What were they REALLY thinking?

[Arathorn]

In Bag End...
Frodo:"Then you must take this ring." *thinking*Will you be my friend?
Gandalf:"Do not offer me this ring!" *thinking*What the...Hmmmm...
Frodo:"I'm giving it to you!" *thinking*With this ring, I thee wed...
Gandalf:"DO NOT TEMPT ME FRODO!" *thinking*really? But my heart belongs to Ewan...

[Arathorn]

LOL. Good one Laurelyn.

[Evenstar]

Sam: Don't go where I cant follow" *thinking* wait....I get the ring...hehe...it's mine, my precciousss!!!

[Earenya]

This is one of the funniest threads I've read!!


great one, Arathorn!

Isildur upon taking Narsil:*thinking*

*Boromir after seeing that Aragorn was watching him w/ Narsil...
"Dang, glad he didnt catch me playing dress up earlier; hmm I'll act like a manly-man to compensate..."

*Aragorn looking at Boromir...
"I pity the fool..." (voice of mr. t)

[Arathorn]

Eye of Sauron when Frodo puts on the ring:"I seeee yoouu..."
*thinking*Turn on ICQ, we need to talk....

Smeagol in Mordor:"Shiiiiire! Baaaagggiiiinnns!"
*thinking* A little more to the left, my love, these shiatzu sessions are so, .....<gollum, gollum>, 1010011110000100111010<beep><click>/* place PJ special here, W#TA W#TA go W#TA! */"Runtime Error 200", "Divide Overflow"

PJ: GUYS! oh, oh, hmmm, hmmmm, put that in my collection

[Andúril]

I am working as fast as I can
======================

Sauron looking at his ring : "My preciousssss" (said in a very deep voice).

Elong as herald of Gilgalad, shouting orders : "Yo quit aiming at me!"

Elven frontline : "UPPERCUT!"

Elendil screaming with joy at the seeming dominance of his army : "Holy **** my army's wopping yo ass!!"

Elrond sensing Sauron;s presence : "Dude what's that smell? Oh muther**** who's that dude?"

Isuldur seeing Sauron : "****."

Sauron destroying Alliance frontline : "Yo, I'm gonna open up can of woppass on yo ass!!"

Alliance frontline : "ahh for ****'s sake..."

Isildur looking at his father's sword : "Yo I thought this was made out of titanium..."

Sauron getting his finger chopped off : "Precioussssss!!!! Yo why you do that?"

Isildur ambushed : "Hey no fair! You surprised me!"

Bilbo hearing Gollum screaming : "Theodore? Alvin? Is that you?"

Gandalf telling Frodo a wizard is never late : "Wassup yo? Don't go dissing me - I'll open up a can of woppass on yo ass."
Later, trying not to smile : "Sorry dude, I let one rip. Who feeds a maia baked beans anyway?"

Frodo diving onto Gandalf's lap : "Yo, I am overcome with desire for the mansex."

Merry walking with goat : "yo this goats horny."

Angry looking hobbit seeing Gandalf : "Aarrrr!!"

Gandalf releasing a fireworks teaser for the hobbit children : "Mmmmm, young meat..."

Angry looking hobbit after Gandalf releases firework : "Ahhh, what a pleasant chap - Yo I'll cut you!!"

After Frodo tells Gandalf he is glad he is back (Gandalf) : "Yo thats some fine ass there. Mmmmm little boys...(sucks on pipe)"

Gandalf hugging Bilbo : "Hmmmm, nah, Frodo feels softer."

Gandalf hitting himself on chandelier : "Yo!"
Hitting wooden beam : "Yo wassup! I am maia!"

Bilbo and Gandalf smoking : (Bilbo): "Dees good ****" (Gandalf): "Yeah its da bomb"

Sam reluctant to dance with Rosie : "I wish I could tell Mr Frodo how I really feel" (looks forward to holding hands with Frodo in the future). "Yo beeitch shake that bootay!"

Frodo laughing at Sam : "I have the fakest laugh ever..."

Bilbo telling scary story to hobbit chiildren : "Must get these dirty thoughts out of my head! Must get them out!" Realizes he can comfort them lovingly when he scares the bejeezus out of them. "Hehehehe..."

Gandalf dancing in crowd : "Weeeee! Look at me look at me."

Gandalf laughing at the thought of lighting special fireworks : "Ahh, my secret Rohypnol fireworks..."

Bilbo looking deep into Frodo's eyes after saying the word "fond" : "Remember, it's our little secret.

Nobody must ever find out. I feel constipated...."

Gandalf seeing Bilbo dissapear : "Yo that was kewl!!!"

[Andúril]

Gandalf confronting irrate Bilbo : "Yo!! I am maia! I have superpowers, such as making rooms darker, and lowering my voice. I also like young flesh..."

Bilbo leaving Bag End : "Jeeez it stank like hell in there. That Gandalf is nasty." Gandalf smiles.

Gandalf trying to pick up the One Ring and sensing the Eye : "Jeepers! My Eru! Yo!"

Gandalf saying "Bilbo's ring" when Frodo arrives : "Hehehe Bilbo's ring...."

The nine leaving Barad-dur : "Righto maties, lets make haste." Nazgul singing a bunch of merry songs as they ride out.

Gandalf going through old documents in Minas Tirith : "I know they have some naughty stories in here somewhere, ahhhh..."

One of the riders asking for "Shire" and "Baggins" : "Yo dude, I have a creepy voice. Actually my ass hurts like hell after that long journey, hence I am mighty pissed off, yo"

Hobbit replies : "Thus soil I mine pants."

Sam walking past Rosie in doorway : "Whore. Stank beeyaach."

Gandalf surprising Frodo at Bag End : "Yo!! I am maia! Maia with itchy groin!"

Frodo surprised at Gandalf throwing ring into fire : "Why burnest thou Precioussssss?" Gandalf : "I am maia."

Frodo discovering the runes on the ring : "Yo homie, wassup widees runes?" Gandalf : "I dunno son, oh wait a minute, it looks like it is language of .... <gasp> ....Morrrrrdorrrrr!! Rrrrrr! Rrrr!"

Gandalf reciting : "One ring (heheheh) to rule them all, one ring (ahem) to find them, one ring (smiles at Frodo, fluttering eyelashes) to bring them all, and in the darkness bang them...eh bind them. I am maia. Ahem."

Gandalf refusing the Ring : "Yo dude there's a whack eyeball in there!! Get that thing the hell away from me!! I am maia! Do not tempt me!! Understand Frodo, I would use this ring from the desire to do good, but through me, it would destroy universe. Hence come no closer yo!!"

Gandalf finding Sam : "Wassup yo!! What did you hear, regarding the One Ring, Saurrrrron, Morrrdorrrr, Gollum, hey?" Sam : "Thus soil I mine pants."

Sam stops on edge of corn field. Frodo : "Come on beeyach!!" Sam : "Comming sire!" with tail between legs.

Saruman meets Gandalf at steps of Orthanc : "Listen to my voiceover speech. I am maia. I have clean white attire. Hey wassup bro?" Gandalf : "I'm not your brother." Saruman : "I am maia." Gandalf : "I don't care."

Saruman explaining about Sauron to Gandalf : "yo, Sauron has regained potent wopass spirit, hence we are in kaka! Thus we must join him. Henceforth it logically follows, if we are to draw valid logical conclusions via these deductions, that Sauron is equivalent to GrandMaster Wopass."

Saruman telling about the nine leaving Mordor : "When they find the ring bearer, they will rape him"

Smirk comes across Sarumans face. Gandalf's smirk soon dissapears : "Frito!!" Saruman : "It's Frodo, fool!" Gandalf : "Yo shuddup, I'm the wisest, even though I'm wearing this dirty grey tablecloth."

Wizardly duel. Gandalf gets thrown into the wall : "Woof!" Gandalf gets sent to the top of Orthanc : "Yo negative g's!!" Saruman : "Thus open I mine can of wopass."

Sam pulling Pippen off Frodo : "Yo control yourself - there's plenty of time for that later!" Frodo smiles at Sam. Sam blushes.

Pippen seeing mushrooms : "Yo I find the good ****!!"

Frodo sensing nazgul approaching : "Hectic bru, those CGI experts pulled off some mighty kewl stuff over here, like zooming in and out at the same time, and ....."

Hobbits hiding from Nazgul, in unison : "Thus soil we our pants."

Sam calling Frodo at Ferry : "Come my love!"

Frodo asks how far to nearest crossing, Merry : "The sine of x = pi/googleplex....ah - 20 miles."

Frodo thinking of a new name when speaking to Barliman : "Ummmm.....Anderson....no....Underpants...er....Un derhill."

Sam notifying Frodo of Strider watching him the whole time : "Yo dude, that guy's staring at you, as if he has some sort of alterior sexual motive. He does look quite rugged though..." Winks at Aragorn.

Frodo : "I saw that, beeyach."

Frodo asks Barliman about Strider, Barliman : "Oh, thats our local paedophile - beware of his good looks." Secretly Barliman was under the impression that he was the only one in Aragorn's heart.

Frodo trying to stop Pippen from giving him away : "Yo fool of a Took, dumbass fool yo!!"

Frodo putting on the ring : "Whooaahh kewl CGI dudes!! Can't see much though..."

The eye : "First of all, I will speak in my natural voice, I think I will say something like 'You can't hide". Then, in order for you to soil thine pants, I will lower my voice, make it real scary and kinda nasty, and then say "I see you my pretty. Hey where'd you go?? Not so fast , please, I'm only a flaming lidless eye ya know" Frodo took the ring off too late - he had already soiled himself.

Sam bursting into the room and challenging Aragorn : "Yo I'll cut you - damn you rugged good looking son of a gun!!" Merry and Pippen nod in approval.

Nazgul discovering they had been tricked : "Righto maties next room, but first of all lets scream with a really scary voice, ok?" Rest of Nazgul, as if they were a monk choir, singing in descending octaves : "All - righty - then"

Aragorn relating history of Nazgul to hobbits : "Yo once upon a time there were nine merry kings, and they got nice pretty rings, and they lived happily ever after, until their bodies dissapeared. Now they are chained to Saurrrrrronn's evil will for eternity. They will hunt yo asses down!! I'm outtie!"

Frodo asks where Aragorn is taking them, Aragorn : "Ahh shuddup and do as I say beeyach. Frodo under his breath : "Whore."

Pippen asking about mealtimes, Aragorn : "Yo pig, you already ate, shuddup and do as I say beeeyach. I am Dunedan!"

Sauron giving Saruman his orders : "Howzit Curumo old friend?? Long time no chat. OK now shuddup, and listen to my hectic, low and scary voice. I will say the following "Build me an army worthy of the", and when I end off the sentence, I will say something that specifically those who are watching Fellowship in AVI format with pathetic sound cards won't be able to hear. The best some will hear is something like "undawned", while others will hear "underworld". This is GrandMaster Wopass over and out. PS cut those nails dude."

Saruman to his little minion orcs : "Yo you guys were definitely not blessed with beauty." He says this while clipping his nails. The orcs look at the nails as they fall one by one onto the ground. They lick their lips.

[LuthienTinuviel]

well, anduril.
that was..

er... interesting.

[Play Girl]

wow that post kicked some serious but man! better get the rest of the felloship down or I am gonna come over there and open a six pack of GrandMaster Woopass on you beeyatch!
yo
Play Girl in da house

[eowyn144]

anduril?what is ur problem?those were just weird.some of us still have very young naive minds u know.

[samwise of the shire]

Eoywen's right. They were weird and TOTALLY out of place. Please try to be considerate of the fact that not all of us here are adults or kids in their late teens.
Thanks
Sam

[Rána Eressëa]

Um...no, that was just extremely weird. And not actually funny either. Except for the Nazgul ones

[FrodoFriend]

What's with all the "yo"ing? That didn't make any sense.

[afro-elf]

Anduril


Being a Tolkien and Wuxia fan I thought Grandmaster Whoop Ass was great.

This is not a purtian board, though some may think it is, so please don't be afraid to keep up the irreverence.

[Glorious Glorfindel]

funny in a demented kinda way u know anduril!
way beyond weird, ludicrously so!!!

[Andúril]

Gandalf stuck on top of Orthanc : "Yo Curumo!! I'll wop yo ass when I get back down there yo! <Whispers repeatedly to himself> : "I am maia. I am maia..."

Aragorn talking about Amon-sul : "Good. We'll stay here tonight, because when you guys make a fire the Nazgul will see it, and attack us. Then we can act surprised. But just remember, you guys are running out of pants..."

Merry looking at the sword Aragorn gives him : "I am Meriadoc."

Frodo wakes up and sees fire : "Yo fools!!! Put out that fire dumbasses!! You'll just attract our foes!!" Merry : "So? I am Meriadoc. Look at my sword, so long and hard." Sam : "Put that away!" He was jealous, yet surprised. He had never seen Merry's sword before. Frodo caught Sam looking at Merry's sword, and threw a rock at him. The rock bounces off Sam's head and then suddenly Aragorn pounces out from behind a boulder and hits the rock with his sword (just like at the end of the movie when Scary Orc throws knife at him...). What Aragorn was doing behind that boulder, we will never know. However, this time he misjudges the rock and it hits him on the nose, breaking it. Aragorn (eyes watering) : "You know <sniff>, you didn't have to go and do that." At this point his voice becomes unstable, and he begins to cry. Pippen comforts Aragorn, with his hands around hs shoulders, also rubbing his back : "There there, son. Ya know, they don't call me Pippen for nothing." Aragorn's tears dissolve into a gleeful smile. All cheer :"Hooray!!" Frodo never forgot Sam's wandering eyes that day...

Nazgul arrive at Amon-sul, Aragorn : "What the?? How did they know we'd be here??" He says this in all honesty.

Hobbits back-to-back awaiting Nazgul : "OK. Lets all huddle nice and close together....er...so we can get....warm." Sam wanted to huddle close to Mr Frodo, but son of Drogo was still upset.

Nazgul approaching huddled Hobbits : Never has there been such a mass pants-spoiling in the history of Middle-earth.

Nazgul drawing sword : "Damn. I forgot that I don't have a reflection." He holds the sword up to his face anyway. All nine begin chanting in their monk-choir manner, but this time it is not a merry sound. This time it is kinda scary, with a hint of terror.

Frodo putting on the Ring : "Yo what happened to your face dude? Now I know why you guys wear those hoods all over the place. Damn thats nasty. All wrinkled and all. I think you need some sun. I mean, look at me. Am I not the prettiest thing you have every seen?" Witch King : 0111001001001010101="Bakshi...Guru..."

Aragorn jumps into the fray : "Hang on, son." Seeing as his nose is broken, his voice has now changed to that of one who has a broken nose. Pippen can't help but laugh. Aragorn : "I am Dunedan." Hits one Nazgul. "I am Dunedan" Hits another Nazgul. Pippen is rolling on the floor laughing. Frodo, although in immense pain, starts laughing too. Aragorn, as he is smashing another Nazgul : "Hey guys, whats so funny?" Turns around and pins last Nazgul to the ground : "...eight...nine...ten...AHA!! You lose sucka!! In your face!! I am Dunedan, hear me? I. Am. Dunedan!!!" All hobbits simultaneously pack up laughing. Aragorn sees the humourous side, and not wanting to leave anybody out, starts to tickle the Ringwraith. That was an experience none of them would ever forget, to the end of their days.

Aragorn tending to Frodo : "He has been stabbed by a Morgul blade. Those blades are really cool. I wish I had one of these" He looks at the Morgul blade, but it dissapears. "See! Didn't I say these were cool?" He was looking over his shoulder, at Pippen, when he said this. Pippen smiles. Frodo : "I'm like kinda dying here, so get yo stank body off me!" Aragorn realizes he was lying on top of Frodo. Thats why Pippen was smiling. Luckily for Aragorn, Sam was playing Hide-and-Seek with himself, counting with his eyes closed, behind a boulder. If he had seen what Aragorn was doing, he would have used his can-opener. You know, so he could open up his can of woppass. You know exactly what I'm talking about...

Gandalf talking to moth : "k...ku..ko..kd.fd.k", translated : "Yo, wassup homie? Please could you tell that bigass eagle in the mountains over there where I am. I have decided that I will leave now." Moth : "...kk..f....k.f..s..kj..k", translated : "...kk..f....k.f..s..kj..k" Gandalf : "What the **** you saying beeyach??" Moth : "I'm saying ...kk..f....k.f..s..kj..k" Gandalf : "Oh I see. I am Maia." Moth : "Yeah yeah we all know. Get over it."

Aragorn asking Sam about Kingsfoil : "Yo dwog, can I score some of your good ****?? Not that pathetic stuff you gave me last time." Sam : "Sorry bout that homie. You know, the quality has been going downhill for ages."

Arwen finding Aragorn : "what is this? A ranger taking a dump?" Aragorn : "Howzit babes!! Umm, don't tell the others, I sorta soiled myself earlier on." He cast his mind back to his fight against the Nazgul. But he must look like a manly hero, so that later he can score with Arwen. "Actually, it happened while I was tickling one of them black riders. That was damn funny, I couldn't contain myself." Arwen, her facial expression changing from anger and outrage, to a smirk : "Oh in that case it was warranted." She never asked him why he was tickling the black rider. I think such things were beneath her.

Frodo seeing Arwen for the first time : "My eyes!!! Fools! My eyes!!! Beeyach, be a little considerate, will you? Stank elf." Arwen : "I am really old, yet I have hardly any wrinkles." Frodo : "What the hell does that have to do with anything?" Aragorn, pulling up his pants around the corner, lets out a laugh. Arwen gives Pippen a death stare. Pippen : "What?? I didn't do nothing. Jeeeez." Arwen, squinting her eyes : "Sorry. My, what a hunk" Aragorn is confused. Very confused. Merry jumps out from behind a nearby tree : "Aha! But you've never seen one like this before!" He unsheathes his sword. Frodo : "Actually, I see a few wrinkles under your left eyeball."

[FrodoFriend]

HEY! Could you stop already? You're supposed to show what the characters were thinking, not change their actions.

All your "jokes" are the same thing repeated over and over, and they weren't funny to begin with. Now would you please stop?!

[Evenstar]

Hear hear!!

[markedel]

You should work on a tolkien parody-if done well they are funny, even if yours will not rank with say bored of the rings.

[Andúril]

Please try to be considerate of the fact that not all of us here are adults or kids in their late teens.

So Samwise, what in your opinion is the average age of the posters here??

I need an indication in order to calculate the amount of ludeness magically (or artfully, depending on your point of reference) inserted into my posts.

Thanks. Bye bye now.