Tolkien Lover Anonymous 3, The Sil(ly)marillion

[Claenoic]

*Meanwhile...

Claedhros has gone on to songs that didn't finish.

Observe.*

Claedhros: THIS IS THE SONG THAT DOESN'T EEEEEENNNDD, IT JUST GOES ON AND ON MY FRIIIIIEEEEENNNDDS, SOME PEOPLE, STARTED SINGING IT NOT KNOWING WHAT IT WAS, AND THEY'LL CONTINUE SINGING IT FOREVER JUST BECAUSE THIS IS THE SONG THAT DOESN'T EEEEENNNDD...

*Earnial and the Elf have one easy job trying to find Claedhros...*

[Earniel]

Eärniel: Psssst! Claedhros!

Claedhros: THIS IS THE SONG THAT DOESN'T EEEEEENNNDD!!!

Eärniel: Hey, Claedhros!

Claedhros: IT JUST GOES ON AND ON MY FRIIIIIEEEEENNNDDS!!!

Eärniel: Claedhros, will you for the love of Varda's underwear JUST BLOODY WELL SHUT UP!?!

Claedhros: SOME PEOPLE, STA... eh? What?

Fingon: *hits Eärniel* Be quiet! Do you want to alert every orc, balrog and shady character to our presence here?

Eärniel: *hits him back* Stop doing that, they're all deaf by now anyway. And at least I got her attention, didn't I?

Claedhros: *looking down* Oh, hi Eärniel, hi Fingon. A good thing you guys passed by. My head hurts like hell, I was almost starting to wish somebody would just come and put me out of my misery.

Fingon: *sighs* If that is thy wish, cousin. I have no choice but to end thy suffering with my arrow. Manwë, please guide my hand! *raises bow and cocks arrow*

Eärniel: *pushes bow down* None of that, eager beaver! She said almost.

Claedhros: Darn right.

Fingon: Then how do you propose to get her free? We cannot reach her.

Eärniel: And how about the ladder, nitwit?

Fingon: What ladder?

Eärniel: The one standing against the wall, idiot. Really, do I have to do everything here?

*Fingon turns around and indeed, against the wall from where Claedhros is hung, stands a ladder. They put the ladder under Claedhros and since they can't release her hair, Fingon gives Claedhros a new haircut. Then the three of them escape to the Noldorin camp before anyone in Morgoth's lair pulls out his ear plugs and wonders why the prisoner has stopped singing.*

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

ooc: That kiss was also payment for me coming back and posting on this again. And it was really Maggie's fault, and I mean, she was talking about Finrod and Celeborn, and kissing, and I asked if they kissed each other, and was disappointed to hear that they didn't. I'm so twisted, yes, I know. But I thought they'd be so cute together!

Oh, and I should probably apologize for what I'm about to write. I'm coming in as a hyperactive demon girl who tries and usually fails to mess with plot, I hope that's okay.

ic:

Meanwhile, behind a fancy elvish sofa. . .

Finrod: Well, thank you, I now know you are...very...worthy...indeed. *catches his breath*
Celeborn: Why thank you. Er. Yes. *grins*
Finrod: Oh dear, now I have to let my sister have you. *pouts*
Celeborn: Well...yes, I was rather courting her, wasn't I?
Finrod: *looking sad* Yeah, you were...
Celeborn: Whatever shall we do...

And suddenly a very strange girl with brown hair in two braids with bits of stuff in them like beads and feathers and little mouse bones, and massively pointed, demonic looking ears, and horns, peers over the couch...well, starts to, then shields her eyes and backs away...

Demon Girl: Er...excuse me sirs, I just heard about your plight, I felt so sorry for you, I thought I'd offer a suggestion...
Finrod: *emerging from behind the sofa and covering himself with an urple blanket* Did you now?
Demon Girl: Well, yes. Celeborn, you keep couring Galadriel, but have nice "male bonding times" where you disappear off behind sofas with Finrod. Simple.
Celeborn: *looking over the sofa* Well, that would work except that I cannot be unfaithful to her!
Demon Girl: What's all this faithfulness stuff about anyway? *grin*
Finrod: I think she's got a point...
Demon Girl: *nods enthusiastically*
Celeborn: Yeah, you're right. Okay. Fair enough. By the way, who are you and what the hells are you doing messing with our plot and everything?
Demon Girl: I'm Elizabeth Morloth Greenfields. Call me Ellie. *curtsies*

Sort of OOC: It should be noted that Ellie is wearing a plaid skirt, bare feet, a black t-shirt with the sleeves cut off that has a skull and crossed bones on it and says "Kiss me, I'm a Pirate!" and she will be showing up sporadically to be very nachro indeed and poke things until they squeak.

[Claenoic]

Claedhros: *Looking at chopped hair* Sniff... sniff... WAAH!!!

Fingon: Oh, be silent! It was the only way to get you down before anyone would see us.

Claedhros: *Lip quivers* But... but...

Earniel: We'll give you chocolate later... and you're a Vala. Remember?

Claedhros: *Brightens* Oh yeah! I can use my Authoress powers to turn myself back into Claevire and bug Yavanna so I can get my hair back... ^^

[Earniel]

OOC: I'm not so sure whether Finrod is going to be pleased with what your twisted little minds came up with for him, but that's for him to say if he comes back.

IC:

Eärniel: Well, no I'm afraid.

Claenoic: What? No bugging Yavanna? *puppy look*

Eärniel: Er.. no. You see, we're banned from Valinor at the moment. The Valar won't help us, not even for some hair-extentions.

Claenoic: Rats.

Eärniel: But I heard Luthien is supposed to have a hair lenghtening spell and that would be good way to get your hair back.

Claenoic: Yay!

Eärniel: The problem is she isn't born yet.

Claenoic: Rats again.

Eärniel: But we'll see what we can do about that.

Fingon: There is the camp!

*They enter the camp and since they brought Claedhros back, they've managed to reconcile the two Elven hosts a little. However after Fingon paid some heavy bribe to the history scribe, he goes down in history as the only saviour of Claedhros. Eärniel was not amused and she stole all his chocolate.*

OOC: Maggie, Fingon is all yours.

[Nazgûl Queen]

((OOC: SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY!!!!!!!!!!!))

*Meanwhile, back at the ranch, jonno was walking his goldfish*

Morauko: Pardon?

*Sorry... meanwhile, back in the depths of middleearth, Finwe had woken from his trance and proposed to Melian. Changing his name to Thingol, he built a huge empire known as Doriath with triple-padlocked doors noone could enter. Unfortunately, he never remembered to close the windows.*

Morauko: Will you get on with it? I want to have a body again!!!!

*Alright, alright... anyway, after creating this huge kingdom and filling it with loyal elves, the King and Queen put their minds to business and set about creating the worlds first half-breed child. And soon enough, they gave birth to a little girl named Morien.*

Morauko: Took your time... *spirit gets sucked through the baby girls mouth as she cries and starts to cough*

*This little girl had all the beauty of her father's race, with long black hair and two sparkling blue eyes, and all who saw her knew that she was destined to be a rare beauty. Now, in order to look after her new baby, Melian called on her rights as a Maia and summoned three godmothers for her baby daughter*

Melian: *pacing through the edroom where Morien sleeps in the moonlight* Where ARE they? I sent out their invitations weeks ago, they should BE here by now!!!

Thingol: *cautiously* Ummm... maybe they've been held back by all that fighting of the Noldor? You know how they are..

Melian: I DON'T CARE!!!!!

*Thingol backs away*

Melian: I am one of the highest of the Maia, they should answer my every beck and call... *Morien starts to cry from the loud noises* ...will you shut her up?!

Thingol: Yes, dear... *wrapping Morien in a silver lanket, he quikly picks her up and takes her outside, rocking her in the moonlight near the river.* There there, Morien, don't cry... your mothers just a little stressed...

*voice from the castle is heard, screaming "NEXT TIME, I'M GETTING WIZARDS!!!!!!"*

((OOC: Oooh, what gifts should she get? Music, Beauty, and somthing else... ooh, and maybe an angry uninvited fairy could curse her to die for love, which is why she gets shut up... *ponders intertextuality*... I'm afraid all my new english knowledge is making this a lot harder ))

[Tanoliel]

*Meanwhile, outside the castle, three people are standing*

Tano: Come on, guys....let's go in!

Maggie: We ought to look presentable, though...

Katt: Pffft.

Maggie: No, really...they'll kick us out if we don't look right, and we don't want that.

Tano: Oh, huh...

Katt: Good point. Let's see...Narrator!

*What now?*

Tano: We want you to make us look like more or less proper fairy godmothers.

Katt: Proper?!

Tano: Scratch that. Make us look so they won't kick us out--rather than like we've been tramping through woods and snow and mud for three weeks.

*Why should I?*

Tano: *smiles evilly* Because....I know your secret.

*My what?*

Tano: Your secret...the one you thought no one else knew. I know it. And I'll tell everyone I know, and everyone I don't know, if--

*OKAY! Here--*

*And the three were suddenly clean and dressed in elven clothes, looking like the godmothers they were about to become.

Tano: Heh. Let's go in.

Maggie: *whispers* What's the secret?

Tano: *winks at both* I can't tell.

Katt: Oh...

Tano: I can't believe it's that gullible...heh.

*They enter the castle....*

ooc: Someone else can write the rest...only let me give the baby my gift, please!

[Willow Oran]

*Once inside the thousand caves... the prospective godmothers are gushing over the adorableness of the newborn Morien and thinking of nice gifts to give her.*

Maggie: *leaning over Morien and smiling cheerily* Aren't you just the cutest little... girl in Middle Earth? Yes you are! You're going to grow up the prettiest little elf in the world and you'll find a nice man to marry and he'll do absolutely anything for you and you'll stay faithful to eachother no matter what! Yes you will you little sweetheart you...

*Sadly, hidden in all that sickening gushiness was a slip of the tounge that would later prove fatal. Men not being invented yet nobody noticed that it had been decreed that Morien would marry a nice Man.*

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

*Quite suddenly, Ellie bursts into the room with the Godmothers*

Ellie: Ooh, Maggie, bad move. That's going to cause some problems later on in the plot.
Maggie: Well, that's the idea, isn't it? Plot. Making plot. With complications.
Ellie: Yeah, but you could have saved Middle Earth a lot of trouble if you said she'd marry a nice elf. . .
Maggie: Yeah, but that's the STORY! Who are you, bursting in here like this anyway?
Melian: Good question. I want to know too. You look like a hellfiend from Morgoth!
Ellie: *shrugs, looking hurt* I was just trying to help. . .
Melian: Answer the question!
Ellie: *pouting* I'm a Plot Demon. I'm just doing my job.

[Nazgûl Queen]

Thingol: *greeting the godmothers* I'm so glad you're here, my wife's been frantic... I'll just take you up to her, shall I?

*unfortunately, at that moment, Maggie uttered her fateful words*

Thingol: *frowning* What's a man? How can I look after my baby? And what's SHE doing here?! *glaring at Ellie*

Ellie: I already said, I'm a plot demon. You want the plot to flow, don't you?

Thingol: Plot?

Melian: *voice echoes from upstairs* WHERE ARE THEY?!!!

Thingol: Erm.... I think you'd better see my wife...

*grabbing Morien back, who was smiling happily while the spirit inside her grumbled at her inability to talk, he led the fairy godmothers and Ellie up the stairs and knocked on the door.*

Thingol: Erm... Melian...

Melian: WHAT?!

Thingol: I've brought the fairy godmothers to see you....

Melian: Took them long enough! *muttering is heard as she ushers the godmothers into the room and to their seats.* Hmmm... we have one extra... still, sit down, tell me why you were late, and hurry up and bless my child!

Thingol: *tentatively* I think you should do what she wsays... trust me, you don't want to see her when she's angry...

*the godmothers gulp*

Ellie: Actually...

Tano: Well...

Maggie: Weaccidentallyblessedhertomarryaman

Melian: A WHAT?! *being a Maia, she knew very well what men would bed, and knew that this was not going to bode well for her daughter*

Tano: She didn't mean it, honest!!!!

Melian: Hmmm... i guess we're just going to have to keep her inside and forbid men from entering here... yes... that will protect her, won't it darling? *tickles Morien, who giggles*

Thingol: Ummm, Melian... the blessings?

Melian: Oh yes. Hurry up and bless her, before I have you all spiflicated for your unpunctuality and terrible curse.

Tano: *whispers to Katt* What's spiflication?

Katt: *whispers back* I don't know... but it sounds painful... surely Melian wasn't this angry in the real book?

Tano: *whispers back* Tolkien forgot that someone eternally young is eternally PMSing.

Katt: *look of understanding* Ahhhh... i see... poor Thingol. Think we should help him?

Tano: Naaaa... i'm just here for the clothes!

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

ooc: I'm actually more likely to interfere with plot and make stories much much shorter and happier

ic:

Ellie turns to Tano and Katt
Ellie: May I suggest some more benign wishes?
*Tano and Katt glare*
Ellie: Well, just trying to make her life happier. . .I can see I'm not wanted here. . .I'll just be going now . . .*Ellie--who is, just for the record, currently wearing black and neon green striped tights with her plaid skirt--does a demon-y jump up into the rafters (if there are rafters...) and disappears*

[Tanoliel]

Tano: Humph. Let's see now...*rolls up the sleeves of her godmother clothes and coughs slightly* Ahem. I bless this child to have absolutely, completely, utterly, totally, definitevely--

Melian: *coughs loudly*

Tano: *glares, and continues doggedly* --unconditionally, and unquestionably, the best singing and dancing talent of any elf around. So there. *crosses her arms and glares at Melian*

ooc: I have a wonderful image of Luthien on Broadway...or in Chicago or something...

[Finrod Felagund]

OOC: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I GO AWAY TO CAMP FOR A WEEK AND POOR FF IS GAY!


ic:

Finrod: Ahem...*slaps himself repeatedly, hits himself in the head with a lamp, irons his hands etc.*
I am In love with AMArie, hello...oh, the cell phone lure has already taken hold!

*random elf runs in whispers in his ear*

Finrod: What? Not for an entire age yet? Oh...

*Random elf runs out*

Finrod: I am in love with Amarie, burt the hand of Morgoth reaches far. Forgive me Amarie, Galadriel...Celeborn. By the way, you are definitely worthy of my sister! Just, well, take it slow. WAIT TILL YOU'RE MARRIED! OR I'LL KILL YOU! Ahem...okay, thanks...I guess...Ellie...bye.

*Runs away very fast shaking head*


OOC: (See, his nervous breakdown leading to his transformation into Finrollum has already begun.)
BTW, I HATE YOU ALL! But not for real...just a little...maybe...

[Christiana]

*Fingolfiana pops into the baby room in a shower of smoke*
Tano: Howd you get here?Youre not a wizard.
Fingolfiana:I have my ways.*chuks smoke bomb through "mysterious" hole in the roof*And i bestow upon this maiden the gift of_*at this moment she trips and falls on her face*she mutters: Drat! Chocolalism! Its catching up to me again!

*and so the baby was doomed to become a chocohalic*

[Nazgûl Queen]

*Thingol and Melian smiled happily as their daughter was blessed with musical talent and started to hum*

Morauko: *mentally* Now this is a gift I'm gonna enjoy.

*Then, fingolfiana arrive and blessed the little one*

Thingol: I hope you'll fix that! *looking up at the hole in his nice roof*

Melian: Awww... chocaholism... whats that?

Morauko: *mentally* Oh no...

Fingolfiana: Oh, it means you're addicted to chocolate?

Melian: What's that?

*the godparents look at each other*

Tano: Oh, you'll see... just wait until she grows up.

Morauko: *mentally* You mean I have to wait?!

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Please bear with me as I give a gift of something. I have no idea who this creature is or what I should give her. I'm probabally going to get a smack from the plot demon.

Katt: I guess that leaves me. *mutters* How did I get into this? I don't even like baby's! No sane person would make me godmother of an elf! *coughs* Ahem. I give you the gift of insanity, on a minor scale.

Tano: Katt! What're you doing?!?

Katt: Hey, don't tell me what to give her. It is said that ninety nine out of one hundered insane ideas are bad. Her's will be the one good one. Her insanity will change the world. So there. thptt. Are there any scones around?

[Tanoliel]

Tano: Um...yeah. Here. *hands Katt a random scone*

Melian: No one's answered my question!

Tano: Which--oh, yes, of course you have to wait. She's a baby.

Melian: Not that one. What's...chocolate?

*Tano, Katt and Willow share a long look*

Tano: One moment please. *pulls the other two aside* Listen...I really don't like to cross Melian or anything, but technically chocolate shouldn't even exist.

Katt: You made it.

Tano: Heh...right.

Willow: We might as well. I mean, Melian's insane anyway...

Tano: Good point. Oh, what the hell. *turns back to Melian* THIS is chocolate. *pulls a piece out of her pocket and offers it*

Melian: *takes it and eyes it suspiciously* Cho-co-late? Hmmm...

Willlow: It's good. Really.

Melian: *takes a bite*

....


ooc: I'll let someone else write her reaction.

ooc: Fingolfiana--a question and a request--first, how did you get here, and why are you blessing the baby? I thought you were miles away with troops. Eh?
Secondly, I would really appreciate it if you would check your posts before posting them--I'm not trying to rag on you or make your spelling perfect or anything, it's just disconcerting when four words run together and there's a big in the middle of a sentence by accident. Thanks.

[Claenoic]

Melian: *Takes a good sized bite, and chews slowly. A slow, but marked change comes to her demeanor.*

*Suddenly, huge purple ducks appear and Thingol's ears turn to... cheese?*

Tano: Oh crap...

Maggie: We should've expected this... she is a Maia, after all. -_-;

[Earniel]

*Enter Claedhros and Eärniel. Bickering and carying gifts for the newborn*

Eärniel: Bugrit, we're late, the kid's already born.
Thingol: *pulls his crown down to hide his cheesy ears* And who would you be?
Claedhros: *not paying attention to him and still talking to Eärniel* We're late indeed, all the rest is already here. I told you, your shortcuts are no good.
Eärniel: It would have been good if that darn Girdle of Melian hadn't been in place. It's not like there was a roadsign saying "Girdle of Melian 100m ahead."
Thingol: Excuse me...
Claedhros: But you knew it would be there.
Thingol: WHY ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE WALKING THROUGH MY HALL AND WHY ARE THEY ALL IGNORING ME?!

*Eärniel and Claenoic stop bickering and look at him*

Eärniel: Why do you have cheesy ears?
Thingol: *moans and pulls his crown lower* That's it! The final straw! This is the last party I ever give for a baby of mine.

*And this is the reason why Morauthien remained his only child.*

Eärniel: Are you the father of the newborn then? My condolenses.
Claedhros:*elbows Eärniel* You're not supposed to say that when a child is born. You should congratulate him.
Eärniel: What? With all the trouble he's going to have with her? I'm not that cruel.

*But however cheesy Thingol's ears may be, they're still in working order. And after hearing Eärniel's prediction the Sindarin King goes of in search of some aspirine, leaving his chocolate-high wife to deal with the TLA.*

Maggie: What are you two doing here? Come to bless the child? I'll warn you that proper blessings should only be given by licenced godmothers. We'll get trouble with the union if otherwise.
Eärniel: No, we're not here for that. Claedhros here had a bad hair day. And since...
Claedhros: *sobs* My hair! *runs to Morauthien's crib* She's still a baby! How is she supposed to give me my hair back?
Tano: *shrugs*Wait until she's grown up?
Claedhros: That takes ages for sure! I want my hair back and I want it now!Now, now, now!
Maggie: Perhaps we can.. uh.. speed up time one way or the other...
Morauthien: *mentally* Perhaps not such a bad idea, the prospect of diapers is scary when you're concious enough to be aware of it.

OOC: I'll leave the decision to do or don't to somebody else.

[Finrod Felagund]

Finrod runs in, obviously over his encounter with Celeborn.

Finrod: Look! I brought the puppy a chew toy, it squeaks! *he holds up plastic palrog and it squeaks.*

*Melian looks angry*

Thingol: Dear nephew...ahem...it's not a puppy, it's a baby...

Finrod: Oh...okay! *Brightens. He reaches into his pack and puls out a very colourful blanket/cloak thingie.*

Finrod: Its the "Amazing Technicolor Dream Blanket/cloak thingie"!

*Flashes a debonaire smile towards everyone standing there. They all stare. He frowns then pulls out a starchart*

Finrod: Here, I had a star named after her.

Orodreth: WHAT!?! But I could never...

Finrod: Varda always liked me better than you brother.

*Everyone stares. Finrod frowns and the pulls out a little plastic figure*

Finrod: Here! *Everyone looks*

Melian: Who...or what...is it?

Finrod: It's Strongbad of Homestarrunner.com...darn advertising .

*Everyone cheers*
*Finrod Bows and with a flourish of his cape turnes to leave. But first he puts the Amazing Technicolor blanket/cloak thingie over the sleeping baby and then leaves...for real this time.*