Erin the Elf: Preface

[Lief Erikson]

Okay .

Ready for more. Not many specific comments for this part. I'm interested in General Brent. He sounds like he could be an interesting new character for us to get in touch with.

I'm not positive entirely what the coup people are always referring to was.

Originally posted by Nurvingiel
“I’m gonna say right now that I want to do this without bloodshed. I don’t support civil was either,” Erin said decisively.
“We should avoid it at all costs,” agreed Tyler, “But sometimes, you have to defend yourself.” Emily nodded.
“Okay then,” Erin conceded.
“Great, let’s be off.

In the first sentence, I think you meant civil war, not civil was.

The last sentence is the one I really noticed, though. It seems a very odd way for Tyler to be expressing himself in this instance. They're just talking about possibly fighting their countrymen, and Tyler's saying the word "great" right after that, sounds rather wierd. It makes it seem more as though they're playing a game than acting in real life. In real life if we were considering going against our countrymen in self defense to depose our government because it's corrupt, we wouldn't be using words like "great" when we're finished discussing the ethics of it . Just sounds rather flippant.


You're going to begin posting the remaining parts in a new thread, correct?