Santa...a woman?

wahine · 01-26-2003, 07:28 PM

I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off!

For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree.

Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag.

Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist.

Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.

Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man:
- Men can't pack a bag.
- Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet.
- Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves.
- Men don't answer their mail.
- Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."
- Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them.
- Having to do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women.
- Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment.

I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men......... - Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. - Cupid flies around carrying weapons. - Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers.

Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is.

I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!!

***HOBBIT*** · 01-26-2003, 08:28 PM

how about santa - non-existant and started for commercial purposes - end of story. dont read into it too much man (or uh woman).

Gwaimir Windgem · 01-26-2003, 09:02 PM

He was based on Saint Nicholas, wasn't he?

eowyngirl14 · 01-26-2003, 10:18 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by HOBBIT
how about santa - non-existant and started for commercial purposes - end of story. dont read into it too much man (or uh woman).

I happen to believe in Santa Claus! Interesting idea Wahine! very funny! Yes, I did think that Santa Claus was derived from St. Nick!

Huan · 01-27-2003, 03:09 AM

Wahine, you certainly have thought a lot about this.

Shadowfax · 01-27-2003, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Huan
Wahine, you certainly have thought a lot about this.

Yeeah, no kidding! Do you really have that much spare time??

Coney · 01-27-2003, 06:44 PM

Santa is not a woman

I know because I have sat in his lap

wahine · 01-27-2003, 08:44 PM

I'm sorry, just a raving of mine. I thought it was quite funny, and poked fun of the holiday.

Evenstar1400 · 01-27-2003, 10:09 PM

Saint Nicholas... aka Chris Kringle.... is a guy. But you can think whatever you want about whether or not santa is a male or a female.

just one thing.... if there was a female santa..... that would make Mr. Clause the one who has to bake cookies in a red apron! heheheheh! (sry theres nothing wrong with men who cook, im just having fun thinking of a big guy in a santa suit wearing an apron holding a tray of cookies with a milk mustache, and to top it of a got milk? label above his head!)

Firekitten2006 · 01-27-2003, 10:21 PM

Maybe Mrs. Claus and Mr. Claus are really gay. I mean if they are men, then that would pretty much explain everything you said Wahine

honestly, I believe in Santa Claus

Legolas_Frodo_Aragorn · 01-28-2003, 09:50 AM

lol..very funny. I showed it to my friend now and she laughed, but then the teacher came over and i had to quit it...

eowyngirl14 · 01-28-2003, 09:48 PM

I think the toothfairy is a guy. Who else would collect teeth and then make a giant fortress complete with laser beams and everthing! (or atleast that's what my parents told me) And I don't picture women (Aka my MOM) handing out money just because my mothe started to bleed! That is something I would attribute to men (Aka my DAD)

01-26-2003, 07:28 PM	#1
wahine The Original Amazonian Coconut Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Answering no questions, telling no lies. Posts: 753	Santa...a woman? I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe he's a she. Think about it. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a guy could possibly pull it all off! For starters, the vast majority of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve. It's as if they are all frozen in some kind of Ebenezerian Time Warp until 3 p.m. on Dec. 24th, when they - with amazing calm - call other errant men and plan for a last-minute shopping spree. Once at the mall, they always seem surprised to find only Ronco products, socket wrench sets, and mood rings left on the shelves. (You might think this would send them into a fit of panic and guilt, but my husband tells me it's an enormous relief because it lessens the 11th hour decision-making burden.) On this count alone, I'm convinced Santa is a woman. Surely, if he were a man, everyone in the universe would wake up Christmas morning to find a rotating musical Chia Pet under the tree, still in the bag. Another problem for a he-Santa would be getting there. First of all, there would be no reindeer because they would all be dead, gutted and strapped on to the rear bumper of the sleigh amid wide-eyed, desperate claims that buck season had been extended. Blitzen's rack would already be on the way to the taxidermist. Even if the male Santa DID have reindeer, he'd still have transportation problems because he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions. Add to this the fact that there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repoint bricks in the flue. He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle. Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a man: - Men can't pack a bag. - Men would rather be dead than caught wearing red velvet. - Men would feel their masculinity is threatened...having to be seen with all those elves. - Men don't answer their mail. - Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly." - Men aren't interested in stockings unless somebody's wearing them. - Having to do the "Ho Ho Ho" thing would seriously inhibit their ability to pick up women. - Finally, being responsible for Christmas would require a commitment. I can buy the fact that other mythical holiday characters are men......... - Father Time shows up once a year unshaven and looking ominous. Definite guy. - Cupid flies around carrying weapons. - Uncle Sam is a politician who likes to point fingers. Any one of these individuals could pass the testosterone screening test. But not St. Nick. Not a chance. As long as we have each other, good will, peace on earth, faith and Nat King Cole's version of "The Christmas Song," it probably makes little difference what gender Santa is. I just wish she'd quit dressing like a guy!!! __________________ Hem, hem

01-26-2003, 08:28 PM	#2
*HOBBIT* Saviour of Entmoot Admiral Join Date: Nov 1999 Location: NC/NJ (no longer Same place as bmilder.) Posts: 61,986	how about santa - non-existant and started for commercial purposes - end of story. dont read into it too much man (or uh woman). __________________ President Emeritus (2000-2004) Private message (or email) me if you need any assistance. I am here to help! "I'm up to here with cool, ok? I'm so amazingly cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month. I am so hip I have difficulty seeing over my pelvis" - Zaphod Beeblebrox Latest Blog Post: Just Quit Facebook? No One Cares!

01-26-2003, 09:02 PM	#3
Gwaimir Windgem Dread Mothy Lord and Halfwitted Apprentice Loremaster Join Date: Dec 2002 Location: Thomas Aquinas College, Santa Paula, CA Posts: 10,820	He was based on Saint Nicholas, wasn't he? __________________ Crux fidelis, inter omnes arbor una nobilis. Nulla talem silva profert, fronde, flore, germine. Dulce lignum, dulce clavo, dulce pondus sustinens. 'With a melon?' - Eric Idle

01-27-2003, 06:44 PM	#7
Coney The Buddy Rabbit Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: Trapped in the headlights.. Posts: 3,372	Santa is not a woman I know because I have sat in his lap __________________ Blessed are the cracked, they let the light in Beatallica

01-27-2003, 08:44 PM	#8
wahine The Original Amazonian Coconut Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Answering no questions, telling no lies. Posts: 753	I'm sorry, just a raving of mine. I thought it was quite funny, and poked fun of the holiday. __________________ Hem, hem

01-27-2003, 03:09 AM	#5
Huan Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Oxford, MS Posts: 274	Wahine, you certainly have thought a lot about this.

01-27-2003, 10:09 PM	#9
Evenstar1400 Elven Warrior Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: In the inner depths of my lair. Posts: 421	Saint Nicholas... aka Chris Kringle.... is a guy. But you can think whatever you want about whether or not santa is a male or a female. just one thing.... if there was a female santa..... that would make Mr. Clause the one who has to bake cookies in a red apron! heheheheh! (sry theres nothing wrong with men who cook, im just having fun thinking of a big guy in a santa suit wearing an apron holding a tray of cookies with a milk mustache, and to top it of a got milk? label above his head!) __________________ Treebeard: Hmm, you look like hobbits, smell like hobbits, feel like hobbits and sound like hobbits. You must be orcs!

01-27-2003, 10:21 PM	#10
Firekitten2006 Elven Warrior Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: the US of A! But I wish i was in austraila, never been, just think it would be a fun place to live :) Posts: 372	Maybe Mrs. Claus and Mr. Claus are really gay. I mean if they are men, then that would pretty much explain everything you said Wahine honestly, I believe in Santa Claus __________________ I'm Baaaack!!

01-28-2003, 09:50 AM	#11
Legolas_Frodo_Aragorn The Elven Queen Of All Pyros Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Im like a little bug stuck in the lamp...never going anywhere Posts: 795	lol..very funny. I showed it to my friend now and she laughed, but then the teacher came over and i had to quit it... __________________ Would you judge my future based on what i did in the past? Procrastinators Unite!!!.....tomorrrow.... Kids in backseats cause accidents...accidents in backseats cause kids As long as there are tests..there will be prayers in school

01-28-2003, 09:48 PM	#12
eowyngirl14 i don't know what i am talking about either, so don't ask Join Date: Dec 2002 Posts: 1,353	I think the toothfairy is a guy. Who else would collect teeth and then make a giant fortress complete with laser beams and everthing! (or atleast that's what my parents told me) And I don't picture women (Aka my MOM) handing out money just because my mothe started to bleed! That is something I would attribute to men (Aka my DAD) __________________ 'The coming of dawn is ever the hope to the heart of men' -Aragorn 'Then I will die as one of them' -Aragorn TTT movie “They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little safety deserve neither liberty nor safety” - Benjamin Franklin arms are made for hugging avatar from the avatar shop! made by Eowyn, Lady of Rohan

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