At the Symphony and Other (very) short stories

[hectorberlioz]

This is my favorite story that I've written. I wrote it in memory of the hilarious games me and my younger brothers use to play with our Star Wars figures. It's quite silly...

AT THE SYMPHONY

"Ah yes! Concert day!" this was probably the attitude of everyone on this particular Friday evening. Half the concert auditorium was filled already, and there was only ten minutes before the concert began. This was a particularly important day for the Anaber Symphony Orchestra, and for its conductor, Royal Guarde. On the programme were some of the most exciting and glorious works written. To begin, there was L. Garindan's zesty "Page" overture, then followed by Guarde's own Symphony no.2 in B sharp (there's no such thing as B sharp). Last, but not least, there was a new Piano Concerto by Shmi Skywalker, which she herself would play tonight.
As the Orchestra players prepared themselves, and as the last seats were filled and the hubbub continued; Maestro Royale Guarde entered the symphony hall via the front door. "Ah yes, Guarde...a bit late aren't you?" Guarde met his rival conductor Madine at the entrance to the auditorium. "A bit..." Guarde growled.
We walked into the auditorium, but suddenly stopped, and realized his immediate need to use the restroom. He decided to brave it out till the five-minute break after the Symphony no.2, and then he'd go.
He quickly made his way to the podium and prepared the scores. "Still four minutes left...I can go now..." Bah! He didn't have to go that badly.

He suffered little during the five, six-minute overture. During the Symphony he squirmed a little more than a conductor should. For once he wished he'd written something shorter than this thirty-minute work. But it wasn't too bad.

At last, the five-minute break came, and Guarde walked towards the restrooms as fast as could. Just as he touched the door to the Gents bathroom, there was a tap at his shoulder. It was Shmi. She wanted to ask as question, he could tell.
"Um...I have a question. Should I play the middle movement of the concerto with more...emphasis? You can't impress everyone, but-"
"Just play it! Who cares?! Guarde was getting frustrated. He had two minutes left to be back in the auditorium, and here was Shmi asking a question about a pointless little detail that should have been worked out days ago, and he had to use the restroom very, very badly!
Shmi stalked off mad. Guarde pushed on the restroom door. It wouldn't budge. He glared at the out-of-order signed taped neatly to it. The Ladies bathroom was locked too, and the other set of bathrooms were on the other side of the building; it would take two minutes just to get there.
Then the intercom blasted out the dreaded message: " Ladies and Gentlemen, please return to your seats. Our concert will continue in just a moment. Thank You."
There was nothing to do but brave it through once again...


As the Orchestra players finished tuning up their instruments, Shmi got up and started to make a speech. Guarde seethed and grunted in disapproval, as well as in pain. Why on earth was Shmi giving this stupid, unexpected speech?! Why couldn’t they just start!
“...So, this inspired me to write a bit more," Shmi was saying, "in consequence, this concerto will take about an hour. Note especially the long, slow middle adagio..." Shmi talked and talked, then finally thanked the audience for listening to her long, boring speech that was costing the conductor so much pain.
She sat down at the piano, very slowly, and stretched her fingers. "Let's get on with it!" Guarde yelled impatiently. The audience gasped in surprise, but finally figured that their conductor was just impatient because of his enthusiasm for music.

So the Concerto started. The Piano trilled, and the orchestra followed suit. Guarde was getting more and more impatient with each passing bar as he directed the musicians. He was in a considerable amount of pain and anxiety. He intermittently growled, and once even yelled. The audience interpreted this as Guarde's way of expressing his emotions (but he'd never done this before!) that the music aroused in him. A few viewed this with disapproval, but most were awed at their conductor's expressiveness, and they whispered things like, "Isn't he so INSPIRIED?” to their neighbors. And the neighbors would reply, "No, no; he's so inspirING."

The long adagio (which means slow) was the most unbearable for Royal Guarde. It didn't help that there were many solo piano passages, so that he had to direct the orchestra very little. He'd found that moving a lot made his suffering a bit more bearable.
Unfortunately, the longest solo part yet was now upon him, and it was an achingly slow part that Shmi played with a soft touch that annoyed him. Peering down at the score (there were so many parts that he didn't remember from the rehearsals!) he saw that the end of the solo part was just notes away. To his surprise (and to the orchestra's), Shmi decided to recap by playing the solo part again! Guarde let out a long, very audible groan of frustration as he signaled for the orchestra to wait.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch (yes, from Lemony Snicket), the audience was interpreting this groan. "I can see why he's so moved, the music is so...profound!" that is probably what the audience was thinking at this moment.

Finally, the third and last part of the Concerto began. Thankfully for Guarde, it was Allegro (fast) and he had plenty to do.
Shmi's hands were flying up-and-down the keyboard, and the orchestra was playing the wild musical leaps in a very exciting way.
Just when the music slowed, and Guarde thought it was over, he glanced at the score to find that a short trumpet solo was coming up. He signaled for the trumpeter to begin. The string section played louder and faster as the trumpet played softer and slower. Guarde let a yell. The urgency of his need was Absolutely Unbearable. Never mind what the audience thought.

The final moments of the concerto were intense. Guarde leaped and gyrated hysterically (not, under normal circumstances, a normal habit of his when conducting), Shmi literally pounded on the piano, and at one point, even stood up in the excitement... The Orchestra played it all loudly, and wildly.
Guarde leaped and yelled. The audience stirred. The final notes sounded.
The Orchestra players, Shmi, and the Audience watched in wonder as Royal Guarde rushed out of the auditorium yelling and waving his arms wildly.

As people filed out of the building, they talked about how charismatic their conductor was. It was not a concert to be forgotten. Not by the audience, not by the orchestra, and especially not by the conductor.

[katya]

Pretty funny, Hector. I like this part: ' "Isn't he so INSPRIED?", to their neighbors. And the neighbors would reply, "No, no; he's so InspirING." ' Haven't seen you in a while- how's it going?

I don't get the part about there not being an A flat though. I thought there was? Yes, yes, of course there's an A flat! Is there some reason a symphony can't be in A flat???

[brownjenkins]

nice one HB... i prefer G sharp myself

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by katya

Pretty funny, Hector. I like this part: ' "Isn't he so INSPRIED?", to their neighbors. And the neighbors would reply, "No, no; he's so InspirING." ' Haven't seen you in a while- how's it going?

I don't get the part about there not being an A flat though. I thought there was? Yes, yes, of course there's an A flat! Is there some reason a symphony can't be in A flat???

Hehe there are quite a birt off misspellins all througout that post.

I don't know why there isnt any A flat...my mother told me there wasn't, so I didn't argue.

I'm doing quite well Katya, and I have in fact been here on entmoot every thursday for three weeks. I meant to PM you a few times (might as well now that its on my mind) but I was distracted by the Classical music thread.

Grazie, BJenkins

I see I might have to publicize (with an S? or Z?) this story a bit more.

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by katya

Pretty funny, Hector. I like this part: ' "Isn't he so INSPRIED?", to their neighbors. And the neighbors would reply, "No, no; he's so InspirING." ' Haven't seen you in a while- how's it going?

I don't get the part about there not being an A flat though. I thought there was? Yes, yes, of course there's an A flat! Is there some reason a symphony can't be in A flat???

Maybe its A major that doesnt exist...I probably got mixed up. I'll ask again later.

[Mercutio]

You could say C double-flat. That would never exist as a symphony.

Btw, I emailed your hectorberlioz gmail account with that article, suggestions, corrections, etc.

[katya]

As far as I can tell, there is definately such a key as A flat, A major, and a flat major for that matter. Just how versed in music theory are you, Hector? It always gives me a headache there's so much math-like things and memorizing. I'm not positive if there's some reason there wouldn't be a symphony written in these keys though. I've never heard of any song being in a key called C double-flat. Well, I guess I'll see ya around then.

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by katya

As far as I can tell, there is definately such a key as A flat, A major, and a flat major for that matter. Just how versed in music theory are you, Hector? It always gives me a headache there's so much math-like things and memorizing. I'm not positive if there's some reason there wouldn't be a symphony written in these keys though. I've never heard of any song being in a key called C double-flat. Well, I guess I'll see ya around then.

When it comes to technicalities, I know precisely nil about music. In strong contrast, I know alot of music history. Even composers like Rikard Nordraak and Ole Bull, who to most music lovers are extremely obscure,are in fact quite familiar names to me.

[Lief Erikson]

It was a fun read. Quite enjoyable, Mr. President .

[Embladyne]

Heh, funny! I know the pain of having to perform and not beign able to use the bathroom first, and hoping desperately that all that water you drank because your mouth was dry from nerves wouldn't catch up with you.

It would have been hilarious had any of my conductors ever put on the show that Guarde did. I have a question though, if he wrote the music himself, wouldn't he be aware of where the he was in the peice, and not surprised by the trumpet solo? Good conductors also usually study thier scores. But, perhaps his need to pee got the better of him.

Oh, also, if you ever want theory lessons, or have questions, I'm here for you.

[Rosie Gamgee]

Pretty funny, Hector. But, um, you used to play this with Star Wars figures? That's just messed up....

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by Embladyne

Heh, funny! I know the pain of having to perform and not beign able to use the bathroom first, and hoping desperately that all that water you drank because your mouth was dry from nerves wouldn't catch up with you.

It would have been hilarious had any of my conductors ever put on the show that Guarde did. I have a question though, if he wrote the music himself, wouldn't he be aware of where the he was in the peice, and not surprised by the trumpet solo? Good conductors also usually study thier scores. But, perhaps his need to pee got the better of him.

Oh, also, if you ever want theory lessons, or have questions, I'm here for you.

Hehe , he didn't write the Piano Concerto, Shmi did! And that's why.

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by Lief Erikson

It was a fun read. Quite enjoyable, Mr. President .

Thank you Lief, I'm glad my story is starting to have a bigger audience.

I also am working on a story called 'Dr. Frankenheimer and co.', which contains such characters as an asylum inmate that used to be a model (he's a guy, btw), a wacky fat and short psychologist, and a shy man who is an asylum guard. The first chapter is good; it flows easily, and it isn't too drastic. The problem is the second chapter (or part) of which I have started two different versions. The fisrt version is too wacky, and the second is too...dull.
But I'll give you guys the first chapter next thursday .

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by Rosie Gamgee

Pretty funny, Hector. But, um, you used to play this with Star Wars figures? That's just messed up....

This particular story? no. We were much more inventive . But I'm not willing to disclose any particulars.

[hectorberlioz]

here you go, Embladyne

“...So, this inspired me to write a bit more," Shmi was saying, "in consequence, this concerto will take about an hour. Note especially the long, slow middle adagio..." Shmi talked and talked, then finally thanked the audience for listening to her long, boring speech that was costing the conductor so much pain.

[Embladyne]

Oh, thanks for the clarification. I'm sorry that I didn't see it the first time, and I thought that I read it carefully. It really is a humourous story, and it would be even funnier if you wrote a series of shorts in this vein....

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by Embladyne

Oh, thanks for the clarification. I'm sorry that I didn't see it the first time, and I thought that I read it carefully. It really is a humourous story, and it would be even funnier if you wrote a series of shorts in this vein....

Well, I have written many humorous shorts, and I plan on giving you one or two next thursday...I won't spoil the suspense by telling you now what they're about.
I don't know about 'in this vein' though...

[katya]

Originally Posted by Embladyne

Oh, also, if you ever want theory lessons, or have questions, I'm here for you.

So am I.

On another note (no pun intended, I guess) I played Star Wars Monopoly last night. The little pewter things were sick (Luke's face seemed to be melting!) so we used action figures. For some reason, Han Solo kept landing on the carbon freezing chamber (which belonged to me.^^)... I actually played with Vivi from Final Fantasy IX though.

You ever gonna post more stories????? The title's a little misleading as of now.

[hectorberlioz]

Originally Posted by katya

So am I.

On another note (no pun intended, I guess) I played Star Wars Monopoly last night. The little pewter things were sick (Luke's face seemed to be melting!) so we used action figures. For some reason, Han Solo kept landing on the carbon freezing chamber (which belonged to me.^^)... I actually played with Vivi from Final Fantasy IX though.

You ever gonna post more stories????? The title's a little misleading as of now.

Yes, I know...I'll have one posted by thursday evening.

And by the way, is there such a thing as B sharp?

[Embladyne]

Originally Posted by hectorberlioz

Yes, I know...I'll have one posted by thursday evening.

And by the way, is there such a thing as B sharp?

There is no B sharp key, but a B sharp is the same pitch as a (natural) C note. There is no key of B sharp that I can remember...It would be too silly. B sharp Major would sound just like C Major. (someone correct me if I'm getting confused)