The Drunk Elf Pirates and the Quest for the Holy Wine

[Indril Anarion]

Luthien slowly came to, to find herslef tied to the mast.

Luthien: What the-? Hey! Untie me!

Her captors seemed too busy to notice her, so she carefully used her skills to wriggle free.

Pirate: Who is she?

Luthien: *pops up in front of them and speaks rapidly* I'm Luthien, Sneaky Theif Extraordinar! Can get out of anything but a ship's barracs. Oops, probably shouldn't have said that, but oh, well. Oh, by the way, here's your wallet back. *hands wallet to pirate that appears to be the captain*

EG: *looks confused, and takes wallet*

Luthien: *keeps talking rapidly* I love alcohol, wine and martinis especially. Am single, 1004 if you must know, and am looking for a tall, rugged elf to settle down and have a family. I love moonlit walks on the beach and have a good time staying up late in the Tavern telling tales and singing drinking songs. I can also do impressions, *does a Bugs Bunny impersonation*"What's up doc?" and I can juggle. *picks up several aples and juggles them for a while before putting them down* But enough about me, what about you?"

Crew: *All look confused*

EG: Eh-hmmmmm; Riiiiight...Huddle!

All crew men huddle up, trying to decide what to do with Luthien.

Willow: She does talk awfully fast.

Tano: But her skills are too. Did you see how she swiped the cap'n's wallet without 'er noticin'?

Roya: *giggles*

EG: *gives them a glare and they all stop laughing*

EXK: So, Cap'n what do we do with 'er?

They all await the cap'n's desicion.

[Indril Anarion]

OOC:

Here's a little Bio on my character...I couldn't fing the out of character discussion thread, so i'm sorry if it;s out of place

Charater: Luthien
Gender: female
Race: Elf
Age: 1004
Height: 5'5"
Hair: Black with red streaks; long, picked up in a pony-tail or bandana
Eyes: green
Occupation: Sneaky Theif Extraordinaire
Talents: can sneak out of anything but ship's barricades; is an excellent pic-pocket and theif
Personality: Is a fast talker, loves alcohol, wine and martinis especially. Is single, loves moonlit walks on the beach and has a good time staying up late in the Tavern telling tales and singing drinking songs. Loves doing impressions, and juggling.

This should give you an idea of what you're looking at...

[The last sane person]

EG: I dont like the little wallet snatching incident, and since she shot off her mouth.....Roya! Tano! Throw her in the brig!

Tano&Roya: Aye aye cap'n!!

*they sneak up on Luthien who was rummaging about random barrels*

Roya:*sneaky**sneaky*

Tano:*sneaky**sneaky*

Roya:*whisper* Oy! Look at this! I can peg anything with any weapon ya choose! My eyes are that good! Present me a weapon of yer choosen and that there Luthien is going back to sleep! And i aint even an elf!

*tano rummages around and finally picks up a....Rubber Ducky*

Tano: ere ya go! *giggle*

Roya:.....? where in hell did we get these? *shrugs and takes aim at the shadow-y Luthien and then lets fly* Have at thee Knave!

*Luthien goes down in a crumpled heap*

Roya: Huzzah! I am victorious!

Tano: Well get yer victorious arse over here and help me carry her to the brig!

*they carry Luthien to the brig and secure her in the cell, both have throwing rubber duckies at the ready and are guarding the cell*

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

Luthien comes to again, this time to find herself in the brig, at the steel-toe-booted feet of the Captain, who looks quite annoyed.

EG: All right, so, you've explained yourself. Now what do you want from us?

Luthien: Food? Shelter? Asylum? A tall, rugged elf--

EG: Enough. Our lack of a tall rugged elf aside, why, in the name of the Styx, should we give this to you?

Luthien: Weelll...I'm a good pick-pocket, so I could be awfully useful--
EG: Or awfully pesky--
Luthien: --and I'm perfectly comfortable at sea, and I'm such a good thief, I'd be quite helpful in pirate raids, and...
EG: *sighs* Look, kid.* My crew is full, and the last thing I need is some starry-eyed damsel looking for her one true love.
Luthien: Hey! I'm not a starry-eyed damsel! I can take care of myself, and I'm a--
EG: --starry-eyed damsel. It has nothing to do with whether or not you can take care of yourself. The bottom line is, the crew's full. Now, what we DO need aboard this ship is a figurehead.
Luthien: A figurehead?
Roya: A FIGUREHEAD? What?!
Tano: Eh? Cap'n, you feeling alright?
EG: No, no, you see, I read this book once, they had ships with talking figureheads. It was cool.
Roya and Tano: *groan*
Tano: Please, Cap'n, we can't make an elf into a figurehead. But what's a ship without a prisoner, eh?
Roya: Yeah! We need ourselves a good prisoner!
EG: Fair enough. We have a prisoner. I want you to make sure of the maximum security of the brig, okay? Get to it!
Luthien: But...but...
EG: Oh please. We treat our prisoners nicely enough. If you're really good we'll give you all the nasty brands of rum.
Luthien: But...
EG: Could ya think of sumthin' better ta say?
Luthien: Grr.
EG: Different, but lacking in eloquence.
Luthien: Have your ring back, Cap'n. *Insolent glare*
EG: HEY! *takes ring that had been in her pocket*
Luthien: *shrugs, now looking smug*
EG: I'm going. . .*returns grumpily to cabin*


*she can call her kid. She has special rights. she's old. Damned old. Not that she acts it

[Earniel]

OOC: For Luthien: the discussion thread

Late at night, in her own cabin, leaning back in her chair, Eärniel is pondering on all the new assets to the crew.

Eär: Four new crewmen in a few days..... Scary.....*suddenly sits upright* That's four more mouths to feed with chocolate! No! My precious!

She starts rocking her chair in a very panicky mood.

Eär: Easy Eärniel, calm yourself you silly sea elf. Roya said she didn't really liked chocolate and Sarin did let me keep it too. That's two down.

She sighs happily. The rocking becomes more controlled. Until suddenly she sits bolt upright again.

Eär: But the last newcomer is a thief! She'll steal my chocolate!

The rocking becomes more panicky as Eärniel imagines all the chocolate that might be stolen. To calm herself she goes to order her maps again. Suddenly she comes across the parchment with the very old dialect of sea elvish.

Eär: Wow, that must have been lying here since page 7 or something.

She takes the parchment to her desk and gets out her old language dictionary. Soon she's completely focused on the translation. After an hour or so, she has finally translated the first sentences. She reads them aloud to see if they're correct.

Eär: ... from the diary of Leonidas Winebrewer and a recount of my travels. I've hit this parchment in a book of poisons that I had in my possession in the hope to hide it from the terrible religious clan of Abstinius that wishes to ban all alcohol. If somebody of a more drunken persuasion finds and reads this document, I shall have long ago slipped from the mortal and immortal memory of this world, possibly by intoxication or perhaps worse: a dry liver if the Abstiniusclan finds me. But it may be that the legend of the Holy Wine still lingers on. If ye seeks the Holy Wine.... *stops reading and blinks* Oh dear.... I think the captain will be very interested in this. *continues to translate*

[Sicirus]

ooc: Sorry I* have had finals to study for.

ic: Earniel reads out loud the sad tale as Sicirus sts outside staring at the stars and wonders. The candle light flikers withen the cabin and the small ship glides smoothly upon the darkened sea. The sea looked innocent and dark at the same time.
Sicirus takes a walk down through the lower cabins searching for some canadian coffee or wine. Checks through her collection of wine bottles for a full one or at least half full but finds nothing.
The lower cabings contained the prison cells and some storage area.
sici: Maybe I'll find some wine there. *walks down the creepy creaky stairs that for some reason(since its dark) seem louder than usual and creak out what sounds like *help me * each step. Finds the a door with a small lock on it. figuring that this was storage opens the door slowly and peers in.*
Hello?
Luthien: hello???? Who is it? let me out please.
Sici: Whoa re you?
Luthien :*takes deep breath* I am Luthien former prisoner of the Laughing Porcupine and a sneak extro....
sicil Hey you were the o0ne who Earniel is worrying about stealing her chocolate.
Luthien: er....
sici: Well I am searching for wine soooo have a nice stay.... leaves before elf in cell cvould protest.
When sicirus gives up trying to find the wine she walks back to the upper deck only to find that the prison cell is empty and the prisoner missing.
sici: I think I am in trouble.*suns up to the crows nest and searches for the elf.
Sees a bit of red black hair heading for the cabin were Ear is.
Sici: Now were are those blow up elf men when you need them?

[Willow Oran]

*pops up behind Sici and hands her a deflated blow up elf man*

Willow: Here, I found it when we were doing invantory.

Sici: That's useful. *proceeds to blow up the elf man* Hey prisenor, we found something for you!

Luthien: *looks around and sees balloon* Oh! *runs to it and starts talking excitedly, Willow sneaks up behind her and whaps her with a purple notebook*

Wiilow: *looking down at Luthien's unconcious form* Pathetic.

Sici: Let's get her back in her cell before anybody notices.

[Earniel]

Eärniel peeks out her cabin when she hears the noice outside. She sees Willow and Sicirus carrying away the unconcious form of Luthien.

Eär: Iep... this is the last time I leave my cabin door unlocked. I don't want anybody to know about this before I tell the captain. And I knew that thieving elf was going to steal my chocolate! What's the world coming to if your chocolate isn't safe anymore even in the middle of the ocean?

Eärniel quickly locks her door and places her maps in cabinet. On a second thought she hides the document and the started translation someplace else. She doublechecks her secret private stash of chocolate before going to bed.

[Indril Anarion]

Luthien came to. She couldn't believe that she had become a prisoner...again!
Luthien: I really have to start watching my back, as well as my mouth. Is this my lot in life? To be a prisoner? Maybe I should change my name to Prisoner-Extraordiar, instead of Sneaky-Extraordinaire. *sniff*

Noticed that the two elves who had knocked her out were leaving.

Luthien: Hey! Hey, you! You two leving there! I'm hungry! You can't keep a prisoner if she's dead! You gotta feed 'er you know!

Willow: We'll hafta ask cap'n about your rations.

Luthien: Do you always have to ask the cap'n? Why don't you just make up your decision by yourself! Why don't you decide my rations?

Willow: *looks confused* No, must ask the cap'n.

Luthien: *rolls eyes* Hey, you other pirate.

Sici: Me?

Luthien: Yeah, you. Come here.

Sici: *approaches cell cautiosly* What d'ya want?

Luthien: Tell your elf friend that I am not interested in stealing her chocolate. I really can't stand the stuff.

Sici: *lifts brow* Okay, I'll be sure to tell her that.

Sici and Willow leave the cell, exchanging glances.

Luthien: *smiles as they leave* *Once they're out of sight, Luthien takes out a wine bottle that she had swiped from Sici and twirled a key that she had swiped from Willow.* That was too easy. *hides key and drinks the wine* *gets drunk*

Soon, the captain comes into the cell bringing her rations of food for the evening.

Luthien: *half drunk, half sober* 'Ello, Cap'n. Lovely evening we're having. Livin' in this cell is better than on the Laughing Porcupine hic. Where did that come from? hic Oh, there goes another....

EG: Hmmmm, 'ave you been drinking, prisoner? *slides food into cell*

Luthien: Come 'ere and I'll tell you. *Cap'n comes close to cell* *yells* Yes! Ha, ha...hic

EG: *rubs ears* You better watch it or I'll have you walk the plank!

Luthien: Awe, now, Cap'n, don't be sore. Here, have a drink! *hands EG the wine bottle*

Not being able to resist, the captain takes the bottle and drinks until she is drunk.

EG: Ha, you really are funny, hic prisoner! But I really must get going...my crew awaits hic....a party for all crewmembers is being hic held!

Luthien: But I'm part of your crew hic and I'm stuck here.

EG: Oops, hic let me get that hic for ya. *opens door and lets out Luthien

Luthien: hic Thanks, Cap'n! To the deck! There's a party awaitin'! hic

EG: Aye! hic*walks out of the cell and onto the deck, where the drunken crew are singing and dancing*

Luthien: Look, Cap'n! hic Music! *begins to sing along*

The captain soon joins and all the drunken pirates and crew members party. What they did not know was that it took more than a few cups of wine to get Luthien drunk. She was pretending to get out of her cell. Now that she was free, and the rest of the crew was drunk, she made her way to Willow's quarters. She looked around, but found nothing of value to her.

Luthien: Oh, well...back to the party!

She went back to the party. Soon, the drunk pirates had all fallen asleep, including the cap'n. Luthien, who was fighting back sleep herself, decided to take this opportunity and took the key to the cell from the Cap'n's pocket and stashed it away in the deepest of her pockets. Once her deed was done, she passed out like the rest of the crew.

[Willow Oran]

OOC: Just a note, Willow is in no way an elf of any sort. I thought I had made that extremely clear throughout the story so far. Furthur rant about characterization on discusion thread.

*Willow rolls eyes as the prisenor passes out from drunkeness. As soon as Luthien is asleep Willow goes through her pockets and retrieves all that was stolen before dragging Luthien back to the cell tying her up using her infamous shoelace techniques and locking the door with every lock she can possibly contrieve on short notice.*

Willow: *stalks away to her corner of the Nal* Silly prisenor, thought she could pull one over on me! Hmph!

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

A very annoyed Cap'n now makes her way down to the brig to check on the prisoner, bucket of ice-cold water in hand. The whole way she mutters to herself about how on earth she could have been as stupid as to go down to talk to the prisoner while very, very drunk.

EG: never been so stupid in my life going to kill that stupid elf, no bad idea i'll keel haul her instead... Good morning, Luthien! *splashes water on Luthien's face*
Luthien: grrugle...eh?
EG: Wake-up time!
Luthien: Isn't it 3am?
EG: Yes, that it is. And time for a bit of a lecture.
Luthien: But...I'm tired...
EG: Oh please.
Luthien: Arrrrghlrfrasterrrrrr....
EG: *splashes more water on Luthien* Luthien, look, if ya ever steal from me again, I'll keel haul ya. Ye ken?
Luthien: Umm...*checks pockets and realises the keys are gone* NOOooo!! How could this happen? What?
EG: Thankfully, I've an excellent Faerie on this crew. Not that I wouldn't have done the same if she hadn't gotten to ya first! No one gets away with anythin' I don' like, aboard this ship.
Luthien: Alright, alright...here, ya want some wine?
EG: *thwacks Luthien* Don't try the same trick twice, wench!
Luthien: *pouts*
EG: *Secures locks, gets Willow to guard, gives Willow extra chocolate*

And thus the Captain makes her way back to her cabin, as Earniel said she had something to show her. . .

Earniel: So, well, I was translating this, and it has all this about the wine, and, well, it looks quite important!
EG: So it is! I was hoping someone would translate this soon...we seem a bit lost with this whole quest and we need this! Excellent job, mate!
Earniel: Thank you, Cap'n!
EG: Now, keep translating and get back to me soon, will ya? I've got to lay me down a bit now, ye ken, is the ale, methinks. We're running low on wine, I'm afraid, though not a whisper of that to the rest of the crew!
Earniel: Aye, Captain! Of course not!

ooc: Okay, I said I'd post some plot stuff but I'm reeeally tired and I have to sleep, so I'll do it tomorrow. Sowwy!

[Indril Anarion]

Luthien: *grumbles and rubs head* Wench, hmmm? I'll show her what a wench I can be....
Willow: Is that you I hear in there?
Luthien: Yeah, so what?
Willow: You shut up in there or I'll get the Cap'n.
Luthien: *mockingly* Ooh, look at me, I'm soooo afraid...not the Cap'n...
Willow: *annoyed* *rolls eyes* You should be...there's a reason that I'm out here and you're in there...
Luthien: *grumbles* Stupid Faerie...

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

EG: *pours over translation by Earniel* Well, Earniel, I think we have a clue now, as to where the wine might be found...or at least where someone is who might know.
E XK: Really? Where?
EG: See, here it says "And thus the wine was hidden far where any living eye could see, and guarded closely, far at sea." So no living eye can see, right?
Earniel: Um, so, we can't see it then.
E XK: Yeah, um, what do we do then?
EG: Well, we talk to someone who isn't living!
E XK and Earniel: Um...how does that work?
EG: What about the Undead?
E XK: And you expect we can just waltz up to a coffin, wait for the sun to go down, and ask them where the wine is?
EG: I had a more practical idea in mind. . .

[Earniel]

Eärniel: *unsure* It won't have anything to do with brain-eating zombies, right? I can't stand people who are falling to bits.

[The last sane person]

*Roya stumbles in drinking vodka8

Roya: What's the matter Willow?

Willow:*Glares at roya* Nothing I cant handle!

Roya: Uh, okay. whatever! if the prisinor gives you any trouble...crown'er!

Luthien: huh, i'd like to see you try!

Willow: No actually yo dont.

Luthien: Psh...she cant harm me!

Roya: You asked for it...Wench!

*Roya cracks bottle over her head and she is out for the count*

Willow: Was that nescessary? Well, i guess she did ask for it!

Roya: I have a feeling she's gonna be knocked out for most of the trip!

[Willow Oran]

Willow: Yes, I suppose she is.

*Roya leaves, Willow yawns and starts to look bored until she looks down and notices that the prisoner is wearing lace up boots. Checking to make sure that Luthien is still un-concious Willow enters the cell and sets to work at the laces. half an hour later she is back outside the cell admiring her handiwork as the prisoner comes to.*

Luthien: *groan* Ngh.... *she notices her boots* Agh! What happened to my bootlaces?!?

Wiilow: *extremely pleased with herself* I tied them to together. Do you like them? I afraid they aren't as tight as I would have liked, I've been rather out of practice. No one else on the ship wears lace up shoes. Not anymore.

Luthien: You... you... argh!!!

*she scrunches up and starts to attempt to untie the laces, an hour later she has still failed to make any progress.*

Luthien: *giving up* What did you do to them?

Willow: I tied a really big knot. Of course, it hasn't really been tested until Tano tries to untie them. She's usually the only one who can.

Luthien: *sniff* My laces...

[Sicirus]

The crew of the ship Nal sail on through the morning mists trying not to take in a deadly amount of alchole. The map of the ancient sea pirates had been studied throughoutly but still held mysteries beyond translation point.

sicirus: My canada wine is missing again.
willow: I think the prisoner took it from you.
sici: Can I shave the prisoners head?
Eg: No
sici: phoodles!
crew members: Huh?
sici: nothing.

E XK: How about we ask the Bop to summon the dead from the graves of the deep?

EG: no she has been out of business ever since one of the ghost decided to eat her chocolate pie then shave her flying sheep.

E XK:*winces* poor Bop!

Sici: how about the creature behind the door?

Willow: are you nuts?
sici: er... was that a trick question?
Roya: oh whats the answer again?

Willow: *sighs* never mind.

sici: *slumps off to find more wine*
Roya: *follows*

Willow: so what is behind that locked door?
..........

[Indril Anarion]

Luthien: *sniffs* My laces...my beautiful laces...*sniff*...these were given to me by me dad...*sniff*...get out the knot...please...I promise to be good...I promise I won't take no more things....just get out the knot....look...here's some Canadian Wine I took from that Sici character...*sniff*...just get out the knot...please...*sniff*

[Tanoliel]

Willow: By the way, Tano...
Tano: Yez?
Willow: I tied the prisoner's bootlaces together. I wondered if you were going to try and untie them.
Tano: Well, I would...but I don't think I want to.
Willow: Ahhh...
Tano: *grins evilly*

[The last sane person]

*roya follows Sici for wine and they wind up down by the prisinor*

Luthien:*sniff* my laces......Whaaaaaa!.....*sniff*

Roya: Quit yer whinin whimp! *raises hand threataningly*

Luthien: eeep....!*sniff*

Sici: Pathetic! Lets go find some wine!

Luthien: Wait! I have wine! Just get my shoelaces untied!!!! PLEASE!!!

Roya: Can i shut her up now?

Sici: Wait, what wine?