The Drunk Elf Pirates and the Quest for the Holy Wine

[Sicirus]

ooc: Its a mystery

ic: Mysterious force rises two demented crew members from the sea and throw them onto the ship.
Sici: *Kisses Whale for saving them * Thankyou funny whale.
Hey the sky is getting a funny gray color."
sp: Its about to rain." Runs for cover followed by Sicirus.

[Earniel]

Eär: Captain, what was going on in there in that room?

EG: Don't say that!

Eär:*confused* Don't say what? I only asked...

EG: The room is locked, LOCKED I tell you!

Eär: Er... well, fine I guess. So what was going on in that room (the room is locked) after you entered?

[Elfmaster XK]

XK and EG exchange glances, but the cap'n nods.

EG - Eärniel, we will tell you as you are one of my senior crew, but the others must not know.

XK - The Thing (in the room, the room is locked) is an ancient being. We don't know an awful lot about him, but we do know that there is a curse upo this ship.

Eärniel - *whisper* Curse?

XK - So is told. Why do you think we were able to steal it? And thinking about it, why was there a ship like this in a modern port?

EG - Well, it's a story, not everything makes sense.

Eärniel - Almost nothing in fact.

XK - Well, the crew of this ship, when it was first built it was named the Endeavour to understanding or something...and the crew set sail, and one by one, they disappeared.

Eärniel - Eep!

EG - No one knows if that has anything to do with the Thing (in the room, the room is locked) but the room (still locked) has always been an area the crew logs speak of in fear. That is when they speak of it at all. I think...never mind...

Tano - Speak of what?

Eärniel - AHH! THING!

Tano - AHH! What?

Eärniel - Oh, sorry. Never mind.

XK - You're awake? How's Ninja?

Ninja - I'm okay too.

EG - Good, come with us then, we're having a meeting in my cabin.

The captain leads them all out of the room, and Eärniel and XK fall back slightly.

Eärniel - She's not telling us something, do you think she's going to tell us now?

XK - Don't know. I don't think so somehow. There is something very odd happening Eärniel, and I don't like it. *a creaky tapping noise sounds behind them*

Eärniel - *glances behind her* I don't either. It's creepy, and there's not been any chocolate round here for days! I must find some...chocolate...chocolate...*walks faster* Hang on...you never said what happened in the room (still locked) just then. *hurries to cap'n's side*

XK - *sighs and follows, muttering a song under her breath* Who saw the lightning
Before it struck?
We didn't see
We didn't know...

Ninja - Oh! Singing! What are you singing?

XK - Wha-? I wasn't saying anything.

Ninja - Right...*gives her a funny look*

EG - Look, the light in my cabin is on, the others must be there.

Eärniel - Cap'n? The room?

EG - Later crew woman!

[zavron]

*Put's head round the door*
sp: Me and my Friend here...
zav: Hello!
Sp:...Would like to know exactly everything about this...Thing in The Room!(I'm not sure that the room is locked)
Sp: I think everybody should be told the truth, the whole truth mind! We cam on this quest willingly because we knew what was going on. But know I'm not sure who you are at the moment!

*looks at everybody in turn.*

[Elfmaster XK]

(You were already in the cabin Zavron.)

Everyone seats themselves around the cabin room as EG, XK and Eärniel enter. The three of the lean on the desk facing the crew.

XK - You are in no position to make such demands.

EG - Indeed. It seems we all know who we are, but who are you?

Willow - *raises hand* Cap'n it's...

EG - Not now. I think it's high time you explained yourself Zavron.

Willow - But captain! Look! *points at the window*

EG - What about it, be quiet Willow!

Eärniel - Er...STORM! YAY! *all glare* I mean...oh no...

XK - This will have to wait, we'll have to secure the ship, drop anchor.

BoP - Muahaa!

Eärniel - What was that?

BoP - Oh, nothing.

Thing - MUAHAHAAAAA!!!!

As the low laughter rumbled through the ship, it lurched violently left and right, flinging the crew around inside and smashing glasses and plates as the slid off shelves and tables

EG - DROP ANCHOR!

[Andúril]

Thing stands up erect, opens eyes, and listens intently.

Thing: My time has come. *pause* It has begun. *pause* Er.....mwahahahaha.

Ship lurches, and screams -- like unto screeching tires -- are heard all about.

[Earniel]

Eärniel- *holding on to the ceiling lamp in order not to fall* Wow, this is even better than a roller-coaster!

Willow- You're enjoying this? Can't you act normal?

Eärniel- Oh, sorry.... AAAAAAAAAHHH! We're doomed! We're going to dieieieieie!

Willow - Sigh.

Tano- *trying to hold on to a table* What's going on? Is it the Thing or is it the storm?

EXK- Looks like the worst combination: both!

*A wave slams into the Nal and the impact throws every one off their feet again. The crew find themselves lying on the wooden floor of the drawing room among the rubble of their broken crockery. *

Eärniel- Fne... I'm starting to remember why I never liked roller-coasters in the first place.

EG- We have to drop anchor quick!

*In a short moment of stability the captain manages to stand up and grabs one of her numerous knifes. As the ship continues to shake and shudder she reaches the door and throws it open. She races through, closely followed by a few crewmembers who managed to get on their feet.*

[zavron]

zav- Errr....I'm not entirely sure we have an anchor? I think you traded it in for a barrel of Vodka.

Exk- Typical!! Just when you need an anchor, we haven't got one!!

Zav- Can I just ask where you got this crockery from? I've never seen it before until no....*large plate drops on head*

Zav- Arghhh!
Sp- Ouch!! Watchit!

*staggers over to ships porthole and looks out*

Zav-Oh Dear!

*everyone looks*

Eg- What is it?

Zav- I hate to say this...BUT THERE"S A HUGE JAGGED ROCK STRAIGHTAHEAD!!! WERE GONNA CRASH!!!!

Dum, Dum, Duuuum!! Can the crew survive this new unforseen terror? Don't ask me! Tune in next time for.....The Quest for the Holy Wine!!

[Sicirus]

"My heart will go on.*
Sici: Dramaticly "Ice berg ahead."
"Oh wait "Jagged rocks ahead."
*gets wierd looks*
Sici: Er... never mind"

Willow: This is not titanic you crazy ... wierdo."
everyone: oooooooooo!!!!
*Everyone stops. Okward silence. Then everyone panicks ."
Ear: Oh shut up. We have to use something for an anchor and panicking is not going to help.

Bop: We can use the swords and cannon balls stuffed into a bag. Then tie it to a rope.
Ear: We have no other choice.
*everyone stuffes weapons into bag exept some relunctent(sp) donners who hissed when apporached.*
Sici: Yeh we did it. Wait are we missing someone?
*inside of bag*
"get me out of here"
Oops:*grabs bag and takes Ninja out*

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

Suddenly, the Captain climbs down from the crow's nest and leaps onto the deck, shouting,
EG: STOP!
Everyone freezes. The captain dashes the tiller and turns the ship swiftly dead on into the wind. The ship stops still. The crew looks at her in amazement.
EG: We don't need an anchor to stop! Didn't anyone pay attention in sailing class?!
The crew all looks vaguely sheepish.
EG: Right. I forgot. You haven't taken sailing classes. Very well. I command all of you to review Points of Sail. . .there's some books in my cabin. Xen, you show them.

The brave captain resumes a steady course to the West, and they sail on toward the Holy Wine. . .but little do they know of the dangers they are about to face. . .

Find out next time in The Quest for the Holy Wine

[Earniel]

Eär: *browsing through sailingbooks* So... you take rope B and connect it to sail 3, use rope G to shift sail 1 into position 4 to accomplish manoevre 11.... then loosen rope M to steer the boat as ascribed in manoevre 53 on page 1021 but only when rope C is connected to ..... Aarg! I can't take it anymore! I'm a navigator, I don't need to know whether rope X is connected to whatever!

Xk: But you're a sailor. Surely you need to have a basic grasp of sailing

Eär: I have. You take a ship, give it a sail and some wind and bingo! You're sailing.

Tano: But...

Eär: I'm going to order my maps. At least that's something useful. And possibly have some chocolate too.

XK: Now that you mention it... I'm becoming rather hungry too.

Sici: Me too, let's have a lunchbreak.

[Sicirus]

ooc: How about we reach land now?

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

EG: All hands on deck! Stand by the board!

*there are some loud thumping sounds as everyone rushes to the deck and slam their hands down on the wood*

EG: My crew. I must admit, this ship is not up to standards! Now everyone must be well behaved, or I will subject you all to a lecture on the physics of sailing!

*the Captain's stern face is unmoved by the wails of horror from her crew*

EG: Now, I don't wish to seem a cruel captain, but a ship never works as a democracy! Only as an authoritarian autocracy under my command! I will be kind and give you chocolate if you serve well, but if not, it is physics lectures for you!

*notices the horrified look of the mate, who is cowering in the corner at the mention of physics*

EG: Dismissed! *she then goes to her twin, and in an act of shameless nepotism, informs her frightened sister and mate that no matter what, she would never subject her dear twin to the horror of physics lectures*

And so the Nal sails on, until, on fine afternoon, as the Captain is sipping her margarita, the first mate is downing daquiris, and the second mate is getting chocolate crumbs on her maps, Sicirus is heard from the crow's nest:

Sic: Land! Land ho! I see land!

The crew jumps to the port side where off in the distance they see a warm looking tropical island, which, they can see as they sail closer, is entirely uninhabited.

EG: Sail for the island! We shall put in here for a few days to rest and get fresh water, and chocolate!

. . .and so the pirate crew goes ashore, to a nice, peaceful and warm island. . .or so it seems. . .

[Sicirus]

ic:
Sici: *standing in the very high up crows nest* (gulps) wait. LAnd Ho!!! LAnd Ho!!!!

EG: Any one on the island? \

Sici: Doesen't seem like it. Oh what a tick.... there seem to be local chickens dancing around a pink fire. and a wolf dressed up like a bear, but thats about it.

Eg: Lets go then. *orders crew to prepare to hit land.

EAr: still trying to figure out in the big book of sailors how to parelele park a ship.

Tano: *flutters her wings* are you sure those chickens aren't hostile?
Sici: They don't seem to be. They are just pointing at us and saying funny words and then running off. Oh, and now they are pointing some big tube thinging at us. But thats about it.

Eg: Turn the ship! Turn the Ship! Hostile chickens.

[Tanoliel]

ooc: Um. I think Willow's the one with the wings. I'm a hobbit, Sici.

ic:

Tano: Wait! The thing has a sign on it. It says...um...*sqints* Welcome To The Land Of Cacao and Broccoli, I think.
EG: Broccoli?
Tano: Ugh. Yeah. But also Cacao. We could make chocolate! I suppose we could avoid the broccoli...

[Eruviel Greenleaf]

EG: *takes a rowboat-y thing out to island with Earniel and Tano* Oh, don't worry, they're just large, friendly, misunderstood chickens! *is surrounded by clucking, happy chickens.*

EG: Oh dear. They like me.
Tano: *also surrounded by happy-looking chickens* eek. there's a lot them...
Earniel: meeble. nice chickens, nice chickens...

EG: hey! look! chocolate!
Tano: *jumps over chickens and runs to cacao trees* Yippee!!!

[Earniel]

Eär: *looking hungrily at the cacao trees* Can we take some supplies, Captain?

EG: I suppose a good store of cacao won't hurt us, so go ahead mate.

Eär: Yes, m'am!

*The crewmembers quickly start plucking some cacao-beans and fill their bags. However, they sense a change in atmosphere and look behind them. Between them and the sea, still stand the chickens. They're all very quiet, which is unusual for chickens. They are all staring at the pirates. (Chickens are very good at staring.) They look also as displeased as far as a chicken can wear a displeased expression. (The beak is in the way, you see.)*

Tano: Um... did we do something wrong?

EG: I don't know. Maybe they don't like cacao.

Eär: *slowly* Or, maybe they like cacao a lot but not cacao-thieves...

[Elfmaster XK]

Suddenly, the chickens begin to dance, and separate, making way for a bigger, more dissatisfied looking chicken, which is carrying a very large spikey stick.

Eär: Er...never good...

The chickens pause as the leader steps towards the pirate theives.

Chicken: PWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR! Theifsesss!

Eär: *faceplam* I'm getting deja vu...help me..

EG: Shh. It's okay.

Chicken: We demands you be punisheed....treacherous inturisives.

EG: We...er...come in peacE? We just want some provisions. We shall be gone from your island shortly.

Chicken clan: Pwah pwah pwah...kills them...pwaha pwah...

The chicken leader points the stick at the second mate and pokes her with it. She frowns and smacks the stick away

Eär: What do you think you're doing? That's very, very irritating!

The chickens look angry...when suddenly arrows and bullets start whooshing through the air. One chicken, hit by an arrow flies past Tano's head and hits a tree.

Tano: Cool....wha? AAAAARRRGGG! Get off me!

EG: TANO!

Cap'n Eruviel turns to see as Tano is dragged away by the evil chickens as they flee the crews attack. She ducks as a bullet flies past her head.

XK: Oops. Sorry cap'n. I think I broke my desert eagle.

Eär: *raises eyebrow* Why are you dressed as Lara Croft?

XK: Errrr...I....maybe I'm in the wrong game.

EG: Stop being an idiot. Come on, we have to go rescue Tano.

Arathorn: *carrying chicken* Permission to go and cook chicken char sui (sp?) cap'n?

EG: Permission granted. We shall split into two parties, and a guard party.

*BANG* *everyone jumps*

XK: Sorry. I told you, it's broken.

EG: *shakes head in despair.* right...groups.

[Sicirus]

ooc: Yey the ship is back in order.

Sici: Ahhhhhh!!!! rabid cocao loving pirate napping chickens. *takes breath* AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

EG: calm down you crazy.... what are you exactly?

Sici: *humph* An elf? Oh, I forgot.

Willow: Will you too shot up and come help us save Tano before she is cooked into a chocolate pirate snack.

Sici and EG: Right!
narratar:
The lan crew ran into the pruple forest to find their friend. Oh how screwed they are.

EG: hey shut up up there.

Narratar: fine then I will. I'll just let you get lost.
Sici: lost were?
Ear: drags demented elf behind her.

[Willow Oran]

OOC: My god! Tano's been kidnapped by gigantic CHICKENS! What is the world coming to?

IC

*Uncertain as to where the chickens might have taken their prisenor the remaining crew memebers decided to split up and serch the Island in pairs, with instructions to call should they find the chickens.*

Willow: I knew we should have dealt with those chickens before attempting to take the cacao.

Earniel: Oh? And how should we have done that?

Willow: We're hungry, chickens are food. Yummy food, juicy, meaty food. Food that can be cooked many ways and eaten with many things.

Earniel: Er... Willow, you still sane? Or semi-sane? You do realize that you're talking about chicken dinners on an Island dominated by giant chickens, don't you?

*the faerie ignores her and continues to ramble on about food.*

Willow: What I wouldn't give for some fried chicken and potato salad right now...

Earniel: There's no talking to you right now. *no answer* Fine! Be that way! I'll go look on my own!

*and so she did, leaving Willow alone, this was unfortunate for the chickens having heard the cursed words of 'Potato Salad' came to arrest the culprit and so the faerie became the second crew member to become a prisenor of the Dread Chickens of Doooom.*