LOTR Lessons

From a posting in The Council of Elrond:

#1 Never pick up jewellry that does not belong to you.
#2 If someone ever starts to tell you strange things about your jewellry, for God's sake run out the door and don't come back.
#3 Do not move in with eccentric uncles under any circumstances.
#4 Stay as far away from Witch-kings as possible (with thanks to Tel for this one)
#5 Never get so attached to your boss that you end up going to Mordor or any other such places with him.
#6 Avoid Gondorian men. Especially if they keep looking at you in a funny way.
#7 However, trust said Gondorian men's brothers.
#8 Don't steal spoons. You will be paid back, and your son may be eaten.
#9 Men with no faces with black cloaks are bad guys.
#10 Men with blonde hair and pointy ears are good guys.
#11 Don't kill Gollum, however tempting it might be at times.
#12 If you are a wizard, don't worry about dying.
#13 However, if someone tells you to keep away from caves, it just might be worth doing so.
#14 If you are a woman, chances are you will tougher than your husband. This is perfectly natural. Don't worry.
#15 That weirdo who looks like a Big Issue salesman with a drink habit is actually royalty. Make sure you're nice to him.
#16 Second-hand swords work better than new ones.
#17 Flocks of birds inevitably means that the arm of your enemy has grown long.
#18 Characters who don't say anything are there to be admired. Make sure you do so (for example Imrahil)
#19 The king that is decrepit will inevitably get better with just a flash of lightning.
#20 The steward who appears OK, however, is likely to be revealed as a latent suicidal, filiocidal pyromaniac. Stay away.