Tolkien Lover Anonymous 3, The Sil(ly)marillion

[Claenoic]

Claedhros: The PAIN!!! Dang this HURTS!!! Hello? Anyone? HELLLOOOOO!!!

OOC: Meh. I'm back, and will be back for the next three months. Whee.

[Willow Oran]

OOC: Yeesh! Where did all the plot go? This thing is going to needs a ton of editing to become coherent. Oh well. On we march.
For purposes of covienience I'm going to refer to my character as Maggie from now on, even when I'm using Willow's or Mahtaliel's form. That way I won't have to switch names every time I switch bodies.

*And so the three weird things wandered beleriand for many days scaring the newly arrived elves and enjoying themselves immensly until one day Willow managed to get lost in the forests of Doriath.*

Maggie: Stupid trees, can't see anything through them, wish I was taller...

*The wish took effect, without warning her shape changed once more into that of an elf. There was no time to wonder about this however for at that moment there came voices through the trees.*

Artanis/Galadriel: We're lost aren't we?

Finrod: No, I told you we're going the right way.

Artanis: It's a forest Finrod, we can't even tell which way the right one is. Just admit it we're lost.

Finrod: No we are not lost, we are looking for Doriath, and we are in a forest in the location that we were told Doriath was in, therefore this must be Doriath.

Artanis: None of which changes the fact that we are lost in the very place we were looking for!

Maggie(coming out from the trees): Are you lost here too? Have you seen two weird looking people wandering around and singing drunkenly because I seem to have misplaced them and-

(she is cut off by the sudden appearance of several sindarin elves)

Random elf with silver hair: Who are you and what do you want here?

[Tanoliel]

Tano: Wha--*grabs Katt's hair and pulls her back behind a tree* Wait! Good news and bad news, Katt--don't go out there yet.
Katt: Good news?
Tano: We found Maggie--
Katt: I didn't know we'd lost her.
Tano: Oh well. I don't remember anything after drinking the greenhappy...*twitches slightly* Anyway, we found her.
Katt: Bad news?
Tano: She's surrounded by a bunch of snicky elves.
Katt: So?
Tano: They don't look very happy at her.
Katt: Oh...

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

Katt: Well why don't we just go out there and grab her? We can run fast.

Tano: Yes, but Maggie may not want to be grabbed.

Katt: Bloody elves.

OOC: Can't wait for school to start. More Moot time.

[Willow Oran]

OOC: Am about to commit unspeakable evil... Please forgive.

*Meanwhile just outside the range of Tano and Katt's hearing Maggie found to her panic that it was now her turn to explain herself, (Artanis and Finrod having already accomplished this,) and was now on the recieving end of several Piercing Elven Stares.*

Maggie: *gulps nervously* Well, you see misterCelebornsir, I didn't mean to trespass-

Celeborn: *suspicously* How did you know my name? I don't recall telling you...

Maggie: Heh, erm... lucky guess?

*Suddenly tired of playing meek and remembering the quest she had come to middle earth to complete in the first place she decided that she may as well get this over with, the poor elf would undoubtably be furious afterward but she would have to risk it sooner or later. Having decided on her course of action Maggie lunged forward and quickly locked the unsusepcting sindar prince in an uncharacteristically passionate kiss. And then turned around and did the same to Finrod.*

Maggie: *breaking away from the rather traumatized future king of Nargothrond and checking her hair* Blast! Still Mahtaliel's hair. Didn't work then. *turns to face the now fuming elves, grinning like a manaic* Good news boys, neither of you is my true love. Well, thank you both for your time but as invigorateing as that was I'm afraid I must leave now. Tata! *she turns to leave and finds the rest of the elves blocking her escape*

Celeborn: *really bloody angry* You aren't going anywhere.

OOC: Well! That was exciting there for a moment wasn't it! Boy am I in trouble now...

[Earniel]

*Meanwhile back in the camp of the hosts of the Noldor, Eärniel and the TLA-members there present, find there's a lot of mistrust and hate between the host that followed Fingolfiana and the one that followed Fëanor.*

Elf Girl: *sigh* There is just no way we can get this guys work together. We need both hosts if we want to get this mr. Nelson out of the picture.

Fingolfiana: What do you suggest? That I tell my host to cheer up and make friends with the Feanoreans? Don't forget, you guys felt us behind to cross the Grinding ice all by ourselves, with nothing else but neopetfurs. And there are more pleasant things to wear than neopetfurs. They stank.

Elf Girl: *leans closer to the other TLA'ers and whispers* Come on guys, you KNEW it was going to be like that. You've read the book before.

Arcala: We did, it still was frigging cold. And the furs still stank. It's a good thing I got a cold underway so I couldn't smell them anymore after a while.

GG: *sighs* Going on like this will get us nowhere. We've got to find a way to unite both the Noldorin hosts again. Where are all the other TLA'ers at the moment?

Elf Girl: Finrod, Maggie and her consorts are in Doriath I believe, Claedhros is in Morgoth's lair. I don't know here the rest is.

Eärniel: Claedhros is in Morgoth's lair? What is she doing there? We've got to get her out. Being around that Nelson guy is rather unsafe for us TLA. He might not know that we're here to stop him and I like to keep it that way.

Elf Girl: *thinks* I just had a cunning plan....

Miriam: Is it cunning?

Elf Girl: Very. Some of you can go and rescue Claedhros as an effort of goodwill to the Feanoreans. We might get the two hosts together again that way.

Eärniel: What's the cunning part of it?

Elf Girl: That I get to stay safely here.

Eärniel: I could have known....

[Claenoic]

Morgoth: *Leans back* Ah, this is the life, Urtica. Smiting Elves, living off the fat of the land, sparklies in my crown, and-

*From very near by*: THIS HURTS LIKE A VERY HOT PLAAAACE!!!

Urtica: ... A very annoying alarm clock. That won't turn off.

Morgoth: O.o.

[Tanoliel]

Tano and Katt: *blink in shock*
Tano: Erm....
Katt: That was interesting....
Tano: I think we'd better grab her anyway. The elves look really pissed...
Katt: Good. On three--one, two, three!
*They dash out, each grabbing Maggie by one arm, and pull her away*
Maggie: Wha--?
Tano: You're in big trouble...

[Willow Oran]

Katt: What were you thinking?!?!

Tano: You know those two are already taken! They both get married later on!

Maggie: Oops... Well, it was fun any way. Did you see the looks on their faces?

Katt: Yeah, that's why we stopped hiding and dragged you away from them.

Maggie: Oh. So... Who should I try next do you think?

Tano: Some one who never was and never will be married might be a good idea.

Maggie: Any suggestions?

[Willow Oran]

OOC: THis is Goldiegollum posting by the way.

GG: I'll go! *jumps up enthusiastically*

Elf Girl: erm... you wern't exactly what i had in mind...

GG: *drooping* but...

ELf Girl: You see... the cunning of the plan would be pointless if you went since you are not a follwer of either side.

GG: Oh. In that case...*looks around for a good climbing tree* you won't be needing me...*cannot find one, so she dashes off in search of a more suitable location*

OOC: This is Maggie again, I thought I should warn people, whoever takes the part of Fingon is likely to be ambushed and kissed in the near future. My apologies for any trauma that may result.

[Finrod Felagund]

OOC: Who's Thingol?

IC:

Finrod: So, uh, uncle Thingol, all the Noldor, (well most of us, some stayed back with my dad Finarfin,) are happily and harmoniously here now.

Thingol: Just in time, Morgoth was getting too strong...

Finrod: Uh...yes, that's why we came *cough cough*

[Earniel]

OOC: Thingol's a public character as far as I know.

IC: *Back in Noldorin Camp*
Elf Girl: Alright, who'll go?

Fingolfiana: Geez, I'd love to go. But you see I've got to lead my host, you see. Very demanding job. I can't be spared a second.

Elf Girl: Of course, that's understandable. Who else?

Miriam: *raises hand*Erm... I'm a psychiatrist, I'm only fit to rescue people from a seat.

Elf Girl: Good point. Besides you're here to learn more about the Silmarillion, can't have you dying before it ends.

Miriam: That's a relief...

Elf Girl: Who's next?

Arcala: Oh I'm really sorry but you'll have to count me out as well. You see, I really got to go and feed my bird.

Bird: But I've just ea.. *Arcala put her hand on it's beak*

Elf Girl: Oh I see. Well, I suppose that rules you out as well...

Eärniel: Uh-uh... my bad-feeling-about-this-alarm goes off...

Elf Girl:.. So that leaves only Eärniel...

Eärniel: Fne.

*And with that Eärniel's fate was sealed...*

Eärniel: Skip the dramatics! I've read the book! I'll be alright, won't I?

*ominous silence*

Eärniel: Bugrit. *sets off*

OOC: General anouncement: With this I am not, I repeat, I am NOT taking Fingon's place. I'm bringing him in later on.

[Arcala]

*Meanwhile...*

Arcala: You have not eaten, you big stupid foodbag. You are very hungry right now.

Hawk: I am?

Arcala: Of course you are! (to other TLA'ers) Don't listen to him. He's just delirious from lack of food. (to hawk) I've got chocolate. You want chocolate?

Other TLA'ers: Chocolate?

Arcala: Er...oops...

[Willow Oran]

OOC: You mean I don't get to traumatize you Earniel?

IC

*Meanwhile in Doriath...*

Random Elf with a Megaphone: All elves are warned to be on the look out for three very strange people, one of whom was caught doing unspeakable things to His Majesty's nephews. I repeat, these three are DANGEROUS! If seen they are to be aprehended immediately!

*Two of the three TLAers hiding in the bushes turn to glare at the third.*

Tano: This is all your fault.

Maggie: Wha- Don't blame ME, blame Miriam, it was her idea in the first place!

Katt: Uh... Guys? Methinks now would be a good time to go visit the camps of the Noldor ifyaknowwhatimean...

*there is a general pause*

Tano: Camps of the Noldor, right. Good plan.

Maggie: *grins evilly* More victims.

[Willow Oran]

OOC: Ok, this is Goldiegollum again,

IC:

*GG sprints and leaps away from the camps of the Noldor, looking for a suitable climbing tree. She finds one, and while she is in it, three others on thier way to the Noldor camps pass below*

GG: Hey! Hi down there! Ya heard of those three dangerous people we're supposed to be watching out for?

THREE: *exchange glances*

GG: I wonder what unspeakable things are. You think they could be more specific.

Maggie: *hesitantly* maybe...for these particular...things...it's a good thing they're not more specific.

Tano: yes.

Maggie: could you point us towards the nearest royal tents?

GG: *nievly* Certianly. Infact, i'll lead you to them.

Kat: *supresses laughter*

Maggie: *evil grin* thank you.

[Tanoliel]

Tano: Is she gullible, or does she just not know?
GG: Not know what?
Tano: *innocently* Oh, nothing...

ooc: DOGBERRY! WE ROCK!

[Earniel]

OOC: answer to Maggie's question: NOOOOO! But I'll deliver the real Fingon to you in due time... [evil ]

IC:

*Since Eärniel couldn't come up with an excuse fast enough like the others, she's been sent as a volunteer to rescue Claedhros. All by lonely herself.*

Eärniel: *mutters* Rub it in....

*Just giving the readers a short summary. Besides Morgoth's fortress is that way.*

Eärniel:*testily* I knew that. *changes direction* I was just checking if you knew...

*Right. Suuure you- oh wait, I forget my job: Suddenly an Elf jumps out of the scenery on the path and points his sword to Eärniel.*

Elf: Who are you and why do you follow me?

Eärniel: AAAAH! Don't do that, you're turning me into a cardiac patient! Point that thing somewhere else!

Elf: Answer my questions!

Eärniel: IamEärnielandI'msentouttogoandrescueClaedhros Iwasn'tfollowinganyonepleasdon'tkillme!

Elf: *glares* I see, stealing my part, eh?

Eärniel: *confused* Wha?

OOC: Got to go. I'll finish it later..

[Claenoic]

*The pain in Claedhros's head had lessened... somewhat, but she wasn't going to give up driving Morgoth and Urtica up the wall without a fight.

So, she resorted to singing catchy French Songs.*


Claedhros: SALUT, BONJOUR ET SUAVUT SARIE, SALUT, BONSOI...

[Willow Oran]

OOC: I would just like to say that the following post was all Eruviel's idea and is her reward for kissing my deranged bat character in the Quest for the Holy Wine. My deepest apologies to you Finrod, you are going to kill me.

IC

*And now for a random romantic interlude in Doriath. Let assume that Galadriel and Celeborn have begun to... Take an interest in eachother and that during this scene Big brother, (Finrod,) in taking some time to get to know his sister's new love interest.*

Finrod: Now Celeborn, I have nothing against you courting my sister but I think you should know, we noldor do things a little differently.

Celeborn: I'm well aware of that, but what specifics did you have in mind?

Finrod: Well, first there's the hair custom, the prospective suitor must have nice hair. No worries there.

Celeborn: Uh huh.

Finrod: And then theres the usual dancing standards, challenge standards and all that but there's one really important question that must be answered before any courtship can proceed and that question is: Is he worthy of her?

Celeborn: A reasonable question, how do you propose to answer it?

Finrod: There are many different ways of doing so but I've always thought that the best way to tell is this.

*So saying Finrod took Celeborn in his arms and kissed him passionately, and melodramitacally and so we leave them as they dissapear behind the couch like something out of a bad slash fic.*

OOC: Ending there, that would've been a lot easier to write if I had been drunk. Finrod, if you like you can continue this or you can have Galadriel find out and yell at them both.

[Earniel]

OOC: A good thing my Eärniel-character wasn't there to witness, she would have screamed for mind-bleech to get the imagine out. How DO you people come up with these things? You Seattle-people have twisted minds....

IC: *Back on the road to Morgoth's lair*

Elf: Oh, puh-lease! You know perfectly what. Here I was, being my heroic self, sneaking of to rescue my cousin from the very mouths of hell and then they send some some...silly neurotic chocoholic after me to get all the honour once I've succeeded.

Eärniel: Silly?! Neurotic!? You're right about the chocoholic but let me tell you something, Mr. rude narcisti... hang on.. Fingon?

Fingon: *sarcastically* Oh, she still remembers my name.

Eärniel: Well, excuse me! I never asked for this job. But since you're so dead set on keeping it, you can go rescue Claedhros all by your fancy self and I'll just go back to the camp where I'll be happy to stay fameless and very much in one piece. Thank you!

*Eärniel turns to walk away when Fingon suddenly janks her back on her collar.*

Eärniel: Hey! What gives?

Fingon: No, you won't. I do not trust you TLA much. On second thought, I think I take you with me on this rescue.*drags her along*

Eärniel: *whimpers and mutters something about rude Elves that are going to get it coming to them when they get back to the camp*

*As they near Morgoth's lair, they hear a strange noice.*

Fingon: What's that hideous sound?

Eärniel: That'd Claedhros, but you should try to sing in key when you're being hang up by your hair for several posts now.