Something less than Criminal Masterminds....

[Gwaimir Windgem]

As there are countless stories of the more dim lawbreakers/would-be-lawbreakers, I thought it could be interesting to open a topic to share such stories on.

I'll start, with a true story.

One day, my mom was driving down the road, passing pedestrians, etc. As she came up to a stop sign, a man suddenly jumped into her car. Directly thereafter, she jumped out, and the man sped off in her car. So she walked to a gas station and reported the crime to the police.
The man was arrested, filling the tank of the vehicle with gas, three blocks down the road. He told the officer that he had thought that the car was on fire, so he jumped in to help the lady. For some bizaare reason, she jumped out of the car. So he noticed that it was low on gas, and decided to go get her some gas. I'll forget this whole thing, officer, if you do.

(By the way, the vehicle was, if I remember, a white 1960's Cadillac convertible with the top down, and red gold bags in the back seat. Nice and inconspicuous.)

[Jonathan]

Another true story. Tobey Maguire's father, Vincent Maguire, was going to rob a bank. He needed the money to be able to take care of young Tobey, among other things.
So he robbed the bank, wearing a nice cap. Afterwards, he didn't believe anyone would recognize him as the bank robber, and he didn't bother taking off his cap or changing his clothes.
Later the same day someone saw him on the street and immediately recognized him due to his clothes and his cap and called for the police.

After Tobey Maguire's success as a movie star, I don't think the family will ever need to rob a bank again.

[Hasty Ent]

Great anecdotes, guys!

If anyone wants to see more go to the Darwin Awards

Guaranteed to brighten your day...

[Gwaimir Windgem]

I think this is a true story, but I'm not sure...

One time, a guy was driving out in the middle of the country, and running quite low on gas. He was far from any town, and very worried. All of a sudden, lo and behold, he came upon a mobile home. He took a tube out of his car, planning to siphon the gas from their tank into his.

The next day, the police found a very green, very sick man lying next to the mobile home. He had accidentally siphoned the septic tank.

There's another, which I believe is true, and highly amuses me when I picture it. It was captured on security camera.

One time, there was a drunk staggering homeward, most likely after being thrown out of the bar. He saw a liquor store, which was closed, and decided to help himself to some free booze. There just happened to be a brick lying lying on the ground, so he picked it up and threw it at the window. Unfortunately for him, the window was made of (plexiglass? not sure), and so the brick bounced back, and hit him in the head. He crumpled unconscious to the floor.

[Jonathan]

There was this guy who was going to rob a post office. He went to the pay office and told the woman there that he was going to rob the place. She immediately pushed the alarm button, which made some kind of wall come up between her and the robber.
So the robber couldn't do anything but run. He ran to the door and tried to open it, but it seemed to have been locked when the alarm went off. So he stood right in the middle of the post office waiting for the police to show up.
Then an old lady opened the door and entered. It seemed as if the robber had tried to open the door outwards when it was in fact meant to be opened inwards!
When the robber saw the old lady enter, he realised his mistake and opened the door INWARDS and ran. But the police was already nearby and could arrest him.

This is a true story.

[Earniel]

Here's a little story I once read on teletext:

A guy tries to car-jack a car that had to stop before a red traffic light. Unfortunately for the carjacker the woman not only manages to hold on to her bag when she was manhandled out of the car but she also manages to take her CAR KEY with her. Needless to say the carjacker had to run.

In the afternoon he tries again. He attempts to car-jack a little van at a petrol station. Too bad for him the van belonged to a karateclub and was transporting 6 people with a black belt. Auch....

It never said how it ended.

[wahine]

Okay a few robbers were trying to steal something valuable from a ware house, they found the largest heaviest items, and put them in the back of their truck *it was like a u-haul deal* they found out later...they were candy vending machines and dumped the candy on the streets.

[Khamûl]

Once these crooks came up with an inventive way to steal a safe from a bank: they would break in the front window, tie a chain around the safe, and then pull the safe out by tying the chain to their truck. So they broke into the bank one night, tied the chain to the safe, tied the other end to the truck and gassed it. The safe came out of the bank without a problem. So they decided to drag it all the way home. They were careening through the streets at break-neck speeds pulling a safe behind them. They see a stop light and figure they need to stop. So they do.

Unfortunately, these guys weren't physics majors and didn't realize that when they stopped, the safe wouldn't. Well it didn't, and the safe ended up smashing into the back of the truck and lifting it off the ground so that they couldn't go anywhere until the cops showed up.

[Bombadillo]

I saw this one on Cops at 4 in the morning.

Someone had reported a car theft, and police were chasing after the suspect. He ran from them long enough to allow time for a helicopter to arrive and watch him. Sort of smart, he lost the cops, hid the stolen car in someone's backyard, and ran a couple blocks. He was now far away from the cop cars, but the helicopter still saw him, so he hid under a tree and took of his sweater and reversed his shorts. So he walked out looking behind him like "Who's that guy there?" He might have gotten away with it but he tied the sweater around his waist and the pilot recognised him.

Sorry, kind of long.