Once upon a time... (four words/post)

[Nautipus]

....with purple, pumping, pickles....

[tolkienfan]

...plums and prunes. "Stop...

[Nautipus]

....berating the poor, dear....

[Lief Erikson]

. . . flat-footed, pig-headed . . .

[Grey_Wolf]

...Hillary Clinton, President to-be...

[Mari]

-or so she hopes-

[hectorberlioz]

...about her wicked laugh...

[Nautipus]

...and her shiny fingernails....

[durinsbane2244]

...which she uses to...

[hectorberlioz]

Howdy folks. Here is the story so far...most of it makes absolutely no sense, as you will see. But there are some positively hilarious moments.



Once upon a time ...there was a troll who liked to frolic, in a land called England, where he construed to be so rude so that he was arrested for fouling up the fish tank with cold cereal that would become mushy and stunk horridly to high heaven. And then there were two hamadryads, who explained what hamadryads were because confusion ensued as giant arowanas swarmed through, which helped him escape. But escape to where?

The troll looked around and saw a big tree that looked promising, and began to talk to two other hamadryads who said that the pants he was wearing were probably his sister's and didn’t really go with his earrings, so he decided to change right into a frog so that he could eat that d**n fly, and kiss princesses who would be into that kind of stuff…hip hop frogs that like to smooch by moonlight... [conundrum, which he promptly]…...kicked off the planet and into God's shin, which God promptly deflected and went back to smack the troll's behind for committing such a terrible mistake that everyone decided to brush up on their math skills so they could conquer mathland, which was dangerous because of chemistry insurgents who used chemistry to turn math into sodium, which was valuable because it flavored their chicken delicious stuff, except it sometimes pecked their lips and provoked constipation, which was not fun, especially when followed by halitosis but, still, the chicken was digestible enough, and was worth the conflict it caused in America---which was agonizing, causing millions to lose their wallets in a shocking rise in air conditioning, prompting mass egotism by the NRA and Daughters-of-the-Revolution. Which [in turn] caused a flood of penguins from Antarctica to hit the Hawaiian islands, which was totally off the hook but badly needed, since Hawaii was part of a plot to turn [deleted] Buniculas into tiny green snotballs, which (or who) in turn would swing from the trees, and do jujitsu upon the necks of the insane elks in the wilderness of Kansas, where they frolicked in wild, immature abandon, and lasciviousness, aristocracy, and enamoring mumus.
Embarrassed, they surreptitiously fired their gerbil powered stun guns, devoutly hoping it would deter buniculas and make them slide down the white house where the secret service experimented with the jelly which the president wanted...to paste on his wives face, since he didn’t like the moles she allowed in their pool in the back of the nuclear silo last Wednesday.

"Oh my, hair is a mess!" because the butterfly grabbed a mole in the pool, so that it could drop the mole on top of the head of state. That little snot, that slimy- but very pretty- butterfly! It ate all the bread, hard bread with peanut butter and jelly, while we laughed and sang about designer clothes, marked with Levi's and YVS and giant red handbags which we used as a fort to protect us from the evil melting f cottage cheese and toasted rye bread. They tried to penetrate our shields, but they only succeeded in rotting the logs they were laying down, which were used to stem the flow of sewage which overwhelmed the seamonkey armies of Seamonkeyland whose goal was complete and utter passivity.

But Seamonkeyland had problems with a computer virus which quickly spread to their computer-guided minds, which caused a massive breakdown which, in turn, caused the fall of society.
That was bad because the Daughters-of-the-Revolution took over, forcing every one to eat their own toilets and then rebuild internal circuits of the NRA's main database near Langley amusement park inside our great yet very small yet functional iPod nanos. And when we finally uploaded our songs onto NRA's very one patriotic goose that flies north while eating mouldy donuts and wearing rusty red--- it finally came to Boston, where the flies went to look for book bags for their school where they could learn how to do 'rithmatic so they could use their rocketships.
Ironically, MarySue forgot to bring the bologna, so they used pudding instead, knowing that they could still fly after eating all the bananas, which were squishy and slightly moldy, making them unwieldy and rather easy to pick off by the NRA and DoR having a field day, and the DOT was making all of them wiggle and squirm towards a shuddering and inconclusive anticlimax which didn't do much for their messageboard.
Of course this upset the squirrels, who then decided to bring out the big guns and show everyone that the they truly believed in having dessert before dinner, because soup just doesn't make it happen like a dessert does when made up by apples cinnamon and vanilla.
So now everyone is completely calm and insane. The squirrels blasting like mad with purple, pumping, pickles plums and prunes. "Stop berating the poor, dear flat-footed, pig-headed, Hillary Clinton, President to-be...-or so she hopes-...about her wicked laugh and her shiny fingernails!"

[hectorberlioz]

So let's get this straight:

1...there's a troll. He lives in England. He's a felon and is arrested (or not) for putting cereal in a fish tank.

2...Hamadryads are...Hamadryads And they help the troll escape from...prison?

3...So now the troll is free, and he talks to Hamadryads who tell him that he is wearing women's pants! So he's embarassed and turns into a frog.

4...Rian munked this one up, the troll dissapears while SOMETHING is kicked up into Heaven, where God kicks in back down to earth, and hits the troll in the butt.

5...This event starts up a chain-reaction by people in the Kingdom, and they decide to take over Mathland, a dangerous land where insurgents turn math into sodium so they can flavor their chicken.

6...The chicken is strong stuff, and it causes a huge reaction in America. People are losing their wallets, air-conditioning is on the rise, and the NRA and Daughters of the Revolution are trying to take advantage of this situation.

7...This causes the penguins in Antarctica to somehow appear in Hawaii. But apparently this was a good thing, because Hawaii was trying to turn Buniculas into snot.

8...SOMEONE is firing at the Buniculas (probably Hawaii), with gerbil-powered stun guns. This somehow sends the Buniculas to the White House where the Secret Service is experimenting on jelly. The President needs the jelly to throw in his wife's face, as revenge. She had let a mole into the pool the other day.

9...Now get this: the first lady (presumably) screams something about her hair, and then the narration switches to a butterfly who picks up the mole
(!) so that he can drop on the Prez's head.

10...At this point the narration switches again. Someone (the Prez) is cursing out the butterfly. Whereupon he launches into this rant about a battle which involves rotting logs and sea monkeys.

11...Then we are informed that Seamonkeyland has a slew of problems, not least the fact that a dangerous virus in spreading among the population there. This wipes out the civilization there, and the Daughters of the Revolution take over, and they force everyone (I thought they died) into slave labor to rebuild Langley.

12....Something vague about a patriotic goose and iPod nanos. The patriotic goose eats mouldy donuts as it flies south. It finally arrives in Boston.

13...The flies in Boston are very smart. They are looking for school book bags so they can learn to use a rocket ship.

14...MarySue comes into the story now, and she forgets the baloney for a picnic. So she and whoever else use pudding instead. Yuck. So after eating unwieldy bananas, MarySue and Mysterious Person decide that they're still in good shape to fly--even after all that food.

15...But the NRA and the DOT start trying to pick 'em off with ther thar guns, and MarySue and Mysterious Person--feeling very bloated in the stomach--are trying to wiggle away to safety.

16...At this point we are informed that the squirrels weren't too happy. Lord only know what happened with MarySue's dinner...but it was bad enough for the squirells to pull out their guns so that they could show that "they truly believed in having dessert before dinner, because soup just doesn't make it happen like a dessert does when made up by apples cinnamon and vanilla. " Whatever that means.

17...And then things calm down, even though the squirrels are still shooting. Someone yells something about berating Hillary for her laugh and her fingernails.

[The last sane person]

Whoa, mass hallucination! That and it looks like we are all on something mighty strong!

(continuing from "...which she uses to...")

Slap the vice-president silly.

[Grey_Wolf]

...or perhaps her adulturous...

[Mari]

attitude was what made

[hectorberlioz]

character. She picked up

[Nautipus]

....a bag of potatoe...

[The last sane person]

and smashed someone's head.



psst, drop the E one the end of your taters!

[Rían]

(oops, double--hector and Mari doubled-posted! We seem to be going with hector's now...)

"Fie!" they responded, immediately

[hectorberlioz]

rubbing their sore heads

[Nautipus]

....but it sounded like....