The Tale of Uinen and the Mariner (a short story, dont worry)

[Beor]

Here is a little story that I jotted down today. I like it, so I am posting it. Please, if you read it, let me know if it is any good, or if it is garbage . Just thought it might be cool. Here ya go.


The Tale of Uinen and the Mariner

Long ago, in the early waning days of Numenor, there was a mariner who owned a small fishing boat, and never went far from the coasts. His boat was small, having but one sail, and two oars, and had only enough room for a man and a day’s catch. The mariner fished everyday off the coasts of Rommenos, catching fish for the people of the coast. His love was for the sea, for the calmness of the vast waters, and for the fish he caught, loving them for offering themselves to make other lives more full and pleasant. The people to whom he gave the fish he caught were always happy and never greedy in receiving his store, and he was always generous.

Now, little love had the mariners of the big boats for this little fisherman, though he could drive a ship as well as any of them. They laughed at him, and scorned his pride whenever they saw him in his little vessel in the bay of the city of Rommenos. He never said any ill in retort, rather, he held his tounge, and continued to bring in his fish, for all the people who depended upon him for their meal, for in the later days of its noon, not all had such things as the king and the lords, as they hoarded much, and demanded taxes even from their own people, if they did not fit in with the king’s narrow mind.

On a time, it came that many ships were put in port, and many a warrior and mariner stayed about the coasts of Rommenos. Many of these men would taunt him, and they would drive their ships at him, veering away only at the last moment, before they crushed the hull of his little ship. Fishing became more difficult in this time, as the fish refused to be ensnared by such men, and they fled, and only a very few fish could he catch in a day. He began to sail further then, to find the fish that he used to catch. It was one of these days, when he was sojourning far, following a school of brightly colored fish north, towards the opening of the bay to the sea, that he came upon a rock jutting from the sea. The rock was sharply pointed with a somewhat flat surface at its top, level and big enough for no more than three men to stand upon. Upon the rock, was a maiden. She sat upon the rock and played a soft melody upon a conch shell, and this melody seemed to have the sound of many strings and harps and chimes upon it, so that it sounded like the sea, and he was entranced by it, but moreso by the maid, for she was lovely beyond his reckoning. Her hair fell in tangled brown locks to the middle of her back, and her face was fair, as if she was of the firstborn. She was clothed in a raimament that was as seaweed, gnarled and torn, yet beautiful with the light of the sun reflecting off of it, as it did off of the sea. She played on her shell oblivious to his gaze, as he drew closer to the rock.

She turned towards him, and when she met his gaze, she smiled gently, and turned back to the sea. He stood upon the prow of his little ship and wondered at what such beauty was doing playing such beautiful music upon a little rock in the bay.

She continued her tune for a moment, and he sat there looking awefully upon her, unaware that the wind had begun to blow back towards the coast, and that it was moving his ship upon its gentle breeze. Perhaps he would have noticed, had he been moving away from the rock, but he was not. The magic in that tune moved it with the ship, upon her command, so that he did not know that he was moving within sight of shore, and the men on the ships laughed that his little ship was sailing backwards, against the will of its master.

Then the wind stopped, and a gust hit his sail from the other way, stopping the ship, and the rock with the maiden stopped. The arms of the shore reached out on both sides, but he did not see them, he saw only the woman playing the shell upon the rock.

When all had stopped, she stopped her tune, and turned to see him. He wanted to hear more music, so beautiful had it been, and the ceasing of it saddened him. She stood, and her full beauty was displayed before him, with the light of the morning sun behind her. He was amazed, and could not move, until she withdrew her gaze, and the sea seemed to become calm beyond calm. All noises ceased, and there was silence even as far as the shore.

Now a new tune started, and he could not see the players of the instruments, if any indeed existed. It was the sound of hollow wood as drums and many different chimes, and had a melody of a large bass, and flutes and other pipes of wood. The maiden smiled upon him, and extended her arms at him. He put out his oars to row to her, mistaking her gesture for a beckoning.

Before he could get closer to her than oar’s reach, she began to dance upon the stone, a vigorous dance, and confusing, a beautiful intricate dance, and it began to accelerate, until the movements of her arms and body were as the waves breaking against each other in a gale, and as the tides swallowing the shore, or the ships.

As the dance accelerated, so did the wind, and he felt it hit his body, and his sail was filled. The sound of waves being kindled was heard as thunder in the deeps, and small laps of water broke against his ship.

He was released from his trance as a wave overtook his ship, and he was soaked with the salty waters. He felt again the wind, and his boat was tossed back. He ran to the mast and furled the sail, trying to stop the wind from moving his ship against his will. The wind continued to gain speed and dark clouds gathered over head. The mariner turned to row his small vessel in to the safety of the shore, but wanting another look at the maiden, he turned to see her. Her dance had stopped, and a massive wave had picked up behind her and the rock she stood upon. He was filled with dread, feeling that the maid would be crushed by the wave, so he unfurled his sail and turned towards the rock against the wave. Just as the wind caught his sail, she began dancing even more vigorously than before, and there was such a sudden gust of wind, that it blew his small ship past the rock and directly into the massive wave. He looked as he went by and she was dancing happily away, smiling sweetly at him as she did.

He had no other choice. He was now caught in the middle of a sudden spring gale, with nothing to do but ride the wave and keep his ship and his life only with what skill he had as a shiphand.


(more follows)

[Beor]

He leaned on the mast, pushing it to port, causing the ship to list to the left. The keel caught the wave sideways, and his ship was pulled further left. As it came around, he looked down, and noticed that he was already halfway up the wave. He turned hard to starboard, and rode the wave down, staying in the middle, hoping to get nearer to the coast, where the wave had already broke, and was little more than the wake of a great Numenorian ship. The wave pulled at his rudder, trying to wrest it from his control, but he held fast, and broke from the wave, just as the crest joined the trough in as tumultuous crash. He was traveling too fast towards shore, however, and would have broken himself upon the rocks, had he not felt the wind on his face. He ran up the mast and unfurled his sail. A gust caught the sail and slowed him down with such speed that he was thrown to the bow of the vessel.

He regained his feet and looked to the south, where he had been, looking for the maiden. There she stood, upon the rock, she had stopped dancing, and was facing him. And though he was far from here, he could see her smiling at him, same smile she had when he passed her into the wave. He looked back at the ships in the bay, expecting their total destruction. They all remained, though there was silence about the entire bay. He noticed that all the men on the ships had gone to land as soon as the wave grew. They were lining the cliffs to the south of the city, watching him fight the waters of the bay. He turned back to the woman, and as soon as he did, she started dancing again, and the rain began, as did the wind.

The woman beckoned him forward with her hand. He turned his ship around and headed towards her. When he was close enough to see her face, she motioned him stop. He did, and she started slowly dancing, but differently than before. The rain continued to fall, and suddenly, the sea was dancing with her. Waves loomed up out of nowhere and crashed down suddenly with great commotion. His ship was picked up upon a wave and carried with great speed to the southern shore, where the wave suddenly crashed and another came up and grabbed his ship. He was tossed around the bay in this manner, until suddenly, his ship was thrown in front of the woman, and the sea stopped.

She looked at him with confusion on her face, no longer smiling. He didn’t understand why. She lightened up, and suddenly a small breeze hit his sail, but he did nothing. She cocked her head, and looked at him. Her gaze now was sad, as if he had hurt her, although he had not.

“Speak, lady, what is it that grieves you? Did I wrong you somehow?” he called, though his voice lacked the sternness that he had intended.

Then the lady spoke, and her voice was that of soft waves flowing against shore at high tide, but it had a playfulness like that of many streams flowing quickly down a mountain, “No wrong but that you do not sail upon my waves. Are you not a mariner, that you would rather let my waves drive you, rather than driving the waves yourself? If you wish indeed to sail, then sail, if not, I will dance in your bay no more, and you may eat of my fish in peace.”

At this he said, “Lady, if you wish that I should drive your waves, then send some worthy of a mariner, rather than the ripples that you have just sent.” His answer was prideful, but he meant it only to have the lady send more waves, as it hurt him so to see her beauty saddened because he did not sail as she wished.

She smiled, pleased with his response, and the melody began again, “Then I shall send waves, the like of which no one, not you, or any other living man has ever seen." And she threw up her arms, and threw them down, and began the dance anew, and with the new dance, there was new waves, and wind, and rain, and lighting, and it became a gale powerful, and terrible to look upon, and the mariner was afraid, but he left his sail down, and took the wheel of the ship, and rode into them, grim-faced and determined to conquer the wave. And he remembered the joy of sailing from his earlier days, the thrill of riding the waves across the sea, and he turned into the wave, and sailed in it, and on it, and through it, and the lady laughed and danced, driving wave after wave upon him and below him. The ship and the mariner were thrown this way and that, and he steered and oared and leaned his ship through every wave, and his mast was torn from his ship, and his oars lost, but still he had control over his ship in the waves and in the wind. His rudder was ripped from the hull by the fury of the sea, so he steered with the waves, using his weight and the keel and all his strength to surf the waves in his small ship. And when finally his keel snapped in the waves, he had only his body and his hull to wrestle with the waves, and the lady laughed at his plight, and he laughed, as he had not sailed so in as long a time as he could remember, and the thrill of the journey came back to him, and death no longer mattered. Finally the waves stopped for a moment, and he was in the middle of the bay, and the men of the ships and of the city of Romenos were looking at him with awe, and the lady was still.

Then she raised her arms, and a wave came from behind his torn and battered ship, and lifted it up, and brought it for the rock. She stared into his eyes, as the wave gained speed. He no longer cared about any fish or the laughter of any sailor, he only wanted to touch the fair skin of the lady that had destroyed his boat.

The wave slowed, and set his ship gently down a range from the lady. She walked out over the water, and took his ship by the bow. He was amazed, despite the recent events, mainly because of her beauty and the aura of wonder that surrounded her.

The ship bumped against the rock and she climbed up the stone, and extended her hand to the mariner. He took it, and she pulled him up to the platform where she had stood throughout the torrent.

“Come now, Mariner, and join Uinen upon this stone. For you have so entertained me that I would have your audience as I play upon my shell and sing upon my rock, and let the waves crash around us making their music to Osse, so that he may be pleased.”

And she played upon her shell and sang, and the sea rejoiced to hear her tune, and the mariner was put in such a spell, that he could not move for some time. Then Uinen motioned for him to follow her, as she walked down a narrow stair on the far side of the rock and guided him down, down into the sea.


The mariner was never seen again by any mortal, and nothing is known of what fate befell him under the great sea, however, it is said, that on a time, in a great storm, one may see a small ship upon a great wave, and that if one sees the ship at the crest of the wave, they will perish, for the mariner has given up control to Osse, and Osse's wrath is great, but if the mariner in the boat is riding the wave, then Uinen is playing, and the mariner controls the wave, and, if they sail with him, they will be saved, and will live to sail again. For even the Gods like to play sometimes.

[Beruthiel's cat]

Originally posted by Beor
Here is a little story that I jotted down today. I like it, so I am posting it. Please, if you read it, let me know if it is any good, or if it is garbage . Just thought it might be cool. Here ya go.

Beor, this is a charming tale. A Siren song of Middle Earth. It's well thought out. You seem to have an affinity for the sea (hard to believe you're in the Army, friend!)

A small thing that jumped out at me:

"When all had stopped, she stopped her tune, and turned to see him. He wanted to hear more music, so beautiful had it been, and the ceasing of it saddened him. She stood, and her full beauty was displayed before him, with the light of the morning sun behind her. He was amazed, and could not move, until she withdrew her gaze, and the sea seemed to become calm beyond calm. All noises ceased, and there was silence even as far as the shore."

You use "stopped" a lot. You did put in "ceasing" but you might want to use some other synonyms as well (halted, ended, etc.) just to improve the flow of the paragraph.

All in all, it flows very well, in a Tolkienesque manner, which is great. It's a very nice tale, Beor. Keep up the good work and feel free to try another tale or two!

[Tessar]

I enjoyed it! It was an excellent read!

A few things that I noticed was in some places you used very casual wording, the one that caught me the most was "She lightened up".

Still, that wasn't enough to really throw me off to terribly, and I loved both the style of your writing and the story itself.

[Beor]

Thank you both for your comments and criticisms, and thank you for reading the tale. Your points are well taken, as they are quiet valid. Thank you once again, and I do have an affinity for the sea.

[Earniel]

Oooh, I like it! Uinen happens to be my favorite maia too. Very nice, Beor!

[Beor]

Thank you, Earniel, I do appriciate the compliment .

Tessar, I looked it over, and I fixed the rather loose language that I used, and I think it sounds better. I will post later the parts I fixed and you can check them out.

B's Cat, in the process of fixing Tessars stuff, I forgot about all the 'stopped's, so I will go back and look at it. When I have it all fixed up to where it sounds good to me, I will post the changed parts.

Cool?

[Lalaith_Elf]

Very good. I like it alot - keep on writing. I expect a new story on my desk every monday morning! j/k

[Beor]

I'm on it. I had a pretty good time writing that one, so I will probably write another some time. The problem with me is I have a whole bunch of started stories, and very few finished ones (as in none). I'm pretty proud of this little sucker though, because it was fun to write, and it has an end. YEE-HAW

[Lalaith_Elf]

You should be proud. It's a VERY good story!

[Beor]

Tessar and B's Cat, I fixed it up a bit, here is the redone passages, tell me what you think, please

When all had stopped, she ceased her tune, and turned to see him. He wanted to hear more music, so beautiful had it been, and the ceasing of it saddened him. She stood, and her full beauty was displayed before him, with the light of the morning sun behind her. He was amazed, and could not move, until she withdrew her gaze, and the sea seemed to become calm beyond calm. All noises ceased, and there was silence even as far as the shore.


She looked at him with confusion on her face, no longer smiling. He didn’t understand why. She smiled a little, attempting to free herself from her saddness, and suddenly a small breeze hit his sail, but he did nothing. She cocked her head, and looked at him. Her gaze now was sad, as if he had hurt her, although he had not.

I did use 'ceased', I think it sounds better.

And the other one, I fixed it, but I still dont think it has the right sound to it. Any suggestions?

[Snowdog]

I missed this the first time around. Quite good Beor!

I would be interested in reading more of your writings.

[Lotesse]

Beor, what a pretty story--beautiful imagery. I'm going to bed in a second, now I'm SURE I'll have cool dreams tonite! Thanx!

[Butterbeer]

I could smell the waves!

the rippling sea-like glitter as she is back lit and her beauty after the enchanting music was a strong visual and beautiful image conjured in my mind ...

the story flowed pretty well and as someone mentioned it's overall charming ...

could of course do with some tightening in terms of language etc, but a rollicking good read.

A splash! (pun on smash! )

best
BB