Eärniel's short stories

[Earniel]

Originally Posted by tolkienfan

I liked it Eärniel. It was good. But the ending! I want to read more. Did Randolph and Morgan really die? What happens? I think you could really go with this.

Well, the stairs was destroyed, and they were quite close to the explosion when it happened, so I'd say chances for survival are near unexistant unless there's more to the Order than they've revealed so far. And thanks for the corrections.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

You might be amused by how completely off-track I was as to where the story was going .

Admittingly, that's a bit what I aim for. I try to insert in each of my short stories an unexpected element or plot twist.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

I was pretty tense throughout most of the earlier part of the story out of concern that Randolph might be a madman who was successfully misguiding Morgan. That concern kept me tense until Max's dragon identity was revealed. After that, I was dancing a bit between the possibility that Max was good, as Max was arguing, and the possibility that Max was living up to her name and being simply devilishly clever in her attempts to deceive her enemies. If it was the latter, I was thinking she might successfully get the T-Shirts distributed by convincing Morgan and Randolph (or maybe just Morgan) that she actually was not bad, and thus through them unleashing a reign of terror on the world by her trickery.

Now there is an interesting twist. I forgot the readers don't know dragons exist in this story-universe until Emalaxrys is revealed. Clearly, I could have gone in many interesting directions. There's maybe a germ of a future story there, although not necessarily one tied to this one.

But my knowing you personally helped me to stay on course some during that final conversation. I knew you loved environmentalism, so as I was listening to the good environmental messages coming out, I suspected that really Max was honest.

Ack, I hate it when I let too much of myself show in a story, it always catches me by surprise. Although environmentalism was not intended as a mayor theme here. For Fabric Dragons I wanted a story with no bad guys, just a set-up with two sides, both essentially good (or at least thinking they're doing the right thing) but at the same time utterly irreconcilable so it can only end in violent conflict. I find such situations are rather common in the real world.

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

I think what you wrote about the setting and location was well written and helpful, but like you noticed, it did tend to drag some.

Are there specific sentences or paragraphs that you found to be too slow?

Maybe just revealing that Max is a dragon and a good one in the first scene would be a good idea. That would grab readers right from the start and keep people like me from considering so many alternative plotlines to the one you intended . The conclusion would not be easily predictable, but that would help me to stay with the story better. [...]

Interesting scenario, although I fear it would take a massive rewrital to get that effect right. So I think I'll pass, but thanks for the idea nevertheless.

Originally Posted by Olmer

You definately have a talent for writing. Don't stop, you are good at it!

Thank you. I don't entend to stop. This is too much fun.

Originally Posted by Tessar

Some of the dialogue was a little awkward, but other than that I didn't notice anything. It was fantastic!

Thanks, Tessar. Which specific dialogue or lines did you think was awkward?

Originally Posted by tolkienfan

I still can't figure out if Emalaxrys was really good or not, and if you aren't going to make a sequal you might want to make that more clear, unless you purposely left it up to the reader.

I didn't want to take sides in the story. It seemed interesting to leave the decision of who's right and wrong up to the reader, personally I couldn't decide. But a sequel is currently not planned. If I ever write about Randolph or Morgan it is likely to take place before this one.

Originally Posted by Curubethion

The only thing...did Emma survive because the poison was intended to kill dragons, not humans?

That's the reason I was thinking of when writing. But there are more possibilities. I didn't specify exactly where in the chest Emma was shot nor when she was found. If the shot was deadly, maybe she was found in time to saved. It's also equal possible that the shot wasn't lethal (I doubt Randolph had that much experience with shooting people) and that he simply assumed the poison would do the trick regardless. At the point I didn't want to draw too much attention to the specifics of the shot wound to keep the surprise that she survived for later.