Cricket

[Janny]

Do ha! Do ha! Doooo ha ha ha haaaaaa!!!

What a marvellous sport. From the umpire swaying of the shirtless and umbrella-ed to the ceremonial removal bail removal. Surely it's only right that if cricket is to become as popular as touted (and it won't!) people should come to love the beauty of the awkwardness of this game.

And ha! Go Poms.

[Rían]

( I just love reading this thread!!!!)

so, um, who won?

[sun-star]

The Poms

[Rían]

You mean England was snatching defeat from the jaws of victory again ... and gave it back?!

What happened?!?!


(congrats!)

[The Gaffer]

Brief summary: it's a 5 match series, each one 5 days long. If no-one wins within the 5 days, it's declared a draw. England were 2-1 up going into the final Test, so they just needed a draw, whereas Australia needed to win to draw the series and retain the Ashes.

Yesterday was day 5, the teams were level after their first innings so Australia had to bowl England out quickly then knock off the runs. By lunch (1/4 of the way through the day) they'd taken 5(/10) English wickets (their "best" batsmen) and Warne was spinning the ball sideways. Pietersen came in and clobbered 150 runs to put the game out of reach. Janny, I'll second your big up to Giles, the legendary King of Spain and a bowling specialist who hit his highest total in Tests to keep Pietersen company at the other end. (In cricket you always have to have 2 guys batting at the same time so even if one batsman is invincible, it's no use if the others all get out).

Some comments:
- An unbelievable series, played in an exemplary spirit (ultra competitive and ultra sportsmanlike) by two top class teams
- Talk of England being the best team in the world is premature. They need to win in India and Australia for that.
- Warne is IMO the best cricketer ever to play the game and I'm grateful to have witnessed it.
- Freddy is, of course, a god. His bowling on Sunday was immense. He used to be a batsman who bowled a bit, but now he's the guy opposition batsmen fear the most.
- Pietersen is the first man to score a Test hundred with a dead racoon under his helmet.

And, of course, bye-bye Test cricket on the telly. Off it goes to Sky where no-one will watch it.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

It's going to Sky? You're joking right? Please tell me you are joking. I could just about survive with Channel 4 not having the Winter series, but not having it in the Summer either, that sucks.

Lol at dead racoon!

[Butterbeer]

Oh freddy freddy!

Flinstones, here's the flinstones!

Amazing stuff ... missed the final day

but what a series!

Top of the world!

yeah ...well sky pay the ECb to make little freddies and peterson's of the future (hopefully) ... they are looking at its' crown jewels status though (well kinda)

[sun-star]

Just be glad New Labour knows how to jump on a bandwagon (or a victory parade bus ):

Jowell hints at cricket TV deal

For the benefit of RÃ*an, or anyone else curious to see how a man can wear a dead racoon on his head:

Pieterson

[The Gaffer]

Not joking, tis going to Sky, Jowell's shameless populism notwithstanding.

Talk about slaughtering the goose before it's laid any golden eggs. So cricket will go the same way as rugby after RWC 2003. Terrestrial TV makes all the investment building up interest, Murdoch swans in and bribes the ECB with a monster payout (I reckon he only needs to sell 300k more subs in the 4 years to get his money back, not counting advertising)

However, I must say is has been heartwarming to see that their drinking skills match their cricketing.

Flintoff: I'm ugly but happy; stayed up all night and was utterly incoherent on telly the next day.

Hats off to Pietersen who apparently went on a 4-day bender and can't remember meeting the Prime Minister.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Cricket will lose alot of the fns it gained this year because of this move. I personally hope to get sky for the two months that England do play Australia, but not everyone will.

[Butterbeer]

well the ashes down under have got to be worth watching!

I shall get it for me mum (despite her luddite approach ...)

...course it'll be on over night ... but the highlights may be scheduled at a better time!

hats off too to pieterson and freddy for drinking the aussies under the table ... and blotting out Drowning street!

[Rev. Justin Timberlake]

Today, history was made.

Picture this. It's the fifth and final game of the 5-match Standard Bank ODI series. Australia fought back from 2-0 to tie with South Africa, at 2-2.

Australia bat their innings. They break the world record for ODI innings totals: 434 runs. A daunting and unrealistic prospect for any team.

South Africa comes in. Herschelle Gibbs bats the fastest century in SA cricket, and goes on to 175. One of the Australian bowlers (can't remember who) breaks the world record for the most expensive bowling figures in ODI: 11.3/over from 10.

Eventually, in the very last over of the final, South Africa find themselves in the situation that they have no more wickets in hand, two balls remaining, and one run to get. Boucher hits a four.

Try to wrap your head around this. 434 went from the world record ODI innings total, to the world record losing innings total. Total madness.

Probably the greatest ODI in history.

[Count Comfect]

Almost unquestionably so. Although one has to wonder what the heck was up with that pitch that 972 runs were scored in an ODI... and how the hell the Aussie bowlers managed to hand that one over

[Draken]

High time we resurrected this thread! Only one more (hopefully not very) late night left as I await the final day of the final Ashes test of the series, celebratory drink at hand.

So good to have an England team to be proud of. Sad to see the departure of Colly (whose Test career was born at about the same time as this thread, I think?) - but Cook, Bell, Anderson, Swann... plenty of talent left still!

And co-incidentally, Rev. Justin's SA v Aus game has just been named as the best One Day International EVER - and quite right too.

[The Gaffer]

I suspect that with Collingwood's retirement the batting talent will increase rather than decrease. Top fielder though, and useful backup bowler. But his batting has been dire.

Cook, on the other hand, has slapped the Aussies around like Mike Tyson at a speed dating night.

You been staying up to watch it overnight? I salute you sir.

Pretty stunning series though. These results would have been unthinkable ten years ago.

[Draken]

Don't forget, though, that even with a few dips in form, Collingwood still averages a smidge over 40 in Tests, which isn't too shabby for a mid-order batsmen. Plus he had a knack of playing a big innings when the team really needed it. Good news for Durham though, he'll be a huge asset in the County game.

But the most positive thing about the current state of affairs is there's some strength in depth at last. I mean on the bowling front we lost Broad and STILL had the luxury of discarding Finn for the grounds they thought wouldn't suit him.

Not all night, but managed up to lunch on most days, a bit longer on weekends. Glad I stayed up to see the end of it last night, the fizz tasted all the sweeter (figuratively speaking, I'd never buy demi-sec), plus the Barmy Army's version of "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" had me in stitches.

[The Gaffer]

Will look forward to seeing the highlights tonight.

It's a shame that Sky are such ****s about sharing any of the coverage though. The BBC were reduced to showing footage of the crowd only in the morning bulletins.

[Draken]

Couldn't resist this... I found this hilarious pre-series chest-puffing from joke Aussie journalist Will Swanton. There to be shot at... so I have! His bits in italics, mine in bold.


Ten Reasons Poms WON'T Win - Will Swanton

1 Overrated
They walked around The Oval after their dominant home summer like they were God's gifts to Wisden. Here's who they really beat. No one. Nuffies and cheats. England clean-swept the worst team on the planet, Bangladesh, and then won three out of four Tests against rotten Pakistan. Now they're portrayed as superstars.

So Pakistan are only 6th in the Test rankings… what better a warm-up for playing the side that’s 5th?

2 Kevin Pietersen
He might be growing a moustache for a very good cause but he's still getting around looking like Dirk Diggler out of Boogie Nights. His most recent Test efforts have been the biggest joke. John Buchanan was right with his assessment of Pietersen. Buchanan was panned because the truth hurt. There's more than one 'I' in Kevin Pietersen and it hurts morale.

Ah yes, I’m sure his knock of 227 caused much mirth in the Australian camp and really boosted their morale.

3 No top speedster
Jimmy Anderson, Stuart Broad and Steve Finn are respectable quicks. But they lack the fear factor. Every truly great attack has someone pushing 150km/h, like Mitchell Johnson does for Australia. None of the touring fast bowlers are frightening. Away from swing and seam-friendly England, that doesn't leave them with much.

Mitchell Johnson certainly was frightening… to his own fielders, who were at times more likely to be hit by his deliveries than the stumps were. No top speedsters? Even if it’s true, we didn’t need them… we were only playing Australia, after all.

4 Passive captain
Andrew Strauss has to lead by example because his introverted demeanour doesn't get the blood pumping too much. Only his scores do. He leads with quiet assurance when things are going well. But he comes across as introverted and submissive when things start going pear-shaped.

Yep, he’s absolutely no good in adversity – he followed a first innings failure at Brisbane with a submissive little 110 and then reacted to the defeat at Perth with an introverted bit of captaincy that had the next Test pretty much wrapped up on Day One.

5 No superstars
Pietersen is as good as anyone when he's in the mood, but he hasn't been in the mood for a long time. He couldn't make a hundred against Bangladesh - his 99 was close but no cigar - and Doug Bollinger, Ben Hilfenhaus and Johnson can smell blood. Graeme Swann is the only Englishman to make a world XI right now.England are successful because they know their limitations. Which means there are limitations.

Come on, we were playing Australia… no superstars required! The England batsmen did indeed suffer limitations this tour – ie they didn’t get many chances to have a second innings!

6 Over-analysis
They've faced bowling machines with footage of Australian speedsters running in at them - and still didn't want to know about Mitchell Johnson. They've given themselves three weeks in Australia to acclimatise but haven't played on pitches like the monster they'll encounter at the Gabba. Every breath they take is a part of a suffocating plan. There's no freedom, nothing instinctive or adventurous. Paralysis by over-analysis.

The Australian selectors presumably didn’t know about Johnson either – which is the only explanation I can think of for him being picked. And who’d have thought that paralysis could lead to nine centuries from six different batsmen, including two double-tons? Turns out that “over-analysis� beats “clueless�.

7 No depth
In such a cramped schedule, injuries are bound to hit both camps. England are in serious strife if they lose any of their first XI. There's a vast gulf between their top-tier players and those on the standby list. Australia can only hope and pray that off-spinner Monty Panesar is called in for Graeme Swann. Australia have eight Test-standard speedsters in the queue.

England did lose one of their first XI. And dropped one voluntarily. And didn’t notice any difference. The depth of Australian batting was such that they were considering moving ‘Extras’ up into the middle order. Australia have eight Test-standard speedsters...? Only if marbles is now played at Test level…

8 Chokers
This is England we're talking about. Losing is a tradition. Think soccer World Cups. Think Tim Henman at Wimbledon. Think every cricket tour of Australia since 1986-87. They always arrive talking themselves up, vowing they won't wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny, then wilt under the heat and pressure and scrutiny. They've hired a self-described Yips Doctor - because they need one.

That’s 3 out of the last 4 Ashes to England now. Though we won’t know if they’re chokers for sure until they play a top team, of course.

9 Warm-ups
Everyone keeps rattling on about England's perfect preparation. They must be having a laugh. A few of them made runs at Adelaide Oval. It's like batting on the Hume Highway. Anyone seen the scorecards? Western Australia rolled England for 223. South Australia dismissed them for 288 on the Hume. And Australia A ripped through their top order in Hobart A yesterday. Perfectly prepared? Piffle.

You’re right there Will: a lot of us in England are having a heck of a laugh! And the Australian coaching manual will have to be changed – turns out that back-slapping isn’t the best warm-up exercise after all!

10 Scars
Five of their top six batsmen are the same lot who stumbled and bumbled through the 5-0 loss on England's last trip to Australia. The scarring is deep and real. Jimmy Anderson's memories of Australia are all nightmarish. He averaged 45.16. Broad and Finn are yet to play a Test series in Australia. Hard surfaces jarring bones and muscles, oppressive heat - they won't know what or who has hit them.

Yeah Jimmy really struggled with his 24 wickets at an average of 26.04. The good thing about a disaster on tour is that you don’t face those pitches again for four years – wonder what the scarring will be like when they’re your home pitches? Maybe ask Ben Hilfenhaus (averaged 59.28) or Xavier Doherty (averaged 102.0). Incidentally, very kind of the Australian side to let us keep nine of our players in constant shade by letting us bat for day after day after day…

[The Gaffer]

That sort of tosh is standard pre-competition hype, written to order to help whip up enthusiasm and sell papers. I think to be fair to the Aussies you need to post a sample of what they were saying afterwards. From what I've read they have taken it on the chin.

Also, Pietersen did bugger all apart from his one massive innings, Collingwood did more in the field than with the bat and, although effective, he's right in that the English attack simply doesn't have the mongrel factor.

Where this bloke is totall off beam is on Strauss: showed himself to be an excellent captain to bounce back from the Perth debacle. Tactical nous and solid judgment. Put pressure on the batsmen mostly at the right time. Hard to fault.

Although he took a lot of key wickets, Swann got spanked around a lot. You bowled them out with tight, smart bowling rather than with fire and spite. (That could be down to pitches though.)

Anderson is an excellent bowler. More impressive, he has improved himself from an average bowler. But he's not devastating. Tremlett has the potential to soil trousers I think. Shame Broad got injured, although I have a feeling that the pitches wouldn't have offered him much. Simon Jones is the one you want to clone.

Agree that Johnson is a liability, but if he ever learns to bowl straight, watch out.

[Draken]

And where's the fun in being fair to the Aussies...?

I would very much say that Swann had mediocre stats largely because all the wickets were prepared with him in mind - even Swanton would have acknowledged in advanced that Australia would lose a battle of the spinners. Unfortunately, in negating one bowler, they enhanced four others.

Swanton is a prime example of the "here's how this story will be covered regardless of what happens" school of journalism and deserves all the flak that pieces like that will get.