The Drunk Elf Pirates and the Quest for the Holy Wine

[Earniel]

*However Eärniel realises it was perhaps a bit harsh to leave the faerie on her own. She's feeling some pangs of guilt too. After all, the faerie is small and quite defenceless. So the sea elf decides to return where she has left Willow.*

Eärniel: You know Willow, maybe I overrea.. *stops when she sees an empty space* Er... Willow?

*She looks around, searching for the faerie.*

Eärniel: Willow, this isn't funny anymore. Show yourself or I will leave again. I mean it! I am dead serious.

*She finally notices the few chicken feathers and a small very convenient tell-tale shred of Willow's clothing lying on the ground.*

Eärniel: Oh, no! She's been faerie-napped! What have I done? I knew we shouldn't have split up! People who split up when there are dangerous things lurking about are always asking for trouble! Always! I know it! It happens in every movie! How am I going to tell this to the captain ?

*Holding her spear in a firm grip, Eärniel decides to follow the trail of Willow abductors.*

Eärniel: Hold on, Willow! I'm coming! Sea elf to the rescue! *raises spear dramatically*

*It's never smart to go yelling around in a forest full of gigantic maniac chickens. It's also a pretty lame cry.*

Eärniel: *mutters* Stupid know-it-all-narrator. I can never do dramatic. Fne.... *goes off to track the chickens*

[Sicirus]

Sci*breaks out of asylum jacket and follows Ear to find missing fearie.* Wait up.

Ear:*stops to let elf catch up*
Sici: *catches up then passes because <has bad breaks* Sorry
Ear*rolls eyes* come on.
We follow the trail with the company on our heels questioning Wiilows kidnapping. We follow the smaell of chocloate to find our path.
EG: I hope those chickens are not cooking the poor fearie in chocolate.
Sici: Imagines willow in boiling hot chocloate and wishes she can eat chocolate and free willow.

Narra: So the company go off with pathetic weapons to fight off rabid dancing chickens who can kick their skinny....
Ear: shut up. DOn't make me come up there.
NArra: HOw do you know I am up?
Ear: Because you bugger, your tail is showing.
Narra: I don't have a tail.
Ear: then what is that?
Sici: A large bush baby!

[Earniel]

Ear: oh look at the cutie! *grabs bush baby and stores it away in one of her numerous pockets* The captain might want to keep it as a pet. I seem to remember she was rather fond of tarsiers. This one'll do.

*They follow the trail and finally come across the native chicken's camp. Hiding behind a bush Eärniel and Sicirus spy on the camp. Before a giant statue of an equally giant rooster the chickens have tied Willow on a spit. They apparantly like their faerie 'bien rôti'. Tano lies tied as a sausage a little further off. However dinner isn't ready just yet. Each time the chickens try to light the fire, the tied faerie blows it out again by flapping her wings. Oddly the chickens don't think about trying to tie Willow's wings together so she can't do that anymore. But hey, we're still talking chickens here.*

Eär: How many chickens do you count?

Sici: Lots.

Eär: Thought so. As did I. Now that we've found the enemy camp, let's get the others.

*Both crewwomen dissapear again in the forest in search for the rest of their crew*

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

Meanwhile, EG and her first mate--EG deciding to be grateful for the appearance of her mate dressed as Lara Croft, as it might be useful--are on the track of the CHICKENS who kidnapped Tano. They run through the forest, looking carefully for signs of the chickens. By some intervention of the hand of fate, or by simple dumb luck, they soon stumble upon a clearing where the CHICKENS have tied (don't ask me how. they just did. i don't care if they lack opposable thumbs. they're smart chickens.) Tanoliel and Willow to some stakes in the center, and are doing some strange ritualistic dance around them. One CHICKEN has a large torch in its beak.

EG: *whispers to E XK* should we go sneaky, or just yell at them? they haven't noticed us yet...
E XK: *whispering back* Sneaky sneaky.
EG: *laughs quietly for some unknown reason and goes slightly red, then sneaks a few steps forward, her twin following.*

The two make their way toward a rather large CHICKEN (well, large even for one of these...), sword and pistol out and ready, assuming this is the leader, for she has a necklace of cacoa beans strung around her neck. In a brave and somewhat foolish and horribly un-Slytherin-like move, EG makes a magnificent leap onto the back of the HEN and holds her sword to the leader's throat. Meanwhile, E XK does the same to the ROOSTER to her right.

EG: You would not negotiate peacefully, so now we must hold you hostage! Release our friends and let us go in peace, and no one will get hurt!

CHICKEN: Cluck, cluck theifssssessssssss!!!

EG: *sigh* Release our friends at once and your...um...leader? will be safe!

CHICKEN: Do asss they sayyy but know this: you shall pay for your mistake! No one daressss defy my law!

EG: Alright, alright, just let them go!

The CHICKENS untie Tano and Willow, and shove them out of the clearing.

CHICKEN: But what will we give as sacrifice to our gods? For they require the blood of a humanoid creature every month!

EG: *sighs again* Umm...well...does it have to be human?

CHICKEN: Well. . .not specifically. . .but. . .

EG: Does it have to be a living creature?

CHICKEN: Well the gods didn't specify. . .but. . .we don't want to make them angry. . .

EG: Well then your problem is solved. Sacrifice some cacao. They'll like that. I've met gods in my time, and they love sacrifices of chocolate.

CHICKEN: You have saved us! We will no longer have to sacrifice our friends and guests! This elf has solved our problems!

EG: *wonders quietly to herself why on earth the CHICKENS hadn't figured it out on their own, but shrugs and lets it be.*

CHICKEN: As our savior, you are entitled to all the cacao you want! Take some to your ship, just leave some for us!

EG: I thank you for your hospitality and kindess, CHICKEN-san. *bows*

CHICKEN: You're welcome.

And so the elf-pirates gather again, and the CHICKENS invite them to a Luau. They party all night long, dancing on the shore in the firelight and enjoying a nice evening with the CHICKENS who turn out to be much fun. Then, in the morning, well supplied, they go on their way. Back on the ship, where EG is hanging up her sword and discussing rationing with the cook Garina, Earniel comes in with the bushbaby.

Ear: Captain?

EG: Yes, Earniel?

Ear: We found this bushbaby on the island. Since you like tarsiers so much we figured you'd like it, as it's close enough.

EG: ooh, thank you, it's sooo cute! *picks up bushbaby and plays with it*

EG: Thank you so much! *hugs Earniel*

*does a happy dance around the cabin*

The members of the crew all love the Bushbaby and it is adopted as Ship Pet. It turns out to be quite useful keeping the insects out of the supplies. So they sail on their way, enjoying the tropical waters, and are occasionally known to jump off the boat to go swimming.

. . .But still, the quest they set out on is on all their minds, and they know they are likely going to run out of time to find the Holy Wine, and they must search for clues soon.

[Tanoliel]

ooc: Sneaky sneaky wouldn't have anything to do with "if they catch us we'll be in huge trouble...that just makes it all the more fun" that you told me about, would it?
ic:

Tano: Whoo. That was exciting.

Willow: *rocks quietly back and forth*

Tano: Oh, come on. Here, gimmie your chocolate...I'm making hot cocoa.

[Willow Oran]

*Willow drinks the hot cocoa slowly as she keeps attempting to twist around to ensure that her wings aren't singed too badly. She finally gives up and decides to ask something that she has been wondering about for quite sometime now.*

Willow: Cap'n?

EG: Yes?

Willow: Where are we going?

EG: I'm afraid I can't tell you that.

Willow: Why not?

EG: Because.

Willow: Pleeeeaase? Just a tiny little hint? I promise not to tell.

EG: Oh... fine. *whispers something in the faerie's ear*

Willow: What! But we already knew that!

EG: That's all you're getting out of me.

Willow: Fine.

OOC: It should be noted that we actually had this conversation, stubborn pirate.

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

Originally posted by Tanoliel
ooc: Sneaky sneaky wouldn't have anything to do with "if they catch us we'll be in huge trouble...that just makes it all the more fun" that you told me about, would it?

ooc: Actually I was thinking of that elf character I have a huge crush on, who was once temporarily turned into a leopard, but hey, that could work too...though I wouldn't have gotten into trouble, just him

ic:

EG: *while scratching behind the bushbaby's ears. the bushbaby looks very happy. he has been named, for some inexplicable reason, Yuki.** You feeling alright, Willow? I mean, after that ordeal and all. Being kidnapped by CHICKENS.

Willow: I'd feel better if I knew where we were going *hopeful look*

EG: laughs. Nope, sorry! Hey, let's go swimming!

And they anchor the boat and swim some more. Happy days. Woohoo.

*ooc: if you know what this means, PM me and I'll give you a virtual cookie.

[Sicirus]

ooc: YOur making the story depressing because it sounds almost like we have ended.

ic: The crew members *not all of them* jump into the cold sea water and splashed each other furiously with the salty stuff. We could basically walk on the water from the amount of salt.
Sici: tries to act like jesus and walk on water* fails misurably.
Ear: Gets on boat and floats on water laughing at sici. crew members tip boat and laugh at sunken crew mate.
Eare: *uses bushbaby as floating device*
Willow: I did not know bush babies could be used as floating devices.
Sici: I thnk he actually needs a fur cut.
Sici: *gets out of water* Hey cap?
Eg: what is it?
sici: do you think the holy wine is were Arthur found the holy grail?

[Tanoliel]

Tano: *lifts head up from dead man's float* Actually, it isn't the same kind of holy. As I take it, the wine is holy to the religion that EG is ascribed to, and as none of us seem to know quite what that is...we can't quite know what kind of holy the wine will be. I do, however, know that the wine is not the same kind of holy as the holy grail, and therefore I believe it is safe to assume that it will not be in the same place. Besides, I don't think we're in England anymore.

Sici: *blinks* I thought you were the weapons master. Since when did you become the philosopher, too?

Tano: Oh, I've always been one. *grins evilly, and dives underwater*

ooc: Hee. That was fun. I just got done with debates, you see...and we won, ha HA! And I am very happy that they are over.

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

ooc: Congrats, Tanoliel!

EG: *splashes over to Tano* I'M the philosopher of the ship!

Tano: But you're the Captain! You can't be both, can you?

EG: You're already Weapons/Demolition expert. That's such a time-consuming position!

Tano: So's being the Captain!

EG: Well, since we both want to be ship's philosopher...

Tano: ...and we both have lots of duties...

EG: ...we'll split the task!

Tano: Yeah!

Sici: There they go finishing each other's sentences again. . .

E XK: Captain! There's a raft in sight! *takes fancy Lara Croft binoculars and looks at it. She sees a raft floating towards them, from an island they are anchored near. There is someone on it, but it is too far to see.*

EG: All hands! Man...woman...elf..whatever, get your stations!

E XK: Is it hostile?

EG: I don't think so, but...

E XK: ...better safe than sorry.

Sici: *eyes EG and E XK fearfully* You too?

E XK and EG grin.

Soon they are all on board the ship again, and the captain and her crew look at the incoming raft. Aboard it is. . .

--the next post is reserved for Roya, The Last Sane Person, so that she can introduce herself!---

[The last sane person]

OOC: 'ello all!

*the raft with the what-ever-it-was floated closer to the vessel. Soon it was right next to it and all the crew had a whole lot a sharp pointy projectiles pointed at it*

Who-ever-it-was: Hello! *notices all the sharp pointy implements of pain leveled at her* Uh.... Just so you know, i'm not hostile or anything!

Crew: oh. *lower weapons reluctantly*

Tano: Oh bugger! Can I kill it any way??

EG: No! Let it speak!

W.E.I.W: Well, i'm not an "it" per say! Names Roya! Extremely alcoholic and violence prone boatswain extraordinaire!

E Ex: Then where's yer ship?

Roya: Uh, it sank a while back. Do you have any vodka per chance?? Been a while since i've had a drop of suitable alcohol!

Crew: *shrugs* Captain?? Now what?

EG: Eh…I’ll get back ta ya on that….

Roya: well, in the mean time could one a ya throw me something alcoholic???? Please??

[Tanoliel]

Tano: Well...I have a bit of chocolate liqueir. Will that do ya?

ooc: HI, Roya! And g'dm it, I still have to meet you in person!

[The last sane person]

OOC: Yeah.. Ya do have yet ta see me!!

*Roya shrugs and sits cross legged waiting for EG's return with the verdict*

Roya: 'twill do me fine till i get some hard stuff back in me!

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

EG: *considers* Weeeelll...we are lacking a boatswain...and we could use another crew member, as our next target vessel is rather a challenging one...What do you say, Roya? Will you join our crew? Would you like to be a pirate?

Roya: *swills down the chocolate liquer* That's a bloody excellent offer, Cap'n! I'll take ya up on it!

EG: Yay! New crewmate! *reaches for flask at her side* as our new crewmate, ye can have a drop o' the pure...me own whiskey!

Roya: Aye, thank you, Cap'n!

[Earniel]

*Of course the new addition to the crew has to be celebrated drunken Elf-fashion. So not that much later the pirates sit drunkenly in the captain's cabin. *

Sici: So *hic* congratssss to our new *hic* crewwoman!

EXK: I think that's about the sixth time you said that. How much more are you going to congratulate her?

Sici: As long as there's booze. *hic*

EG: Amen to that! *takes another sip*

Eär: *shakily pours herself another drink* So captain, what's the next target you were talking about?

[The last sane person]

OOC:

*EG and crew sit around drunkenly, talking about the new target vessel. Roya happily swigs some rather strong Vodka she found in the hold of the NAL*

Roya:*staggers to her feet* Well, wha's the new *hic* Target cap'n? *falls back into chair*

EG: A mighty fine vessel, *Slosh* Filled with liquor! *hic*

Ear: *stands up slowly* Then we better not let Tano set it aflame and ruin the liquor!

*the crew shudders at the thought of wasted booze*

Tano: Perisshhh the tot! *hic* *slumps over and snores*

[Sicirus]

sici: shrieks and hiccups at the same time. "NOOOOOOOOOO Tano don't burn the liquor!"

Ear:*grabs drunk elf before she throws herself at invisible Tano that was supposedly standing at the edge of the ship.* WE won't let her.

Roya: So*hic* whenh will be leave for the new target"

EG: As soon as I can*hic* gets these basted pink sheep off the ship.
Sici: Oh sheep. I thought they were large overstuffed squirrels.
Ear: no they look like *hic* sheep to me.

EXK: *raises eyebrow* I think you have had enough. * snatches away liquor and goes off to her burrow to store the rest, or whatever was actually left.*

EG crew spends the rest of the evening trying to get rid of the sheep/ squirrels who have started to sing Its A small world after all.

[Willow Oran]

*Meanwhile Willow, who has remained relatively sober compared to the rest of the crew, debates with herself about a very evil plan.*

Willow: I really shouldn't... I mean, it's not very nice to take advantage of drunkeness...

*sneaks a look and EG who is sprawled on her back singing to the pink and purple sheep and waving a bottle.*

...Of course, it's not like I'm doing anything wrong, just trying to satisfy my curiosity, nothing evil about that. It's not my fault she's drunk.

*She makes up her mind and goes over to the Cap'n*

EG: Whooo... are you another one of the pink sheep gods?

Willow: No, I'm their messanger. You see, they heard of the quest you and your crew are on and they wished to bless it...

EG: Why'd they wanna do that?

Willow: Well, you know cause they're spirit thingys, that's what they do.

EG: Oh, okay, well tell them to go ahead if they like.

Willow: It's not that simple though... You see, they can't do anything to help you unless they know where you're going, they sent me to ask you so that I can tell them so that they can do nice things for you.

EG: Do they now.... Well...

[The last sane person]

EG: *swigs from bottle* uhn.... how come the pink sheepy things wanna know?? Hey....For a pink *hic* sheepy person messanger thing...You looks familiar....*hic*

Willow: Uh...er.. No i dont!

EG: Yes ya do.

*just then roya staggers in on Willow*

Roya: *hic* Allo cap'n! All pinky sheepy squirrels are gone! without a trace! Sacred the nasty little blighters off we did!

*She grabs bottle from EG and notices Willow standing there nervously*

Roya: Oy! aint you that slighty nurotic faerie thingy? Oy! Ear... Who's the faerie thing?

*Ear is relativly sober compareitively speaking and she comes over to investigate*

Willow: *disides to book it for the present* Um, see ya later.


OOC: I love to foil evil plots, unless their my own

[Tanoliel]

ooc: Yes, you would.... but ya can't foil mine! I stole all the tinfoil! Muahahaha!

ic:
Tano: Fair thing, foul thing, fair foul foul fair fairie. Hover through the smog and murky wind.
EG: Wind...
Tano: *suddenly wakes up fully* WIND! There's WIND! Haul the mainsheet!
EG: Who's....*hic* cap'n here?
Tano: Uh. Right. Permission to climb crows nest, cap'n?
EG: Permission granted.
Tano: YEAH! *scrambles up masts, her drunkeness apparently gone*