Fellowship of the Ringwraiths

[Grey_Wolf]

"Let go, you mongrel!" gasped Viv and Eight sidestepped in, shoving Khamûl aside with such force that he fell and did a somersault.

[Butterbeer]

Wikkie clapped, whether for the somersault or not no one ever knew, but the increasingly drunk orcs caught between cold fear and amused fascination at tonight's events began to join in until a rousing round of applause greeted Khamul as he regained his feet. there were some appreciative whoops too.

Khamul was quite taken aback, but rallied well and raised a hand to his unintended audience ... really he could do without this spotlight just now ... he shot another meaningful furtive glance at Wikkie, who appeared to be smiling right back at him.


Even Ssslippery Sssau was hissing his heart out.

[CrazySquirrel]

The reason for the brawl remained mysterious for most of the fellowship, but everyone grasped that the dance was over and the fight has begun. Mor, his fiery temper, so much appreciated by Viv, resurfacing, rushed at Eight, who was trying to prevent Vivvie from attacking Khamul. Goth, a dark and vengeful type, decided that the moment was right to punish Mor for Lily's attentions. Both Eight and Mor himself were knocked to the floor in no time. Then Goth turned and was going to punch Khamul, for no reason that he could give, but was stopped by the hissing SS, who has taken a great liking for the constantly hissing Second.
Lily and Gor, suddenly abandoned, looked at each other. "What is it all about, Lil?" asked genuinely surprised Gor.
"Who knows, Gordie..." replied Lily. ""Men are stupid brutes. Let's go to the bar and get a drink".

[Butterbeer]

Bal the landlord, as evil an elf as ever there was, saw Lily and Gor coming over, and with a twinkle in his eye got out 3 glasses and his best special reserve' ...

Orcs were screaming, laughing, shouting as the brawl escalated... with a great crash an orc was thrown through the windows, causing a great shattering of glass and howls of pain and appreciation, Mor, Goth, Eight and Five were livid now, fighting with cold fury.

Khamul attempted to corner Viv again ... when the door burst open and the Gundabad Orc patrol stormed in blades and whips flashing and cracking ...

[CrazySquirrel]

They were met by Lily's cheerful shriek "Join in, Lads! The fun is up!"
Orcs howled with glee...

[Lotesse]

At that moment, the atmosphere of the place was rendered frozen as if time were suspended, with the sound (if one could call it a sound) of utmost fury, a rumbling wail that caused every orc in the bar to fall into a pile of black sludge, and caused every wraith except the Witch King to be utterly immobilised. It was Viv, and she was only getting warmed up.
After the longest moment any of them could ever recall having "lived" through, they saw Viv, or what they could only induce must be Viv, elevated above the floor in a throbbing swirl of blackest black fumes, her head transformed into a great beacon of blood-red light. Then they heard her speak.
"KHAMUL," said the pulsating crimson light, "YOU HAVE TEMPTED MY FURY FOR THE LAAAAASSSSSSST TIME!" Khamul looked stricken, but found he could still neither move nor speak in response; he was helplessly caught in the thrall of abject fear.
"YOU WILL FIND NO PLEASURE EVER AGAIN, KHAMUL; LOOK UNDER YOUR CLOAK!!!!"
Suffice it to say, Khamul could kiss his sexual days goodbye.
Slowly, gradually, Viv's cloud of darkness began to simmer down, much to everyone's visible relief. After that experience, the only wraiths who could smile about the incident were Mor, in secret admiration for his chosen love's awesome rage, and Wikkie, who could plainly see he had a right worthy peer.
The fellowship picked up their things, and, picking their way across the debris of orc-corpses, overturned furniture, and musical instruments, wordlessly filed out of 'the happy orc', and into the whirling blizzard outside. No one spoke of the incident ever again.
Later in the evening, in a moment alone, Khamul mournfully looked down again on himself, but with a rush of relief mingled with extreme bewilderment found that he had been made whole again. He vowed to himself to never [mess] with Viv again, and figured that she'd most likely never speak of his secret if she hadn't done so by now.

[Note: CARE-ful!]

[Lotesse]

But all had not been lost that evening.
Slippery Sau had found a cozy perch curled up in the folds of Viv's hood, and was sweetly snoring away, as the fellowship soundlessly whished through the night and over the snowy ground.
"Viv," Mor said, breaking the glum silence, "What's on your mind, babe?"
"Well - THIS is what was on my mind!" she answered triumphantly, as the company all came to a halt in front of a looming, beautifully ornate cave entrance. With a grand sweep of her arm, she invited them to enter, and with not a little dubious hesitance, the fellowship stepped inside.
The walls of the place were towering high, and polished a glittering black, inlaid with mother-of-pearl and nautilus shell depicting an epic story of which, no doubt, some of the wraiths had played a part. All around them were giant chests, as yet unopened; and leaning against the entrance area wall were nine pairs of elven-wrough mithril and bone snowskis. Sau poked his little head out of the back of Viv's hood, and peered around, his beady black eyes shivering with excitement and wonder.

[CrazySquirrel]

Wikkie alone dared to go in the cave's depths observing the pictures on the walls and the glittering treasure.
"Whose is this hoard, Vivvie"?, breathed Lily awestruck...

[Lotesse]

"It's mine, Lil," responded Viv, with a conspiratorial little smile. "At least, it's mine now, so therefore ours, now that we're all here."
Mor let out a low whistle, as they all began to meander through the cave, picking things up and peering at the inscriptions and mosaics on the black glass-like walls.
"Hey, somebody give me a hand over here," called out Lily, who was trying to open one of the huge wooden chests. In no time flat, Five and Eight were at her side, and the three of them lifted open the lid of the chest, revealing...

[Grey_Wolf]

...a mound of cast-iron junk and some very small golden rings.

[Grey_Wolf]

"What kind of **** is this?" the trio shouted looking at the iron junk.

"Somebody has substituted the rare china with this junk and let the precious rings of minor power be!" cried Lily.

[Lotesse]

"Well, Lil, I don't know about that iron stuff, but I'm relieved to see my ring collection's still intact." Viv wasn't ready yet to let on what the apparant scrap-metal actually was, but the rings she was delighted to finally be able to share with her friends.

"Bah! Trifling costume jewelry!" snorted Five. "Where's the wine stash is what I'd like to know."

Viv gave Five an impatient look, and stooped down to collect the small collection of gold and mithril bands from the bottom of the open trunk.

"Don't knock it 'till you try it, Five," Viv said softly, as she gently picked through the assortment of rings in her hand. "Here, try this on for size and tell me what you feel."

She tossed a plain mithril band to Five, who caught it midair and promptly slipped it on. Immediately, his playful eyes grew red with inner heat and a sweeping rush of ecstasy caused his knees to momentarily wobble. Upon seeing the guinea pig's reaction to the minor ring, at once the rest of the ringwraiths clamored at Viv to try one out themselves. All the wraiths save the Witch King, who hung back and merely surveyed the fracas with a countenance of benevolent amusement, as does a parent upon watching their children enjoy a special new toy. Each wraith had a unique yet very pleasurable sensory experience with the ring that he or she had ended up with, as each ring imparted a distinctive minor power of its own.

All the excitement, however, couldn't quell the fact that they were all in dire need of a bit of refreshment. They needen't have worried, though - one of the first ancillary rooms down the hall from the cave's entrance was an enormous wine cellar, and across the way from the cellar was the most elaborate and well-stocked pantry and kitchen that most of them had seen in many, many years.

[CrazySquirrel]

Lily has chosen an inch-wide golden ring with intricate patterns on it. They looked like letters in an unknown script.

Lily watched her new ring in awe. "It looks like the ONE".

That immediately attracted Wikkie's attention. Taking Lily's hand, he bent his head over the ring.

"What do the letters say?" asked Lily.

"It is as I thought", replied Wikky amused. He whispered some spell in a long-forgotten tongue. Immediately the letters turned fiery red.

"Ash nazg drabatuluk..." said Lily breathlessly

"Nay, Lily", replied Wikkie, it merely says "Made in China..."

[Lotesse]

This bit of information momentarily hushed the excited group of wraiths.

"China?!" Viv piped up, voicing the puzzlement of her peers. "But - Wikkie, where is this 'China'?"

"Well, my dear, it's a huge country that exists in a parallel world. It's not a place here on Middle-Earth, but in another world, a world called simply 'Earth'. Beyond that, I really am not authorised to give you any more details. Suffice it to say, you've got yourself a neat little toy, Lil. Imported all the way from our sister planet!"

No one had anything to say about that. Even if one of them would have pressed the Witch King for elaboration, he wouldn't have given any more explanation than he had.

[CrazySquirrel]

Awestruck and bewildered by their Dark Captain's Dark Knowledge the wraiths filed silently into the kitchen.

"Now, girls", said Wikkie cheerfully, "go and prepare us some nice breakfast, while we start drinking."

With a happy hoot Five and Goth plunged into the large trunk with wine bottles in it.

Lily, Gor and Viv looked at each other uncertainly. It has been a long time since any of them worked in a kitchen, provided they ever did it at all.

Lily finally found her voice. "Why us???"

But the clinking of bottles and goblets was the only answer.

Gor sighed heavily and went to rummage through her saddlebag. She took out the Rohan banner with a fat cow embroidered on it and tied it around her tiny waist to protect her gorgeous black evening dress.

"I remember teaching my Angmar girls some kitchen-magick", said Gor. "It makes food taste fine, whatever you do. Only I wish SOMEONE prepares SOMETHING first".

"That is exactly like you" sneered Lily and turned to Viv for instructions.

[Grey_Wolf]

"Well, first you heat up the pot by litting five pieces of firewood (or the equivalent. ). Then you chop up the skinned garlic and mix it with the minced meat and vegetables. Add some slurps of wine, 2 cups of vinegar essance, salt and black peper." Viv instructed in a very instructural manner.

[CrazySquirrel]

"Great!" said Lily and looked at the other two in her best I-am-the-boss-here manner. "Seven, you chop the garlic and heat the water. Nine, you chop the meat. I will oversee the cooking."

Gor and Viv were really annoyed now.

Suddenly Mor's big armored hand touched Viv's shoulder gently. "Do you need help, dear?" asked he hesitantly.

"Yes we do!" cried all the girls in relief.

Gordis immediately undid the Rohan banner from her waist and put it around Mor. Lily handed him the kettle.

Without a backward glance, Lily and Gor rushed into the main room and joined the drinking company.

"And what about the food?" asked Wikkie sternly.
"Mor is taking care of that" replied Lily. Pushing Gor with her elbow, she whispered "Isn't Mor nice? Men are always SO sweet when in love".
Gor sighed unhappily.

Viv looked at Mor uncertainly...

[Lotesse]

What Viv didn't know - what nobody knew, was that Mor's new minor power ring had imbued him with the gifts, talents and expertise of what could arguably be called middle-earth's greatest chef. What Feanor had been to the Silmarils, Mor now was to prepared food. Of course, he didn't know it at the moment; but he and all the fellowship were soon to find out. The girls sensed something immediately, especially Viv, who found everything about Mor interesting and was always guardedly scrutinizing him.

The next five minutes in that kitchen were a tumultuous, dizzying blur. Chopping, dicing, slicing; bits of carrot-ends and saffron flakes and shards of fresh basil, flour and grains of yeast flying everywhere yet not making the slightest mess, giant carcasses of smoked salted pork flying over their heads and landing, expertly carved and perfectly arranged, upon platters of hammered gold. Giant discs of cheese whizzing from the pantry shelves to the cutting board, grapes and cherries and pumpkins swirling around like heat-seeking missles gone mad. It was a food blizzard with a singular purpose guiding it, and the girls never forgot it. Years later, it was still one of their favourite party-talk stories, a "remember when" tale that never lost its effect to dazzle the listener.

The guys in the next room didn't even have a chance to get a buzz from the wine before dinner was served, and Mor had not even broken a sweat.

Now Viv was certain she was in love.

Lily was worried about the whereabouts of Slippery Sau, though, after the dinner was complete.
"Uh, you guys?" ventured Gor, who had been thinking the same thing. "Where's the snake?"

[CrazySquirrel]

"I don't remember any snake-dish", mused Lily, worried. "Mor, you did'n chop our poor SSSau, did you? Can you remember anything at all?"

Mor shook his head. "I was sort of in a daze, Lil", he admitted apologetically.

The search of the kitchen and pantry gave nothing. Lily was in tears. Gor huddled in a chair and concentrated on the brilliance of her new mithril ring. She was whispering spells under her breath. Then she got up as a sleep-walker and ventured aimlessly around, stopping suddenly in front of Khamul.

Eyes wide open she asked "What is there in your bag, Lord Khamul?"
Khamul clutched the bag nervously to his chest. The bad suddenly moved, as if it contained a living thing. With a happy screech, Lily snatched the bag from Khamul. Slippery Sau slithered to the floor frightened. Something else, heavy and black, rolled under the sofa.

Suddenly a thunderous Voice was heard from beneath the sofa: "WHY HAVE YOU FAILED TO REPORT FOR SO LONG, KHAMUL?"

[Grey_Wolf]

"Well, sir, we - hmn - have been kind of busy - sort of - so reporting has unfortunately - sorry again - come to stand still." Khamûl stammered after picking up the Palantir.