, and to get out some ideas, practice plotting and characters.

12-04-2007, 02:17 PM	#21
Acalewia Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In trouble. As usual. Posts: 4,674	You better answer them or I'm gonna hunt you down __________________ "Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera

12-06-2007, 04:18 PM	#22
strider8 Elven Warrior Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: In a spaceship, floating in your puny planet's atmosphere, awaiting orders to invade Posts: 292	Wow ,that was great. Keep up the good work __________________ The axes hewed Forlong as he fought alone and unhorsed; and both Duilin of Morthond and his brother were trampled to death when they assailed the mumakil,leading their bowmen close to shoot at the eyes of the monsters. Neither Hirluin the fair would return to Pinnath Gelin, nor Grimbold to Grimslade, nor Halbarad to the northlands,dour-handed Ranger. Those that would not return home, page830-831, The Battle of the Pelennor Fields, The Return of the King

02-03-2008, 05:02 AM	#23
Curubethion Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: College! Posts: 1,976	Finally, here's the next episode, number 7! And some things happen... __________________ Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan)

02-07-2008, 09:25 PM	#24
Acalewia Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In trouble. As usual. Posts: 4,674	That was whoa! Who got shot? And who shot Troy? Gah! More questions! I love it __________________ "Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera

02-10-2008, 10:02 AM	#25
strider8 Elven Warrior Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: In a spaceship, floating in your puny planet's atmosphere, awaiting orders to invade Posts: 292	Wow, Write some more, put it on Entmoot, keep everybody happy __________________ The axes hewed Forlong as he fought alone and unhorsed; and both Duilin of Morthond and his brother were trampled to death when they assailed the mumakil,leading their bowmen close to shoot at the eyes of the monsters. Neither Hirluin the fair would return to Pinnath Gelin, nor Grimbold to Grimslade, nor Halbarad to the northlands,dour-handed Ranger. Those that would not return home, page830-831, The Battle of the Pelennor Fields, The Return of the King

02-10-2008, 05:25 PM	#26
Curubethion Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: College! Posts: 1,976	Haha, I'm working on it. College takes up a bit of my time. __________________ Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan)

03-18-2008, 12:29 AM	#27
Curubethion Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: College! Posts: 1,976	Hey, guess who's got Episode 8 up? __________________ Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan)

03-19-2008, 09:05 PM	#28
Acalewia Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: In trouble. As usual. Posts: 4,674	Nice. Very nice. keep it up __________________ "Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera

05-01-2008, 04:08 PM	#29
Curubethion Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: College! Posts: 1,976	There we go, Episode 9! __________________ Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan)

05-01-2008, 07:06 PM	#30
Willow Oran Deus Ex Machina Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Seattle Posts: 1,951	The jumping from character to character does remind me of 'Heroes' which isn't a bad thing, but such a fragmented format makes it a little difficult for the reader to orient themself and stay focused on the story, and it makes it unclear what the actual story is... If you plan to do more with these, I might suggest experimenting with revising them as a scripts for a T.V series or a graphic novel because your style would probably lend itself well to being paired with a visual component. __________________ "5. Plain Rings with RUNES on the inside. Avoid these like the PLAGUE. -Diana Wynne Jones Tough Guide To FantasyLand ...it's not much of a show if somebody doesn't suffer, and preferably at length. Suffering is beautiful in any case, and so is anguish; but as for loathing, and bitterness... I don't think they belong on the stage at all. - Isabella, I Gelosi

05-01-2008, 10:48 PM	#31
Curubethion Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: College! Posts: 1,976	Ay, thanks for the comment. __________________ Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan)

05-29-2008, 10:25 AM	#32
ecthelion Enting Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Gondolin. in travian.it server5 Posts: 91	Well, the story IS gripping, interesting and I agree with most of the comments above. But where is the criticism? I have some (always the spoiler): The writing, I think, needs a brush-up. Many parts seem to be written in a hurry. There is time, we like to read (see e.g. LOTR), and I personally prefer a lot more thought to be put in styling the sentences, enlarging scenes, descriptions, scenery, dialogues... All of which doesn't take one point away from the story and plot, which is good. __________________ The green earth, say you? That is a mighty matter of legend, though you tread it under the light of day! What does "LOL" mean?

05-29-2008, 03:29 PM	#33
Curubethion Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: College! Posts: 1,976	You're right, it really is kinda written in a hurry. Part of that, yeah, is the nature of the story. I don't know if I'll be refining it, because it's mainly just a way to keep writing, and to get out some ideas, practice plotting and characters. __________________ Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan)

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